The Difference with Matt and Kendal Hagee – “Love, Loss, Faith, Hope”
Matt and Erica Mattera join Matt and Kendal as they share a parent’s journey of love, loss, faith, and hope. The Mattera’s story comes from a place of healing after losing a daughter to suicide.
from haggy ministri Studios today on the
difference witness with us how love can
overcome even the worst of tragedies and
what I saw was the most horrible thing
that any parent can even imagine she had
um accidentally got to the gun safe and
had taken her own life the same way that
her grandfather my dad had so many years
prior today on the difference we welcome
Matt and Erica Mata a parent journey of
love lost Lo Faith and Hope the Matera
share their story of healing from losing
a daughter to
[Music]
Suicide my name is Matt Mata I’m from n
Gans for RH Island I serve in the
military almost uh 23 years now and I’m
married to my lovely wife Erica for
almost as long we have uh two really
three beautiful children ones up with
the Lord right now
so our first few years of marriage were
very honeymoon like I think so wasn’t
until we got to Guam that things started
to uh get a little shaky it was
Elizabeth’s um issues that we did
have a lot of difficulty with going
through that
[Music]
process so really uh over the span of
about 30 years I’ve had six losses in my
family from suicide and self harm in
1984 I lost my father to Suicide I
walked in the room moments after he
fired the
[Music]
shot and so I’m on my little green
tractor got my headphones in I see the
SCH school bus come up
stops right in front of the house I
happen to be driving up that part of the
yard at the same time as it was caught
in the yard I see these two little feet
get off the bus I see her she sees me I
wave high her she waves high of me and
that was going to be the last time I
ever interacted with my daughter on the
side of
Eternity walk into the the to the
kitchen from the uh entryway that led
from the garage and uh called out her
name hey Elizabeth we got to go and uh
no answer I figured maybe she’s upstairs
maybe she’s uh playing video games or
maybe she’s outside uh I couldn’t find
her long story short uh after looking
for her for several minutes I go back in
the house and I look and I notice my
master bedroom closet open I walk up to
her uh I shook her uh she didn’t
move I rolled her over and what I saw
was the most horrible thing that any
parent can even imagine she had um
accidentally gotten to the gun safe and
had taken her own life the same way that
her grandfather my dad had so many years
prior so that whole first year learning
to after Elizabeth uh passed away was
really spent learning to walk again
spiritually emotionally uh and mentally
and we drew closer together and
forgiveness and embracing that journey
of forgiveness uh forgiving those that
made such a terrible choice of
suicide and and learn to forgive each
other and as Erica said to show each
other that
[Music]
Grace that’s a moment that no parent
ever cares to in any way consider much
less
face and yet you’ve gone beyond the
point of facing it to helping other
people who are struggling with similar
situations in their family on how they
can
heal there’s a long road between that
moment and where you are today how’d you
get there the Lord strengthen him and
faith and stewarding the uh this
experience so people have asked us time
and again uh how do you carry this
burden and I tell them this isn’t a
burden to carry it’s a an opportunity to
Steward something when he says in his
word all things work together for good
for the those that love God those that
called according to his
purpose I said Okay God here’s a plate
of all things I mean you think about
that that’s six people in my family and
when our daughter was taken from us by
the
adversary I thought you know first my
dad then my little brother all these
other people and but now the enemy
killed my kid and the attitude I had was
now I’m coming after you CU it’s
personal and and let me say this manto
man that’s a pretty masculine way to
compute that how did you compute
it
um I I pretty much felt the same way
uhhuh um I understood
who was lying to her that entire time
telling her the things that you know
they that they just go over and over in
their head and how about you know
they’re not worth living and how um
nobody wants them they would be better
are all gone I understood who was lying
to her yeah and I think it’s an
impactful way to say it because suicide
is a lie absolutely if God is The Giver
of Life then anything that takes that
life in such a way is is contrary to the
truth of of how we were created and why
we were created uh and and so much of
the things that you see involved in
situations like this are based in lies
you know whether it’s I’m worthless I I
didn’t succeed I failed there’s nothing
that can be salvageable in my future so
I have to make a decision today that’s
going to make all of my deception you
know which is considered in many ways
pain go away uh and so you know when you
have the ability to put it in the
context of I know who was lying to her
you really identify the source of the of
the situation and then can start to
attack the problem at the root instead
of hack at the branches of it uh as you
do that how how have you seen this open
up your opportunity to share your
experience and see other people rescued
