My Sex Advice (as a 60 year old woman)
If you want to join a larger conversation about embracing the truth of your God-given identity, we invite you to read The Fight for Female. Get the book: https://shorturl.at/cBaRK _______________ “Let’s talk about sex! In this episode, Lisa Bevere, as a woman in her 60’s, shares her advice on how to have a healthy, God-centered view of sex. With so many wrong ideas out there, it’s time to break free from shame and discover how to improve your sex life by understanding God’s true purpose for it. Whether you’re single, married, or in between, this conversation will give you practical advice and the confidence to approach sex in a way that honors your body and relationships. Don’t miss this honest and encouraging talk about what sex should really look like as a daughter of God!” _______________ Make a one-time donation to help fund our livestreams, content, events, and more: https://messengerinternational.org Become a monthly ministry supporter. Partner with Messenger International and I to distribute free discipleship resources around the globe: https://app.messengerx.com/en-US/donate Get 10% off books and resources in our store by clicking here → https://3szn.short.gy/T5fH72 ______________ Stay Connected: Follow me on Instagram → 
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/ lisabevere ______________ For information on my books, resources, speaking schedule, and more, visit LisaBevere.com Chapter Markers: 0:00 – Introduction and Welcome 1:19 – Is Sex Just Physical? 2:10 – Building a Sexual Legacy of Intimacy 4:44 – Pornography’s Calling Voice 7:25 – Raising Sons Truthfully 9:30 – Why is Sex So Misconstrued? 13:29 – Sex and Lust, Intimacy and Love 16:57 – Cheapening Intimacy 18:21 – Ad: Get Your Copy of The Fight for Female https://shorturl.at/cBaRK 18:48 – Cheapening Intimacy 22:05 – Prioritizing Sexual Intimacy, Sexual Appetite 29:53 – Advice to Parents on Navigating Sexuality 35:18 – A Sexual Nightmare: God Wants to Get Involved 40:06 – Subscribe, Rate and Review
I’m just going to say I’ve been married
42 years our sex is better in our 60s
than it was in our 20s I’ve lived both
ends of the spectrum I have lived Loose
as a promiscuous pre-marriage and I have
lived loved in a marriage and I’m going
to tell you loved is better I love how
God he never says sex is wrong he says
do not arouse or awaken love before
it’s time sex is more than physical it
is spiritual well why does sex even
matter well first of
all welcome to the fight for female and
today we’re going to be talking about
something that everybody should love
we’re going to be talking about sex and
you know the truth is sex used to be
about male or female but now we don’t
call making love or intercourse we call
it sex we we don’t refer to it as
something that is around a covenant of
marriage we’re going to talk about who
thought up sex who design sex are we
supposed to enjoy sex is sex only for
the men is it just for when you’re young
what does it mean to have a fulfilling
sex life well why does sex even matter
like is it really just this physical
thing or does it actually develop
something within us and maybe even bring
God into our relationship is that too
much to say no it’s not I see I don’t
believe sex is just physical and
actually they’ve proved genetically that
when you have a sex with someone you’re
actually sleeping with them and
everybody they have slept with for seven
years so it is a linking physically but
it’s also a linking of the souls and God
doesn’t want you linked in your soul
with 1,800 people he wants you linked
with your husband sex is a spiritual
experience it is a soul communion and it
is a physical Union and that really
matters sex is more than physical it is
spiritual you know what I’m hearing I’m
hearing that married people have the
best sex so okay I’m going to say
something shocking if you had told me in
my 20s that I would be enjoying sex more
in my 60s I would not have believed it
have we allowed culture to Define what
sex is for us to say when we should have
it how we should have it have we allowed
it to be distorted when God actually
wants us to enjoy sex and I believe you
can build a sexual Legacy my husband and
I have been able to build a sexual
Legacy a sexual Legacy of intimacy that
we actually see each other through eyes
of intimacy not eyes of lust and I want
that for each and every one of you I had
so many young girls when I was younger
they would come to me and they would ask
me different questions around sex they
would ask me how am I going to build
this into my marriage and I would tell
them you don’t want to actually start
something in your sex life that you
can’t maintain in your 70s they’re like
what are you talking about I said well
pole dancing and a thong might work in
your 20s I don’t know that anybody’s
going to want to see that in your 70s so
I said you want to wake up your sexual
life in the realm of intimacy not in the
realm of lust okay I want I want you to
know I’ve lived both ends of the
spectrum I have lived Loose as a
promiscuous pre-marriage and I have
lived loved in a marriage and I’m going
to tell you loved is better marriage is
better I’ve enjoyed sex more in my
marriage than I ever did in my
promiscuous past and I want the same for
you and most of us had an encounter long
before we wanted to have an encounter
with our sexuality in the realm of lust
