vHow do we know what our unmet needs are? Dr. Stanley teaches the importance of distinguishing between needs and desires. God is a good God, and He wants to give us not only what we need, but also the desires of our hearts—pleasures that fit who we are as children of God. Identifying needs versus desires will help us gain proper perspective when it comes to our apparent unmet needs.

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timeless truths

a collection of classic sermons from dr

charles stanley

today’s selection recorded in 1998

discovering our real needs

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do you have unmet needs in your life

well you’re not alone because everywhere

you turn you’re going to meet people who

will say

yes i do have unmet needs in my life in

fact that’s the story of all of humanity

today

but let me ask you a question can you

identify what those unmet needs are

or is it something you just feel down

inside and you can’t quite tell what it

is

and if you do have those unmet needs and

all of us do

how does that affect your relationship

to other people how does it affect

relationship to yourself

how does it affect your relationship to

almighty god

how are you going about meeting those

unmet needs in your life

well what i want to talk about in this

passage and in this particular message

in this entire series is simply this and

that is

god can meet those unmet needs in your

life

he is the one who can meet them no

matter what is going on

the problem is oftentimes we don’t even

know what they are

but we do have a god who can meet those

unmet needs and i want you to turn if

you will the philippians chapter 4

and verse 19 and you’ll recall that the

apostle paul

is talking here about how god has

blessed him

the things that he’s learned he’s

writing this from a prison

and he says he’s learned to be content

in all circumstances

he’s learned that he can do all things

through christ

and he’s learned also that god will

supply all needs

and so in this 19th verse as he comes

down to the latter part of this last

chapter

here’s what he says and my god shall

supply

all your need listen all your needs

according

to his riches in glory in christ jesus

and that is a very simple promise it’s

an awesome promise if you now look at it

and there’s a way that you and i have to

claim those promises from god

so what i’d like to talk about in this

message is this and that is discovering

the real need god can

listen god can meet all of our unmet

needs

but the issue is do i understand what

they are

how to discover those unmet needs so i

want to begin

this particular message by simply asking

the question and talking about

this facet of and that’s this how do we

identify

what these unmet needs are if i don’t

identify them properly

then i won’t even know whether god’s

answered them or not if i don’t know

what those needs are

i won’t know how to go about asking god

to meet those needs

if you’ll notice in this passage what he

says he says

my god shall supply all your needs

according this riches in glory in christ

jesus

well the two issues here that we have to

deal with number one we have to

distinguish between

needs and desires if there is a need the

the key word in need is something that

is essential

something that is required in order for

us to become the persons god wants us to

be or to do the things god wants us to

do

or to fulfill his particular plan and

purpose and will for our life

so those things would fall in under the

category of needs

and then of course there’s the whole

idea of desires

desire the key word is enjoyment

something that god wants to provide for

my life

there’s nothing wrong with having

desires because he says

that if you and i obey him he says

there’ll be no want

god will provide not only the needs of

our life but he’ll also

he’ll also provide those desires that we

have that fit into god’s plan and

purpose for our enjoyment

and pleasure of life if it is a need

certainly god has promised to meet those

needs

and certainly if it is a desire i have a

legitimate right to ask god lord

here’s what i would like to have or

here’s some form of enjoyment here’s

some pleasure i’d like to participate in

knowing

that if it’s not listen if it is

unscriptural god’s not going to answer

that prayer

if it is unscriptural and god were to

give it that wouldn’t be god being good

god is good and because of his goodness

he gives us not only what we need

but he also gives us what we desire when

what we desire is good for us he said

there’ll be no want to those

who obey him who fear the lord and to

fear him means to obey him

and so if i if i am committed to being

obedient to him

i can ask him whatever i will and i know

that if i’m walking in obedience to him

what i’m going to ask will be his will

and

if it is not he will show me that it’s

not and he will show me what i do have

the privilege of asking for

so the first thing we have to do is

distinguish between needs and

those desires the second thing we have

to deal with here is this

and that is we have to distinguish

between

what are surface or external needs and

what are

internal needs that is what what’s needs

in my life are internal and what are

external now

most people spend most of their time

trying to deal

with external needs surface needs for

example

what we wear what we drive where we live

saving our money so our kids can go to

college automobiles all those

things that we need all those very

definite needs and there’s nothing wrong

with those

in fact god certainly understands that

he said in that sixth chapter of matthew

the sermon on the mount

he said don’t be anxious for all these

things food clothing and shelter

