Hey You Sisterhood Panel X Sarah Jakes Roberts
Listennnn, if you missed the Hey You Sisterhood panel, this one is for you! Sarah Jakes Roberts chats with Dr. Cynthia James, Sylvia Obell, Gia Peppers, Mother Tommye, and Tina Quaye. Tap in and let this sisterhood wrap you up.
um we’re going to have an
intergenerational conversation about
Womanhood and about Sisterhood which I
felt is really important because it’s
not often that we get to have
conversations from different
perspectives different stages of Life
joining me is Dr Cynthia James
International speaker author and
philanthropist Sylvia oel journalist and
on air Talent currently the co-host of
the Scotty and Sylvia show Gia Peppers
who is a journalist podcast and content
creator and Tina Quay writer pastor and
Community
organizer and the mother of this
movement to Mother Tommy Jean
Williams author
speaker and an incredible intercessor
and anointed covering of this movement
I’m wondering let me start with you
mother Tommy when you hear the word
Sisterhood what are some of the
immediate thoughts that come to your
mind um when I hear or think of the word
Sisterhood I think of strength I think
of power you know I I think of you all
and it’s just
um such a great company of women but I
think of
strength and I think of
power Dr James I am wondering what role
has Sisterhood played in your
life it has done several things thank
you for allowing me to be here one is
that it’s it’s caused me to confront
things to myself I don’t always want to
confront I tend to spend time with very
strong women so they don’t have a
problem saying stop it Cynthia and I’m
like who who do you think you you
know but um it causes me to examine
areas that I’d rather perhaps
insecurities or other things I’d rather
keep covered um and so it it brings me
to that place of knowing that I either
remain untied or United and I was on the
plane coming here and I thought about
those two words and the difference
between untied just hanging by yourself
and United is just the placement of the
eye so when I think too much about I I
land on the Untied
[Applause]
side you ate that on up be honest you
ate
that well have you been untied Gia tell
me by the time you was you just going to
come to
me after Dr Cynthia ate him up like that
wow okay yeah know I absolutely have
felt untied before and I think like the
the part about like Sisterhood that we
don’t get to talk about is the moments
we feel isolated even within our
Sisterhood a lot of the times we don’t
reach out for help a lot of people have
a help wound wound that uh makes us not
reach out because one time someone
wasn’t there when you asked for help but
then you look around and you have 10
other sisters that are there for you so
I think the biggest thing when I don’t
when I have felt untied the most is when
I haven’t asked for help when I really
needed it the most yeah
Sylvia can you tell us about a time
where you had to force yourself to lean
into the opportunity to have connection
through Sisterhood cuz I have found that
sometimes we don’t have any shortage of
friends we have a shortage of
vulnerability within our
friendships yes um I you know as the
eldest daughter of a first generation
and first gen yes um it is really hard
for me to be vulnerable I believe and
it’s funny because God’s funny because
then he put me in the job where being
vulnerable was what I had to do and I
think that for me and my friendships
to be able to be vulnerable I had to
learn how to feel I think it was really
for me about trust and fun I think
sometimes we make it such a a hard
difficult like you know like a serious
Journey but I find like with my friends
we love to laugh we love to sing you
know we love to just be in each other’s
company and I think when that like my
inner child feels safe it allows me to
feel vulnerable and like it allows me to
feel like okay we can play here but we
can also like speak here and they’ll
listen and they there’s like a knowing
when you have Sisterhood for a long time
like my friend joke that I have friends
from like the womb and I do but it’s
very much because there’s something
about having friends that like knew me
no versions and hold versions of myself
that I often sometimes forget about and
can remind me of that and I think in
that practice it pushes me to be more
vulnerable even when I’m making new
friends because I know the gift of what
I’ve been able to experience from doing
that in the past wow so good Pastor Tina
Sisterhood what comes to
mind what comes to mind for me with
Sisterhood is and this will sound
dramatic but it’s War yeah um there’s I
think it’s in Proverbs 17 and 17 that
says that a brother is born for
adversity um and when I say War it’s
both because I have been at war with my
sisters before like against each other
and because I know they will war with me
like when I think of the worship team
when I think of some of the women on
this stage and the people who are in
this room um there’s something about uh
a woman of God the power that knows
they’ll stand with you and battle
whether it’s in the spirit or in the
natural sometimes that’s what causes the
war
huh but but that’s the the Warfare is
what stands out to me about
Sisterhood can you tell me or to the
extent that you are willing to share as
you’ve had to navigate healing in the
context of Sisterhood because you
mentioned being at Battle sometimes with
one another um I have found that God
often sends Sisterhood to us um at times
where the place where we once had
Sisterhood or felt like we should
receive Sisterhood no longer feel safe
