Hey You Sisterhood Panel X Sarah Jakes Roberts

Listennnn, if you missed the Hey You Sisterhood panel, this one is for you! Sarah Jakes Roberts chats with Dr. Cynthia James, Sylvia Obell, Gia Peppers, Mother Tommye, and Tina Quaye. Tap in and let this sisterhood wrap you up.

um we’re going to have an

intergenerational conversation about

Womanhood and about Sisterhood which I

felt is really important because it’s

not often that we get to have

conversations from different

perspectives different stages of Life

joining me is Dr Cynthia James

International speaker author and

philanthropist Sylvia oel journalist and

on air Talent currently the co-host of

the Scotty and Sylvia show Gia Peppers

who is a journalist podcast and content

creator and Tina Quay writer pastor and

Community

organizer and the mother of this

movement to Mother Tommy Jean

Williams author

speaker and an incredible intercessor

and anointed covering of this movement

I’m wondering let me start with you

mother Tommy when you hear the word

Sisterhood what are some of the

immediate thoughts that come to your

mind um when I hear or think of the word

Sisterhood I think of strength I think

of power you know I I think of you all

and it’s just

um such a great company of women but I

think of

strength and I think of

power Dr James I am wondering what role

has Sisterhood played in your

life it has done several things thank

you for allowing me to be here one is

that it’s it’s caused me to confront

things to myself I don’t always want to

confront I tend to spend time with very

strong women so they don’t have a

problem saying stop it Cynthia and I’m

like who who do you think you you

know but um it causes me to examine

areas that I’d rather perhaps

insecurities or other things I’d rather

keep covered um and so it it brings me

to that place of knowing that I either

remain untied or United and I was on the

plane coming here and I thought about

those two words and the difference

between untied just hanging by yourself

and United is just the placement of the

eye so when I think too much about I I

land on the Untied

[Applause]

