Pastor Charles Nieman shares how God helped him overcome his pain and feelings of loss after the passing of his wife of 45 years.

are you suffering from the pain of

losing a loved one the day my guests

will share how God comforts him through

the loss of his wife of 45 years before

I introduce him take a look at this

video celebrating the life of his wife

Rochelle Nieman normally stories don’t

begin this way death isn’t something

most people want mentioned when we talk

about grace love and value of life

however Rochelle Neiman’s story goes

beyond her memorial stone we met in

college on a blind date we went out on

Thanksgiving weekend I never went out

with anybody else ever that was it 18

years old we were together every day for

45 years

Rochelle died from ovarian cancer time

doesn’t heal the pain of losing a loved

one through Christ feelings of loss can

be replaced by joy filled memories of

life when my mom was sick she was

fighting the disease that ultimately

took her life she would come in and do

healing services in the church and one

night I remember she was so sick and so

weak I begged her to just let me or

Shannon do the service and for her to

rest and she said no we’re gonna go in

and we’re gonna pray for the sick and I

believe that people are gonna be healed

when she passed away when I saw people’s

reaction it became so real to me what

her life had meant and it’s been in this

time that I’ve come to understand how

incredible it is when you recognize that

you can live your life in a way that

really makes a difference that really

impacts people since she’s passed away

I’ve learned of all these school

tuitions we paid for these rents we paid

for these car payments we made

prescriptions we paid for glasses for

kids that we bought for weeks and weeks

we just heard stories after story after

story of

how she just touched so many people just

over and over again of how my mom

intervened in people’s lives to help

them get through things in it at the end

of the day the story was that she gave

grace Rachelle passed away on December

30th 2012 just two days after her

granddaughter Emory was born bittersweet

to say the least her grandchildren won’t

remember Rachelle holding them but they

will always feel the embrace of their

grandmother’s legacy of love I will

always tell Emory how my mom showed that

you could live such an incredible life

of quality um

centered on the Word of God focused on

the Word of God the life that was still

so fun and so meaningful and that really

served an incredible purpose she had

experienced God’s grace in her life and

therefore she knew that whatever she had

experienced from God to give that same

experience to the people that she was

around and she did it day in and day out

it was really incredible to watch you

know she loved people and she loved life

the girl squeezed every drop of life out

of every day

I used to kid her and say you know I

think when when you go to bed at night

the day you just live wave the white

flag of surrender because you just pound

that day and she just looked at me and

said well of course she said I I believe

God expects that of us that every day is

a gift from God and you should live it

and the girl lived death it isn’t

something most people want mentioned

when we talk about grace love and value

of life however bruh shells story goes

far beyond her memorial stone to the

school she started the church she helped

build the family she loved and the

individual she continues to inspire a

christ-centered life means death isn’t

the end it’s part of the process of life

the Nieman’s don’t ignore the pain of

their loss but they choose to celebrate

and honor the way she lived well Charles

thank you so much for being willing to

be with us and share this very personal

story and the the pain and the victory

of what’s going on in your life that’s

an honor and I’m very very very blessed

to be here and be able to share this

hope it helps some people you know I

always admire people of faith who when

they do have a difficulty whether it’s

something as tragic as yours are the

everyday trials of life decide that

they’re going to not blame God have a

good attitude and move on so why don’t

you just tell us a little bit about your

story and what you’ve been feeling and

we want to help the people watching

today because I know a lot of them are

probably going through the same thing

well I would say that that my story is

kind of in two parts you know there was

the the part where we were battling the

cancer and Rochelle was really battling

the cancer yeah and then the second part

was at you know when she finally did

pass away on December the 30th and so it

was it was about an eight month battle

for us what was it like for you getting

those treatment uh it was just you know

incredibly difficult as many people know

you know it’s you know of course what I

went through was nothing compared to

what she was going through it was very

hard and it was very difficult very very

emotionally draining spiritual draining

on me my kids my friends my church it

was hard on all of us and an obviously

hard on her shell everything kind of

came to kind of a pivotal point in my

life on December the 23rd we were at MD

Anderson in Houston and and things were

very difficult Rochelle was not doing

well it was very hard and and we had a

hotel room next to the hospital and I

was walking I left her room to go take a

shower for a minute and uh and I’d

already settle in my mind that we were

going to spend Christmas by ourselves

there and because our family was all

back in El Paso my daughter was a week

away from having her baby she couldn’t

travel anymore and my son was doing all