can you talk about how God some times
has to supplement where we get our
connection
from That’s So Beautiful
um so some of uh my Sisterhood Journey
I’ll share one piece of it because I
have multiple sisters uh biological
sisters one of them we had grown up
together and had come through a space
over years decades because I’m 40 and
she’s you know a little older than me
each of us had done things that fairly
were un forgivable to each other and we
were at a Crossroads it was one of those
moments where if you’re mature you know
that you’ve figured out how to build
relationships that are just distant if
they have to be right and this was that
moment of are we going to build together
in Christ and find a way to literally
get to know each other again um or not
and God sent me a sister to supplement
that healing it happened to be you ma’am
but it was this this rejoining and what
I love about it is that Pastor Sarah I
don’t know if you remember this um but
we my sister and I had to confront one
another lovingly and my concern because
I wanted to kind of you know Lo up I’m
from Watts I was like this is my
opportunity
[Music]
huh and your pastor was like be who God
made you to be like it’s enough and that
was so you know I think uh made me feel
very vulnerable because I know I’m not
enough but he worked through me and we
are literally building our relationship
again and it’s beautiful and stunning um
and so that’s an example of it
amazing this is going to be a weird
question but I’m going to try and ask it
anyway now but you guys are just going
to catch it in the spirit okay so I feel
like part of what I have learned in life
so far is that in order to reconcile
experiences that we’ve had or things
that we’ve been exposed to that we
almost have to become a sister to
different versions of
ourselves um that we have to love
ourselves in the present in the way that
we couldn’t do in the past to forgive
ourselves in the present for something
that happened in the past I want to talk
a little bit about the Journey of woman
hood and I would like to ask you Dr
Cynthia or mother Tommy can you guys
tell us what it’s like to reconcile
different areas of your life where maybe
you wish you would have done things
differently you can’t redo them how do
you come to a place of trust and peace
with those things that feel um
Unwritten question
I must admit you know um saying I’m the
mother of this church you know I’ve got
the motherly Instinct the maternal
Instinct but you know when I was asked
to be on the panel I said yes and I said
kind of give me a general idea what the
topic is about I said gab me I
understood that and for some reason I
heard friendship and I told the person
well I’m the least qualified to talk
about friendship that’s the way I felt
I’m an encourager and I’m one to always
encourage others but uh I was thinking
about that this week and and the Lord
brought to my remembrance just this past
Sunday in children’s church there was a
little girl there this was her first
time being there a 2-year-old she just
turned two the week before a tiny little
thing and you know I go from class to
class but when I went to that class I
saw her and uh this tiny little thing
and she was just standing there she was
inmobile
and the other kids were running around
her happy and everything and I picked
her up I swooped her in my arms I took
her to the table and we sat there
playing with the toys and after about a
minute or so you know she and her
2-year-old talk she started talking so
we had a good
conversation but the Lord showed me this
week I was that little girl you know I
have felt because of um childhood wounds
I had felt that I didn’t have that much
value I mean just long story short uh uh
when we were kids our family we moved
into a new neighborhood and our family
was um the only family in my race on the
Block and I
remember uh being spit on spit in my
face because I was different and then I
just uh that was the entry point of pain
and not realizing and you know my story
continues to unfold all of ours does I’m
still working progress but I realized at
that time uh that was an entry point for
some hurts and some wounds
so I had lots of friends throughout the
years but I knew them but they didn’t
know me I put up this uh protective um
wall around my heart because I felt like
wow you know maybe I’m not likable I
just didn’t have that confidence but God
showed me through this little
girl um when she started opening up like
that and talking he showed me it’s
because of God’s love and the
realization of God’s love that uh now I
can start opening up but that’s still a
it’s still a journey but I’m not sure if
I answered that question but that’s what
the Lord put on my heart to share with
[Music]
me I should have been framing a response
but I was absorbed so thank you for that
um this is a big fragmented um but in
terms of
reconciling I grew up without any
sisters or brothers so um there were and
I’m pretty I’m an extrovert I think
until I’m not amen when I’m not it’s
it’s right then shut down but I think
there were Seasons when I didn’t speak
up for myself when others were
intimidated um particularly in younger
years and jobs or whatever and I would
try to hold back what I thought made
managers or supervisors or whoever
uncomfortable um so I’ve probably
overcompensated for that rather than
reconcile um but at least I’m aware of
it uh and and I do think they’re
different parts of us and that I was
trying to think I don’t think I’ve ever
had a friend that really addressed every
aspect through my life so I think of
