Raised by a drug addicted mother, and sexually molested by her first stepfather starting at 6 years old and continuing with the next at the age of 12, Raegan has become a new mom at the age of 21. Though she was doing well in college, she felt lost and alone, and eventually left school for California, where she was talked into doing porn, finding fame as ‘Leah Gotti’. After 8 months, feeling worse each day, she met a man named Amos (an NFL football player), who convinced her to leave that life, and start a family with him. They had a child a year ago, and she fears her background and emotional baggage – such as uncontrollable anger, anxiety and night terrors – will negatively impact her present relationship with her boyfriend and the future of her daughter. Though Raegan believes in God – she went to Church until her past was discovered and faced an online petition for her eviction – she feels unworthy and lost. Can Dr. Dollar help?
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my guest today is a young woman who was
forced out of the Christian University
she attended because of a bad decision
to appear in an adult video
she was so discouraged she gave up on
God and moved to California where she
became a very famous adult film star she
remained active in the porn industry and
until a young man convinced her to start
a new life with him so she left that
life behind and all the money that went
with it however her past feels torments
her with feelings of shame and rejection
but most of all because of what happened
to her she feels that God and the church
let her down
you’re going to meet this young woman
right now and we’re going to help her
move beyond her troubled past and help
her regain her faith in God and His
grace I’m crippled Allah and this is
your world
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changing one
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Oh Lord we go
for you
through the trials
Oh
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just gonna
his grace
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my guest today is trying to start a new
life with a boyfriend
and their one-year-old baby away from
the mistakes of her past and the
judgment of the world now would you
please join me in a very warm welcome
Reagan to the show to your world today
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we call it your world because I find it
instructional I find it informative and
I find that it strikes a chord with
people when we allow our guests to take
us into your world let’s start when the
sexual abuse started at age six and walk
us through that so my mom she was she
was a very good mom at the very
beginning but once I was like 6 years
old she started messing around with this
guy and she was like getting really bad
on drugs so my grandparents had took her
to court and from what I was told
whenever I was younger she didn’t want
to take a drug test so she just waived
her rights to me and whenever my mom she
didn’t want me that’s why I feel like
it’s just like why so I would always try
to be with my mom no matter what so when
we I was always taking her side whenever
people would talk about her and say she
was doing all this stuff and she started
dating that guy Jerry and we were
getting to see her
I noticed things weren’t right and he
would be like riding in the car with me
and like he would have his his hand like
in the middle of my thigh and then
you’re like progressed from there like
he would put like porn on in the TV
before school when my mom wasn’t there
like if maybe she had to go to work or
something early and like so he would
play porn when you were about what five
six six or six or seven
I was like probably in first grade he
never like went any further than just
touching me and like making me watch
stuff with him it’s still called abuse
you were far too young to have been put
into situations like that having your
whole mental and spirit open to up to
porn all of that is all events abuse and
I think it’s important for our audience
to recognize what abuse is whether it’s
verbal emotional sexual there had to be
a lot of emotional pressure I want to
even go so far as to say trauma on you
as a six six year old definitely took
away a lot of my childhood because I was
always the one who was trying to make
sure my sister’s like we’re okay she
stayed with him for a very very long
time like she went back and forth with
him no matter what happened she he
abused her she abused him it was never
good it was always very toxic between
them – so how long did the abuse last
with you from six years old – about what
when you were a preteen or what yeah so
it stopped with that whenever my mom got
who might we got taken away from my mom
it was pretty no like nothing for a
while and my half-sisters dad had moved
us to another city we left living with
my grandparents half the time and were
with him for the whole time all of a
sudden in eighth grade I just started
feeling really weird I just remember
like hearing clicks like you know like
whenever you take a picture on your
phone it makes that that shudder noise
then I noticed that he was taking
pictures of me every time I would bend
over or if I was wearing short shorts
and I was doing the dishes I was
cleaning and I told my stepmom like my
dad’s taking pictures of me from behind
and I’m scared of him and he’s been like
coming in my room at night one time at
the old house before we had moved he had
came in from being out at night and I
woke up and he was like on top of me and
I was like dad
he was like oh I thought you were Gina
like saying her name and I told her all
these things as soon as he got home she
told him like this is what Reagan this
is what Reagan is saying you know Reagan
I’m I’m so sorry you had to go through
through that I mean my heart just you