before we ever had a chance to have it
wake up in the realm of intimacy I love
how God he never says sex is wrong he
says do not arouse or awake and love
before it’s time sex has a Time and the
right thing which is sex in the wrong
time becomes the wrong thing so I love
talking about this I love seeing a
generation where it comes to the place
where they redeem their sexuality I did
not navigate my sexuality well I still
remember I still remember the first time
that I saw pornography in my best
friend’s house her father had Playboy
magazine and I and I want you to know
that pornography has a calling voice if
you have it in your house your children
are going to find it and and I I know
you think that’s just silly I’m going to
tell you a story about me I got to
babysit my brother and when I babysit my
brother who was 7 years younger than me
the big bonus was I get to sleep in my
parents’ bedroom and watch TV to my
heart’s content I could watch until I
like they got home from the party and so
I would be in the room I think I was 10
I’m actually looking back and thinking
why were they letting me babysit a
threey old when I was 10 but anyway I
was in their bedroom and I was watching
a show and I just felt like I should
open that drawer my parents had like
nine drawers and I felt like I need to I
need to open I need to open that
specific drawer and so I went over and I
opened the drawer and I just saw you
know closed neatly folded and so I
closed it and then I felt no open it up
again and lift up a particular section I
opened the drawer again I lifted it up
and I found pornographic material now
what’s crazy it wasn’t my dad’s drawer
it was my mom’s drawer and because I was
a confrontive
child when I fell asleep but the next
morning I stormed into the room and I
opened up the door I like what is this
what are you looking at but I had looked
at it and I had read it and it had
confused me something horrible you do
not want your first encounter to be
broken and if if it does like it like
mine was that will push forward and so I
want you to know that you can actually
put it back to sleep and reawaken it in
the realm of love maybe your sexuality
was awoken through abuse or pornography
or way too soon God longs to put it back
to sleep Zephaniah 3 17 says the Lord
your God is mighty to save he will
rejoice over you with singing he will
quiet you with his love I believe that
we can draw near to God God will sing
over us as we worship him and he can put
back to sleep what was awakened in the
wrong manner so that you can build a
life of intimacy and not wrestle with
the tension and the pressure of lust so
that is why we’re talking about sex you
know Christian this is something I never
really wanted to talk about when I had
boys I was like Yay I get to opt out the
sex talk I do not have to ever talk to
my children about sex and I thought okay
John this is all on John this John take
Addison out on a retreat John go ahead
do it with Austin and then I remember
the boys uh like first of we told
Addison not to say anything and of
course he said everything so that was
always confusing to the second born and
I remember
being like in the morning getting ready
and Addison comes down he’s like hey so
Mom Mom uh dad told me that he was a
virgin when he got married and I said
that’s true and he’s like were you a
virgin I was like what just happened
what wait why why am I in this
conversation and I remember thinking
what do I say to my son and then the
other boys are like what’s a virgin am I
a virgin I want to be a virgin I’m like
oh oh my gosh this is a nightmare and I
have not even had caffeine and I
remember thinking I have some options
here I can look at my son and say that’s
really none of your business which would
mean I was not or I could say that was
before I was a Christian which also
would mean I was not or I could tell my
son the truth about my sexual past not
the details the truth and the truth was
I was not a virgin but I wanted
something so so much more for him so
here’s the thing we can redeem our past
by positioning the Next Generation with
something so much more and sex is
important it is and again I don’t even
like to say sex intimacy sexual intimacy
is so important it is what weaves us
together in a marriage or it is what
pulls us apart in adultery
wow yeah did you know all that some of
it you know this topic never ceases to
entertain me at least with how you
handled it raising a boy myself but you
have Millennial boys so they’re not too
far off from what a lot of young people
are navigating when it comes to sex
right now so what I want to ask you is
why do you think sex is so misconstrued
as you were telling me even presented as
sex now we’re not calling it making
intimacy and why I think that is is
because I think about to the people in
high school and they’re like e like
that’s weird making love is weird but
sex is normal and I’m even thinking why
like why is the intimacy Factor the
weird part rather than the lust so why
why AR we struggling yeah with intimacy
and sex well first of all we’ve removed
God from sex we’ve made it either that
you know like sex is wrong it’s wrong
the Purity culture like the Purity
culture and I get it like first of all I
was not a victim of the Purity culture I
was a victim of the other culture so I
was I was I was doing the promiscuity
route but when I became a Christian I