and healed in the midst of this
circumstance oh great question Matt so
there’s
been the opportunities to talk to uh
parents uh and uh men fathers that have
either in their own personal life have
wrestled with those same thoughts of uh
hopelessness self harm and and and
self-destruction or they’ve had people
in their family children that have
wrestled with these same things too and
be able to transfer to them that message
that hey here are the things to look for
and oh by the way um suicide is the uh
is a part of a a greater Grand strategy
of the adversary remember comes to kill
steal and destroy and suicide does all
three it does all three the Cascade
effect that it has I mean you look at
again 6 years old lost my father and it
stole your childhood absolutely you know
AB it killed your father it stole your
childhood and it
destroyed uh the potential and promise
of your household right oh yeah you know
because you didn’t get the chance to
introduce kids to Granddad you you
didn’t get the opportunity to share
memories and moments you you you know
grew up with this void so I mean it in
every circumstance and situation it does
all three of those things it robs it
kills it destroys right and and so
that’s a lot of the things that uh folks
don’t think about is the obviously the
immediate tragedy of of the loss of
somebody they take their own life and it
goes against that innate sense of
self-preservation that we have that has
really been imbued into nature um but
human beings were the only ones out of
all of God’s creatures on this planet
that will
self-destruct uh when they when Crossing
that threshold and it’s Again part of
the adversaries Grand strategy to to lie
on this battle space of the human mind
people have asked time and again is it a
is it a is it a physical issue is it a a
mental health issue is it a spiritual
issue which is that’s really people
don’t think about that human beings
we’re three-part B mind body and spirit
I’m not a mental health professional uh
I’m not a psychiatrist or a doctor but
I’m a guy that’s actually walked through
this and I’ve seen that there’s been
this third part of this suicide problem
set that goes that is grossly ignored
and that is the the the spiritual aspect
and it’s an inward problem that
manifests itself outwardly through such
a a traumatic and and devastating Choice
yeah and you know you mentioned Body
Mind and Spirit which is encompassed in
the Triune being of man right created in
the image of a Triune God right the
distinction in the Trinity of God the
Father the Son and the Holy Spirit and
the Triune being a man is we’re weighted
he’s not right God the Father God the
son God the Holy Spirit three and one
they’re all equal right for us it’s a
weighted Trinity mhm because the Bible
says beloved I wish that you would be in
good health and prosper in all things
even as your soul prospers right what
did Jesus Christ say what does it profit
a man if he gains the whole world which
is a physical gaining right and loses
his own soul so we have a spiritual
weight that that makes the spiritual
side of a man much more important than
his physical side much more important
than his mental side so when you say is
it a physical problem is it a mental
problem is it a spiritual problem it’s
all three but the weight of it falls to
what you were saying I know who I know
who was lying to her it was a spiritual
lie it was a spiritual deception that
impacted her mental status that
eventually worked itself out in her
physical outcome that’s right absolutely
and so it doesn’t matter what end of
that Spectrum you start on you have to
get back to that root of it’s a
spiritual issue because every human
being is a spiritually created being
even if they don’t recognize it right
absolutely absolutely you when we come
back we’re going to have more of this
conversation and give you the
opportunity to identify areas that you
need to be engaging in conversations
with members in your family friends and
loved ones even though they’re walking
through trying times they’ll have the
opportunity to discuss how God can do
great things you’re watching the
difference when we come back I had a
moment where I was just broke down into
tears and I remember her coming into the
room and telling me mama why are you
crying and I said because I Miss
Elizabeth so much and she says to
me why she’s in heaven yeah and it just
it made me cry even more a crisis can
change everything in an instant but in
that moment a familiar word comes to
mind one you’ve read so many times that
it’s now etched in your memory this is
why it’s so important to be intentional
about strengthening your faith by
reading the word regularly and spending
time with fellow Believers you equip
yourself to face adversity when it comes
this month as a token of our
appreciation for any gift you give we’d
love to send you a brand new Christmas
ornament just in time for the holiday
season for your generous gift of $100 or
more we’re thrilled to offer you our
special Christmas collection as a
heartfelt thank you along with a
beautiful Christmas ornament you’ll
receive frankincense and my oil power to
heal by Pastor John An Elegant acrylic
scripture box and a USB filled with
healing scriptures is an added blessing
we’ll also include the heggy ministry’s
prayer journal to support and guide you
in your journey of prayer and growing