know to hear this story it’s so
disturbing to know you had to go through
it I thank God for His grace that you
made it out but the story goes a little
further now as a result of this well
that went even past that I didn’t get
out of that house until I was 17 well
and it had went further like when she
had told him he took me on a drive in
the truck
and was like like net like nailing me
down like telling me like that like
cussing at me saying all these things
like why would you say all this you know
like hitting me in my forehead with his
fingers and like you know pushing on me
and stuff but I like let it go but then
it went on – I always wanted to be a
bodybuilder and I wanted a
bodybuilding.com account and he’s like
okay well we can make one for you but
I’ll run it because there’s creeps
there’s creeps on there I was like okay
so he had me put on a swimsuit and he
took pictures of me and then that kept
going on and on and on then he would
order outfits off of the internet he’s
like oh I bought this for Gina but I
need you to try it on for me to see if
it fits her and so I would try it on it
but it was lingerie its Gina your mom my
stepmom still Monica yeah and then he
would get me to drink and he would like
tell me oh don’t be a pansy Oh drink
this like you know like pretty much
pressuring me into drinking alcohol to
the point to where I would black out and
I really don’t remember like a lot of
things that happened but it started
going on to him like having me dance for
him and having me give him a lap dances
and like telling me Oh your stepfather
yeah telling me Oh move your hand over
let me see your boobs and I would like
try to make up something and say like no
I don’t know I don’t want to like
they’re ugly like blah blah like say
something Greg let me ask you something
I want to make sure that then I’m
following you no audience following you
you went from your biological mother
back to your father who you later on
found out was not your biological father
yeah so you’re staying with your half
sisters dad yeah and his wife yeah okay
and not your biological mother and
father right I don’t know my biological
dad okay and and this abuse I mean this
this is this is like crazy I mean who
does that that is just so abusive how
did it take you to this point where
you’re going through all of this abuse
and you end up in was it California yeah
so I left his house to live with my
grandparents and I had went to go try
out for the wrestling team at Wayland
Baptist which is the university that I
was going to so now we’re at the
Christian University mm-hmm okay
and I went to try for the team yeah so
you’re wrestling yeah yeah mess with you
yeah and they had let me sign with him
so that summer after my first semester
at Wayland I was being like a promoter
for a club in Dallas just a regular Club
and the owner of the hotel at the Crown
Plaza was hosting this thing called
exotica what I didn’t really know what
that was but it’s like pretty much like
a like I came like a sex convention but
I wasn’t like doing anything I was just
hosting the after parties but they had
put me in another girl into the finals
round of this competition like on the
stage for Miss exotica we were like
dancing and stuff and then like I
crowd-surfed and then I won like five
hundred dollars and there was like a
video of it and when I had went to
school the after that summer had
happened that was like everywhere like
the video yeah and they’re like oh she’s
she’s doing
like Baba and I was like no I’m not like
I didn’t I was just hosting the event
like I didn’t do I don’t do that but
from that event I got like a lot of
people like talking to me and you know
telling me oh we’ll fly you out here and
we’ll pay you so there’s this thing what
it was just a solo thing it was just by
myself not with anybody else and so I
was like okay cool so I went and I did
that that’s when everything went bad
like I didn’t when I had went there I
didn’t know that it was gonna be like
that like I thought it was just gonna be
like maybe just some lingerie and like
no snow Sh no bra or something but it
was like me like he’s like every little
shoot was like more and more him telling
me to do more more stuff and so I don’t
even know like how like the pictures and
anybody like found out only two people
knew about that so it had to be one of
the two who told everybody else that I
would had done this and then it just
like spread like wildfire through the
whole school all the teachers like if I
was missing a class to go do something
it was penalty like all hate like
started I felt like started hating me
like the teachers wouldn’t even look at
me they wouldn’t even talk to me if I
asked for like you know some extra help
or something that is the oh it’s in your
book it’s just started going like that
and so I was just like what’s the point
of even being here like I’m asking for
help like I’m trying to fix my grades
I’m trying to get better with my
relationship with God and everybody’s
just pushing me pushing me out like not
being loving and welcoming and like my
family had found out about me doing that
and obviously they weren’t very happy
about that at all and I had just felt
like a big disappointment and the
opportunity to go to California it came
and I just took it like I left all my
stuff in my dorm room and I packed one
suitcase and I just left and I never
came back you know hearing your story
did you feel hopeless and as a result of
feeling hopeless when this opportunity
to came from California it was like who
cares anyway I might as well go and make
some yeah I felt like a burden to
everybody so I just was like I can just
take care of myself
so what was the thing once you got
involved in in the industry what was the
thing that convinced you that this is
not for me and I need to get out of it
