Learn more about how to be angry without blowing it in this sermon from Lisa Bevere.

i’m going to show you my family again

that was just like a quick blur of

family oops forgot there was a table

there okay so these are my grandchildren

there is lizzy august sophia my

beautiful texas daughter-in-law my first

born son we’re going to be talking about

him tonight

my firstborn grandson asher who turns 10

next month my old man husband who is

very cute who i’ve been married to for

37 years please do not tell him i said

that he gets really mad when i say he’s

old my youngest son who is married to a

girl named christian in case he forgets

who he is me

my mother-in-law my only other single

son i need help i need him to be married

by the next time i come here and or or

maybe next year would be even better

okay then i’ve got my second son and his

beautiful wife

jessica do you see everybody looks


do you see they all look happy okay i

just want you to look at this because

this is the redemption of god

in this photo

and i want to do something i’m going to

be talking about being angry

and not sinning

because a lot of us know how to be angry

and sin

but i’m going to talk about how to be


and sin

not and i’m going to talk about it from




i grew up


i don’t know if you know what a saying

is anybody here know what a sicilian is

wave at me okay sicilians are greeks

arabs and italians mixed

we are the ones that gave the world the

mafia you’re welcome it was our

contribution everybody has a

contribution the mafia is ours i hope

you enjoy the movies anyway

i am sicilian

that my mother

is french

and apache indian i’m just kind of

putting together a little bit

of a package there my dad 100 sicilian

my mom french apache indian and thank

god a teeny bit of british because that

just kind of helps with some stuff

and i grew up in a very angry household

i got saved in 1981 the majority of you

are not even born then

but i was born again in 1981.