closer to God child of God seek Him in
faith believing with great expectation
that what you ask in his name is already
done send your best gift Now by calling
the number on the screen or visiting
jhm.org
wonders the suicide the last 2 years has
increased I would say 25 to 30% and the
reason that is true is is the spiritual
component to it for teenagers is a
little bit more because they of the
interaction in social media and then
there’s a so there’s a spiritual
component and then there’s a fad but
they just don’t understand the spiritual
component of what’s happening to them
pay attention like never before to the
emotional and spiritual State and mental
state of their sons and daughters and
don’t just write off a comment like it’d
be better if I weren’t here or they
would kill themselves or thoughts or
texts or posts about suicide don’t just
dismiss that I often hear that with
parents oh they’re just wanting
attention and then they end up going to
a funeral
welcome back to the difference we just
heard from Mark Jones who counseled you
both during this difficult time and you
know he mentions some red flags and
things that parents need to pay
attention to before I ask you about that
in our last segment you were talking how
you know God got you from where you lost
your daughter to where you are today and
you identified the spiritual component
of the fact that you know the enemy was
lying to her
mhm where were were you in your faith on
the day you lost your daughter compared
to where you are now because the Bible
says the just shall live by faith you
know and I’ve always in my
life struggles hardships heartbreaking
Seasons that’s where my faith was the
most valuable you know when things are
good I’m like hey I must have it all
figured out because nothing’s going
wrong in my life right now and then all
of a sudden Trouble Comes and that’s
when I fall on my knees and say God help
me
you know and you kind of realize in
those struggling Seasons if I don’t ask
for that help every day if I don’t ask
for that help on the good days then I’m
not building the strength and the faith
that I need for the hard times you know
I mean as a military guy how many days
do you train before you actually have to
use your training in Conflict right
right you know it’s not like you’re
going hey I think we might get in a
fight someday so let’s let’s think about
preparation you’re constantly in a
preparing you’re either training or
you’re executing you know correct yeah
so the uh it’s funny you bring that up
so uh train like you fight and that’s
one of what we say in the military um
our faith at that point um when we had
lost Elizabeth was uh at an interesting
time in our in our in our marriage and
our Christian walk we had folks that
came and surrounded us and I think
that’s really important to have a strong
Cadre of Brothers and Sisters in Christ
that can be there with you they can hold
you up um share grief share grief and
they can carry you when you got fist
sign
holes in your Shield uh and they can be
be you know when the word says bear one
another one another’s burdens um laugh
with those that laugh and grieve with
those that grieve um and so we had folks
with us to help carry
us um for us that loss brought us closer
together in our marriage brought us
closer together in our faith um
certainly there’s things that uh we’ve
still had to walk through and you know
that’s a a seing gap caused by a wound
like that the enemy seeks to get in
there and infect it with um anger
resentment hostility little things that
would normally just be a minor
irritation can all of a sudden
exasperate you know you leave a sock on
the floor why’d you leave that there and
you start finding yourself getting into
arguments that don’t matter um but it is
important to have that Faith routine
like hitting the gym you can’t go once a
year and expect that one day to carry
for the rest of the year you got to do
it every single day being engaged that
explains so much of my physical
problems but I I make you know a light
statement about that but it’s such a
truth that that you have to be diligent
you know you have to be diligent in that
that Faith engagement so that you have
you know the resources available to you
in a spiritual context to not only
defend but to keep the enemy out that’s
right you know you’ve identified him you
were doing war against him now but he
hadn’t given up on fighting you either
you know know I mean that that’s the
thing that that really gets to be a
challengeing spiritual conflict that
people don’t really recognize and and
Mark did a beautiful job of pointing
that out he says you know the the enemy
has no empathy he’s got nothing to lose
lose he’s got all the time in the world
and he already knows what his outcome is
right so it’s not like he’s negotiating
for a better position he’s just trying
to figure out how many people can I take
with me that’s you know you know
speaking of that with your family I know
you have two kids yes one that’s in
seventh grade and another little boy
that’s three how did all of this affect
them and how did you have to just pull
the stronghold around them as in like
your faith well at the time we didn’t
have Marcus it was just Isabella and
literally everything else fell to the
Wayside and we just huddled up together
and surrounded each other with just
constant uh you know love and tenderness