friendship Sisterhood in terms of being
purposeful just like we want our lives
to be purposeful and I heard that that
earlier um tonight so that I try to
think of the end in the beginning so
that I don’t ask people to be all things
um and there were times I thought this
friend is going to go with me through
everything and that just didn’t work out
like that so I was disappointed
needlessly
wow that’s so
good I just have to say mother Tommy I
just want to thank you for letting us
see you tonight that and making that
decision to let your wall down and share
with us your
story just to add a little bit to that I
forgot but you know the thing I noticed
also was that the kids were running
around her but and she was immobile so
it was almost like she was invisible to
them and I made myself invisible you
know always concerned about the others
but made myself invisible but the love
of
God made all all the difference
[Applause]
yeah g can you maybe share with us a
time where God showed his love for you
through uh friendship or Sisterhood and
how did you know it was
God okay she be asking the questions
right um you know I I probably have like
story books on story books about the
love of God through Sisterhood because I
have so many different types of sisters
throughout my life I’ve got my actual
little sister right there shout out to
Dr Gretchen peppers in the building
uh but I also have you know my sister
Sylvia my sister Sarah we got a lot of
different sisters um and I think the
biggest show of God’s love has been my
best friend Kristen Turner we’ve been
friends since we were 11 years old and
we grew up dancing and doing ballet
hip-hop Jazz all the things and was
always so afraid to go to the front um
much like you mother Tommy I felt
invisible I felt overlooked I often felt
like people didn’t understand me so I
never tried to go to the front of the
dance class how many people in here have
danced dance school dance train so y’all
know how important it is like the girls
who get it be at the front and the girls
who don’t we be at the back and so I was
always way too afraid cuz I never
thought I was smart enough I never
thought I was getting the Coro in that
first eight count and then my my best
friend would pull me to the side when
she saw me get overwhelmed and she would
say hey do you want to go over this
choreography do you want to do you come
on I got you let’s stay for 10 minutes
after class so you can get it and
throughout our lives she has still done
that for me like and in as as I Ste to
the front of my own life my own show
she’s been able to be like uh when you
feel insecure what’s let’s go to the
side let’s talk about this and so for
those moments I know absolutely that was
God because there was moments where I
was about to not go to the front cuz I
got afraid
and God needed me in the front so shout
out to all the sisters that are pushing
us to the
front what about you syvia do you have a
story and the specific story question is
about if I mean a friend who yeah showed
up for you showed God’s love love for me
yeah I mean wow I I definitely feel
God’s love through my friends and my
sisters because I feel like those are
the purest relationships I have and like
when it comes to loving me like even at
my worst or my best like and oh like I
when I think of unconditional love I
think of God I think of my mother I also
think of my friends and so an example I
think is even since you mentioned my
podcast with Scotty like and our
friendship is one I feel like a lot of
people know about um it really we always
say that it really feels like God
brought us together and funny
is who introduced us and it was really
just I felt like God’s way was like
before we even knew we were going to be
doing this project and working together
in this way and building an audience in
that way we were just some girls at
Essence fest you know who all happened
to be there for work and um had dinner
and I think it felt like God’s timing
because me and Scotty were both in the
place where we would be open to make
like such a quick friendship we often
say that like if we had met back in like
and we went to high school like like 20
minutes from each other never knew each
other you know we both went to HBCU
didn’t know each other but like at the
time when we were supposed to meet it
was it it felt very intentional like she
had just left Hot 97 I was at Essence
and I I mean I was at BuzzFeed and I was
just kind of like you know not really
sure what was next and as um and we were
just kind of in need of somebody who
would understand I think like when it
comes to friendships in your industry
it’s often helpful like you have your
friends who are doing other things but
like for those of us who are like in it
it’s really helpful to know have people
who kind of understand the struggle
understand like the pressure all of that
and so I really feel like at that point
in my life it
was I as a journalist I was used to
telling other people’s stories and it
was time for me to start being able to
tell my own story and tell the
importance of my own story and I think
if you know Scotty being she is one of
the most vulnerable people when it comes
to telling her story to her audience
that I had ever met and it like that
girl just will bleed like she would just
put it all on the table and so working
with her or even just watching her
showed me like the power of telling your
story and how it will save like how many
people it can save and I think even when
we started telling our own stories like
I used to oh I used to hate it but I
would but then we would get messages and