married john bevere in 1982

became a pastor’s wife

in 1988

and in

1988 because i was sitting on the front

row like you guys i prayed a stupid

prayer i said god

i’m just about perfect god i’m a

pastor’s wife i’m sitting on the front

row singing hallelujah falling down once

a month god i thank you are

so pleased with me so i’m going to just

pray a prayer that sounds good

father i want you to come into my life

and excavate it just go in i i had been

singing over and over an old school song

take me in to the holy of holies take me

in by the blood of the lamb take me into

the holy of holies take your coal

cleanse my lips

here i am

thought that i would go to bed that


and an angel would tap my shoulder

here’s your call but there was a very

different process that began in my life


before that prayer

just once

a quarter i would maybe freak out on my

husband i would maybe call him names i

would maybe say things i shouldn’t say

but it was just like maybe four times a


but after i prayed that prayer

it was now

once a month that’s when i learned about

premenstrual tension i was like until

the church of jesus christ puts all the

women into the spa for that week of

course they are going to be living on

the edge but now if john would say honey

are you getting ready that’s not it but

it always was it then it went from once

a month to like

every single week that’s when i figured


you’ll understand this chris we’re youth

pastors probably all of the witches in

orlando have targeted me and they are

praying against me i am under spiritual

attack that is why i’m angry not to

mention all of the other things i’ve

already said sicilian mafia vendettas

apache people stole my land all this

stuff is going on

i began to be afraid to open my mouth

and i have one of those husbands that

you know like does not let something

like stop so like if we were having a


and it was nighttime and we went to bed

now we were word of faith people so i

would say to my husband i forgive you

by faith i don’t even know

i don’t even know what that meant but if

his leg happened to come over into my

space after i’d forgiven him by faith or

kick him back i’m like roll over off the

edge of the bed and then john would say

no he’d flip on the lights rip off the

covers and say we are not doing this we

cannot let the sun go down on our

wrath but see

i think he was wrong because we had

started fighting when it was dark out so

i felt like we had until the next day


we were in a disagreement in the kitchen

i felt like my idol word account was

getting high i was like i just

need to not talk and john was pushing me

pushing me pushing me and before i knew

what happened i turned and i threw a

plate at him it was thrown like a

frisbee my husband ducked missing

decapitation and it hit the window

went right out the window that was not

open i

shattered our apartment

window now when you do something like

that everybody comes to attention and

john was like i can’t believe you just

did that i said

i can’t even throw a frisbee i can’t

believe i did that john was like no

seriously lisa you just broke the window

in our apartment complex it was a huge

big picture window y’all remember i was

only 28 only 28

59 now it’s a long time ago anyway threw

it and he said you know what

when they come to fix this window

i am not gonna lie for you and i said

you know what you’re a man of god and i

don’t want you to lie but i will not be

here when they fix the window

so i get in my car and i am praying in

the spirit i am like god you are the god

of the impossible it would it would be

so easy for you just to reassemble that

window it would be a miracle i could

just give you gloria for all of my life

just it’s just like a flinch of your

eyelash the entire all the pieces of

glass would come back together i prayed

and i prayed when i saw the maintenance

truck i said not going home yet just

kept circling circling circling

and when i came in my husband looked at


and he said you must have really

been praying

i said i was i prayed for everything i

could possibly think of

and he said well

the maintenance man came in

while i was on the toilet


your two-year-old son let him in

and when he walked in he saw the broken

window and he said whoa whoa what

happened here and he moved the sofa away

from the window looked down

and there was a metal tonka truck

he picked up the truck looked at my

husband and said

say no more this is why we have

insurance we understand that

two-year-olds do things like this these

kind of things happen


and john said

i just

decided to follow his instructions and


no more


i went from

broken i’m so sorry god imagining people

seeing me in church

youth pastor’s wife breaks picture

window at post lake apartments i always

knew she had a problem i went from

shaming myself to justifying myself

you were gonna uncover me and see what

god did i remember no longer feeling

quite so bad about it yeah i probably

shouldn’t have thrown the plate but you

shouldn’t have pushed me that’s the way

i began to reason i know nobody in south

africa would ever think like that

then i had my second child

now i want to explain something

one child

is an accessory you take them out you

dress them up they behave well it’s all

a trick to get you to have

more children

when i had my second child i remember


what have i done

i will never brush my teeth before noon


every single day was just chaos and

mayhem and we only had one car john

would take the car to work and then come


look at me i’d be standing there with

one baby in my arms another one on my

leg a spank spoon in my hand my nursing

flaps down and he would say

what have you done all day and i’d say

i don’t


i don’t know what i have done john but i

have been busy and he would

i say people are calling me saying they

want to commit suicide and i am offering

to join them now i i i i’m not saying

it’s a good technique but it did it did

