so I’m ready to preach this morning
because I believe God has given me a
word get out your phones get out your
Bibles and we’re gonna go right into
God’s Word um we are in week 3 of an
eight-week series that we are calling
relationship goals and um this series is
really starting to uncover and help a
lot of people a lot of us need help in
our relationships and it’s one of those
things that we don’t really talk about
in church because it’s one of those
things that we feel should automatically
be impacted by the relationship we have
with Jesus and so we don’t talk about
specifics like if I just get better all
my relationships will get better and
that is true
but sometimes you need some specificity
with what we’re talking about
like sometimes I need to know what does
God’s Word say about certain things and
certain issues and certain people in
certain problems and we’ve just decided
to tackle something that everybody deals
with but there’s not a lot of clarity on
and today I want to go down this journey
um but before I do that I want to see
who’s in the room okay so I need
everybody to help me right now even
those who are watching online I need you
to help me with this okay so if I say
something that agrees with your
demographic currently in life I want you
to make some noise okay so I need all
the people in the room to make some
noise if you are single and available in
the room
you better clap girl you better clap now
I need everybody to open your eyes over
your eyes look down the road okay okay
so so we got our single and available
people in the room okay how many people
are dating or engaged right now dating
or engaged they still making decisions
today okay how many people in the room
are married yeah some of the single
people look is so mad right now that
we’re excited um so now that I know
who’s in the room um I was thinking
about the subject I was gonna talk about
today and I went back to my childhood
and I want to see if we may have had
similar childhoods okay so there was
this song that used to be sung like on
playgrounds and with other children and
it went something like this it was like
Michael and Natalie sitting in a tree ki
SS in there hey yeah yeah yeah yeah okay
so so um so we had similar childhoods
okay so this is what I was thinking and
this may be an overstatement this might
be an overstatement but I was thinking
about our relational journeys and that
might be that that that phrase that that
saying might have been the first time
there was an explanation of relational
progression in any of our lives think
about it people say psychologists say
that from the age of birth to five you
learn the most that you will ever learn
cognitively about how you’re gonna live
your life and most parents aren’t
sitting down with three and
four-year-olds saying this is how
relationships should go this is these
are the progressions so our first real
explanation is first comes love then
comes marriage then comes maybe in the
baby carriage and when I look at that if
that’s what’s programmed deep down in
our minds in our hearts about
relationship progression it’s a very
vague and incomplete statement love
marriage baby I don’t know how that
works in your life but I haven’t walked
up to many people and just loved them
enough to say can we get married and
then enough to have a baby with you and
because we live in a fallen world in our
society is backwards and perverse that
sure is not the progression in
everybody’s life sometimes it’s baby
first then because we had a baby
might as well marry you and since we
marry the Lord could you please help me
to love her or sometimes it’s love and
then there’s a baby and we not really
too sure about how we can trust each
other so maybe we’ll get married and
just think about all the different
scenarios and so I said God why is that
so incomplete he said Michael I want you
to help define a progression of
relationship so that people can
understand and know and reprogram be
transformed by the renewing of their
mind that there is a God way of
progressing in relationship that has
more parts than just love marriage baby
and I want to give that to you today so
this is what I think the relationship
progression should look like okay the
first one should be singleness and I
know that’s not a popular one but if
you’ve never heard a message taught
about singleness you need to go back and
listen to last week’s message okay
singleness is probably the most
important time of your life because it’s
the time where God gets to reveal to you
who you are you become self-aware you
find purpose you get identity and
Matthew tells us that we’re supposed to
love God
our selves and then out of that love
relationship we can accurately love
others but most of us are trying to
figure out how to love others before we
learn how to love ourselves so we’re
always looking to them to incomplete to
make complete our deficiencies because
we never learn to be ok with us and so
I’m encouraging you to go back if you
have not and listen to last week’s
message me and my wife we’re listening
to it again yesterday because I listen
back like game film how can I get better
how can I keep going and I was listening