side you ate that on up be honest you

ate

that well have you been untied Gia tell

me by the time you was you just going to

come to

me after Dr Cynthia ate him up like that

wow okay yeah know I absolutely have

felt untied before and I think like the

the part about like Sisterhood that we

don’t get to talk about is the moments

we feel isolated even within our

Sisterhood a lot of the times we don’t

reach out for help a lot of people have

a help wound wound that uh makes us not

reach out because one time someone

wasn’t there when you asked for help but

then you look around and you have 10

other sisters that are there for you so

I think the biggest thing when I don’t

when I have felt untied the most is when

I haven’t asked for help when I really

needed it the most yeah

Sylvia can you tell us about a time

where you had to force yourself to lean

into the opportunity to have connection

through Sisterhood cuz I have found that

sometimes we don’t have any shortage of

friends we have a shortage of

vulnerability within our

friendships yes um I you know as the

eldest daughter of a first generation

and first gen yes um it is really hard

for me to be vulnerable I believe and

it’s funny because God’s funny because

then he put me in the job where being

vulnerable was what I had to do and I

think that for me and my friendships

to be able to be vulnerable I had to

learn how to feel I think it was really

for me about trust and fun I think

sometimes we make it such a a hard

difficult like you know like a serious

Journey but I find like with my friends

we love to laugh we love to sing you

know we love to just be in each other’s

company and I think when that like my

inner child feels safe it allows me to

feel vulnerable and like it allows me to

feel like okay we can play here but we

can also like speak here and they’ll

listen and they there’s like a knowing

when you have Sisterhood for a long time

like my friend joke that I have friends

from like the womb and I do but it’s

very much because there’s something

about having friends that like knew me

no versions and hold versions of myself

that I often sometimes forget about and

can remind me of that and I think in

that practice it pushes me to be more

vulnerable even when I’m making new

friends because I know the gift of what

I’ve been able to experience from doing

that in the past wow so good Pastor Tina

Sisterhood what comes to

mind what comes to mind for me with

Sisterhood is and this will sound

dramatic but it’s War yeah um there’s I

think it’s in Proverbs 17 and 17 that

says that a brother is born for

adversity um and when I say War it’s

both because I have been at war with my

sisters before like against each other

and because I know they will war with me

like when I think of the worship team

when I think of some of the women on

this stage and the people who are in

this room um there’s something about uh

a woman of God the power that knows

they’ll stand with you and battle

whether it’s in the spirit or in the

natural sometimes that’s what causes the

war

huh but but that’s the the Warfare is

what stands out to me about

Sisterhood can you tell me or to the

extent that you are willing to share as

you’ve had to navigate healing in the

context of Sisterhood because you

mentioned being at Battle sometimes with

one another um I have found that God

often sends Sisterhood to us um at times

where the place where we once had

Sisterhood or felt like we should

receive Sisterhood no longer feel safe

can you talk about how God some times

has to supplement where we get our

connection

from That’s So Beautiful

um so some of uh my Sisterhood Journey

I’ll share one piece of it because I

have multiple sisters uh biological

sisters one of them we had grown up

together and had come through a space

over years decades because I’m 40 and

she’s you know a little older than me

each of us had done things that fairly

were un forgivable to each other and we

were at a Crossroads it was one of those

moments where if you’re mature you know

that you’ve figured out how to build

relationships that are just distant if

they have to be right and this was that

moment of are we going to build together

in Christ and find a way to literally

get to know each other again um or not

and God sent me a sister to supplement

that healing it happened to be you ma’am

but it was this this rejoining and what

I love about it is that Pastor Sarah I

don’t know if you remember this um but

we my sister and I had to confront one

another lovingly and my concern because

I wanted to kind of you know Lo up I’m

from Watts I was like this is my

opportunity

[Music]

huh and your pastor was like be who God

made you to be like it’s enough and that

was so you know I think uh made me feel

very vulnerable because I know I’m not

enough but he worked through me and we

are literally building our relationship

again and it’s beautiful and stunning um

and so that’s an example of it

amazing this is going to be a weird

question but I’m going to try and ask it

anyway now but you guys are just going

to catch it in the spirit okay so I feel

like part of what I have learned in life

so far is that in order to reconcile

experiences that we’ve had or things

that we’ve been exposed to that we

almost have to become a sister to

different versions of

ourselves um that we have to love

ourselves in the present in the way that

we couldn’t do in the past to forgive

ourselves in the present for something

that happened in the past I want to talk

a little bit about the Journey of woman

hood and I would like to ask you Dr

Cynthia or mother Tommy can you guys

tell us what it’s like to reconcile

different areas of your life where maybe

you wish you would have done things

differently you can’t redo them how do

you come to a place of trust and peace

with those things that feel um

Unwritten question

I must admit you know um saying I’m the

mother of this church you know I’ve got

the motherly Instinct the maternal

Instinct but you know when I was asked

to be on the panel I said yes and I said

kind of give me a general idea what the

topic is about I said gab me I

understood that and for some reason I

heard friendship and I told the person

well I’m the least qualified to talk

about friendship that’s the way I felt

I’m an encourager and I’m one to always

encourage others but uh I was thinking

about that this week and and the Lord

brought to my remembrance just this past

Sunday in children’s church there was a

little girl there this was her first

time being there a 2-year-old she just

turned two the week before a tiny little

thing and you know I go from class to

class but when I went to that class I

saw her and uh this tiny little thing

and she was just standing there she was

inmobile

and the other kids were running around

her happy and everything and I picked

her up I swooped her in my arms I took

her to the table and we sat there

playing with the toys and after about a

minute or so you know she and her

2-year-old talk she started talking so

we had a good

conversation but the Lord showed me this

week I was that little girl you know I

have felt because of um childhood wounds

I had felt that I didn’t have that much

value I mean just long story short uh uh

when we were kids our family we moved

into a new neighborhood and our family

was um the only family in my race on the

Block and I

remember uh being spit on spit in my

face because I was different and then I

just uh that was the entry point of pain

and not realizing and you know my story

continues to unfold all of ours does I’m

still working progress but I realized at

that time uh that was an entry point for

some hurts and some wounds

so I had lots of friends throughout the

years but I knew them but they didn’t

know me I put up this uh protective um

wall around my heart because I felt like

wow you know maybe I’m not likable I

just didn’t have that confidence but God

showed me through this little

girl um when she started opening up like

that and talking he showed me it’s

because of God’s love and the

realization of God’s love that uh now I

can start opening up but that’s still a

it’s still a journey but I’m not sure if

I answered that question but that’s what

the Lord put on my heart to share with

[Music]