help people like oh no we need to rescue

you now i was like wait what maybe so

every single day i was failing failing

failing because my oldest son my


well-behaved firstborn now

refuse to take a nap because he is a

justice child so if i kissed the baby i

had to kiss him what was i doing with

the baby if he was sleeping i might be

doing something with the baby that might

not be equal for him and so i would put

him down

and he would get up a lot of times he

would hear the phone ring yeah i was a

mother in the day without portable

phones and he knew she’s trapped he

would come out of his bedroom i would be

in the kitchen he would be playing in

the loft i’d be stomping my foot and

waving the spanx put at him like get

back in your room all of these motions

while i’m praying for someone over the

phone and my son would just be like i

see your hand

i see your hand

but i’m not going anywhere i’m not i’m

not doing it i tried putting the spaying

spoon on the threshold of his doorway he

just stepped right over and he’d like i

need to do this

and one day

my son

came down the stairs

and i came running up to meet him i no

longer saw him as a child i saw him as

an enemy i thought this is the one

stopping me from getting anything

accomplished i was a sleep deprived

crazy woman i’m stomping up the stairs

with addison i walk into his bedroom i’m

looking around i’m thinking what can i


and i hear a voice say

lift him up

and slam him into the wall and put him

on his bed

and i thought to myself

yeah that should work i lifted him up

and i was just getting ready to shove

him in the wall

when i saw something

i had never seen before


my son

was not afraid of what i was going to do

he had no idea

what i was going to do

he was afraid of me

and when i saw the fear in my son’s eyes

i remembered my own

growing up in a physically and

emotionally abusive household and every

time i was slapped and every time i was

kicked and every time i had been shoved

into a wall

i made myself a promise and it went like


i will


treat my children this way

but there i was

a born-again

pastor’s wife

getting ready to slam my son against the


and it broke me

i put him down on his bed

i said addison

i’m so sorry i’m so sorry mommy scared


i went running


and i hit the carpet

and i wept

until my entire


was empty

i said god

it’s not the witches in orlando


it’s not the apache

god it could be the sicilian but you’re

bigger than that god it’s not my mother

god it’s not my father it’s not john

it’s me

i have a real problem

with anger

and i don’t know how to be free

wept and wept

and then

i heard the spirit of god

whisper to me

and he said

because you’re no longer justifying this

i’ll take it out of your life

you see what we justify

we buy

we say i have earned the right to be

this way because of what was done

to me

how many times do we hear this

and yes you can say that

but what was done for you

is greater than what was done

to you

and so

i had a memory

see my mother is the one

who took out most of her anger

on me

she was married to an absent


adulterous husband

and i acted more like my dad

than i acted like my mom

so i grew up hearing you’re just like

your father you’re just like your father

you’re just like your father so when my

dad didn’t come home

by a certain time

she knew he was in the bars

and i did everything i could to stay

away from her because it meant that her

anger would be taken out

on me

but she would always

find me


there was one incident

that i had hid away in my heart

my mom became a christian

when i was in my

teens and i became a christian at 21

and my mom came to me and she said will

you forgive me

i didn’t raise you

the way i wish i would have

i didn’t raise you the way i would have

raised you if i had been a christian and

i said yeah yeah i forgive you i forgive


but i hid

one instant

in my heart

one i don’t know i thought maybe it

would keep me safe

it was the only one that when i thought

about i actually felt pain

and i heard the holy spirit say call

your mother

and bring up

that particular instance

and i was like no no i’m not gonna i’m

not gonna bring that up god i have a

beautiful amazing husband i i totally

have compassion for her now i i should i

should never have held that back and he

said nope you need to call your mother

so i called my mom and i’m weeping on

the phone and i said mom i almost

slammed addison into the wall

and she’s and then i said i need to ask

you to forgive me

for the one thing i never forgave you


and then she started crying

and she said lisa

that’s the one thing i’ve never been

able to forgive myself for

well there’s a reason for that

remember the parable of the wicked

servant forgiven the unpayable debt

goes out grabs the fellow servant pay me

what you owe me i was like i understand

that he almost just got in trouble but

no that’s not what god said the other

servants reported it back to the king

and what did the king do

he takes the wicked servant and said i

forgave you the unpayable debt

and what does he do throws him into


but the other one

now was in torment and so i was

tormented by the very thing i refuse to





so when i forgave my mother

we together


broke the curse of abuse off of our

family and i just remember it was just

this beautiful healing the worst day of

my life became this beautiful moment in

my life

and then john came home

and i thought do i tell him

because i did call one of my girlfriends

and i said you can’t believe i almost

slammed addison into the wall today and

she said but you didn’t she said i

almost slammed my kids into the wall

every day

see i didn’t need

somebody that was going to give me


i needed accountability

what does the book of james say book

james says confess your sins one to

another that you might be what

healed see i was forgiven when i

confessed it to god

but i was healed when i confessed it to

my mother and then i was made