about 25 minutes again I said that is
good and not because I was preaching it
we were literally getting ministered to
because God speaks through me I’m just a
vessel up here on Sunday mornings half
of the stuff I don’t know what I’m
saying I just go back to my notes and I
look back and I’m like God you said that
through me thank you and so this is a
relationship of trying to get something
to you but as I was watching back I said
man if people would know what God wanted
to do in their lives without a person
and just with them and to be contingent
okay in that season they would be ready
for marriage the statistics say that 50%
of all marriages end in divorce the
staggering thing about that is the the
figure for Christian marriages are
almost the same so why if we got God in
the Holy Spirit and songs and worship
and accountability why is it ending up
the same I’m suggest to you it may not
be a relationship problem it may be a
singleness problem and God wants to deal
with our singleness so go back and watch
that so first it should be singleness
then it should be what I’m going to talk
about today intentional dating everybody
say intentional now this is something
that is not really talked about but I
believe this is the next progression and
I’ll talk about in a minute intentional
dating and then there should be an
engagement the pair the period of time
where we are committed and planning
towards our wedding or the time that
we’re going to make this thing
consummated before God in unholy
matrimony and then after engagement
there should be marriage okay and
after marriage there should be love now
faster Michael why would you say love
after marriage I need to know that I
love them before marriage have you read
first Corinthians 13 because the type of
stuff you have to do to really love
somebody I don’t know if you can truly
do that in a full manner without
sacrificing and giving up a lot for that
person I truly believe that you can like
somebody a hohohohoho Bunch
but until you have to give to that
person like Christ gave for the church
laid down his life and sacrifice it
until she eat off your plate and ain’t
nothing else open for you to get to eat
that night until the you’re in a
position where they’re sick and you got
to take care of them but still do your
job and be like there’s certain things
you don’t learn until you get in the
Covenant let me prove it to you how much
did you love God before you accepted him
as Christ most of us didn’t learn to
love God until after we got in covenant
with him and once we got in covenant
with him then we started to progress on
our relationship of walking in love with
him so I just suggest to you that the
love really gets solidified identified
and really becomes real after you get
married
some y’all like dang it
I told my wife I said after studying the
Word of God you know how people be
talking about their and puppy love and
all that other stuff we wouldn’t in
puppy love we was just in he I see what
happens is this generation we confuse
passion with love you just think because
you’re passionate about something it’s
love no no baby that’s another l word of
four letters but it’s called lusts we’re
engaged in what we see and what we feel
and what we hear in the moment but God
wants to reveal to us love for him first
and then love for another person so
that’s the next progression and then out
of our love
we should reproduce we we should
reproduce hear me again out of our love
not out of our dysfunction I counsel a
lot of people who have babies because
the person they’re in relationship with
won’t pay attention to them so they have
a baby with that person so that they can
give their full attention to somebody
who needs them I want you to see how
sick and twisted that is in its seed
form not that you’re a bad person but
that child can never fulfill the void
that you have placed in that person and
so what happens is many times people
stay together because it’s a business
arrangement they stay together because
we got kids we got to be together but
let me help you your kids only can drink
from the whale that is in that house and
you think because you’re not arguing in
front of them that they feel it they see
it they hear it it’s the atmosphere that
is in their house and then you’re mad
when they reproduce after their own kind
somebody in your family has to stand up
and break the generational curses I
think there’s some people in this room
this morning that are saying when it
comes to relationship it’s not going to
end the same way because I’m going to
invite God into my relationships and
then I put this last point repeat
because I really feel like some people
think that if they just get through this
process that it’s good I worked on my
singleness now I’m intentionally dating
I got engaged we got married
we
love each other we got children and
that’s it that’s why the divorce rate
for people over 45 has increased in the
past 25 years because their project is
gone the thing we had in common to work
on our children are gone so now when I
come home I’m not asking for homework
I’m not asking I’m not getting them new
J’s I’m not asking where it’s
cheerleading practice you we got at all