well from like the first the first thing
I did I had like left in that whole
night like I was crying like I was just
like what did I do
like what is wrong to me and like one of
the girls that was in the house I was
staying at she liked me she kind of just
made me feel okay with it she’s just
telling me like people have sex for free
all the time like they go on dates with
people and they have sex with him in
like you’re not doing it for free you’re
you’re getting paid for it so in a way
you’re holding yourself to a higher
standard and what she told me that’s
just kind of attitude that I gained for
it and it was so much deception in that
yeah very much and then it got to a
point where I couldn’t do it and then
feel okay myself so I started drinking
man I was drinking a lot like way too
much for somebody my size at all and I
was starting to Dibble dabble into
cocaine and Molly to make myself feel
happy and to make myself feel good then
I would just cover up all the pain yeah
and then all the money that I was making
I was spending it on like drugs and
alcohol and going out and you know
trying to buy friends pretty much cuz I
knew none these people like me like they
only wanted to party with me like I was
like a good time my kind of person like
nobody really didn’t Lee took the time
to get to know me for me and I guess
that kind of made me even worse like I’m
in this city all by myself like I can’t
go like in my head I was like I can’t go
back home because everybody is just
gonna be ashamed of me like you know and
stuff going on up there
yeah I just was like a lot of times I
would just be in the car just just
crying like what like I just I just kept
saying why like why why why is this why
am I doing this like I was just so
confused and whenever I had met my
baby’s father he was like kind of like
my saving grace like I had been in a
relationship with this person prior
before that and he had like beat me up
really bad you know and so he was like
there he protected me and I was on like
at that time I had was on Molly for like
five days straight like I wouldn’t get
out of his bed I just stayed right there
like just taking it taking it taking it
and he just looked at me and he said you
need like guts and that’s like that’s
you just need a stop and I don’t know
something from him just saying that just
made me like whoa like somebody actually
cares about my well-being like somebody
doesn’t want me to be like a mushroom
and in this bed you know what it was and
that’s what this show is all about it
was God’s grace you could have gone one
day and probably and even been dead with
everything that you’ve gone through
you’ve kind of taken us through this
story and it is a sad one but even in
the midst of everything that you’ve gone
through from six and to that particular
place had been let down at Christian
University and mocked and not gotten the
treatment that Christians should have
given you but the grace of God is God’s
unmerited undeserved favor coming to you
to give you what you didn’t deserve and
Jesus doesn’t condemn us he doesn’t
judge us
he doesn’t say I don’t want anything to
do with you but just right when you
don’t think you deserve anything you see
that saving grace that shows up and says
you know what even though you don’t
deserve it I’m gonna do something good
to you not because you’ve been good
because I’m just good and I want to show
you goodness
you know and that’s the grace of God
yeah that’s the grace of God I got a
question where everything you took us
through you took us on a journey here
what were you searching for well what
was missing what we opened define your
purpose I wanted a purpose I wanted to
know why I was here on the planet yeah
like what’s the point of me being here
does anybody understand what I’m feeling
like can anybody really really love me I
don’t know if he really really people
understood like how sad and angry I was
like I didn’t really talk about it that
much but how much I just didn’t
understand why all the things that
happened to me happen well you know
their basic human needs that every human
needs to have and one of them is to have
an understanding of my significance and
my purpose in life there are lots of
people who are watching this broadcast
right now can relate with you they’re
trying to figure out why am I here yeah
what am I suppose yeah does anybody care
and and I think that’s where we come in
and and really Minister the fact that
you can do a lot of things to try to
find happiness you can people can do a
whole lot of wrong things trying to find
happiness but there’s a place in your
heart that God could only for him to
abide and I believe it all my heart
until we make Jesus the Lord of our
lives we’re never gonna really
experience what real happiness is and I
can assure you that you will put here
for a purpose you were called for a
reason there’s an assignment in the
mission for your life and a lot of times
we have to go through when we don’t know
any better we have to go through rough
patches in life to try to finally get to
that place where we can discover the
will of God for our lives
you are significant to God you are loved
by God
I’m sad to recognize that Christians
that you’ve encountered they had an
opportunity they had an opportunity to
be living epistles an opportunity to
show the love of Jesus Christ his care
and his concern I don’t know what it is
with some Christians we just miss out on
an opportunity I think we have to be
careful this Christians not to become so
self-righteous that we don’t understand
that self-righteousness is
unrighteousness and it’s when you look
at somebody else’s life and you say well
Lisa had done that and you’re comparing
yourself with somebody else’s mistakes
that self-righteousness everybody has an
issue which means we should be very