accountable when i told my husband what

almost happened

and john had no problems being my

accountability partner because he had

been on the other side of


anger i want to read to you from the

book of galatians galatians 5 16

and the heading in the esv says keep in

step with the spirit

but i say to you but i say walk by the

spirit and you will not gratify the

desires of the flesh for the desires of

the flesh are against the spirit and the

desires of the spirit are against the

flesh for these are opposed to each

other to keep you from doing the things

you want to do what did i want to do

i wanted to be a better mother what did

i want to do i wanted to be a



but because i was living under the law

of this was done to me therefore i can

do this

i was not


in the spirit

justifying and blaming puts all of us


under the law

he goes on to say but if you are led by

the spirit you are not under the law now

the works of the flesh are evident

sexual immorality impurity sexuality

sensuality idolatry sorcery enmity

strife jealousy




there i was

busted well this one’s as fits of anger

but niv says fits and raise rivalries

dissensions divisions envy drunkenness

orgies and things like these

and then he goes on to say

i warn you as i warned you before that

those who do such things

the niv says

practice this another version says

live like this

will not inherit the kingdom of god

see that was incredibly sobering for me

but i want to unpack it because i know

that we have all done things

but it is different to do something

and another thing

to have a practice of something see a

doctor has a what


every single day that’s where he goes

that’s what he does that’s living

like this and that’s living a life where

we say it’s okay to be like this because

of the other people in my world and i’m


what is happening

with the men and the women in the world

i’m watching the women begin to think

it’s okay

to have a fit of rage

it’s okay

to act disrespectful it’s okay to have a

mean spirit because of something that

was done

to us

but this is what i have learned about

the genders that what wounds one

wounds the other and we cannot act like

the world and point our fingers one to


because we are not going to be like adam

and eve and blaming it was never that

adam and eve were supposed to blame each

other or shut down the voice of the

woman it was that adam and eve should

unite their voice and speak to the

serpent and say god is good and it is



i didn’t want to live my life

according to the flesh

and then it goes on to say but the fruit

of the spirit is love joy peace patience

kindness goodness faithfulness

gentleness self-control against such

things there is no law and those who

belong to christ jesus have crucified

the flesh with its passions and desires

if we live by the spirit let us also

keep in step with the spirit let us not

become conceited provoking one another

envying one another

came home

told john

because see i knew i was forgiven

i knew that i had been healed but i had

a habit pattern

and patterns of habit

are incredibly

strong see every time i was angry i was

used to stomping around through the

house i was used to slamming things

one time and again this is before this

happened one time john did something i

don’t even know what he did that i was

really mad and i’m stomping around

through the house we had just moved into

our very first house and i was throwing

stuff in the dryer and i thought i’m

just gonna slam

this dryer door shut and when i slammed

it my husband was standing there he

picked me up carried me out to the

garage and locked me in the garage and

he said you are staying out here until

you calm down it had the exact opposite

effect of calming me down i was furious

i thought i cannot allow this man every

time he thinks i’m mad put me in the

garage so i began to look around the

garage for something to break something

of john’s that would send a clear

message don’t mess with this woman but i

couldn’t find anything that i could

break because i was too poor to replace

it so i remembered

that my husband did all the grilling

so i picked up a hammer

and i thought i’m just going to put a


in the lid of this grill

and every time john goes to grill he’ll

say whoa

that woman’s strong

and i reach back

and i remember hearing the holy spirit


if you hit this grill it’s gonna be you

doing it it’s not the witches

it’s not a demon

it’s you

i hit the grill and i said i bind

condemnation in the name of jesus

brought john out to the garage to see my

handiwork he was not

impressed so i had a habit pattern


pitching a fit

so what i started to do

is every single day when i woke up

i would pray god put a watch over my


let me be slow to speak


to listen


to wrath

see as a sicilian i would tell my



if you want to have passion in the

bedroom you have to have things thrown

at you in the kitchen it’s just the

package steal so i had made so

many excuses

i was quick to speak slow to listen

quick to wrath because i was fiery in my


so i had to stop allowing that

to be my normal

i’d say god

show me what that looks like

you know a lot of times when we talk

about renewing our mind people think

it’s just memorizing and memorizing is

great but i’m not that smart and so what

i do is i

read a scripture

and then i meditate on it

i say if i’m going to be slow to speak

what is that going to look like

am i going to count to 10

am i going to stop thinking of my

response while my husband’s talking


one of the best ways to do that is

whenever my husband said something

i actually set it back to him that way i

was paying attention then i sometimes i

would say so is what you’re saying and

then i would say it and he’d be like no

no that’s not actually what i was saying

that’d be like okay

tell me what you’re saying

that was being quick

to listen

and slow to wrath what is wrath

wrath is when you think you have the

right to punish someone