me I should have been framing a response

but I was absorbed so thank you for that

um this is a big fragmented um but in

terms of

reconciling I grew up without any

sisters or brothers so um there were and

I’m pretty I’m an extrovert I think

until I’m not amen when I’m not it’s

it’s right then shut down but I think

there were Seasons when I didn’t speak

up for myself when others were

intimidated um particularly in younger

years and jobs or whatever and I would

try to hold back what I thought made

managers or supervisors or whoever

uncomfortable um so I’ve probably

overcompensated for that rather than

reconcile um but at least I’m aware of

it uh and and I do think they’re

different parts of us and that I was

trying to think I don’t think I’ve ever

had a friend that really addressed every

aspect through my life so I think of

friendship Sisterhood in terms of being

purposeful just like we want our lives

to be purposeful and I heard that that

earlier um tonight so that I try to

think of the end in the beginning so

that I don’t ask people to be all things

um and there were times I thought this

friend is going to go with me through

everything and that just didn’t work out

like that so I was disappointed

needlessly

wow that’s so

good I just have to say mother Tommy I

just want to thank you for letting us

see you tonight that and making that

decision to let your wall down and share

with us your

story just to add a little bit to that I

forgot but you know the thing I noticed

also was that the kids were running

around her but and she was immobile so

it was almost like she was invisible to

them and I made myself invisible you

know always concerned about the others

but made myself invisible but the love

of

God made all all the difference

[Applause]