ready to help minister to someone else
when we see them going through but I
think sometimes Christians come to the
point where I don’t know they become so
judgmental and so self-righteous that
they forget that if it were not for
Jesus we would all be in hell we’re one
Jesus away from being in hell and if you
take Jesus away we all inhale you know
but because Jesus is now involved in the
equation we don’t have to and I am
Telling You you mark my words everything
that you’ve gone through it may sound
and look like a mess but Jesus knows how
to take your mess and turn it into a
masterpiece I believe that I believe
that and the Bible says he that
believeth in him shall not be put to
shame you don’t have to live all of your
life and shame of your past Jesus died
and shed his blood so he can deal with
and forgive you of your past sins your
future sins and your present sins and
here’s the big thing it’s when we don’t
value ourselves it becomes very
difficult for other people to value us
and you have to live with this nobody
has the right to devalue me nobody and
from this point on I want to encourage
you to make that a living part of your
life nobody gets to devalue me I am
valuable and those people who refuse to
value you you don’t need those people in
your life devaluing you
you don’t need your value the value and
it’s not too late you are primed and
ready to receive all that God has to
offer you just waiting on you to say yes
sometimes your pain and your testimony
can be turned around to be used as a
tool to rescue somebody else’s life not
everybody could have gone through what
you’ve gone through but you made it baby
and it didn’t destroyed you it didn’t
destroy you
and so now you have this opportunity to
take what you know now what you’re ready
to take what you know not what you study
the course and thing to take what you
know and we’re conviction and passion
you’ll be able to now come and rescue
people when you were not rescued to be
able to come in and minister to people
when you were not minister to and I’m
believe with all my heart as I sit here
with this wrestler I am prophesying to
you right now that the best is yet to
come the best is yet to come you hear
what I’m saying you’re not just some
nobody that’s just been through a whole
lot of abuse you are a message and you
are a ministry in preparation that will
go and rescue somebody else’s life and I
believe that the grace of God is on your
life and that grace is going to increase
in your life you watch you watch and
watch I will yeah yeah don’t you
appreciate our guest today you know I
talk about the grace of God every week
on this program and there’s nothing you
have done that disqualifies you from
receiving God’s love and the good he has
in store for you no you may not deserve
it I understand that but that’s the
point
grace is God’s unmerited unearned favor
that is extended to you now this could
be the day that you finally stop trying
to justify your actions stop living in
shame and receive grace that God has for
you and that God has waiting
for you before I go I hope you’ll share
your own story with us online at your
world with Creflo calm or stay connected
with me on Facebook Instagram or Twitter
I’ll see you next time right here on
your world as Christians we should
strive to share God’s love and to
everybody we meet and our church and
other Christian institutions should be a
place of safety where those who have
made mistakes can come and experience
the unmerited undeserved favor of God I
believe that God could heal I believe
that God can recover and deliver you I
believe that God can make a way where
there is no way no I want you to notice
something I said that as Christians we
should be ready to minister when we have
that opportunity when the opportunity
comes don’t miss on your opportunity
it’s an opportunity to make a mark that
can never be erased I love you guys see
you next time
no matter what you have done what
mistakes you’ve made or think you’ve
made God’s grace and his forgiveness are
non judgmental and available to you the
moment you ask if you could only start
viewing your past and the past’s of
others through the non-critical lens of
God
you would experience the unmerited an
unlimited favor he has promised for you
today you met Regan who through a
youthful mistake appeared in a
pornographic video instead of receiving
grace those in her Christian community
shunned her but right here on your world
Regan encountered God’s amazing grace
empowering her to leave her past behind
and live out her best future and you can
receive the same experience starting
right now pref law dollar has put
together a collection of materials to
help you receive everything God already
has for you through Jesus first you’ll
get his three CD series
seeing through the lens of God which
will show you how to break away from
traditional judgmental thought and see
yourself and others as God sees you
accepted and forgiven next you’ll also
receive his three CD series
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allow yourself to no longer be stuck in
the mistakes of your past and move on to
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right now look at all the people around
us there are also a difference and yet
every one of us is an image bear of God
diversity is normal it is necessary it’s
a cause for celebration prejudice and
discrimination on the other hand is
corrosive it eats away at our
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you
The very next time I read a blog, I hope that it won’t fail me as much as this particular one. I mean, I know it was my choice to read through, nonetheless I truly thought you would probably have something useful to talk about. All I hear is a bunch of complaining about something you could possibly fix if you weren’t too busy searching for attention.