anger has three stages

anger that’s that’s normal it’s normal

to be angry about stuff

rage rages like you just put a gun on

the table

says now we have a threat in the air


is shooting somebody again i’m sorry for

the mafia uh

correlations it’s just my world but we

need to actually

stop things

before they get out of hand

and one of the other steps is i had to

tell my husband

i don’t like it when you chase me around

when i’m upset about something i need to

have a little bit of space so that my

idle word account doesn’t get too high i

need to be able to step back that’s what

anger does

so that i can return

god when he was mad he would turn his

face away

then he would turn his face

back we got to get this stuff resolved

because the wrath of a man or a woman



the righteous purposes of god

another key i had was

if you want to be heard because a lot of

times people get angry

because they feel like they’re not being

heard have a really smart husband and

i’d be talking and i could see he is

preparing an argument like a lawyer

while i’m just trying to talk

but that would make me ramp it i’d start

ramping ramping stop it and then he just

argument going higher because john would

go logical

so what i had to learn

is if i wanted to be heard

i needed to say it the way i like to

hear it

i don’t like to be yelled at i don’t

like to be threatened

i don’t like somebody being aggressive

and we are in a day in a time

where our voices need to be heard

so we need to


how to speak so we

can be


in a nation

such as this


on a threshold

watched by the world in so many ways

you’re a social experiment a beautiful

melting pot

so many people are watching

so many people are thinking are you

going to make it now i know

i know in my spirit

that john and i feel very

attached to south africa it’s really

interesting to me

when i go to my audience number one is


number two is south africa

and so i know that our hearts are

connected and our messages are connected

to this soil i know pastor andre has

taken our resources and pastor wilma has

taken our resources and they have

scattered it as seed into your lives and

into the leadership and i am here to say

to you

don’t you allow it to be downgraded to

the anger of people

don’t allow judgment

to come out of your mouth

make sure you bless

rather than curse

that you do good rather than


do good to those who have despitefully

used and abused you in a crowd like this

just as in america

there’d be people in here

that grew up

in similar

circumstances to me

maybe way worse

there would also be

mothers and fathers in here

that found themselves

on the edge

and were afraid

of what they thought they were

potentially capable of

there would also be parents here

that went over the edge

and they did things that they’re so

ashamed of


afraid that sometimes they’ll even

justify it

i remember my mother used to always say

i’m sorry i hit you but you made me so


see that’s an apology and an apology is

the defense of a behavior apologetics is

the defense of christianity we are not

called to apologize we are called to

confess and a confession is i’m



was wrong

here’s what i love

there’s always

new mercy there’s always a new beginning

there’s always a fresh start there’s

always something that god can take and

redeem it do you know my testimony by

accident my son happened to see it on tv

now i didn’t do it two weeks afterwards

it was probably

five or six years later

i had christian television on my son

walks into the room

and he is watching the tv i’m out of the

room i didn’t even know i was going to

be on tv that day and my son is

listening to me

tell the testimony of me almost slamming

him into the wall not something i wanted

him to hear

and when i walk into the room panic hit


but my son turned and looked at me and

he said

i can’t even picture you doing that


is the redemptive


of god

so i want to do something i want to set


in motion

i believe

that i need a lot of mercy

so i have learned

to sow

a lot of mercy

i have learned to forgive people

that have never asked for it

i don’t believe there’s anything more


that forgiving people who do not deserve


it is how we are the most christlike

when we say father

forgive them

they didn’t know what they were doing

so i want to do something and i don’t

want to single anybody out but i would

just love

to pray together

all together seeing you all stand to

your feet

and i want you to say heavenly father

forgive me

for the times

i’ve been quick to speak

slow to listen

and quick to wrath

i want to have a new beginning

i’m going to stop making excuses

what you did for me

is more powerful than what was done to


now i want you to think about the


or the person

that comes up in your mind

and i want you to say


forgive them

they didn’t know what they were doing

i cancelled their debt

they owe me


i released them from that prison

free me from my torment

i will bless

and not curse

i will do good

i will not take judgment

or wrath into my own hands

father i will not call anger demonic or

some kind of witchcraft that i can’t


that was a lot sorry

say i take responsibility

i’m going to control myself

because i’m going to be led by the


i’m going to get up every single day

and i’m going to break the habit

of anger

in jesus name

habits can be broken in 21


that’s all it takes but you know how you

break a habit because 21 days for me

sounded like an eternity

you do it

one hour at a time

half an hour at a time

five minutes at a time

one minute at a time

and some of you you might need to make

the phone call like i made

to a parent

you might need to make a phone call or

email to somebody that you’ve been

holding back

because you have no idea

but they’ve been imprisoned

release them and you’ll be shocked

at the release you will experience

south africa is not a nation of anger

south africa is a nation for the glory

of god in jesus name


and amen