Soccer Player’s Painful Path to Trusting God
For much of his early life, soccer was everything to Ben Locke. He was on the path to success until health issues—and something more sinister—nearly ended more than just his sports career. When Ben could no longer rely on his physical abilities, he learned to lean on Jesus Christ and a new talent God revealed. Listen as he shares his journey on this episode of GPS: God. People. Stories. Connect with us through email at [email protected] or on Facebook at Billy Graham Radio. If you’d like to know more about beginning a relationship with Jesus Christ, or deepening the faith you already have, visit FindPeacewithGod.net. If you’d like to pray with someone, call our 24-hour prayer line at 855-255-7729. People are available to answer 24 hours a day, seven days a week.
[Music]
I knew God like I know LeBron James or a
celebrity that’s on TV I recognize him
and and I might say that I know him but
if I walk past LeBron James on the
sidewalk and acted like I knew him he
would think I was crazy Ben lock was
more focused on soccer than on God he
was working hard to make his dream of
going pro a reality so I knew of the
Lord and and sort of convinced myself
that I knew him and then when things
really started to get tricky and and
difficult in my life I quickly learned
that I I really didn’t have a a deep
real relationship with the Lord Ben
opens up about the very painful
difficulties in his life and hopes what
he has learned from his struggles might
help you with yours this is GPS God
people stories it’s an Outreach Of The
Billy Graham Evangelistic Association
I’m Jim Kirkland at the heart of Ben
Lock’s story is an issue humans have
been struggling with since Adam and Eve
were expelled from the Garden of Eden
why has man made in the image of God all
always been hounded by suffering these
are not easy questions for us to answer
when we ask the question why Billy
Graham has an answer to that age-old
question from the Bible and we will hear
it later in this episode
GPS God people
stories Ben lock grew up in Cleveland
Ohio he started playing soccer when he
was just 4 years old I had a very strong
family life close relationships I had an
older brother and an older sister and a
mom and a dad we were in the church
quite frequently as I got older though
soccer became more prominent part of my
life I spent most of my weekends
traveling and weekdays practicing and
driving to practice and so soccer really
was was the central piece of everything
and quickly became that Central thing in
my life in fact Ben’s intense love for
the game his dedication to it and his
dream of playing professionally all led
him and his parents to make a big and
difficult decision
he would move to Charlotte North
Carolina by himself and live with a host
family while he was still in high school
so I I moved out of the house when I was
16 to pursue playing soccer and kind of
get to the next stage get to the college
level and then hopefully play
professionally Ben says North Carolina
was home to some of the best soccer
programs in the country at the time and
in addition to that his brother was
going to college in Charlotte and his
family had friends who lived there so
the move seemed to make perfect sense
for a number of reasons you know it was
a decision that my family and I made
together my parents okayed it they
constantly were checking in are you sure
you’re ready to do this and at the time
I was so focused on soccer and was so
set on being successful in the sport
that I was like I’m willing to do
whatever it takes part of whatever it
took was leaving behind the comfort and
security of home I quickly found out how
difficult it was going to be to not have
my parents I realized it was the small
things coming home from school having
conversations about what was happening
in my life about soccer about
friendships about school work that kind
of thing went from normal to basically
non-existent and so it was really tough
I didn’t have a pre-existing
relationship with anybody in the school
didn’t have any friends so it it really
actually further sort of entrenched me
in soccer and it got him what he’d been
hoping for Ben landed a scholarship to
North Carolina State University in his
junior year of high school NC State is
in the Atlantic Coast Conference which
is consistently ranked as the highest or
one of the highest conferences in the
country for men’s soccer Ben says he
loved NC State’s program the coaching
staff in fact everything about the
school so it was a pretty quick
turnaround and the coach in the
University that offered me the
scholarship wanted me to come to the
university early so I actually ended up
graduating from high school a semester
early started college in January instead
of in the fall the position Ben played
was Midfield Center a position that
requires a lot of running about a month
and two offseason workouts Ben started
experiencing numbness from the top of
his knees down through his toes I got
diagnosed with something called
compartment syndrome which I never heard
of before it’s a potentially career-
ending injury the doctors are like hey
you may never play soccer again and even
if we’re able to repair this to a
certain extent you probably won’t be the
same player that you were before doctors
did attempt to repair the problem
through surgery but what Ben experienced
after surgery was more traumatic than
his health problems he had the surgery
of about two months into his college
career and that actually sort of began
this Snowball Effect in process of
things taking place off the field with
my trainer he began sexually abusing me
because of the injury and the time that
I had to spend with him Ben says the
trainer touched him inappropriately
during massages that were meant to help