realized that there was a purity culture
that I had not been part of and somehow
there was toxic Purity so it became like
okay if you can’t give your husband your
virginity then you have no value well
that’s not that’s not the way God looks
at things and that was definitely my
story I had regret I had regret from my
choices that I had made when I was
single and now what we’ve done is we’ve
removed God from that area of our lives
and we’ve made you know the Guides of
pornography or Cosmopolitan I don’t even
know what the women look at now where
it’s it’s they’re like that’s my advisor
when it comes to sex and it is all about
self-gratification it is all about
taking it to the next level so you know
I mean I’ve heard some crazy things that
are going on right now like I don’t even
want to defile my audience with what I’m
hearing right now where where women are
putting on things that make them like
men to do things to men I mean things
that are so crazy my boys are like how
do you know these things I don’t know it
comes across my radar somehow but God is
not against us enjoying sex actually he
wants us to drink deeply from the wells
of intimacy it is so clear C where he
talks about the husband and the the wife
of his youth to take Delight in her but
we have a generation that’s like no sex
is wrong it’s wrong it’s wrong don’t do
it don’t do it and then magically for
Christians on their wedding day they can
do it we need to stop saying don’t we
need to start saying it’s not time it’s
a very big difference between telling
somebody for 15 years don’t drive don’t
drive don’t drive they no they’re not
going to drive
and then just telling him it’s not time
to drive yet when it’s time we’re going
to teach you and we have failed to teach
a generation how to be skillful with
their sexuality we have tried to hide
them away don’t look at girls don’t look
at guys don’t do this don’t do that we
have hid them away rather than trained
them and I worked hard to tell my boys
that your sexuality is one of your most
powerful things you will ever have don’t
squander it in your youth use it
correctly it is powerful it is it is not
something to be tampered with and I
think too many people think oh no my
youth is when I go for it yeah my youth
when I’m 15 and 21 and that’s what you
know it’s pretty much done by the time
I’m 25 if I get married sex is over no
no no when you get married you’re just
beginning to build something yeah did I
even answer your question I mean I was
following along with everything you were
saying you did say though that there’s a
difference between sex and lust and
intimacy and love and like this design
that got originated can you explain more
of what that difference is yes so I’ll
go with I’ll go with something that’s
not charged here so when I um I
breastfed all of my boys until they
asked me to stop ardin was two and a
half and I remember I we were again we
were poor we are traveling so I wasn’t
going to ever introduce food until I was
ready to give it to them on a regular
basis and so I believe that sexual
things are an appetite and it’s an
appetite that’s not supposed to be
awakened until you’re going to actually
have it on a regular basis and I felt
like as a as a married couple you do not
want to develop a sexual appetite I mean
you you can want each other because
you’re you’re you’re looking forward to
getting married but when you have
already awoke something in the wrong
season that appetite that is developed
is not a healthy appetite it is an
appetite of lust it is an appetite of
taking and then you know I hear a lot of
talk Christian about masturbation
whether it’s masturbation at by singles
or masturbation with married couples I
mean there’s a lot of people like it’s
it’s a gift it’s a gift you know I I’m
just I’m just going to tell you this
John I are very big Believers that if we
are a part too much that we deserve each
other’s passion when we get home we’re
not going to cheapen it with some
something happening on the road without
me or without him no if you cannot have
self-control you should not be away from
each other that much and if what is
wrong with longing what is wrong with
wanting somebody what is wrong with a
husband calling a wife and saying I miss
you I can’t wait to be with you when my
husband says that to me I know what he
is saying I miss holding you I miss
being physically intimate with you why
would we spend it on ourselves rather
than share it with one another and then
there’s people that I I get it you’re
you’re single and you’re saying I I just
I feel alone well I told my boys listen
when it comes to masturbation people
want to know is it a sin or not a sin I
always told my boys it’s a shadow
it’s something that you do in the dark
it’s something that will cross the line
between you and your future wife or your
future husband and it will train you to
be selfish not giving and so we have to
talk about intimacy being developed
between two people not I develop my
intimacy over here you develop your
intimacy over here and then hopefully
when we come together we’re compatible
no you you build that together and that
means you can actually talk you can
actually talk and say things like I I I
don’t like that or I do like this or you
know we need to have the ability to
communicate not think our husband or our
wife is is a magician and just guessing
