Men are just misunderstood. Or is it that women are just not clear on what men wished they knew about them? In this episode, Priscilla Shirer will discuss just what it is that men wished women knew about them and how this plays into the interactions with each other.
hey there my name is Priscilla I’m so
glad that you were here and that you
were joining me for the chat this is a
great opportunity for you and I as
always to talk about things that matter
to you or that should matter to you and
listen you have tuned in at the right
time the right show because we are
talking to a panel of articulate
handsome well-spoken men who are going
to be telling us the things we want to
know about them the things they think we
need to know about them and so we’ve
solicited these guys to answer your
question stay tuned you are not gonna
want to miss this
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[Music]
I am so glad that you are here I have
been looking forward to this particular
show for a very very long time because
I’ve not had the opportunity before to
have a whole panel of men right here on
the sofa to have a conversation with us
and so this is unique for me but this is
gonna be good because listen girlfriend
you and I get to have the tough
questions answered you know have you
ever just wanted to grab your man and
say look what in the world are you
thinking why do you do this or save this
you just want to know some things and
you haven’t had an opportunity to ask
well I’m going to ask for you and we’re
gonna give you all the answers so that
you can understand your man just a
little bit better to help us do that is
an incredible group of men would you
please welcome first of all gospel
recording artist Anthony Evans jr.
Michael Boggs then I gotta have my own
husband Gary Cyrus coming out and then
writer blogger speaker slinger Carlos
Whitaker and incredible comedian Michael
well y’all thank you for being here I
feel little bit outnumbered but I’m very
very excited yeah that’s why you got
your husband that’s why I got my husband
yes I did invite my husband and I want
to tell you it makes me a little nervous
Jerry that you’re part of this show cuz
I don’t know what you’re gonna say you
nervous be nervous I should also mention
that Anthony Evans is my brother so I
drug him onto this program well he isn’t
my brother and there’s gonna be a lot of
fun okay we need to know your marital
status and if you are married how long
you been married how in love are you
with your wife I adore my wife okay okay
how long you been married bait gone 15
years so when I’m 15 years how about you
13 years 13 years yeah nine years nine
years nine in a row
eight years eight years okay and our
sweetie you are the thing got a very
handsome singer not my tan so you’re
gonna give us a lot of perspective
because there are single women who do
want to know some things about the
single guys around them so we’re gonna
ask you lots of questions as well okay
the first thing I want to ask you guys I
want to get your perspective on what you
think some of the assumptions are that
women make about men that you think are
completely inaccurate and they just need
to get over it and move on what are some
of the assumptions you hear from women
or that you suspect that women make or
maybe your wife made about you before
you got married and you you just you
proved the world I think right away one
of the first things at least I fall out
of the the stereotypical what women
think male there was a book called men
are like waffles women are like
spaghetti but I am the most spaghetti
male on the planet and so but what I
mean by that is that I think men get put
into this category where we are just
boxes we can only think about one thing
sports sex whatever that might be but I
can think about I can think about sports
and sex at the same time you say yeah
it’s amazing so it’s spaghetti you know
so so so we get so I think that you know
but we’re not so one dimension you know
we can think about more things than one
all right okay like for instance sports
yeah sex yeah so you think women make
about you that’s just not it’s not
accurate they think we don’t talk well
you kind of don’t talk listen this is a
great place for us to start off with a
conversation Axwell usually give us a
chance to talk I was I’m a really don’t
love to we don’t love expressing our
side and I think one of the reasons I
don’t gonna get deep I’m just gonna keep
with the funny but as a child we’re
always told not to cry you know not you
know your dad’s don’t be crying don’t do
this don’t do that I don’t have like a
little girl and then we’ll become men
and we’re gonna marry didn’t wiser like
why don’t you talk to me because I’ve
been quiet all this time no you wanna
talk
so I think told you that blast part 1
will be funny it was a little deep maybe
it was just me no I think that’s an
important question because honestly
communication is one of the main
questions that I got from women who out
you know it’s just on Twitter and
Facebook and everywhere I said what do
you want to ask about and most what
mostly what they want to know is how do
they get you to feel comfortable opening
up because you know for us intimacy
involves conversation it involves you
listening to us but all us also knowing
what’s going on in your heart and in
your life what can your significant