and uh leaning on one another whenever
we were having a hard time so and
Isabelle is a Little Rock star
she we had a I had a moment where I was
just broke down into tears and I
remember her coming into the room and
telling me mama why are you crying and I
said because I Miss Elizabeth so much
and she says to me well why she’s in
heaven yeah and and it just it made me
cry even more well and and you know the
Bible speaks to that end it’s childlike
Faith absolutely you know I mean the
thing about a child that’s precious and
the thing about a child that that is
also very vulnerable
is that they are so quick to believe you
if we would be just as quick to believe
what Jesus said as they are yeah you
know then we wouldn’t have so many
struggles because they hear it and they
go done you know ab and and you know
it’s a wonderful thing to have that kind
of perspective in a moment like that
because I’ve always said that it doesn’t
really matter how but the only way that
you can overcome death is overwhelm it
with life right you know as a pastor I
get to do funerals on a regular basis
for all kinds of reasons and it really
doesn’t matter the thing that you do at
a funeral is you have one person that
you’re memorializing and then you have a
whole group of people hundreds of people
50 people 150 people just depending on
how deep the relationships go you know
that are there to overwhelm death with
life they bring their newborn baby they
bring their child that just got engaged
they bring their son that went off to
college they bring that nephew that’s
back from the military and and in each
and every one of those moments you get
to see that life goes on you know and so
faith is something that gives you the
strength to believe and then you
recognize that life goes on when we come
back we’re going to talk more about how
life can go on and grow and God can do
great things even in deep sorrow you’re
watching the
difference coming up
next a few years preceding her her
passing uh she goes from painting her
room to dark uh from a a light color to
a dark morbid color uh we have posters
all of a sudden going on the wall that
are you know from bands that and music
genres that glorify a dark morbid theme
of self-destruction and hopelessness I’m
so grateful that I chose
differently I’m so happy that I chose
you I get to see you become the person
God intended you to be thank you heggy
Ministry Legacy Partners there has never
been a better time to share the love of
Christ with a mother and a child then
right now when you partner with heggy
Ministries your legacy impacts lives and
transforms a nation call today or go to
jhm.org
partner welcome back to the difference
Matt and Erica you’ve been so kind to
share the story and the circumstances
that affected your family in our final
segment I I want to talk a little bit
about how prevalent this is
uh in the world today there’s a lot of
families that whether they want to admit
it or not they’re having these kinds of
struggles in their home and I know that
on your heart is sharing with them don’t
ignore those warning signs stay you know
Vigilant and and protect your children
don’t don’t don’t turn the other way get
get right in the middle of it and fix it
before it becomes final you know so what
would you say to those people uh and
what would be some of the things that
they should pay attention to I if
they’re seeing these kinds of struggles
in their home sure there’s uh a Litany
of signs in precursors to keep an eye on
you know when we lost Elizabeth uh we
literally saw her disappear before our
eyes and I mean that over uh this period
of a few years preceding her her passing
um slowly the climate of her music
started to change her outward appearance
started to change uh she goes from
painting her room to dark uh from a a
light color to dark morbid color uh we
have posters all of a sudden going on
the wall that are you know from bands
that in music genres that glorify a dark
morbid theme of self-destruction and
hopelessness um and then the social
media effect which is really uh for kids
you think about this social media it’s
made by adults for adults and instead
it’s become a Force multiplier for these
enduring themes and messages of
hopelessness depression uh poor
self-image
narcissism that have captivated these
kids and um I would just tell parents to
really keep an eye on on the climate of
your kids what are they listening to as
their parents starting to change are
they communicating certain types of
language that portrays a sense of uh
hopelessness or depression or poor
self-image and then really look at that
social media um again it’s made by
adults for adults and uh the payload the
data payload on these things is really
mostly children well and and so much of
it has connected itself from my
perspective into the child’s affirmation
MH yes you know so and so puts puts out
a picture of themselves and they get 500
likes I put out a picture of myself I
only get 50 there must be 450 people
more in this world that love them than
love me and and while from an adult
perspective you would say well that’s
that’s pretty nonsense and and immature
from their perspective that’s reality
you know that that’s everything and and
you know you have to really understand
how much that impacts their decisions
and and what they need to hear from you
to overcome that right because in their