him recover from his surgery at first
Ben didn’t mention the abuse to anyone I
was asking questions internally and
obviously felt really uncomfortable and
was really wrestling with what is
happening like what’s really going on
here and is there something I should do
about it what do I say the way I looked
at it was okay this I know this isn’t
right and and it’s uncomfortable and
it’s all these things but this is the
man that sort of holds the keys for me
to getting back on the soccer field and
that’s all I care about but Ben hardly
stepped foot on the field at my time at
NC State I was really sideline the
majority of the time never dressed for a
game I was red shirted both my freshman
in sophomore year so it was a it was a
really difficult time and so I
ultimately ended up in a place where I I
really had no other option but to look
elsewhere for a new fit that new fit
would be found at lipom University in
Nashville I transferred to lipsum played
my first full college soccer season as a
junior which was kind of crazy and then
had to get a hip surgery right after
that season ended so I did continue the
the trajectory and kind of came back and
was able to rehab and do the therapy
that I needed to get back onto the field
and then sort of got sidelined again it
was very much a stop start process for
me in college it was while he was at
libum that Ben says he became fully
aware that he had been the victim of
sexual abuse I realized how different I
was being treated by my trainers and the
ways that they were doing certain
treatments versus what my my other
trainer was doing so it was a little bit
of a wakeup call and that was really
when the process began of me sort of
starting to accept that some of these
things had happened admit them and then
very very very slowly start to share
that with other people as Ben began
trying to deal with his abuse God wasn’t
yet a big part of the equation then
still didn’t have a deep personal
relationship with Jesus Christ I knew
God like I know LeBron James or a
celebrity that’s on TV I recognize him
and and I might say that I know him but
if I walked past LeBron James on the
sidewalk and acted like I knew him he
would think I was crazy so I knew of the
Lord and and sort of convinced myself
that I knew him and then when things
really started to get tricky and and
difficult in my life I quickly learned
that I I really didn’t have a a deep
real relationship with the Lord instead
Ben used other things to know his in her
turmoil particularly soccer and
relationships I think when you go
through something like abuse things that
feel like they’re so out of your control
what really quickly happens
subconsciously or consciously is you
start searching for and seeking things
that are going to give you a level of
security and so that’s what I did I was
looking for anything that would sort of
make me feel secure whether it was a
relationship or friendship or something
that I could get in the world that would
make me feel some type of way that would
make me feel a little bit better about
myself a little more secure whatever
false sense of security Ben may have
felt was about to be blown up and once
again his soccer career would be in
Jeopardy this time it was on an icy Road
in January of
2019 that was at a three or four-way
intersection it was icy it snowed the
day before and if people are in the
South or familiar with people driving
anytime it snows in the South the roads
were super icy and so somebody hit me
because they they didn’t realize there
was a stop sign they hardly break and
then they skitted the driver rear ended
Ben’s car going about 35 mph while Ben
was at a complete stop the Collision
gave Ben Whiplash and a serious
concussion about three or four months
after that happened I literally laid in
a dark room wasn’t able to read wasn’t
able to watch TV because of the severity
of the concussion and the neck damage
eventually though Ben recovered enough
to play his fifth year of soccer that
fall while pursuing doing his NBA the
professional soccer clubs had their eye
on Ben his dream of going pro still
seemed possible but everything was about
to change one more time just 11 months
after the car accident this happened it
was two weeks after my last game I was
out to dinner with my family the room
started spinning the floor started
moving I thought I was going to pass out
and that’s when I ended up in the
emergency room the symptoms were so
extreme I thought I was dying it just
sort of felt like my body was shutting
down Ben was just 22 2 years old he
began experiencing severe migraines
vertigo extreme fatigue and even had
trouble breathing over the course of the
next year he saw a dozen doctors and he
had to start coming to terms with the
realization that his dream to play
soccer professionally would never become
a reality part of the challenge was I
still thought I had kind of made it
through the other side and then all of a
sudden the floor was kind of pulled out
from underneath me and so Not only was I
wrestling was sort of the end of my
playing
I was kind of thrown into this very
nebulous not a lot of clarity not a lot
of answers about what was going on in my
body but finally Ben found a doctor who
started putting the pieces together he
determined that Ben’s multiple
concussions from soccer and the car
accident had left him with brain and
neck trauma on top of that was Ben’s
compartment syndrome the medical
condition he was diagnosed with at the
start of his college career Ben was in a
difficult season but but it was a season
that God would redeem and use in a
lifechanging way I hardly left the house
I hardly left my bedroom because of how
sick I was it was fatigued to the level
that it was hard for me to walk up a set
of stairs without being winded and
without collapsing so it was it was