we can go to the movies all day every
day but I don’t want to cuz I don’t know
you because I haven’t I haven’t kept
perfecting myself and so the greatest
thing that you can do in relationship
progression is repeat this cycle again
put it back up there after you get
through this whole thing you never need
to stop being single in your
relationship what do you mean Pastor
Mike I’m talking about what’s the last
thing you did to perfect yourself what
what what’s the last thing you did to
add to the marriage did you go back and
take a finance course so y’all money can
be like black black black did you did
you figure out another language so when
you go to France you can be able to see
if they serving you good food or not did
you add anything to the relationship
many people stopped perfecting who God’s
created them to be because they joined
with somebody else and I’m all I’m
saying to you is once we move this God
says I want to keep I had a plan for you
before you were formed in your mother’s
womb surprise for you not to harm you to
give you hope and give you a few I want
you to keep working on your singleness
and then if your marriage is gonna last
and be vibrant and have passion I want
you to keep intentionally dating when’s
the last time you took your wife your
husband out on a date me and my wife
have to plan that stuff yesterday I told
her I said baby I don’t want to go out
with you next Friday and I want you to
get sexy
you know how you just she said babe I’m
eight months pregnant I said you better
drape to something over that stomach
girl to better drape something over that
and she know what that means to me and I
know what that means to her why because
we’re gonna intentionally date we’re
gonna make time and what that does is
that keeps it fresh
don’t just be with your mate chilling in
the bed watching movies what happened to
the pursuit what happened to the thing
that you win when you couldn’t have her
you was chasing her but now you hear
like hey hey
and that’s what we have to do so keep
going through the process and I just
want you to keep going on you should be
having engagements married people hear
me what I’m saying you should have
engagements engagements there more saved
people who have horrible relational
lives and sexual relationships and
that’s not God’s intention the only
reason he said that you’re supposed to
abstain from that stuff in a marriage
relationship is when y’all fasting and
praying and both of y’all agree y’all
not ready so if one party’s like I
didn’t steal God’s say that I did y’all
better hear the word and and and in a
couple weeks from now I’m gonna do a
whole message on the power of sex and I
don’t want parents to get scared I
shouldn’t bring my children on they
already know baby if they are in the
third grade
they already know what’s going on but
wouldn’t it be better if they got a
biblical standpoint instead of a
worldview from social media and eat news
and okay so I’m encouraging every parent
get your kids here okay because you need
to I didn’t learn the stuff I learned
about sex from my parents or a spiritual
being I learned it in sixth grade in the
locker room and it distorted my
worldview for almost 15 years and my
parents who loved God and our pastors
and at worship had no idea what was
being infiltrated into my life hear me
when I say that it’s time for the church
to stand up and help people get the
tools that they need to live not just
exist or y’all can clap better than that
cuz some of the brokenness that you’ve
been dealing with is cuz nobody told you
the right way to do it and so we got to
keep doing these things and so today I’m
gonna take the time to talk about dating
and I know something like dating man I’m
past that stage I’ve I’m married I’m I’m
in this but but this is what I want to
help you understand that because this is
not talked about many people don’t know
how to talk about it and so when your
children your grandchildren you or
anybody gets into this realm we just
kind of leave it alone and and we’re one
of those things that we say stuff like I
wouldn’t have picked them you didn’t
teach them how to pick like like you
know how people I don’t know who the pit
the fruit picker in your house is but
you know there’s somebody in your house
that knows how to go to the produce
section and they knocking on stuff and
shake and stuff and they can tell if I’m
not the fruit picker in my house but
I’ve learned if you get around the
person who can pick fruit well they will
teach you how to pick fruit most people
when it comes to relationships were not
taught how to pick fruit and so we get
into things and we’re frustrating like I
just can’t really I raised they just
bring him in here
yeah like in there
but no no matter how educated they are
no matter how much you taught them about
God you didn’t teach them how to pick
food and so today I want to help us
learn how to pick fruit okay so um this
is what we’re gonna do Hosea chapter 4
verse 6 the children of Israel were in a
place where they were just disobeying
God God had literally parted the Red Sea
for them he had done so many amazing
things for them providing manna for them
and they just kept making up they own