he said don’t be anxious don’t strive

for these because your father knows

what you have need of and the apostle

paul said here in this fourth chapter

philippians that there was a time

also when he had need and he was

commending them he said for example he

said

i know how to get along with humble

means i know how to get along with

prosperity

in every circumstance i’ve learned the

secret of being filled and going hungry

both of having abundance and suffering

need

so therefore god understands that we

have needs and he desires to meet those

needs now

the issue is this am i only interested

in god meeting my external needs

surface needs themes material and

physical things that we talked about or

am i equally as interested and do i

realize that it may be

that my true genuine need is not

something external it’s not material

it’s not physical

but something internal maybe it is a

spiritual need

some emotional need i do believe that

most people

spend probably 95 of their time trying

to deal with external needs material

needs

physical needs never realizing that what

is motivating the very desire for some

physical and material need

is a is a spiritual need an emotional

need an

internal need on the inside they never

even thought about

and even if they thought about it they’d

probably be scared to death to

even begin to consider it for example

maybe

what’s going on inside of you is a as a

sense of rejection and oftentimes people

shut that down immediately the very idea

of looking on the inside to discover

what’s really motivating

us what’s really driving us sometimes is

a very

frightening thing and so therefore they

suppress it

they deny it they get busy whatever it

might be anything

but deal with the true need on the

inside that motivates them and drives

them

now what i want to do is i want to talk

about the three

essential universal needs that every

single person has

needs that god has placed into the life

of every person

and underlying those three awesome needs

that god has given all of us

is an underlying foundational need so

what i’d like to do

is to talk about these three needs

remember what the apostle paul said he

said

my god shall supply all

your needs according to this riches in

glory in christ jesus now

but if i don’t know what they are i

won’t even know how to pray about them

if i don’t know what they are i won’t

even ask about them

i’ll be asking about things that on the

surface that

appear to be our needs so i want to give

you three words

the first word is belonging

god is placed in every single person a

desire

and a sense of belongingness we all want

to belong god implanted that in the life

of every one of us

and so you look for example in the very

first book of the bible when god created

man

and he created all the animals and all

the creation and so forth everything

that god had done he said it’s all good

except one thing

adam is alone he needs somebody with

whom

he can belong to them and they can

belong to him

someone who can speak his language

someone with whom he can be

intimate someone with whom he can feel

oneness with and so what did god do

god gave him a woman eve and so you look

at the whole creation

and from that point on we see that god

has given to

to adam a person with whom he can belong

and then you go down through the down

through the scriptures and down to the

centers and what do you find

you find not only did he give adam eve

but he created the family

and so we all belong to a family we want

to have this feeling

of belonging to a family well that

wasn’t enough for example we all have we

belong to a nation

and of course most of all we belong to

the church that is the body of christ

all of us who believe us we belong to

the most

awesome organization the most awesome

entity there is that is the body of

christ jesus christ is the lord of the

church he’s the head of the church

every single believer belongs to the

body of christ now it has nothing to do

with denominations though you may choose

to belong to a particular denomination

there’s nothing wrong with that

but ultimately we belong to the body of

christ and if you’ll think again also

the bible says that you and i belong

to the family of god that is we are all

sons and daughters of the living god so

this whole idea of belonging

is very important to god he’s the one

who’s placed that desire in our heart

that we belong so if i should say to you

name me one need that god has placed in

everybody’s life

universally it’s there what is it

belonging the second one

the second need now watch this and that

is

worthiness that we that there that we

have a sense of worth about us and by

that i simply mean this we can

say you know i’m good now that does not

mean i’m good enough to be saving in

myself

it means i’m somebody worth knowing

you’re somebody worth knowing

you’re somebody you’re being somebody

worth knowing does not have anything to

do

with anything else except that you’re a

person you

you are a worthy person and you see when

a person does not feel

a sense of worth they have all kinds of

problems when somebody

rejects you it is islam not only against

your sense of belonging

but also against your sense of

self-worth because it says

i must be a nobody i must be a nobody or

they would invite me in

i must not i must not be worth anything

and many many people go through life

never feeling that they are worth

knowing that they are

worth loving and oftentimes this is a

reason i i know in my heart the reason

that oftentimes people

will never be able to love or be loved

is because

they don’t feel worthy of it so what do

they do if you don’t feel worthy here’s

what you do you start building up walls