really extreme for for two two and a
half years and so quickly my life
changed from oh I’m fine I’m in control
I have a good understanding of my body
and my mind and my relationships and the
Dynamics that I’m experiencing my life
to I have no control control my body has
turned on me my mind has turned on me I
can’t really rely on myself for
something as simple as going to the
grocery store and getting food and
cooking for myself that loss of control
and abilities finally brought Ben to a
place of digging in and trying to
understand God and the Bible and his own
faith he describes it as a last resort
and says he was going to the scriptures
with a healthy desperation hoping that
it might change his circumstances
and so God used a series of really
difficult things to force me really into
a position where he was like is this
real do you really believe I am who I
say I am and that what I say is true
okay Ben do you really believe what this
word says because if you don’t you’re
going to struggle to get through this
day you’re going to struggle to make it
to tomorrow this was the beginning of
Ben’s reconciliation with Jesus Christ
it was a wrestling process that was days
and weeks and months long I don’t really
remember a moment where things suddenly
Chang changed and there was a light bulb
necessarily that went off I always
believed in God I I couldn’t ever live
life in a way where it made sense that
anything other than God was true but
walking in a way that actually honored
that and exemplified that was not
something I was doing and so in terms of
coming to the Lord and sort of being
humbled and brought back to him in an
intimate and genuine way it was really
that those two years were pivotal to
that and throughout that entire time
Ben’s family was alongside him
encouraging him in a spiritual journey
it was a lot of Tears it was a lot of
anger it was a lot of sadness it was a
lot of grief and me starting to express
some of those things even the traumas
that I had had been through in the past
and wrestling with those in the Lord’s
presence in the process of all of that
been discovered that he had the wrong
idea about how to begin a relationship
with Jesus I had this notion of I had to
clean myself up I had to fix myself
outside of God’s presence and whether
that was in the world whether that was
just privately I had to put myself in a
position where I was presentable to God
and then I could go and pray to him and
present myself to him I had to unlearn
that I had to realize that that the
things that I was trying to fix my anger
my bitterness the resentment that I’ve
been feeling the the confusion that I
had the questions that I had How could a
good God allow this to happen to me why
did I have to lose my dream why did this
person do this to me it was the process
of taking those questions directly into
God’s presence as Ben got serious about
reading the Bible he began to understand
that his security could not be found in
his own control of
circumstances It could only be found in
Jesus Christ I saw scripture that
reflected what I was wrestling with and
what I was feeling the the questions
that I felt the doubts that I had I saw
in a lot of you know job 45 and 6 were
really important chapters for me a lot
of the Psalms reflected the grief and
the lament and the process of writing
was really more of an external
expression of that one of the examples
of the many scriptures that ministered
been during this season was job
425 my ears had heard of you but now my
eyes have seen you in Psalm
119:67 before I was afflicted I went
astray but now I obey your word what Ben
read in job and the Psalms inspired him
to buy a notebook and start writing his
own prayers I’d never written before I
was not a writer I was not somebody who
kept a journal the sort of severity of
what I was going through it was more of
I can’t do anything else so I’m just
going to start writing so God used
journaling and writing I just started
writing down my prayers for me to to
essentially emote the things that I had
been processing and things that were in
my head and things that were in my heart
I put them down on paper um and God
really used that process of me
expressing things that I thought I had
to hide from him and instead expressing
them in his presence that’s when when
things really started to change one of
the biggest changes was that Ben came to
the point of being able to fully trust
God he understood that God wasn’t to
blame for the things that had happened
to him what God desires for my life and
what God will permit are very different
things because we live in a fallen World
God permits things to happen but at the
same time God didn’t desire for somebody
to crash into me and destroy my body God
didn’t desire to send an abuser into my
life to hurt me in the ways that I was
hurt and so I had to wrestle with that
too because that then changes the
question of why God to okay God God
you’ve allowed this for whatever reason
you’ve allowed this so how are you going
to make it good how can I trust that
you’re going to make it into something
good that’s a really different notion
now Ben sees his suffering as a blessing
because it caused him to confront his
faith and experience God’s presence
taking his cue from the poetic style of
the Psalms he filled his entire prayer
Journal covered to cover with creative
expression Ben shared his journal with
his sister and she loved it he was
encouraged by her response so Ben
decided to see about turning his journal
into a book with some internet sleuthing
he was able to email the right person at
the Publishing House Harper Collins the
person he reached out to responded in
just a few days and she was interested
and asked him for a formal book proposal
within two months Harper Collins told
Ben they wanted to publish what he’d