idols and going their own way and doing
their own thing and then this is what
the Word of God comes in Hosea 4:6 it
says my people are destroyed for the
lack of what knowledge they don’t know
and I’m just trying to help us know some
things so that we can be able to see
clearly what the message version says I
love it it says my people are ruined
because they don’t know what’s right and
they don’t know what’s true so the title
of today’s message is the myth of dating
the myth of dating and I’m gonna try to
dispel a few myths that we may have
about dating and see what God says about
these things the first myth I want you
to write down is that dating is biblical
that’s a myth dating is not biblical
something okay pastor then why are we
talking about it because it’s a real
issue in our society in our culture the
Bible is very selective and specific on
what it talks about in relationship and
it’s pretty silent when it comes to this
thing called dating or courtship and so
this furthers our problem of not knowing
how to get into relationship because
we’re supposed to consult the Word of
God on certain things but what spiritual
do I go to to see what I’m supposed to
do and so then we just try to get to
marriage and then I know what it says
about marriage because there’s a lot of
stuff about marriage but dang I picked
the wrong so I’m trying to make this
thing work with the wrong ingredients
and this cake is nasty
even though it’s not very specific on
the topic of dating the Bible is very
clear on what type of company we should
keep on the boundaries we should set in
relationship and the character of the
people that would be life partners with
us and so we’re going to pull some
different things together and draw some
context clues and see what type of
person we should be dating but the
reason I want to say this is because I
really feel like I could have left this
point out and just gone on but I’m tired
of the church not knowing what it’s
talking about like people the Bible says
in 1st Thessalonians 6 at 18 about no it
doesn’t say that about dating and we
need to be able to know that as we
communicate with people what the Word of
God says let me just give you a little
bit of history dating and courtship
those are ideas that were man-made that
were made about 200 years ago okay and
it was a way to get people in
relationship a single man and a single
woman trying to find out if they were
compatible so they could get in go
further in their relationship in
marriage
courtship because some people like not
dating is bad courtship is what it
they’re both man-made I want everybody
to hear me say this and so whatever you
decide to do okay that’s good with you
but you got to put God in the middle of
it see because courtship was usually
done with the parents being right there
at every moment so literally you
wouldn’t kiss you wouldn’t touch you
wouldn’t hold hands you wouldn’t hug and
every time you meet both sets of parents
would be there right with you just
staring
how much intimacy do you think that you
can develop with mommy and daddy sitting
there all the time so a lot of those
marriages didn’t work there was a whole
bunch of these things that happen but I
do believe that if we put God in the
middle of this situation we can find out
what the Word of God says so the first
myth is that dating is biblical it’s not
biblical but we can draw context clues
from what God is trying to say the
second myth dating is wrong
datings not wrong if God is in the
middle and I want everybody to hear me
that is a huge caveat dating is not
wrong if God is in the middle
and many of us try to do things without
God and we asked for his blessing and
his results god blessed this
relationship that is horrible from the
beginning and is totally jacking up my
purpose just bless it God okay let’s be
honest how many people have prayed a
backwards prayer before like you knew
you was doing wrong but you is just
asking God to just come on in and and
just soup that all I’m saying to you is
when you put God in the middle of
something everything changes because
everything surrounds God we’re not
asking God to come and surround it get
the picture
when God is in the middle everything
surrounds God not us doing something and
asking God to surround it so whatever
you do you need to put God in the middle
there’s a scripture in 1st Corinthians
chapter 10 31 that talks about this and
and and I honestly had this thought
dating is like the second job interview
you know like for a real good job like a
good high paying job you don’t get one
interview you may have one two three
even four interview like if it’s a
really good job high responsibility on
it you might have a listen dating is a
second interview there’s some things I
should know about you in our first
interview can I stand you’ll smell like
we let people get into this next level
of us being exclusive to try to get to
know each other and they didn’t even
pass the first level of the protest do
it
do we even believe the same things see
we let people into this space where then
it becomes serious and we’re Facebook
official and everybody knows and they
weren’t even supposed to make it past