other whether it’s your girlfriend or
whether it is your wife what can she do
to cause you to desire to to talk to her
I think sometimes having a conversation
while you’re actually doing something
and the pressure is not just like let’s
sit down and talk
[Laughter]
I think guys it’s hard harder for us to
like sit down and do one-on-one
conversations but if you’re out playing
golf or playing basketball or something
it’s easier to have a conversation so
sometimes I think even with my wife and
I it’s it’s easy for us to to go do
something and the conversations a little
bit easier cuz it’s not quite as much
pressure do you think maybe she needs to
do something that you enjoy doing not
she’s not taking you out shopping if
that’s not your thing you know something
that she wants to do but she’s due
coming into your world and participating
in your world with you absolutely what
she can’t do is she can’t use the phrase
can we talk just start talking casually
or something don’t just say hey we need
to talk oh babe you have anything to add
to that I think that’s great yeah
because you know that statement to a man
I think is just I think shut down like
okay alright let me prepare myself what
is it now yeah so yeah I agree with it
get involved in you get involved in your
world and just kind of naturally have
the conversation alright I want to talk
to single women first we’re going to
start out with single women and there
are some things that they want to know
about you but for
I want to ask you particularly you
Anthony but all of you because you’re
gonna have a response to this I want to
know what is most distasteful to you
about a single woman what might she be
doing thinking she’s attracting you or
bringing good attention to herself that
to you is just not I mean there’s
nothing attractive about it actually
causes you to run in the opposite
direction no goodness really just an
example well because well what I do on
the road and worship leading and stuff
like that there’s a dynamic where after
you get off of a stage there’s people
there people people females who are very
overtly foreign and it’s not a it’s not
endearing at all and then in real life
and just in just in regular life it kind
of switches the role to me like as we
were built for that like to pursue and
if it’s if it flips I’m just like no I’m
good always happens singers comedians
they’re like there’s the line though
because women are told to not put
yourself out there too far but that you
have to that a guy has to know you’re
available how does a woman single women
really struggling with this how does the
guy know she’s available without being
distasteful and too pushy and too over I
think it just takes a look right let you
if you cast that one look okay from
somebody you know they’re interested you
know and and and I think that that even
goes for married people and single
people so you know as a as a married man
when I’m on the road you know I even
sometimes have to look for that look if
I see that look it’s like dented um you
know stay way away from this is for
married yeah yeah yeah absolutely and so
you know it doesn’t have to be overtly
you know the this really loud thing it
can really be subtle I think I don’t
I think it’s really unattractive when a
woman is doing too much to be a track
it’s almost like like if she’s doing too
much or she’s showing too much first of
all I’m a very creative person I like to
imagine some stuff and you showing me
everything yeah so that is so ridiculous
it’s almost like a lion men are like
lions and then if you if there’s
goat tied up the line is like is there a
goat running around somewhere I was
built to chase I was built to pursue
that’s what that’s what is that like I
think people I’ll say women are starting
to feel like you guys say that you
you’re built to pursue but they’re
questioning whether or not you actually
are interested in pursuing I think a lot
of women think that guys aren’t
interested in pursuing anymore that they
want someone to come knock on their door
because all the women are like okay the
Bible says he who finds a good wife but
it doesn’t seem like anybody’s
interested or looking where are all the
men listen I think this is actually an
epidemic that’s going on in evangelical
America I think that I think you’re
right and I think the women are right
there’s a bunch of lazy thirty-year-old
childish men out there that need to step
up and need to pursue as opposed to
think that everything is going to come
to them there’s a generation I think
that’s grown up that is expecting to
receive entitled is completely entitled
to everything and I think you’re
starting to see relationships begin to
fail because both men and women that
grew up in this entitled generation are
just kind of expected it to happen
you know because everything else was
given to them and so they don’t realize
they got actually put some work into it
is it like a circle oh because if a man
doesn’t have to hunt if it’s already
there then he becomes lazy and then
women say yo they’re not doing they’re
not pursuing me something to do more and
now here I got to do more because
they’re pursuing them I’m just saying it
could be a little circle cracking right
now
on the other side of that coin too like
when I hang out with college students
and young adults are single single guys
they tell me the exact same thing
they’re like where are all the good