context that’s like 450 insults right
you know I mean when I was a kid and I
came home and said somebody was mean to
me my parents would talk me up Pat me on
the head and and away I’d go you know
but I didn’t have that Constant Contact
to the to to the source of the problem
to where you know it really requires a
constant contact from a parent you know
to be able to to mitigate the the impact
that that’s having in their life that’s
right and and you know situations where
this has happened I know for many people
they have no desire to even discuss it
they want it to be a very private issue
they want to keep it you know quiet
you’ve taken a very different approach
and you want to have a conversation you
want to let people know that this is a
problem you want to let them know that
there’s hope uh what is it that you do
to help people open up about those
situations because I know when they hear
your story they’re going to say how do I
get in touch with those folks what do I
what do I do to to to carry on this
conversation because you’ve hit on
something that’s in homes that homes
don’t want to admit exists right so this
is uh needs to be dinner table
conversations talking with and having
your finger on the pulse of your kids um
so we’ve decided to go ahead and uh
We’ve started our web page we’ve started
a Blog uh we’ve gone ahead and talked
about our story and and parsed in there
discussing not just the
the the six tragic losses we’ve had in
our family but also our journey through
the grieving process what that looks
like um the leveraging certain
components from uh uh military
experience the leadership required
because you have to assume a leadership
role with this thing if you want to get
ahead of the grieving process if you
want to get ahead of the issues uh that
are taking place in your home well that
what’s that require it requires the
adults in the room the parents in the
room to say okay I’m going to
demonstrate this leadership uh and have
some uh uncomfortably honest uh
questions and conversations with our
kids and then also be willing to uh
reconcile with the some of the
inconvenient truths that maybe uh may be
difficult to hear yeah and then take
action on it absolutely you know I I
think that the identifier is one thing
but then action is the other part of it
absolutely that’s really where the
transition
occurs uh because as the Bible says
faith without that works it’s dead
that’s right you know I want to pray for
those of you who are watching because I
know that today we’ve discussed a topic
that many of you might might be dealing
with and if you are dealing with it
there is hope his name is Jesus there is
help that help can be found in a local
church that help can be found in a
Ministry like ours that help can be
found in searching out a web page like
Matt was just discussing but wherever
you are today I want you to know that
you’re not alone and that there is a God
who truly loves you loves you so much
that he sent his son to die for you and
in doing so he gave his life so that you
could have everlasting life amen
heavenly father today I pray that those
who are watching would feel the joy of
the Lord because the Bible says that
that Joy is our strength I pray that
every place that there’s Despair and
there’s fear and there’s hopelessness in
their situation that you would become
the god of all hope that you would
become the god who makes a way even when
they cannot see there is a way I pray
for everybody who’s listening that’s
dealt with the pain and the burden of
suicide and lost loved ones to such a
tragic situ situation I pray that you
would wrap your loving arms around them
that you would help them to recognize
that you have not forgotten them that
you are The God Who dries every tear
that falls and that you are the one who
can take all things and work them
together for good as even for th in
every situation for those that love you
I pray these things in Jesus name today
amen and amen amen amen thank you for
being with us here on the difference I
pray that you have the opportunity to
recognize God’s goodness in the land of
the living living and that you realize
what it means to live the life more
abundant heggy Ministries continues to
proclaim the unadulterated truth of
God’s word around the globe thanks to
our Legacy Partners it’s the continued
faithfulness of our partners that
enables us to provide Hope Health and
education to the young mothers and their
children that call the sanctuary of Hope
home as We Walk This Road Together We
Are providing humanitarian Ian Aid
across Israel and helping with relief
efforts and community service
initiatives at home and abroad together
we are transforming the nations of the
world for Jesus Christ we are excited to
reach the younger Generations as we
expand into areas such as Apple TV Roku
podcasts social media and live web
streaming your action today can become
part of your legacy become a legacy
partner call the number on the screen or
go to jhm.org
partner today on the difference you
heard a story of hope that was brought
out of hopelessness you heard a story of
healing that was brought out of great
pain the hope that we have and the
Healer his name is Jesus Christ and he
can make a difference in your life as
always I thank you for joining us for
today’s program and I want you to
remember Jesus Christ makes the
difference