written today what was Ben’s private
Journal is a book that glorifies God
by helping others through their grief
and suffering I’ve heard from people
that are in their 60s and 70s and I’ve
heard from other people that are in
their 20s and kind of everything in
between and and not only that the way
that it’s applied to people some a lot
of people have used it sort of as they
process grief and loss but other people
with addiction and and battles with
certain things that have happened in
their past so I think God has been
really faithful about the way that it
can kind of appeal to people across the
spectrum of suffering and pain and grief
and sickness whatever it is while Ben’s
book is helping others find Healing his
own story of healing isn’t finished
quite yet I’m obviously not in bed
anymore so I’m much healthier than I was
but I’m still pretty far off from what I
was before I still have all the symptoms
that I mentioned to you before are still
things that I’m battling with today and
actually think that’s a really important
message for listeners and for whoever
might be hearing this is the book in a
lot of ways is still sort of a present
representation and reflection of where
I’m at I think a lot of times people
myself included struggle when they see
other people talking about their story
and maybe healing and and the
reconciliation that’s happened because
they think and assume that the person
has kind of gotten to the other side of
that and to be totally honest that’s not
the case with me I’m still battling my
health and and the repercussions of that
and so I want people to know that that
the book is is sort of an invitation for
us to join together in whatever you’re
going through it’s not me sort of
looking back and saying hey keep going
keep fighting it’s really an invitation
to sort of meet those things in the
middle
[Music]
just as Ben lock has drawn near to God
through his trials you can too if you’d
like to know more about that and about
having a personal relationship with
Jesus Christ we are here for you at fine
peace with
god.net and is fine peacewithgod.net
if you’d like to speak with someone you
can call our 24-hour Billy Graham prayer
line someone is on the other end of that
number ready to talk with you right now
or whenever you want to talk
855255 pray that’s
855255
7729 in just a moment we’ll hear more
from Ben as he shares one of his deepest
struggles you’re listening to GPS God
people stories a podcast production of
the Billy Graham Evangelistic
Association why has man made in the
image of God always been hounded by
suffering why must all these people
suffer Billy Graham these are not easy
questions for us to answer when we ask
the question why however the Bible
teaches that sin is a ruthless Tyrant
its whip life strikes out against the
innocent along with the guilty even
though Jesus Christ himself had no sin
he did not escaped the impact of sin it
struck out against him and nailed him to
a cross to the Christian God is in
command and in control suffering is
dated someday there will be no more
suffering just today I was reading in
the Book of Revelation and God shall
wipe away all tears from their eyes and
there shall be no more death neither
sorrow nor cry neither shall there be
any more pain for the former things are
passed away why don’t you give your life
to Jesus Christ and let his grace love
and mercy sweep your heart and soul with
joy would you like to know more about
beginning a relationship with Jesus or
if you know him as your lord and savior
about deepening your relationship with
Jesus we’re here at fine
peacewithgod.net
that web address again find peace with
god.net our guest on this episode of GPS
is B lock he faced a series of difficult
challenges as he tried to achieve his
dream of becoming a professional soccer
player Ben says before he discovered the
magnitude of God’s grace he often felt
what he called disqualified as a
Believer because of his experiences he
hopes you don’t feel that way the things
that I was wrestling with the questions
that I had the doubts that I had the
ways that I thought I was feeling even
towards God of why am I angry am I angry
at God is is that allowed the anxiety
and sort of the extreme levels of stress
and fear that I was experiencing because
of what my body was going through the
shame that I felt because of things that
had happened in my past I struggled for
a long time with does this make me less
qualified as a Believer am I less of a
Believer is my faith lesser than other
people because a lot of times what I saw
in church was people that looked like
they had it all together everything
looked so good from sort of an external
perspective that I felt really
disqualified from being a part of that
Community sometimes so I think what I
really hope people understand and hear
is that whatever you’re going through
and whatever you may be battling it
doesn’t make you less qualified to be a
son or a daughter or a brother or sister
in Christ bring those things that may be
hidden or that you may think disqualify
you into the the presence of other
people most importantly into the
presence of the Lord and you’re going to
start to see how God can take those
things and really heal them and and
really free you to to serve him in
different ways we appreciate Ben Lock’s
willingness to be so transparent about
his story and his heart for those who
are battling their own trials we’ll have
another story of God’s work in someone’s
life in the next episode of GPS to make
sure you do not miss it subscribe to GPS
wherever you listen to podcasts WE Post
new episodes every two weeks on
Wednesdays I’m Jim Kirkland and this is
GPS God people stories it’s an Outreach
Of The Billy Graham Evangelistic
Association always good news
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