girls I’m looking for them yeah and it’s
you know some of the things are some of
the things they might say or well
they’re trying too hard
or you know maybe you know they don’t
they they just aren’t catching their eye
for some reason I got the key I think a
huge key is this
I think a huge kids this when a woman
knows who she is in God it’s almost like
we kind of know that it’s almost like yo
that’s almost meaning um I’m really
getting it done if she can recognize me
and she has a strong relationship with
God there’s something extra like when I
found my wife she was not looking I was
like yo like really and she was
confident in who she is and I was so
ridiculously attracted to that like like
amazingly so like I’ve never been
attracted to another woman it was
because she knew who she was in her own
shoes well garlis stiff I was around so
I had to pursue her and then you know it
worked out she’s beautiful
what will happen when we have churches
that really let the word of Christ dwell
in them richly what will happen when we
have teenagers and children who really
let the word of Christ dwell in them
richly we think marriages are gonna be
healthy we think churches are gonna be
transformed that communities are gonna
be impacted as Christians start to obey
the text in their context in their
setting you think about the Bible the
Bible is the revelation of God in fact
John says that it is the revelation of
Jesus Christ if we are to know God then
we must know him through the button it’s
more the Bible will help us to do that
so the heart behind explore the Bible
really is Colossians 3:15 and 16 let the
Peace of Christ control your hearts
verse 16 has let the word of Christ
dwell among you richly so we want to say
hey churches church leaders pastors do
you want a congregation you want a small
group you want a sunday-school class
filled with people that speak to one
another in wisdom that encourage each
other that admonish one another that are
filled with gratitude and their hearts
together that they sing and they
celebrate the salvation that God’s given
them you want a group of people like
that then you have to let the word of
Christ dwell among them richly the
exploration of the Bible book by book
for groups of all ages from senior
adults to adults to young adults to
students to kids of all ages if everyone
is studying the same book imagine the
possibility of revival based upon the
study together in community as a group
studying the text in its context imagine
the possibility
of letting the word of Christ dwell in
you richly whenever we’re squeezed
whenever people in our groups or in our
churches are squeezed whatever is in
them is gonna come out if the word of
Christ is deeply in them then that’s
what’s going to come they’re gonna speak
to one another with wisdom they’re gonna
sing songs to God they’re gonna be
filled with gratitude what’s in you is
going to come out of you and so we want
to do everything we can to help churches
and help small groups as high school
classes get the word of Christ deeply
richly in the people there are busy
women like you and I’ve who normally
have our schedules so packed and
fulfilled every moment of the day that
we’re running on fumes completely
exhausted because everybody is just too
flat out busy
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we forget that every single day
you need to come
come with your eyes and ears open
now whatever you are here
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single guy what would be the top three
things that would cause you to want to
be in a committed married relationship
with a woman what would a woman have to
embody for you to be like I am ready to
put a ring on it
she’s asking this thirty something
non-committal guy first thing there’s a
reason there’s a reason you have a
commitment I’m wondering what would it
have to be that a woman would have to
bring to the table for you to be like
mm-hmm I love a confidence in who she is
and not necessarily it being a I need
him to complete this thing you know to
me I love I love the whole dynamic of
wanting and not needing that that that
vibe takes the pressure off of me to
come in and complete somebody’s well you
know that that’s just a weird thing in
the top three things okay know her her
knowing who she is in Christ I need I
need that because there are more I’m an
emotional dude like I’m an artist and
I’ve been almost just okay with the fact
now that I just I’m just emotional just
weird yeah but I need a consistent like
this is Who I am in the Lord and I want
to be I want to lead in that area you
know but I need you to be able to stand
on your own two feet spiritual even if
I’m having an off day be like yo this is
not doing me that’s that’s huge to me
and then this is the old fashion side of
me I love for me a woman who can have a
career and do that thing but her
heartbeat is home that’s for me you can
yeah I mean I’ve hung out with a girl in
in Los Angeles who is the casting
director for NBC for the voice and all
these shows and she loves that she’s a
boss but her heartbeat is to be at home
and I love that dichotomy of I can go
run an office full of people and then I
can come home and I’ll drop that if it
means my family that’s that’s perfect
the way I’ve watched you do with your
career in the boys it’s like oh this is
all fun and everything but okay you know