emails and all these things and I would
see like okay it’s so important like it
actually does make a huge difference and
to me that is one of like the first
examples of me feeling like I was doing
God’s work through my work was when it
stopped being about like oh who’s the
biggest story you can get and like how
are how have what you’ve been through
and what you guys have been through can
help other women who are going through
those things and so I don’t know if that
specifically answers the question but I
feel like it’s how it was one of the
times where like in a friendship I
thought how our friendship was doing
like a work that was bigger than us and
it felt like a friendship that would not
have happened if it was not for God like
it was just so random that we all were
there a day early and I just hit G and I
was like hey what are you doing she’s
like we’re having dinner with a friend
come join us and it was just like and
then we just hit it off and like Gia
will tell me she’s like you guys are not
people who just normally hit like do it
like that y
thugs okay but they found love in a
hopeless place yes we
did um and so yes and yes so that’s I
think for me was a very much example of
how God can use friendship not just to
for each other but then like four years
later we get the opportunity to to do it
up and like and it just you know blesses
so many people so I yeah
beautiful I’m wondering do we have any
strong friends in the building like
you’re the strong can you raise your
hand in there okay strong one up here
what’s wrong with y’all why
y’all why y’all act like that Dr James
what can we do about these strong
friends who are strong for everyone else
but then you know don’t know how to be
oh you seem like you got a strong friend
energy on you a little bit has it you
didn’t raise your hand when I did the
roll call so I’m assuming you’re not a
strong
friend off and on off and on depends on
what my agenda is for the season I’m
wondering some of us have a hard time
having intimate relationships because
we’re always being the strong friend and
so since you know how to turn yours on
and off now that I understand what
you’re really asking me I’ve overdone
the strong friend right yeah it and it’s
hard I’m learning to say no I tell
everyone else say no say no but I’m
still learning to do
that I kind of misunderstood what you
were saying why do you why do you think
we fall into the Trap of being the
strong friend besides the fact that
we’re nurtured into it and we’re
socialized into it and there are
stereotypes and I think if you don’t
mind me speaking generationally as and I
don’t know if this is your experience I
fall so short I probably shouldn’t be
sitting here but the older I am I’m 75
at this point the more
[Applause]
I’m
just let me not let me not take up too
much time but the
expectations I’m just having a good time
so um the expectations as I age are
either one extreme or the other there
are people that come up and they go Dr
James how you feel I can
hear I’m I’m not I’m I’m not bere of my
mind so it’s either that or an
expectation that your time is my time
and that bothers me or if people say I
want to pick your brain that sends me up
how dare you presume to pick my brain
yes how dare you it took HT it took
experiences it took time it took study
and you think you can just come and skim
off the top that that that that hurts
me that’s hard and that that has nothing
to do with the question just just keep
on your heart on your heart don’t worry
about the question cuz I forgot about
the I don’t remember the
question what’s what has the Lord laid
on your heart to say tonight just share
it with us you came ready you hear to
have a good time release what God gave
you well I think one thing is to break
the status quo not to do what people
expect you to do but but to push to
break it
and to to do what we can to life is
short the runway is short for me so I
must do those
things can we talk about just jealousy
in in Sisterhood and Womanhood and how
that can be one of the challenges to us
even in healthy Dynamics cuz let’s be
honest sometimes we act like the ones
who are hating on us are just the people
who are were never our friends but there
are legitimate moments where we’re
trying to be a good friend for our
sister and we see her life progressing
while ours is staying
still how do we deal with this reality
that we want to be happy for her maybe
we are happy for her but we’re also
comparing the trajectory of our life and
seeing inadequacy and Tina I’m going to
toss it to you cuz you haven’t talked in
a
while this will sound so um such a a
platitude but I take it to God
um one of the kind of core guides for my
life is the fruit of the spirit am I
being kind and loving and gentle and
slow to anger and it’s this constant
test and when and I’m that person who if
I see you shining I’m like oh my God I
love it this is amazing if I haven’t met
you and you see me in the lobby I’m
going to be like hi I love you it’s it’s
really extra so if I see someone
if I see someone that I love succeeding
and I feel that twinge of
like not fully excited I’m sensitive
enough to be able to flag it and be like
oo God what is that and I’ll pray and I
talk to God straight up I’m going to
bring him all my anger and my jealousy
and all of the things and talk through
it with him and usually he’ll highlight
a core need something that happened in
childhood something that I’m missing
that I’m seeing him do in their life and
I can ask him about that and he’ll heal
me about it uh and it’s it’s that simple