the first interview that they weren’t
even supposed to get to meet the other
people in my life see and I want you to
know the difference because some church
people are really bound and locked up
it’s okay to go on a date cuz a date is
an event a date it’s not a commitment
and some of y’all need to stop acting
like dates or commit my god I’ve just
put on a date with Bobby and Bobby yeah
just me and him and we’re taking
pictures and it was a it was an event it
happened it was over you should assess
it you should see if there’s any
qualifications that were on the list of
my priorities and visions that will
allow this person to see me again or
even get a second interview see the
thing about good jobs is they know what
they’re looking for and if you come to
the first interview sagging your pants
your hair not good you can’t talk all
this other stuff they’re not gonna call
you back
but because we’re lonely we give people
who are under qualified second
interviews oh okay okay
because there’s a shortage in our
company we let unqualified people fill
positions that they don’t have the
ability to feel and what do they end up
doing damaging the company they cost us
more than they’re worth so so dating is
not wrong if God is in the middle
first Corinthians 10:31 says so whatever
you do whether you eat you drink
whatever you do do it all for the glory
of God so when you date your dating
relationship should be done for the
glory of God how you date should bring
glory to God let me help you ask some
questions to yourself
Caesar these are some good question is
who I’m dating bringing glory to God how
they live how they talk what they listen
to is it bringing glory to God
well they smart and they got a good job
in and they find and they got the issues
but I’m a bypass that because God has
shown me to be a cultivator and to be
the one that helps people become and not
the man that’s supposed to lead you he’s
posed to cultivate you
if she had Ho tendencies that attracted
you to her do you think that turned off
without a life transformation when she
got with you you like that she wears the
leggings she liked that she wears the
leggings and they like Betsy where the
language I’m just trying to come to your
house to let you know that that until
you get to the place where you
understand that who I’m talking to
should be living their life to glorify
God you’re starting off with some wrong
ingredients another question you can ask
yourself is how we are dating bringing
God glory am I in the back of a car in a
parking lot somewhere
come on y’all already know
I’ve been outside of somebody’s window
at 2:30 a.m. in the morning got class at
6:00 a.m. out there trying as you are
you up I’m in the wrong and if somebody
saw me or caught me with my witness be
destroyed would I be able to say
anything about my relationship with
Jesus if they saw my text messages I’m
just trying to give you a formula to be
able to see if this relationship is good
for you or not myth 3 dating is a
destination it surprises me how many
people date for long periods of time
like this is where we add how long y’all
been dating 15 years
what did you just say to me there is a
kid in puberty as long as you’ve been
dating what are you talking about and so
the thing you have to start asking
yourself is why well why haven’t we
taken that step into covenant why
haven’t we moved past where we’ve been
into commitment
what is though things that is it because
we’re not living our life godly is there
because we have reserves is it because I
really know who you are and I love you
and we’ve had kids together we’ve built
relationship but I trust you enough to
be with you I don’t trust you enough to
trust you I mean this is real light like
as long as we right here we can do this
but I’ll never let you get close enough
because I know who you really are that
means you’re not supposed to be with
them it doesn’t matter how long y’all
been together you are delaying what God
would have for you I was in the airport
the other day with my friend Charles and
and we we got off of a plane and we had
to catch a connecting plane and and this
is what we had to do we had come from a
place landed and we were trying to get
to another place that would take us to
the level we wanted to go but because we
were in one spot we had to take
transportation to the other spot now now
let me give you a definition the Holy
Spirit gave me about dating he said
dating is transportation to a relational
target it’s the it’s supposed to be the
vehicle this dating thing is not
supposed to be the place where we stay
is supposed to be the place that takes
us to marriage it’s the thing that’s
supposed to take us to covenant okay so
we were on the plane we got off one
plane and we wanted to get up to another
level but what we had to do was ride
what they call a tram and we rode the
tram from terminal aid to terminal C and
once we got on the tram it was our
transportation to where we really wanted
to be the intended target and it’s
beautiful thing to understand because
they don’t want you to stay on the trim
how do you know pass the mic they don’t
put a lot of seats there
they put enough there for you to hang on