I mean yeah
to choose I’m obviously gonna be at the
house single women need to hear that
[Laughter]
several of you say things related to the
spiritual grounding of a woman that
that’s important okay
let’s cut to the chase come on I need to
know does it matter more to you that a
woman is physically attractive or that
she just loves the Lord with all her
heart and all her come on somebody what
are you gonna see first you’re gonna see
her physically right that’s right so
would you say that is the most important
thing that no the most important that’s
the initial thing okay I see but then
when I like my step in water is it
shallow is it deep mm-hmm you know so it
is but that’s that’s gonna attract me to
you first that’s what’s gonna make me
approach you so taking care of yourself
physically is important that’s here
absolutely you spiritual I’m gonna know
it not looking good Michael what first
attracted you to your wife um you know
this is a true story I was actually
leading worship in a church and she
walked in Wow I was while I was leading
and I thought man I would like to meet
her
[Applause]
[Laughter]
cops arrived she did she really caught
my eye and it wasn’t until you know a
few hours later her aunt actually
introduced her to me and I got to talk
with her a little bit here a little bit
about who she was that I was kind of
like you’re interesting to me you know
and then she wouldn’t give me your phone
number which made me even more that
whole chase thing that that not it’s
almost like playing games a little bit
can you tell me when playing games is
too much and how much of a game is okay
so that you can feel a little bit of
that tension of her not being super
eager to give you the number and to go
out on the first date and did you what’s
that tension there that’s important cuz
money in that I think what it is if
she’s really listening to God God’s not
going God is gonna clearly instruct her
so that she can be as elusive as she
needs to be to continue to attract us
like like for real I really believe it
when it flips from listening to God in
my mind – I’m gonna manipulate the
scenario and get him chasing me I can
feel that change I can feel that whole
like I’m gonna wait you know I’m just
gonna I can feel that too whole like
watch I’m not gonna I’m gonna play with
it that would that mean that play things
tiresome but fun you know I mean let’s
just be honest like as human beings you
know as you’re you’re dating and then
and then you’re married you know as well
and so you know you want to be able to
chase a little bit there you know and
you know one of the one of the tricks
that this is quite embarrassing but
listen listen I was 16 years old and my
dad is a Southern Baptist preacher and
my why my mom is the preacher’s wife and
I just kind of saw them as this and I
remember going downstairs once and I
came home from school early I was sick
and I picked up the remote and on the
backside of the remote there was a note
from my mom to my dad that says why
don’t you come please turn me on instead
that’s what it said
[Applause]
[Laughter]
married for 30 years
thirty years thanks to myself they’re
still playing games you know they’re
still playing games can you imagine
because you talked about how a single
woman needs to keep that mystery their
mystery there but I’m married well my
mother used to always say that there’s
an importance about keeping that little
intriguing mystery there even when
you’re married and I could never get
still to this day I’m not sure exactly
what that means because when you’re
married you’re so fully open and
vulnerable with each other so how does a
wife keep that mystery and intrigue and
cause you to continue to desire to be in
passionate relationship with her how
does a wife do that what did she do that
makes you just kind of go oh that’s my
girl yeah I don’t know what it is but
it’s happening I can’t even put my
finger on it but it happens all the time
I’d be like oh snap
yeah that’s my good stuff okay and then
Michael I think when when my wife is
doing what the Lord has created her to
do okay no listen it’s so true like when
I see my wife my wife is a phenomenal
cook and an event planner and chef she
does when she gets in that zone and I
watch her do her thing and she she gets
right there it is the most attractive
thing I’ve ever I’m just like hurry up
and get out the kitchen you know because
I want you you know and so yeah right
you know and so I just love it when
she’s in them in the middle of of what
she’s been created to do there’s
something beautiful about that I met my
wife on a on the seat in a ski resort
she’s a snowboard instructor and before
I saw her she had her big goggles on
right she had her big hat on and I just
saw her snowboarding down the mountain
and I remember no one this was a girl
and thinking this is a very attractive
female but I hadn’t even seen what she
looked like yet but that’s because she
was doing what she was created to you
and I feel like in those moments when as
females with your man whether you’re
married
whether you’re not married when you’re
doing what you’re created to do what the
Lord has created you there’s there’s
nothing more attractive that’s good
Michael wasn’t gonna say anything as
spiritual as that but I think sometimes
when you get married you stop dating and
and I think that’s one of the things