everything right I feel like I just said
way too much there’s so much that are
like in the explicit songs that’s like
oh well it’s okay okay to talk about
this but then when we’re with our
husband and wife we feel like oh we
can’t talk about that and it’s so
interesting to me but I’m going to ask
you a question I never ever planned on
asking you but you bring up such a good
point on longing and I think that’s
harder especially as we’re seeing
couples get married later in later in
age like that’s extending your time
longing of course those but maybe they’d
get married earlier if there wasn’t
Alternatives she said it she said it
okay my question though is you talked
about traveling obviously you and John
travel a lot and have travel for a long
time when you have that longing is it
problematic to introduce like now I
don’t even want to especially talking to
my mother-in-law I don’t even want to
talk about all the things that are out
there but like people use technology of
oh we will still be intimate but we’ll
introduce it a vibrator or something is
that what you’re saying or like txting
and sending photos and things like that
like do you feel like that cheapens
intimacy I feel like it cheapens it and
I feel like it’s a slippery slope like I
I know that um and this is again I I
know I’m 64 but I have had conversations
when I was younger with other people
well I know that there were some women
that were like I don’t have a problem
with a vibrator because my husband
doesn’t satisfy me well he’s never going
to satisfy you if you bond with a
battery or operated plastic thing like
you need to actually enjoy each other
and if if you’re doing that it’s going
to become easy and easier to go to that
instead of go to him yeah hey I am so
excited the fight for female reclaiming
our divine Identity book is now
available I am so excited that you can
get your hands on this message it is
filled with practical wisdom and
conversation so many people are like
Lisa thank you so much I didn’t know how
to say or what to say and so I’m hearing
the reviews super exciting you can grab
your copy today on Amazon yeah why not
add a person or a show in there and that
kind of is a slope it goes down and it’s
it’s not it’s not it’s not the way we
want to build I mean what are you
building again the what is the focus
gratification and I think there’s I
think there’s just so much lost when we
make it like is SE so when is sexing
with my husband when I’m not with him
well maybe like I want another guy to
appreciate me too yeah exactly no uh
watching another couple have sex oh to
to build our erotic memory no no you are
W you are watching something you’re not
supposed to see mhm we do not watch
other couples have sex to enrich our sex
life yeah for while that might work but
then there’s going to always be
comparison and contrast and fantasizing
about another person instead of the one
you’re with MH I feel like what’s common
with young women especially is the
romance novels right now so maybe you’re
not even seeing it but you’re reading it
which to me is even more Vivid in your
mind’s eye than something someone
captured in a scene but what I hear as
the argument if you will is well it
helps us learn and we need to know but I
don’t think you really need to be taught
something that’s innate that you can
discover together I would 100% agree and
then comparison is a thief of Joy
theater Rosevelt made that very clear
that also goes into your sexual life
when you read these novels because I
made the mistake one time I was so
excited I got an iPad I was flying to
Australia so I saw these free books and
I was like oh my gosh I’m downloading
these books I’m going to read them it’s
going to be exciting and it was like the
Lost Princess or something and I started
reading it I’m like wait a minute this
is porn this is porn literature you know
how did this happen and they were they
were giving him away
free so that you’d buy more and I you
know I was like delete delete delete but
it com immediately is like well why
doesn’t my husband want to have sex 85
times a week like what what’s going
would you really want no I wouldn’t but
I’m just thinking like you read these
ridiculous
scenarios and you’re like well I don’t
feel like my husband wants me or or I
don’t feel like my wife wants me and you
know when you’re looking at you’re
paying to look at another woman who is
taking away your power to be intimate
with your wife I mean let’s just talk
about that the adulteress let’s just say
up porn star adulterer fornicator it is
taking away your power to form intimate
bonds with your wife or your husband you
know and so we don’t want to do that and
I do I do feel uh from everything I’ve
read when I was working on the fight for
female they say we have a generation
having more virtual sex and very little
actual
[Music]
sex now we just sit with that for a
moment and they’ve got sex Robots coming
out it’s a new
thing it’s a new thing just need to go
back to oldfashioned making love I’ve
even read that men that dabble married
or single that dabble with pornography
and masturbation have a huge increase in
erectile dysfunction and so I feel like
that hinders what you were saying
earlier it hurts your marriage so what
are the other things that you and John
have seen that either you guys decided
hey we’re cutting this out to increase
our intimacy or we’ve seen this in other