so you can get to the destination and
when you date too long
you are now putting yourself in a
position to sit down in a place that was
supposed to just be transportation and I
want you to see this so clearly that
when you do that it will be
uncomfortable because you were never
meant to stay there God wants you to get
to the intent or get off see was that
terminal a but between Terminal A and
terminal C was terminal what get off if
you realize that writing this dating
train I’m going the wrong way I actually
need to be at this terminal and I’m at
this terminal and I need you know what
this is not for me
I’ll walk I don’t need to be surrounded
in this company I’ll get off and I’ll
walk why because taking the long route
sometimes builds stamina in you that
will produce what you really need you
may not find who you’re supposed to be
with writing this dating train it’s when
you get off the thing and start walking
and you say hey all I’m trying to say to
you is dating is not supposed to be a
destination it’s supposed to be
transportation to where you really want
to go and some of you need to hear me
say this recreation on dating is
dangerous like I just date him and I
just date him and then you know I’m
saying oh yeah when somebody introduced
somebody to you and you be like oh yeah
we used to date Oh y’all don’t okay they
don’t say that
we hooked up we were just friends
somebody just said that just devastated
friends I don’t say that so many
but just think about all these cold
words that were you free friends with
benefits
and what ends up happening in this
situation is we get damaged because we
were not supposed to be in this place
sitting we were supposed to be
transporting but you know if he or she
doesn’t want to get with you and there’s
no plans if you have to keep asking well
what do you see in our future and there
is a vague blurry image of like yeah one
day we might you know what that day has
come cuz I have too much purpose in me
to sit here and be in a relationship
that has no aim ain’t the series called
relationship you can’t have a goal if
you don’t have an aim and some of us
just over you’re shooting at everything
and God said no no no no no pull it back
wait wait I’m ready to shoot wait turn
to the left down just a little bit there
it is
and God will allow you to get in right
relationship with right people so what
do you want us to do Pastor Mike you
don’t told us everything day 2 name I
want you to do this I want you to be
focused on intentional dating I want
everybody to write that down even if
you’re married even I want you to write
that down
intentional dating what does that mean
I’m dating with purpose I’m dating with
the end in mind peso might what are you
saying if you can’t remotely see
yourself after going on a couple of
events with your dates with this person
you cannot see yourself being led or you
cannot see yourself being connected with
this person and you can’t see yourself
marrying them you do not need to be in
relationship with them to figure out and
see if it can work and the problem is
it’s how God made us women naturally you
are created to nurture if you give a
woman a seed she’s gonna give you a baby
but their incubator they will take
something in a state that it is not and
they will grow it to what it’s supposed
to be you give a woman a bag of
groceries guess what she gives you
dinner you give her a house she gives
you a home that’s what a woman but the
problem is you were created out of man
and God created him first
so you can never be the person to
cultivate him God asked land to
cultivate the woman and what’s happening
in society is we have a bunch of passive
men who wants somebody to take care of
them that wants somebody to cook and
clean and do all these other things but
you have not done your priority by
leading the household and the only way
you can leave the household is be in
communion with God daily and if you’re
not walk adam walked and talked in the
cool of the day every him and God had a
connected relationship and without that
you don’t know how to lead the woman of
God that he’s created you Lily and so
what I’m saying to you is everything
that I’m talking about and this whole
thing has to be intentional just
everybody saying intentional okay
last-minute dating is harmless that is a
horrible myth dating can be devastating
if it’s done in the wrong timing and
without God I just think about it how
many relationships that people have got
in where they have literally invested in
sown so much time energy and effort into
something that would only take from them
many of us are products of that sitting
in this room but look what proverbs
14:12 says says there’s a path before
each person that seems right like that
relationship seemed right when I got in
it that person seemed right but he said
it ends in death another translation
says destruction what are you trying to
say Pastor Mike there can be a death to
purpose
because you got in relationship with the
wrong person open up your heart to the
wrong person and let them discourage
your dream you used to be passionate
about something and you got with the
wrong person and it started to crush