that you know for Kili and I that’s been
good for us is to continue doing things
that we did when we were dating you know
like hanging out and hurt just
conversation with her just being
interesting and her asking me questions
and me asking her questions I think
that’s part of the whole dating thing
that sometimes when you get married
those sort of things stop happening
because you get busy or you have kids
and life just takes over
okay well think about the woman that’s
sitting on the other side of the screen
and she’s thinking yeah I would love to
go out on a date with my husband I’d
love to be in conversation with him but
my husband’s not responding to that he’s
kind of just we’re just going through
the business of life and we’re not you
know how does she get her husband to
want to be with her because sometimes we
can desire that and actually the saying
it is not the best way to get him to
respond to it and want to go out on a
date so what can a woman do to gently
prod her husband into wanting to be with
her she should get to remote control
[Laughter]
anybody his help for hands for something
as far as America I would think you know
let’s say for example if I’m sitting on
the sofa watching football yeah not that
you had to watch the whole game you just
sit down with them you know you spend a
little time with them you know just get
involved in what he’s doing and not just
saying take up the whole time but he
just sees that you’re there and he’s
gonna just start to you know eventually
they’ll be like okay let me go check on
her just little things like that I think
yeah anything else that’s actually
something that just with with Keeley now
that just happened as we were sitting
down watching football and my wife
doesn’t like football doesn’t know
anything about it
doesn’t care to watch it we sat down on
the couch and somebody made a first down
and the announcer hadn’t said that yet
she goes they just they just make a
first down it’s like man they’re on the
36 yard line and I was like who are you
how did you know yes
and little did I know that she had been
paying attention and wanted to create
that conversation and so she did and
literally it she’s like stealth mode I
didn’t know it but two hours later I’m
shopping with her in downtown Frank but
it did it created a moment all because
she said did they create they just make
a first down yeah okay someone once told
me this and missus reminding me of it
Michael but someone once said to me that
your husband your man boyfriend whatever
you should be taking a course on him
figure out what intrigues him figure out
how you like this coffee just try to
figure out what’s important to him and
then get in kind of kind of lured him
into a friendship with you that’s not a
good word but you know hi Mina lure him
into relationship with you in the sense
that you know something that’s important
to him and you connect on that level
would you agree yes yes right we
certainly want a friend for sure
somebody we can laugh with and talk
about regular stuff with not just I mean
sports and sex is awesome but we also
just want to be able to talk about foot
I mean just talk about the stuff we talk
about like just I like I love fishing
like I lose both go fishing to here and
go fishing so anyway um I love to fish
and into fact my wife will go fishing
with me and she can’t stand it’ll be
there all day and won’t catch nothing
cuz the lakes in California are wacked
the fish come in at 4 o’clock they take
him off a truck and dumped in the water
he won’t talk about that so my wife
she’ll do that with me she’ll sit back
and we’ll go fishing and that stuff is
just awesome and I know she’s not loving
it but she’s doing the sacrifices yeah
okay well yeah how I study you yes you
do yeah but I’m just saying it’s just
it’s the same thing it’s like I know
what you like I know what you don’t like
it just certain things like that so that
is I think it goes both ways
and I think one of the things is is is
in a relationship or in a marriage is is
is always my entire goal every day is to
out serve you so I think if that’s both
of the of the of the the male and the
female that’s what they’re trying to do
I think that continues to keep that
relationship you know yeah so kind of
what I hear you saying
what I hear you because this is a great
principle for women what they need to
know about their men is not only that
their men want to serve and what to do
well for their family but also there’s a
tender spot in your man that wants to
know he’s got someone that’s paying
attention to what concerns here and that
is interested in serving him as well
okay yeah this has been the quicken
quickest half-hour of this program I
have ever had this has gone so so so
quick listen this is just the first half
we’ve got a second half that we’re going
to bring to you as well and we still
have to talk about these fragile Eagles
egos and what we do to deflate them what
we do to hurt them how we can encourage
them how we can get around them we’ve
got to talk to them about nagging they
think we nag about everything we’re just
trying to ask them a question and we
also have to talk about you know the S
word sex because it’s just obviously at
the top of their priority list and so I
want you to thank me for having them on
northing them rather I’m sorry
[Applause]
[Music]
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