and you build walls and build walls and

build walls until finally

listen not only can not anybody get in

because you don’t want them in

if they got in they would find out how

unworthy you are

and uh therefore how inadequate you are

and therefore they wouldn’t like you so

you build a wall around you

you keep them out but when you build

that wall to keep them out what are you

also doing

you’re building a wall around yourself

to imprison yourself

to keep yourself in you are a worthy

person you know how i know that

here’s what god says he says we are

listen this

we are his workmanship god doesn’t make

any junk we are his workmanship

created in christ jesus under good works

which he foreordained

that you and i should walk in them we

are persons of listen that word

workmanship means persons of notable

excellence

you said well i’ve never felt that a way

in my life has nothing to do how you

feel

it has to do with who god says you are

what you have to decide is you’re going

to believe what god says about you

are you going to believe what somebody

says about you and remember this they

change their opinion about you about

every other day

people change their opinions that’s why

when when when people say well you know

i’m just real concerned about what

people think well you can forget that

you’ll never have into peace and

happiness

in your life because your sense of

self-worth has nothing to do with that

now

what is the first leg on this tripod of

absolute essential

needs in life what’s the first one

belonging what’s the second one

worthiness and the third one is

competence

that is i can god has given to every

single one of us a sense of competence

now i can’t do everything that other

people can do

but he has given all of us he desires

that you and i succeed in whatever we do

in life

and competence says you know i can do

that god has given us a sense of comfort

he wants us to feel

listen adequate now you say well now

wait a minute now didn’t you preach a

sermon on

on the blessings of inadequacy

absolutely correct but i want you to

notice something

the apostle paul said we are so

inadequate but in christ jesus we’re

adequate

what did paul say in philippians chapter

4 verse 13 he said

i can do all things through christ who

strengthens me

his sense of adequacy was not within

himself but was because of his

relationship to christ

and so what did god do in order to make

us

sense and feel adequate here’s what he

did you remember what he said to his

disciples he said now

don’t leave town until the spirit of god

has anointed

you and filled you don’t leave town

without him

and so they didn’t they waited until the

spirit of god anointed them

filled them up and so from that moment

on the holy spirit has come to dwell

every single believer so you say well

now isn’t that sort of egotistical no

listen to this carefully when you trust

the lord jesus christ as your personal

savior

the bible says not only are your sins

are forgiven and you’re brought back

into a right relationship with god

but the scripture says the holy spirit

one of the persons of the trinity

comes into your life and he says he

seals you

unto the day of redemption he seals you

as a child of god

for that moment when god takes you home

he’s living on the inside of us now

if you will examine what the bible

teaches about the holy spirit here’s

what you’ll discover

i’ve said this before and i’m going to

keep on saying this because it’s so

important

every single work of the holy spirit

with no exception is directed toward

an area of our life where we have a need

that we ourselves

cannot fulfill that’s why i sent him

listen he sent the holy spirit in order

that you and i may become the persons

god wants us to be

and to be able to do the things that god

wants us to do

god listen he desires that you and i

feel competent

when we say to someone you can’t do that

what we’re saying is you’re not

confident i know god says you are but

you’re not

now we all have to learn skills we all

have to practice

we all have to learn those things but to

say to somebody you can’t well how do

you know they can’t

and it’s interesting how many people

keep breaking all kinds of athletic

records

someone 10 years ago would have said you

can’t do that

and somebody may say to a 17 year old

boy well

you’ll never be able to jump that high

nobody’s ever jumped that high

just let him grow up let him practice

let him work at it

you see you listen god has made

you competent he has made you capable

he has made you adequate to do in christ

jesus

and through your relationship to him do

well everything

god will call you to do you are adequate

you are competent now if you say

you know i feel so unworthy i don’t feel

like i belong

i feel rejected i feel unwanted i feel

shut out i feel isolated

i feel all these things then you see you

can take all these passages of scripture

one after the other

one after the other and look at all

these passages and read them and read

them and read them but you know what

until you discover that basic

underlying need that’s motivating you

challenging and driving you

you’ll never have any peace you’ll

always be looking for acceptance and

always be

looking for some you see if you’re

living your life and you go to work in

the morning

and your antennas are out for some

compliment because the way you look

you know what suppose everybody’s real

business they don’t pay attention to you

is that going to is that going to give

you a bad day all day

or suppose you don’t do the best job

possible one day does that mean that you

failed

no it may have meant you had a bad day

that day

everybody has difficult days on days and

off days