what God placed on the inside of you you
have to be careful of who you align your
heart your soul and your mind with
because it can damage your purpose some
of you are supposed to be doing things
that you were created to do but you got
in relationship in a season you were
supposed to be focusing in your
singleness with the person you would not
end up marrying and they crushed
something in you and talked about your
self-esteem and got you in a place where
you could not believe in your own self
and now you’re sitting here with a death
of time you’ve lost time and you’ve lost
vision and you lost hope because you
were in a wrong aligned relationship
that’s Mike why are you going so
passionate about this because I want you
to see and I want you to hear that who
you aligned yourself with is more
important than anything that you can do
in your life because who you align
yourself with and let into your heart
will begin to guide what you do in your
life will 1st Corinthians 15 says verse
33 it says don’t be fooled don’t do it
bad company corrupts good character
that’s why you see these good girls get
with bad dudes and bad girls get with
good dudes and they turn like they
didn’t used to do that why are they
doing that the word is telling you
clearly what happens right here look at
verse 34 it says think carefully about
what is right when you’re dating
somebody you need to stop and think is
this what I’m supposed to be doing is
this what’s right does this like do I
line up right but what God is saying in
my life it says and then it just says
stop sinning just stop think carefully
about what is right and stop sinning why
because if you’re making decisions in a
sin state your flesh will always lie to
you your flesh will always take nah nah
bro that’s good for you bro
that is really a blessing look what God
made beautifully and wonderfully made in
His image all of his
all of it and we’re doing all of this
other stuff and gods saying you can’t
make a right decision right now because
your flesh is ruling stop sinning and
think about what is right I just
encourage many people in this room even
if isn’t this this whole dating thing
doesn’t apply with you stop sinning and
then pray about it stop sinning stop
keeping let that door closed repent turn
and then let God speak to you about it I
want to give you this this this thing
that touched me this week my wife thinks
that Chris Brown was supposed to take
Michael Jackson’s place as the greatest
Entertainer of all time and then he had
a fall and and it’s one of those funny
things that he had a moment in his life
we were watching a documentary this week
and um he basically talked about being
in a toxic dating relationship change he
said this out of his own mouth he said
it changed the course of my entire life
he said one night that was bad for me in
a dating relationship changed my career
change how people viewed me changed how
I view myself
he said I’m dealing with these monsters
on the inside one it’s not even his wife
and because he was careless with who he
got in relationship because God wasn’t
the middle because it wasn’t it changed
the course of his life my question is
who are you in relationship that’s
changing the course of your life and if
it’s not somebody who’s pushing you
towards purpose it’s time to get out of
that thing
look at this anchor scripture and I want
everybody to remember this this
Philippians chapter 2 and this blessed
me so much it says for God is working in
you giving you the desires and the power
to do what pleases him look how awesome
this is at Salvation God no matter how
messed up jacked up how many times
you’ve fallen he said at Salvation
inside of you you get the Holy Spirit
the Paraclete the one who has sitting
alongside of you to help and once you
get him
he is giving you the desire first and
then I love that God does not just give
us a desire and not give us power he
gives us the power to do what he calls
us to do he gives us the desire and the
power to do what what pleases him when
it comes to your dating relationships or
any relationship so I want you to know
when you invite God into this situation
he’ll give you the desire to do it right
and then he’ll fund it he’ll give you
the power to do it right and what is he
trying to do he’s giving you the desire
and the power to please him that’s how
good our God is
that’s how awesome that he is to all of
us verse 14 says do everything without
complaining and arguing so that no one
can criticize you look what you should
do in dating we live clean innocent
lives as children of God shining like
bright lights in a world full of crooked
and perverse people your dating
relationship should be able to shine and
I want to talk to some of my people who
are divorced and older and you got your
own stuff and you got your own house or
you may be widowed or your husband left
or if something happened and we get in
this space where we groan I’ve been
doing this my own way for a long time
and so now you start talking to somebody
and dating them and they have their own
house and they have their own house and
so y’all just spend the night at each
other’s house I don’t care how old are
you something will rise up you did not