of our Christmas services and so I I had

to be there with her and I was walking

back and there was a sky bridge there

and I sat down on that sky bridge and I

I felt for the first time Joyce in the

whole eight month process I felt

overwhelmed I just was kind of come to

the end of myself and I was sitting on

that sky bridge and I began to pray and

I I really believe that that I began to

make enters the Holy Spirit began to

make intercession through me

yeah and I prayed just some very simple

but powerful things and I and what it

looking back on it now I realized that

it really kind of set me down a good

path and the first thing I prayed was I

said I said you know father whatever

happens here I said and I’m hoping you

let her stay with Ray I said but

whatever happens here I’m never going to

ask you why I never going to question

why I’m never going to ask you why and I

never thought of that it just kind of

came out and I heard him and then I said

done expecting that I would say this I

said because what happens here is not

about me and you it’s about you and her

I said in whatever happens is between

you and her we do try to get into things

very frequently that really to be honest

really just are not any of our business

because there are personal things

between an individual and God and

certainly she probably drew very very

extremely close to God she did during

that time of discomfort that she was

going through

she’s been I try to share with people

all the time just the uselessness of

having to know why about something that

you’re just not going to understand

there are things in God that we just

don’t understand there are mysteries in

God that we don’t understand and a large

part of our trust in God and our

believing in God in our relationship

with God is not just for when we get

things the way we want them but when

things happen that we don’t understand

yeah you know I I think that that

there’s a scripture in Psalms no members

asked where it was you know where David

said I don’t concern myself with things

more wanting to wonderful for me I’m

familiar with and and I quit concerning

myself with that it’s not it’s not

literally the second thing I prayed was

this is none of my business this is

about you and her I did say to the Lord

that day on the cross bridge I said I

just want you to know in case you don’t

know that if she passes away you’re

gonna have to explain this to her

because she’s not going to come in there

willingly yeah I heard you say that i

teaching tape I was listening to that

st. Peter probably had to pull her in

because she’s wanting to get him out and

explain this to her at the gate you know

so the second thing I said that night

was you know she’s always been your

daughter and you loaned her to me as my

wife but she lost she’s always been your

daughter and she’ll always be your

daughter you know just from your other

people something that’s coming up in my

heart is I’m sure that there are people

watching right now that thought well if

I would have known that my loved one was

saved I could be more comforted and but

I just kind of feel led to tell you that

you know you don’t really know what

happens to a

person in the last few seconds of their

life and even that you have to leave

that between them and God and don’t

torment yourself over something that

you’re never going to to know or

understand and I just want to reiterate

here that I think this I know I talked

to you just I don’t know if it was the

day after she died or two days after

after the day after you called me in and

I remember how just profoundly

spiritually impressed if that’s an okay

word to use that I was when you told me

that that you had told God I’ll never

ask you why because that is probably the

number one thing that people do they

demand having an answer to something

that really they’re not going to have an

answer for I mean even if you figure

something out that you think suits you

it’s not going to be a good answer and

how wonderful it is to be able to say

God even in this tragic thing that is so

painful to me I trust you I looking back

on it Joyce I think that was probably

what set me down the path to where I am

today that I I just and and I would love

to take credit for it but it wasn’t me

it was the Holy Spirit a-and and I

really believe that in making that

decision that it it then opened me up to

the future I didn’t a because if I had

stayed there I would still be locked

back because I am convinced that I would

still be asking God why and he wouldn’t

be saying a word to me right it’s none

of my business it’s none of my business

and it’s not if what happened there was

not about me and him it was about her in

him it is very hard to understand why

someone like Rochelle beautiful woman

being used by God helping so many people

just really in the prime of life would

die and then you have people that are

seemingly as mean as a snake yeah you

know that just live on and on and on and

on but one of the things we have to keep

in mind is that God is a lot more

concerned about eternity than we are

sometimes and Rochelle’s future for

eternity was settled and a lot of these

people who don’t know Christ theirs is

not and we need to thank God that

he is more long-suffering with them and

continues to give them an opportunity

you know we’re going to return and

continue talking with Pastor Neiman

we’ve got some some other very beautiful

I think comforting things to share with

you so be sure you stay with us well

certainly losing someone that you love

can feel overwhelming but God is our

comforter and he will help us through

the pain of our losses with me as pastor

Charles Neiman well pastor we got a good