or on weeks and off weeks whatever it

might be what i want you to see is this

our needs our unmet needs are so often

those things that are deep down inside

of us that have nothing to do with

appearance

performance or status there’s nothing to

what we wear

or what people think about us it has to

do with our relationship to god now look

at this

we have a need to belong so what did he

do he sent his only begotten son and

saved us and made us one of his children

put his loving arms around us and he

says that you’re not going to belong to

him forever and ever and ever

what can separate us from the love of

god he lists these things the ultimate

conclusion is nothing

so my sense of belonging is wrapped up

in an intimate relationship with him no

matter what somebody else thinks

somebody says well my sense of

self-worth your sense of self what’s

wrapped up in a relationship to him

what do you see this is why he sent

jesus christ to the cross listen

the greatest expression in the whole

world

time and eternity of your worth is the

cross the crucifixion of jesus

that says you’ll worth everything to god

don’t deprive him of yourself

your sense of confidence he sent the

holy spirit to enable you to do anything

and everything that the will of god

desires for you to do and plans for you

and purposes for you to do

so watch this if my emotional health is

wrapped up in

my sense of number one is what belonging

number two is what

worthiness number three is what

confidence

all of that rest on an eternal

foundation what is that

almighty god

you see it all rest upon a relationship

with him

if you have an intimate relationship

with him you know what what somebody

thinks about you

is going to last about that long whether

you

blow it at some particular area not

that’s not you know what i’ll do about

it tomorrow

and whether you whether you

have people’s approval has nothing to do

with your worth

i want you to remember this your sense

of self-worth

your listen your sense of belonging and

your sense of confidence listen to this

carefully

it’s wrapped up in a personal

relationship

with jesus christ so therefore if i want

to be

a whole person if i want to be an

emotionally

and spiritually whole person what am i

going to do

i’m going to first of all trust the lord

jesus christ as my savior

that means that i’m going to accept what

god says about him

that he’s the son of god who came into

this world to die on a cross he took my

sin dead and fully and paid it in full

made me very very worthy when he did

that

and the moment i receive him as my

personal savior i become a child of god

then what happens my sense of worth

and my sense of belonging and my sense

of confidence

is not listen is now related to a person

who will never disappoint me who will

listen

who will never cast me out who will

never

think i’m unworthy and who will never

make me

incompetent why because he’s a loving

god

who wants the best and has provided the

best for us

now let me ask you a question

on the basis of all of this what is the

deepest need you have in your life

if you’ve never trusted jesus your

deepest need is a personal relationship

with him through christ

that’s the first need if you are a child

of god

and you’ve thought about the surface and

external needs that you have

but you’ve also begun to think this

morning about

those internal those those things down

inside that have

bothered you for a long time and maybe

you never you just didn’t even want to

deal with them you didn’t want to face

them

what is the mo listen what is

the most troubling unmet

need in your life right now

are you willing to look

are you willing to open it up and say

god

show me what is this need in my life

why do i feel what i feel why do i feel

so hurt

why do i feel so shut out why do i feel

such pain why am i so driven

he’ll show you you say well if i just

confess that is it over no

now listen very carefully

you see feelings and attitudes that

we’ve had for years and years and years

and years and years

just because you recognize it you open

up and recognize it doesn’t mean that

you’re healed

the healing process begins when you say

god

i felt rejected all of my life but i

realized today that you’ve accepted me

you accepted me because of my

relationship to christ

king james version is best on this it

says accept it in the beloved

why are you not accepted before god

because of our relationship to him

that’s why we’re accepted

i just want to challenge you to be

willing

to examine your heart

your emotions your feelings to find out

what’s the real need

and remember this our heavenly father is

going to meet that need

he’s going to show you how to think

right about who you are

and how he wants to operate in your life

you know what you’re going to get free

you’re going to get liberated you’re

going to begin to be able to look

anybody

square in their face and know in your

heart listen i am somebody important in

the eyes of god

i am confident to do whatever god wants

me to do and most of all i belong to my

heavenly father you know what friend you

will get set free

for the asking you will get set free

and so that’s what i want to pray for

you right now father in jesus name

i pray the holy spirit will take this

simple message

drive it home to the heart of every

person who has heard it

and who will hear it that you will grant

courage to every single person

to look inside examine allow you to show

them what those needs are

and then assure them you

will meet those needs you will set them

free

they will become the persons you ordain

them to be

but we ask it in jesus name and for his

sake

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amen