scenarios be warning signs that you
would say if you’re a married couple or
you want to get married do not do this
so you can have a thriving sex life well
definitely don’t watch porn that is not
going to help you and and I I know I’ve
heard so many couples say oh we just you
know it’s just we watch it together we
enjoy it together then we act it out I’m
like no you just had a for some like
what is going up this is no that is not
good you know and when job said I made a
covenant with my eyes that I would not
sin against God not sin against my wife
we make covenants with our eyes now I
will say for
us I’ll I’ll say for
me being a mom having little kids
traveling and
speaking there have been times when my
husband would say I miss you I’m like oh
crap that sounds that sounds like work
when you come home that sounds like just
one more thing just one more thing but
we I had to remind myself Lisa you enjoy
sex it needs to be a priority it needs
to be something that you give time and
attention to whether you feel like it in
the moment so we kind of develop what we
call the five minute Rule and this is I
just tell my
husband you’ve got five minutes to get
me in the mood and if you get me in the
mood you can have me and so it’s like a
contest he’s about I can do that and I’m
like and there’s times I’m like oh no
but uh but I want him to know that I’m
will willing that I’m willing even if I
think I’m not able and there’s been
times where both you know little kids
were like I would I would love to have
sex but if we can just find each other
in the middle of the night that’d be
great because I’m just too tired right
now and you know John are both like we
understand so if you have young kids and
you’re too tired you need to find a
different time you need to there needs
to be a different Arrangement and um
like whether it’s while they’re at
school or there’s a moment where you put
on a show for them or I don’t know but
if you are always too tired then then
you’re going to have to carve some time
out because it is worthy of your
attention you don’t and sex is an
appetite and we don’t want to shame our
husbands for having a desire or shame
our the wives for having a desire um we
want to make sure that it stays healthy
and starve it you don’t want to starve
it yeah
yeah so I mean for us we just kind of
remind our like sometimes we’ll
say we had sex we need to have sex like
oh my gosh we haven’t had sex for a
while that’s right oh we need to make
that happen like we just it’s kind of
like a joke but it’s serious yeah we’re
like we we need to make sure that
happens and um with the travel and stuff
but you know we have to be like all
right this is important yeah because we
not going to see each other for 10 days
or whatever the the span of time is and
so having it as a PRI priority is huge
but understanding it’s a principle that
builds intimacy and Legacy I think is
the the most important that if you have
built your marriage on lust like we
talked about whether it’s what you’re
wearing or how you’re per you know
whatever that that is if you’re building
it on something that you can build in
your 20s that you cannot maintain in
your 70s it’s going to be so I always
have said awaken it in the realm of
intimacy and beauty and so intimacy and
beauty and again I’m not saying you
can’t have you know like lingerie or
whatever I’m just saying make sure how
you awaken it is how you can maintain it
make sure the appetite because I think
the wife is actually responsible for
developing the appetite of her husband
what she feeds him like what I feed John
foodwise is the same thing is like I’m
going to do that presentation you know
I’ve always heard the best marriage
advice is yeah pasta s serve food naked
you just just like do it I have not done
it not done it but I’ve heard that like
men love food knock on the door before
dinner time I will not just show up
we’ll have to start locking but yes no I
I’m joking I’ve not done it you don’t
need to be a worri but the principle
behind that
being that that you could have fun you
can have fun and I think that every
single poll when a Christian is involved
in a relationship with a loving mate
every single poll says that Christians
actually have more enjoyment of sex than
non-christians and married couples have
more frequent and more enjoyment of sex
than non-married wow isn’t that
crazy I interviewed um TAA Kyle not too
long ago on another podcast and she was
sharing just some really great I wish I
had them in front of me but stats on how
men actually you know they there is an
appetite and there is so much free
buffets out there right now that I think
many women even listening to this are
thinking well I don’t even know a man
that wants to be with me intimacy as his
wife because he has all these other
options out there but she was saying how
men can have sex um casual sex and not
be affected by it women actually cannot
because of their wiring but when a man
gets married he finds this new
fulfillment within commitment and so I
think there’s something there in what
you’re saying on community
where when we actually know how to serve
each other with intimacy that’s not just
physical like I feel like you’re in
John’s spiritual intimacy feeds your
physical your emotional yeah intimacy
feeds your physical yeah and our purpose
and then you know I I love what you what
you were saying like I I think that sex