start in the first few minutes of the

program talking about how even though

you had a terrible loss in your life of

your wife of 45 years to that disease we

all hate cancer that you made a very

important decision early on actually

before she passed away that you would

never ask why now why don’t you just

continue on because I know there’s a lot

of people that are really hurting and

that was a very important first step but

what are some other things that you has

helped you to recover I would say that

that immediately in the next couple of

weeks after she passed away that I’m

basically looking back on it now it

didn’t come to me like this but looking

back on it now and there’s been like

four major things that I’ve done and

continue to do that have really just

solidified my life my kids my church the

first thing I knew when I was driving

home that Sunday morning I was at the

first service when our first Sunday

morning service when she passed away she

made me go to church in a church I laid

that and so I was driving home and I had

a few moments in the car by myself and I

prayed kind of a Texas prayer and I said

you know lord please don’t let me screw

this up

you know hell actually that that’s

important I remember hearing that on

your teachings and I kind of want to

just explain to the people what you

meant by that that as a believer as a

man full of faith as a man leading other

people and even just as our witness as a

Christian what did you mean by don’t let

me screw this up well I I knew that I

could not let my kids down I couldn’t

let Jesus down I couldn’t let the

kingdom down I couldn’t let my

congregation down I couldn’t let my

friends down you didn’t all of a sudden

want to act like you didn’t believe what

you’ve been teaching people all your

life no I believe in the abundant life

as much now as I ever have right and and

that you know Jesus came to give me that

life and came to give that life and that

he loves you and this wouldn’t happen

because you did something wrong no I

don’t know why it happened it just

happened it just happened that’s right

welcome to life God knows yeah and so

you know I I just said you know I just

don’t let me I just I’ve seen people go

through this and I’ve seen them collapse

and lose their faith and turn away from

God blame God and I I’m not I’m not

gonna do that you know we have a legacy

and and and and and I I have this

relationship with Jesus that that I am

NOT going to let anyone steal from me

and Rochelle would be furious with me if

I did and I’m not going to do it and so

the first thing I knew number one I knew

without the Lord having to say anything

to me I already knew this that I had to

get back in the house of God as soon as

possible because Isaiah 40 verse 31 the

King James text says they that wait upon

the Lord but in the Hebrew it says they

that gather together before the Lord

shall renew their strength that’s good I

was exhausted mentally emotionally

spiritually my kids were worn out my

church was worn out my friends were worn

out but me personally I was exhausted

and yet as you know you can’t call

timeout you can’t say hold it I’m gonna

you know everything stopped going

suspension while i recoup know what in

20 minutes I was going to be at home

with my kids and they were there and

they were grieving and my friends and I

was going to tell the church and here it

goes that all goes in a new direction

now and and I was gonna have to step up

Joyce I had no choice

I had to step up I wasn’t gonna start

looking for someone else I had to step

up I could not fail I could not fail

that’s good and I would not I’m much

better than just thinking well now I

have an excuse to just totally fall

apart when I was in my car that day one

of the things I prayed was I decided

that in that car I said I’m not going to

through life with a limp and I’m just

good I’m not and so you know I got home

that day and started doing the things of

my family I needed to do and and the

next night we were having our New Year’s

Eve service and you know I had people

saying well you know who’s going to do

the service and I said well I am I’m

going to do the service and and that

people are like you’re crazy and I said

no I have to get in the house of God I

have to go where the gathering the

gathering the church is because there I

will get my strength renewed there I

will mount up with wings of eagles and I

did that service I did the Wednesday

night service I did the memorial service

on Friday night I did all four weekend

services and I haven’t missed a service

since and in fact I’ve done all my

services at church and I’ve taken

speaking engagements around American

around the world not because I’m running

from I’m running too I’m running to

where the strength is what God raised in

the house of God it’s among God’s people

and then what were some of the other the

second thing that happened to me was is

that I I was I went back to John 11

where Jesus raised Lazarus and that

incredible statement there where he said

I am the resurrection and the life and

you know I’m a unlike you I’m a teacher

I’m always looking upwards and studying

words and I looked up that word

resurrection and Jesus said I am the

stand-up and the recovery

I am the stand-up and and and I realized

for the first time in my life that when

you get knocked down and I hear people

say Oh pastor and they mean it they say

pastor I just can’t get up and I know

that feeling I know that feeling and you

can’t by yourself can’t and then I

realized for the first time in my life I

don’t have to get up he’s in me and if I

will let him he will get up and when he

gets up I’ll get up with him he’ll pull