but that’s the only place I can really
fix that it’s not I don’t have any other
tips it’s just
spiritual does anybody else want to
chime in on that question I I think I
can especially I feel like would
especially for me and G right like we’re
in the same industry we could have
easily it could have easily been
I don’t know Ops I don’t know beef
whatever but like
inste cuz like we’re both we go after
like we often are up for the same jobs
same
opportunities um and I think like when
we know like sometimes we see one of us
get it it’s like okay got she got that
the other one the other but I think to
the way I work on it when it comes to
feeling like dang I really wanted that
one is y’all felt it when I
said don’t those be the ones that catch
me it it’s it’s that I remember that
that is me not trusting God because when
we say what’s for you is for
you that is a lifestyle okay it is a it
is a week by week month by month quarter
by quarter job by
job Ministry and I often tell myself
it’s like okay if because if I think
that I should have gotten it what does
that mean about what I think God’s doing
you know what I mean it’s like does he
not does he not know better than me who
should have gotten what especially when
it’s somebody I know who’s another child
of God you know what I mean I think a
lot of times especially um being an
older sister it’s like you realize that
you have like God has multiple children
that he’s trying to bless and if you’re
jealous every time he’s trying to feed
his other kids what does that mean you
know what would your mom do if you was
doing that to your siblings you know and
so I think I really always try to
remember that it you’re right it is this
it’s not something I would ever like
take to you know what I mean it’s more
about me being like Oh that’s me not
trusting you that that one was hers and
this one is mine and I’m just using this
as an example because we’re both on this
couch but we we’re friends with multiple
people who are up for the same things
often and I also think that it’s when
you when you don’t let it get in the way
it gives you so much more opportunities
to do things together like I think about
all the time if we if we even like like
I said we met through Scotty like if the
the three of us were like we the amount
of jobs we’ve been able to do together
or because people have seen our
friendship or because we’re able to put
each other on if it was competition we
wouldn’t want to do that for each other
yeah you know what I mean so when you
are generous when you are happy for
people like blessings flow from that too
[Applause]
yeah Mom one of the things I admire
about you is that whenever I see you I
usually always see Aunt Evette your
sister with you and so I am Wonder ing
what how has your definition of
Sisterhood changed throughout the
years
wow my definite how it has changed I
think it has changed I think it has
changed because um I realized that first
of all my sister
Evette I couldn’t ask for a better
sister
I I couldn’t ask for a better sister she
is one that I can talk to and you know
she she gives you know she puts me in my
place sometime in a very nice
way when she puts me in my place but um
Sisterhood I think for me it’s just
really you know my son says it all the
time you know the God he knows the plans
that he has for each of us so in terms
of uh being envious or jealous or or
anything in terms of Sisterhood it’s
just uh really realizing that the plans
that God has for me are good and that he
chose me and has a call on my life so I
don’t have to
um be or work through if there’s
feelings of perhaps Envy or any of that
thing I just realized that God’s plans
for me are good he has a plan for each
and every one of our lives and um so
Sisterhood
I guess over the years and I guess it
kind of goes back to when I said I don’t
feel like I’m the one qualified for that
because I have been a sister to many
I’ve been the one to encourage but I’ve
never allowed
myself that much to invite people into
my hurt and my pain and be vulnerable so
I can’t really speak to that but the one
thing I know and the one thing that the
Lord is really really impressed upon my
heart is that uh you know I am chosen
each of us is chosen God has a plan for
each of our lives so you know just have
to trust and as you talked about
trusting in God that’s it trusting in
Him and just
um be comfortable with the assignment
that he gave me my assignment is not
yours yeah you
know for the last question I’m going to
ask each of you to answer this question
I’m going to start with you mama and
then we’ll move all the way through um
complete this prayer God I need a sister
who will blank fill in the
blank I need an iron sharpening iron
[Music]
sister I need a sister who can see my
weaknesses without thinking less of me
[Applause]
I was with you Dr Cynthia I was going to
say I need a sister who can love me in
my light and my dark um love literally
the parts of me that feel so broken like
no one can see them um that they can see
me through those and and walk with me
and hold my hand until they’re
whole man um I need a sister
who will remind me to be brave when I
let fear take
over and that will remind me who I
am when I
forget what God what God’s purpose for
my life
is God I need a sister
who loves my being not my doing
[Applause]
can you help me thank these incredible
panelists for stopping by hey you come
on we can do better than that thank you
so much Pastor Tina Sylvia Gia Dr
Cynthia James and mother Tommy thank you
guys so much for being a part of this
panel love you thank
you yes
ma’am thank you B