yeah g can you maybe share with us a

time where God showed his love for you

through uh friendship or Sisterhood and

how did you know it was

God okay she be asking the questions

right um you know I I probably have like

story books on story books about the

love of God through Sisterhood because I

have so many different types of sisters

throughout my life I’ve got my actual

little sister right there shout out to

Dr Gretchen peppers in the building

uh but I also have you know my sister

Sylvia my sister Sarah we got a lot of

different sisters um and I think the

biggest show of God’s love has been my

best friend Kristen Turner we’ve been

friends since we were 11 years old and

we grew up dancing and doing ballet

hip-hop Jazz all the things and was

always so afraid to go to the front um

much like you mother Tommy I felt

invisible I felt overlooked I often felt

like people didn’t understand me so I

never tried to go to the front of the

dance class how many people in here have

danced dance school dance train so y’all

know how important it is like the girls

who get it be at the front and the girls

who don’t we be at the back and so I was

always way too afraid cuz I never

thought I was smart enough I never

thought I was getting the Coro in that

first eight count and then my my best

friend would pull me to the side when

she saw me get overwhelmed and she would

say hey do you want to go over this

choreography do you want to do you come

on I got you let’s stay for 10 minutes

after class so you can get it and

throughout our lives she has still done

that for me like and in as as I Ste to

the front of my own life my own show

she’s been able to be like uh when you

feel insecure what’s let’s go to the

side let’s talk about this and so for

those moments I know absolutely that was

God because there was moments where I

was about to not go to the front cuz I

got afraid

and God needed me in the front so shout

out to all the sisters that are pushing

us to the

front what about you syvia do you have a

story and the specific story question is

about if I mean a friend who yeah showed

up for you showed God’s love love for me

yeah I mean wow I I definitely feel

God’s love through my friends and my

sisters because I feel like those are

the purest relationships I have and like

when it comes to loving me like even at

my worst or my best like and oh like I

when I think of unconditional love I

think of God I think of my mother I also

think of my friends and so an example I

think is even since you mentioned my

podcast with Scotty like and our

friendship is one I feel like a lot of

people know about um it really we always

say that it really feels like God

brought us together and funny

is who introduced us and it was really

just I felt like God’s way was like

before we even knew we were going to be

doing this project and working together

in this way and building an audience in

that way we were just some girls at

Essence fest you know who all happened

to be there for work and um had dinner

and I think it felt like God’s timing

because me and Scotty were both in the

place where we would be open to make

like such a quick friendship we often

say that like if we had met back in like

and we went to high school like like 20

minutes from each other never knew each

other you know we both went to HBCU

didn’t know each other but like at the

time when we were supposed to meet it

was it it felt very intentional like she

had just left Hot 97 I was at Essence

and I I mean I was at BuzzFeed and I was

just kind of like you know not really

sure what was next and as um and we were

just kind of in need of somebody who

would understand I think like when it

comes to friendships in your industry

it’s often helpful like you have your

friends who are doing other things but

like for those of us who are like in it

it’s really helpful to know have people

who kind of understand the struggle

understand like the pressure all of that

and so I really feel like at that point

in my life it

was I as a journalist I was used to

telling other people’s stories and it

was time for me to start being able to

tell my own story and tell the

importance of my own story and I think

if you know Scotty being she is one of

the most vulnerable people when it comes

to telling her story to her audience

that I had ever met and it like that

girl just will bleed like she would just

put it all on the table and so working

with her or even just watching her

showed me like the power of telling your

story and how it will save like how many

people it can save and I think even when

we started telling our own stories like

I used to oh I used to hate it but I

would but then we would get messages and

emails and all these things and I would

see like okay it’s so important like it

actually does make a huge difference and

to me that is one of like the first

examples of me feeling like I was doing

God’s work through my work was when it

stopped being about like oh who’s the

biggest story you can get and like how

are how have what you’ve been through

and what you guys have been through can

help other women who are going through

those things and so I don’t know if that

specifically answers the question but I

feel like it’s how it was one of the

times where like in a friendship I

thought how our friendship was doing

like a work that was bigger than us and

it felt like a friendship that would not

have happened if it was not for God like

it was just so random that we all were

there a day early and I just hit G and I

was like hey what are you doing she’s

like we’re having dinner with a friend

come join us and it was just like and

then we just hit it off and like Gia

will tell me she’s like you guys are not

people who just normally hit like do it

like that y

thugs okay but they found love in a

hopeless place yes we

did um and so yes and yes so that’s I

think for me was a very much example of

how God can use friendship not just to

for each other but then like four years

later we get the opportunity to to do it

up and like and it just you know blesses

so many people so I yeah

beautiful I’m wondering do we have any

strong friends in the building like

you’re the strong can you raise your

hand in there okay strong one up here

what’s wrong with y’all why

y’all why y’all act like that Dr James

what can we do about these strong

friends who are strong for everyone else

but then you know don’t know how to be

oh you seem like you got a strong friend

energy on you a little bit has it you

didn’t raise your hand when I did the

roll call so I’m assuming you’re not a

strong

friend off and on off and on depends on

what my agenda is for the season I’m

wondering some of us have a hard time

having intimate relationships because

we’re always being the strong friend and

so since you know how to turn yours on

and off now that I understand what

you’re really asking me I’ve overdone

the strong friend right yeah it and it’s

hard I’m learning to say no I tell

everyone else say no say no but I’m

still learning to do

that I kind of misunderstood what you

were saying why do you why do you think

we fall into the Trap of being the

strong friend besides the fact that

we’re nurtured into it and we’re

socialized into it and there are

stereotypes and I think if you don’t

mind me speaking generationally as and I

don’t know if this is your experience I

fall so short I probably shouldn’t be

sitting here but the older I am I’m 75

at this point the more

[Applause]