is about meeting my needs intimacy is
about serving the other person and your
needs are met in the process like if I
have SE sex with my husband if if for
some reason he doesn’t think it was
fulfilling for me it’s he’s not happy
like he wants me to have enjoyed it as
much as he enjoyed it he’s not going to
be like hey I’m a man and I’m going to
enjoy this whether you want to enjoy it
or not this is your marital Duty he’s
not doing that to me he’s like I want
you to enjoy it I he wants to build a
good memory he wants it me to want to
have sex with him more and my husband
thinks that you know this is what’s so
funny about John John sees me so much
through the legacy of love that he
literally probably thinks that I have
the same body ahead of my 20s like he’ll
say things like your body is just the
same like that is such a lie I’m gonna
let you think that I’m GNA let you think
that you know and he because he sees it
through years of love he sees it through
caring his children I mean I’ve got some
scars on my legs where it looked like I
was clawed by a tiger that are stretch
mark
and he isn’t like o those stretch marks
you need to take care of the he’s like
one time I was like look at this they’re
they’re migrating down my leg and he’s
like don’t show that to me and I said
why not he said because that’s not how I
see you he said I see I don’t see any of
your flaws I just see you and that is
like that is love seeing one another in
the best light M so I’m sure there’s
some dating or unmarried couples
listening
this I want to know what was the advice
you gave your boys that you would give
someone that’s not yet in the married
realm that’s still wanting to protect
and cultivate a healthy intimacy well
first I lied to my boys I I’ll just be
honest with you I lied to them at first
I was like hey you get AIDS by kissing I
mean I was like be afraid women are just
going to take your money just don’t
worry I’ll just arrange marriage started
the toxic Purity culture there it is did
I did I said I’m going to embrace the
toxic Purity culture for my sons and uh
and then I was like this is not helping
like this is not going to serve us lying
to my children is not going to help them
and so I I started to actually just say
what do you what do you want as marriage
what do you want to build into the
future like what what is your hope what
is your hope and talking to my boys and
saying like I remember John telling the
boys you if you involve pornography now
and masturbation now it’s going to go
into your marriage and I remember spefic
specifically your husband was like what
it’s going to go into my no I don’t want
that in my marriage and he was like
exactly so let’s actually build Legacy
that you want to live with and our our
boys had accountability with each other
uh we did open door policy which some of
my sons still enforce on me when they’re
at my house that was more about they
were sharing room as brothers they would
just help each other Steward their
sexuality and we would also give our
boys books to listen to as they went to
sleep at night so that their mind was
fixed on the right things and not just
left to wander I also made sure that I
was very careful with giving my boys
physical affection physical affection
when kids go into that weird awkward
State when they start smelling and
they’re teenagers they are desperate for
physical affection and you’ll kind of
like try to push them away they need you
to hug them and hold them and listen to
them and rub their backs at night and
just sit with them they need it more
than you understand and if you don’t
give it to them they’ll substitute the
sexual and so we want to be present and
aware but we told our boys like listen
we we were negligent in certain areas
that we want you to be skillful with we
told our boys all your friends are going
to act like they know everything they
don’t if you want to know more than your
friends come come to us then we had to
make a promise that when they came to us
and ask us shocking and alarming things
that we were not going to ask for names
or take phone numbers we would just
listen other things that we did with our
boys is we would tell them tell them
that we loved each other that we enjoyed
each other I would celebrate my husband
in front of my sons I would say guys I
don’t need look at your dad look at your
dad he just gets cuter every single year
I don’t I don’t know how I haven’t been
pregnant 10 times my boy are like that
is so weird and I would say well I’m
sorry this is just the truth what was I
doing what was I doing I was not just
celebrating my husband I Was preparing
my sons for how they should be treated
by a woman a woman that would celebrate
them rather than demean them or
manipulate them a woman who would say
look how cute he is that would
compliment them in front of other people
and I don’t want to shame men or women
for celebrating one another’s beauty or
strength and so that was really really
important for me to model and then using
every opportunity every opportunity to
teach my boys so much so much of what
they saw in their lives what they saw in
high school what they saw in movies what
they saw was opportunities to say what
about what are your thoughts on that
choice they made what were your thoughts
on that what what what do you what could
have what could have been different if
people made a different choice in that
