Singer Lacey Sturm, who was once suicidal, shares how she found purpose in her life. Watch and share.
my mom always told me about God I think
I had an idea that God was big and good
but as time went on and saw more and
more tragic things happen around me I
think that was the beginning of me just
questioning everything about life and
about God when I was 10 years old my
stepdad came to pick me up and he said
that my cousin Kelly was dead I remember
being so mad and really just just
deciding that if God was big and good
why wouldn’t he protect my cousin he was
so tiny and so awesome such a funny
brilliant little guy why wouldn’t God
protect him from
a huge muscle guy like his stepdad
he’ll beat him to death I remember
thinking that same year that my cousin
died about the depth of the evil in the
world I never wanted to have kids it was
just a new person to suffer that was the
year I started to cry myself to sleep
every night and stopped believing in God
I couldn’t get away from my own
depression so I started studying other
religions there was a lot of nice ideas
but there wasn’t any tangible healing
and I remember thinking I’m tired of the
pain in my heart I’m tired of going to
bed that way I’m tired of feeling like a
burden just tired of not knowing why I’m
alive
and so I remember the night I laid in
bed and I knew I was going to commit
suicide the next day I knew that I was
not going to live past tomorrow on the
day that I plan to get me a suicide I
came home from school and my grandma was
there and she wasn’t supposed to be
there and she looked at me and said
there’s something wrong with you you’re
gonna go to church I was like no way I’m
going to church and she screamed at the
top of her lungs like we were fighting
back and forth and I just didn’t want to
listen to her yell anymore and so I
decided fine I’ll go and then afterwards
I’ll go ahead and follow through with my
plan
so I went to the back of the church and
slumped down to my chair and hated
everybody in the room and the pastor
started speaking I hated him more than
anyone and he says there’s a suicidal
spirit in the room and of course all
hair stood up on the back of my neck and
us well this is really weird and I got
up and went to the door a white-headed
man is standing there and he stopped me
and it was like the Lord wants me to
speak to you he wants you to know that
even though you’ve never known an
earthly father that God will be a better
father to you than any earthly father
could ever be God knows the pain in your
heart he’s seen you cry yourself to
sleep at night
the idea was so overwhelming to me he’s
like do you want me to pray for you so
that Jesus can take the pain out of your
heart he put his hand on my shoulder and
started to pray It was as if the god of
the universe showed up right in front of
me and the first thing I noticed was
that God was holy and good and the
second thing I noticed was that I was so
not holy and not good if God had looked
at me and said go away forever he would
have been right it would have been
justice the same time I felt that I felt
him inviting me to an embrace of grace
and love unconditional it was like God
was saying I love you I know you’re
tired of the way you’ve been living and
I will make you new if you’ll let me my
heart was just yes they just said yes I
need that I want that please and that’s
why I woke up the next day I just felt
such a peace and a joy almost that I’d
never felt before
Jesus saved my life and on top of
everything else the life of my son and
the new baby that wouldn’t be if Jesus
hadn’t intervene and rescued me
the most overwhelming thing is to think
that Jesus became sin and it was my sin
and it was things that I’ve done to
house them on the cross it was things
that I’ve done he hung naked on a cross
bleeding in a shameful way so I would
never have to be ashamed for the things
that I’ve done the truth is the truth is
there is no other way besides Christ and
what he did there is no life outside of
that