I’m

just let me not let me not take up too

much time but the

expectations I’m just having a good time

so um the expectations as I age are

either one extreme or the other there

are people that come up and they go Dr

James how you feel I can

hear I’m I’m not I’m I’m not bere of my

mind so it’s either that or an

expectation that your time is my time

and that bothers me or if people say I

want to pick your brain that sends me up

how dare you presume to pick my brain

yes how dare you it took HT it took

experiences it took time it took study

and you think you can just come and skim

off the top that that that that hurts

me that’s hard and that that has nothing

to do with the question just just keep

on your heart on your heart don’t worry

about the question cuz I forgot about

the I don’t remember the

question what’s what has the Lord laid

on your heart to say tonight just share

it with us you came ready you hear to

have a good time release what God gave

you well I think one thing is to break

the status quo not to do what people

expect you to do but but to push to

break it

and to to do what we can to life is

short the runway is short for me so I

must do those

things can we talk about just jealousy

in in Sisterhood and Womanhood and how

that can be one of the challenges to us

even in healthy Dynamics cuz let’s be

honest sometimes we act like the ones

who are hating on us are just the people

who are were never our friends but there

are legitimate moments where we’re

trying to be a good friend for our

sister and we see her life progressing

while ours is staying

still how do we deal with this reality

that we want to be happy for her maybe

we are happy for her but we’re also

comparing the trajectory of our life and

seeing inadequacy and Tina I’m going to

toss it to you cuz you haven’t talked in

a

while this will sound so um such a a

platitude but I take it to God

um one of the kind of core guides for my

life is the fruit of the spirit am I

being kind and loving and gentle and

slow to anger and it’s this constant

test and when and I’m that person who if

I see you shining I’m like oh my God I

love it this is amazing if I haven’t met

you and you see me in the lobby I’m

going to be like hi I love you it’s it’s

really extra so if I see someone

if I see someone that I love succeeding

and I feel that twinge of

like not fully excited I’m sensitive

enough to be able to flag it and be like

oo God what is that and I’ll pray and I

talk to God straight up I’m going to

bring him all my anger and my jealousy

and all of the things and talk through

it with him and usually he’ll highlight

a core need something that happened in

childhood something that I’m missing

that I’m seeing him do in their life and

I can ask him about that and he’ll heal

me about it uh and it’s it’s that simple

but that’s the only place I can really

fix that it’s not I don’t have any other

tips it’s just

spiritual does anybody else want to

chime in on that question I I think I

can especially I feel like would

especially for me and G right like we’re

in the same industry we could have

easily it could have easily been

I don’t know Ops I don’t know beef

whatever but like

inste cuz like we’re both we go after

like we often are up for the same jobs

same

opportunities um and I think like when

we know like sometimes we see one of us

get it it’s like okay got she got that

the other one the other but I think to

the way I work on it when it comes to

feeling like dang I really wanted that

one is y’all felt it when I

said don’t those be the ones that catch

me it it’s it’s that I remember that

that is me not trusting God because when

we say what’s for you is for

you that is a lifestyle okay it is a it

is a week by week month by month quarter

by quarter job by

job Ministry and I often tell myself

it’s like okay if because if I think

that I should have gotten it what does

that mean about what I think God’s doing

you know what I mean it’s like does he

not does he not know better than me who

should have gotten what especially when

it’s somebody I know who’s another child

of God you know what I mean I think a

lot of times especially um being an

older sister it’s like you realize that

you have like God has multiple children

that he’s trying to bless and if you’re

jealous every time he’s trying to feed

his other kids what does that mean you

know what would your mom do if you was

doing that to your siblings you know and

so I think I really always try to

remember that it you’re right it is this

it’s not something I would ever like

take to you know what I mean it’s more

about me being like Oh that’s me not

trusting you that that one was hers and

this one is mine and I’m just using this

as an example because we’re both on this

couch but we we’re friends with multiple

people who are up for the same things

often and I also think that it’s when

you when you don’t let it get in the way

it gives you so much more opportunities

to do things together like I think about

all the time if we if we even like like

I said we met through Scotty like if the

the three of us were like we the amount

of jobs we’ve been able to do together

or because people have seen our

friendship or because we’re able to put

each other on if it was competition we

wouldn’t want to do that for each other

yeah you know what I mean so when you

are generous when you are happy for

people like blessings flow from that too

[Applause]

yeah Mom one of the things I admire

about you is that whenever I see you I

usually always see Aunt Evette your

sister with you and so I am Wonder ing

what how has your definition of

Sisterhood changed throughout the

years

wow my definite how it has changed I

think it has changed I think it has

changed because um I realized that first

of all my sister

Evette I couldn’t ask for a better

sister

I I couldn’t ask for a better sister she

is one that I can talk to and you know

she she gives you know she puts me in my

place sometime in a very nice

way when she puts me in my place but um

Sisterhood I think for me it’s just

really you know my son says it all the

time you know the God he knows the plans

that he has for each of us so in terms

of uh being envious or jealous or or

anything in terms of Sisterhood it’s

just uh really realizing that the plans

that God has for me are good and that he

chose me and has a call on my life so I

don’t have to

um be or work through if there’s

feelings of perhaps Envy or any of that

thing I just realized that God’s plans

for me are good he has a plan for each

and every one of our lives and um so

Sisterhood

I guess over the years and I guess it

kind of goes back to when I said I don’t

feel like I’m the one qualified for that

because I have been a sister to many

I’ve been the one to encourage but I’ve

never allowed

myself that much to invite people into

my hurt and my pain and be vulnerable so

I can’t really speak to that but the one

thing I know and the one thing that the

Lord is really really impressed upon my

heart is that uh you know I am chosen

each of us is chosen God has a plan for

each of our lives so you know just have

to trust and as you talked about

trusting in God that’s it trusting in

Him and just

um be comfortable with the assignment

that he gave me my assignment is not

yours yeah you

know for the last question I’m going to

ask each of you to answer this question

I’m going to start with you mama and

then we’ll move all the way through um

complete this prayer God I need a sister

who will blank fill in the

blank I need an iron sharpening iron

[Music]

sister I need a sister who can see my

weaknesses without thinking less of me

[Applause]

I was with you Dr Cynthia I was going to

say I need a sister who can love me in

my light and my dark um love literally

the parts of me that feel so broken like

no one can see them um that they can see

me through those and and walk with me

and hold my hand until they’re

whole man um I need a sister

who will remind me to be brave when I

let fear take

over and that will remind me who I

am when I

forget what God what God’s purpose for

my life

is God I need a sister

who loves my being not my doing

[Applause]

can you help me thank these incredible

panelists for stopping by hey you come

on we can do better than that thank you

so much Pastor Tina Sylvia Gia Dr

Cynthia James and mother Tommy thank you

guys so much for being a part of this

panel love you thank

you yes

ma’am thank you B