me up with him

and so I was in my bedroom one night

crying and feeling bad and hurting and I

started meditating on that verse and and

I just I got up out of my bed and I saw

I purposefully imagined inside of me it

wasn’t like a vision I did it myself and

I saw Jesus stand up and when he stood

up I stood up that’s good and that he is

my recovery and then he said I am the

resurrection and the life and the word

lie

means I am the life that satisfies

dwelling in that life and I had to say

this choice and and it was a very

powerful statement and and I really pray

people hear me when I say it because

what I said then was I said on Sunday

morning December the 30th Rochelle left

me but he did not write and and I cannot

say and we cannot say and I know why

people say it I really do but I could

not say I can’t I can’t live without her

she did not give me life right he gives

me life and she left but he did not and

so I had to take that that burden off of

her right that she was the one that I

live for and I had to put it on him

because he’s the one that gives he’s the

life that’s satisfied I think people

even have to be careful about developing

a mindset as the years go by that when

my kids are my life are my spouse is my

life are you know my ministry is my life

or my business is my life because none

of those are our life they’re part of

the life that God gives us but he is our

life and I thought that was also a very

good point that you made that we have to

realize that it’s not people who hold us

up and keep us going they encouraged us

they edify us we love them we enjoy them

so they encouraged us but Jesus is our

life he is that life that satisfies and

and by reminding myself of that in a

greater way than I’ve ever understood it

then I was able to keep going forward

and then the next thing was you know

second Corinthians 11 it goes back to

what happened to me on the skybridge but

Paul makes that list of all the things

that happened to him beaten right yeah

you know all that amazing list and I was

looking at it one night and I thought it

only never said why me

yeah you know and if there was ever

anybody that could have said hey why me

why not Peter

you know Peter’s the one that denied you

right yeah you know what about Thomas

why isn’t Thomas getting beaten with

rods why me you know I didn’t I’ve never

denied you right and he never said that

he never said why me and I thought you

know I’m not gonna say why me cuz it

wasn’t me it was Rochelle

that’s good that’s for Kenny and then

the last thing is you know he took me

into first Samuel 30 with David it

Ziklag and he was having a good you know

a life was good David was doing good in

chapter 29 he said he was living upright

and and you know I’ve always known as

you do that sometimes really crummy

things happen to good people right you

know right

they just crummy things happen to good

people they do things you can’t explain

can’t explain and that day that

malachite came in took their sons their

daughters their wives burned their house

took all three possessions horrible

horrible day and it says that the the

people turned against David you know

they all wept until they could weep no

more and then the men turned against

David and they were going to stone him

and it says because the hearts of all

the men became bitter and you know joy I

knew I knew from personal life

experience the the danger of bitterness

and you know there’s two negative human

emotions that are spoken of us having a

route one is the love of money the other

one’s bitterness and roots as we know

you know you plant a tree in the

backyard the roots come up in the front

yard and I’ve seen bitterness start in

an area of life where people can justify

it they can justify totally justify

their bitterness but ten years twenty

years that bitterness is spread into

every area of their life you know the

dictionary defines bitterness as intense

hostility right and people become

hostile they become angry and they begin

to take it out and you end up 15 20

years nobody’s around you anymore nobody

wants to be there that they still love

you but they don’t want to be around you

anymore and I I think David saw that I

saw that and I and I’ve had guys asked

me so you know how you dealing with

bitterness and I said I don’t have

anything to be bitter about that’s good

you know this didn’t happen to me it

happened to Rochelle I wasn’t the one

that went to the treatment I wasn’t the

one that that’s had the surgery I wasn’t

the one that’s not here anymore

yeah I’m still here with my grandkids or

my family with my friends with my church

I’m still here although I bet she’s

happier than we are today I hope so

I’m sure I’m sure in the presence of God

that she’s happy dancing like crazy you

know said Charles we’re running out of

time here so I want to just make a

couple of comments here to bring comfort

to the people that are watching you know

God is a God of justice and I love that

aspect of God’s character that no matter

what unjust thing may have happened to

you or like you if you will keep the

right attitude and not get bitter I’d

say why me not get into why God why God

will bring justice in your life I can

promise you it’s another way of sin God

will make it up to you you know I was

abused in my childhood and God is so

made it up to me and I’ve already heard

you say a couple times and some really

great things have happened to you just

God’s Way of showing I’m gonna I’m gonna

make this up to you I’m going to help

you Charles thank you so much for being

with us today we’re thank you and thank

you for being with us today

we hope the program has helped you god

bless you

you