moment and then we always told our kids
no matter what choices you make you
never have to hide from our presence you
can always come back to us you can
always bring shame or fear to us and we
will help you navigate it don’t take it
to the dark because it grows in the dark
bring it to the light bring it to us and
we’ll pray with you will’ll navigate it
with you and uh you know all of my boys
I know they they are loving their wives
well they’re probably loving their wives
uh better than than John and I knew how
to love one another and I remember when
one of my sons got married he actually
called me from his honeymoon and he was
like this is amazing I was like I I
don’t really feel like I’m supposed to
be part of this conversation but the
fact that he had waited and she waited
they were celebrating so much of their
intimacy together and to me that was so
sweet that they had no shame and they
were not just celebrating it together
but they were calling me to celebrate
which I was like wow okay that’s the
next level I did not call my mom and
celebrate we were back in the garden
there’s no shame so much celebration
they not shame yeah you know maybe
you’re listening and you’re saying hey
that’s great for Christian and that’s
great for you Lisa but I have messed up
over and over and over again I’m
actually even at the place where I am
ashamed to go to God I’m I’m looking at
pornography I’ve been promiscuous I’ve I
don’t know maybe even cheated on your
husband I’m just going to tell you that
God wants to get involved I don’t
believe you’re watching this by any
accident but if you have been involved
in a sexual nightmare I’m not going to
hand you a list of rules I’m going to
invite you to fight the way God fights
nightmares he fights them with dreams I
believe I I believe with all of my heart
that God can take the dirtiness and the
shame of our past and he can flip it for
a redeemed and enjoyed and beautiful
future yes do i do I have regrets you
know I to be honest with you I have
regrets I wish I wish I would have done
differently but the truth is I took it
and instead of allowing shame to hinder
me or trap me in the unhealthy ungodly
patterns I redeemed it I redeemed it and
said all right I want more for the next
generation and if you’re in that
position and you’re listening to me I
believe that God wants to recalibrate
your life I believe that if you will
lean into God and I did communion I did
fasting and I did worship I said God you
know what you are the one that is going
to satisfy me I’m going to lay my
sexuality at your feet and I’m going to
believe that the lust that has driven me
is no longer going to be my master I’m
going to Crucify My Flesh that doesn’t
mean we stab it that doesn’t mean we
whip ourselves it means that I say hey
I’m going to deny myself and I’m going
to take up the cross I’m going to follow
you and I’m going to lean into worship
and I’m going to believe that you can
sing that lullabi when my boys were
little and they had a nightmare and they
came into my room and said mom Mom I had
a nightmare I didn’t say oh my gosh
here’s the rules here’s the rules there
are no monsters here’s the next rule you
don’t bother your mom in the middle of
the night here’s the third rule you
don’t talk about nightmares no I went
into their room if John was home or if
they if John was gone I pulled him into
my bed and what did I do I told them
stories and I sang them songs to put
back to sleep what had been awakened in
the wrong man manner in the wrong way
and we have a generation right now that
is experiencing a sexual nightmare all
you have to do is go through Instagram
and you can see the confusion you can
see the fear you can see the Distortion
and God wants to rescue that generation
not with rules but with dreams and so
you’re that woman you’re that young
person you feel messed up you’ve messed
up I’m going to tell you right now God
can do a healing in a single moment you
can actually enter into a whole new
season I love how David said to to God
cleanse me cleanse me and I will be
clean see a lot of times God says I’m
I’m willing I’m willing to cleanse you
when he like yeah but what we but I
still remember the I still remember what
I did I still remember the shame he’s
like hey I do not condemn you now I’m
empowering you to go and sin no more to
leave a life of Shame and Shadow
Jesus says go and sin no more he’s not
like do it again you’re under the rock
pile he’s not saying that he’s saying I
believe better things I do not condemn
you go and sin no more you can be
empowered to go and sin no more but you
will never be empowered by rules that
con strain you outwardly you will be
empowered by the love that compels you
so I’m just going to challenge you to
receive the love of God to receive the
washing what what does God tell us he
said though your sins be like Scarlet
Scarlet I’ll make them white as snow he
said come let’s reason together he’s
saying you can’t make yourself clean you
can’t I’ll make you clean invite him
into your life invite him to that area
of your life pornography
masturbation literature I don’t know
what you’re doing I don’t know where the
dark hole of Shame is there is no pit
you can dig for yourself that is beyond
his reach of rescue invite him into that
place and watch what he will do in your
life well we hope you have enjoyed this
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