become impenetrable because you were 55
and it goes against God’s Word because
you can’t shine that light would you
tell your son and your daughter to do
the same thing that be in that place and
put yourself in the way of temptation no
you want your relationship to be
something that shines
everybody say signs you want your
relationship to shine and that’s what
God wants for every person in this
relationship
cut some light why are you telling us
all of this why are you saying all these
things about dating and myth because if
you get the right perspective you’ll be
able to set proper boundaries and
boundaries are biblical the reason why
people get messed up in relationship is
they can
have proper boundaries I’m gonna end you
with this scripture right here proverbs
4:23 and I want you to understand that
boundaries are one of the things that
God uses to help us reach purpose guard
your heart above all do you see how
important it is to put up the fence get
the guard dogs out there get the Bob
wire fence and the gun around your heart
because if you don’t you will allow
wrong things to influence your heart and
if things influence your heart what does
it do
your it determines the course of your
life so let me help you if the will of
God is that you should just please him
what ends up happening is when we allow
people into our heart very easily we
begin to go against the will of God we
begin to go away from what God has said
for us and we have to be ones that say
no no I’m gonna set my eyes and my heart
on the things that please God I got
gates or you can’t get in this that easy
and when you recreationally date and you
do all this stuff
you set a permission for anybody to walk
in and walk out and then what you end up
doing is putting yourself in a position
to take your eyes off of pleasing God
and I’ve done it before but I put myself
in a position that I’ll do what he or
she wants me to do instead of please God
dating is so serious for all of you and
I begin to think God how can i really
help these people understand what
practical steps how how can we move past
what we’ve done in dating and just make
it so haphazardly I talked to him I talk
to them like God said I want you to
focus on guarding this if you would get
with me and I could get with you then
I’ll teach you and show you how to love
somebody else I mean there’s so much
that I have to say on this that I told
them in the first service that what
we’re gonna do is next week we’re going
to create a forum where I’m gonna do
something called relationshipgoals uncut
because there’s some stuff that I want
to say that I can’t say on camera
because there’s a real Avenue that we
need to talk let me just give you one of
those things see cuz some of y’all like
well okay Pastor Mike I know the miss I
see what’s happening but how do I pick
this person how do I see characteristics
that I’m supposed to find let me give
you one I’m excited about this so let’s
go to the first relationship in the
garden the first relationship was
between Adam and Eve okay now watch
before Eve ever came into the picture
Adam was found in the presence of God
God placed him in the presence this word
is a funny Hebrew word it means a lot of
thing
it means spot it means the place where
there’s an open door it also means the
place where God is so let me help you
Eden is the spot for the moment where
the presence of God is an open door to
heaven that’s why Adam did not have to
worship to get in the presence of God he
was already in the presence of God he
didn’t have to praise and sing and all
that ups up we have to do that because
we were put out of the presence of God
now watch this the first man was found
he found him in the presence of God
practical don’t ever date a man who
hates the presence of God because if he
does not like the presence of God he
will not be able to get proper
instructions to be able to lead you and
what some of you interesting females do
is try to go to the club and find a man
outside of Eden outside of the presence
of God and then you marry him and then
you try to drag them into the presence
of God you go worship it’ll never happen
see I want to help you be able to live
knowing that God has a way that we’re
supposed to do this thing and he wants
us to do it his way I’m hoping that you
hear the heart of this the myths of
dating there’s so many of them out there
but the thing that you want to remember
is that God’s working in you to give you
the desire and the power to do in dating
what pleases
and if you just please your heart I’ve
messed up so many times in relationship
but my heart really was to please God
man I messed up get back to pleasing God
that’s what repenting is see I mess up
every sermon I play drums I mess up
every time I play drums but you would
never know it because my comeback time
is very quick you’ll never know and
that’s what God wants for all of our
relationship I messed up come back to
pleasing God I failed again
come back to pleasing God you know I’ve
just got to reset real quick I made a
wrong decision but I reset don’t fall
and stay there don’t have a bad moment
and just stay there
go and come right back because my heart
is too please