I heard your questions, and now it is time to answer! Welcome to my “Loving Fearlessly” Course. I am so excited to start off this new year sharing wisdom and advice with you all. None of us are perfect, but here are more ways to love fearlessly in relationships and in marriage! #lisabevere #lisabeverestudy #lisabeverecourse #lisabevere #lisabevereadamant #christianstudy #onlinecourses #truth #whatistruth #lisabeveresermons #godmothers #lisabeveresermon #johnbevere #johnandlisabevere #livingfearlessly #marriageadvice #marriagegoals ______________ Chapters: 0:00 – Lesson Teaser 0:23 – How to Keep Your Marriage Strong 6:36 – Trees and Vines 9:50 – Navigating a Calling to Ministry in Marriage 12:37 – Make Decisions Together ______________ Make a one-time donation to help fund our livestreams, content, events, and more: https://messengerinternational.org/
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there’s always going to be something in
our lives that is going to need to be
pressed out and often that pressing out
happens in a marriage
situation welcome to loving fearlessly
and I I love this next question because
I was able to kind of get some imagery
and I I’m just really excited unpacking
it they asked me how do you keep your
marriage strong now there’s a bazillion
different answers for that but I can
just tell you what I’ve done first you
rest you rest there’s sometimes you’re
in situations you’re like hey I don’t
like this I don’t like that sometimes
you just got to give it a rest there’s
been times in conflict with my husband
where he’s kind of like ramped up and
I’m a little ramped up and I’m like you
know this could just keep ramping up or
I can give it a rest and I will actually
just walk over to him and he’s kind of
looking at me like what are you going to
do and I will just put my arms around
him why cuz I’m just going to give it a
rest sometimes you’re saying too much
and you just need to rest you just need
to just give each other a little bit of
a rest and what I’m saying not like pull
away from each other but just rest in
that relationship just let it rest and I
know that might sound strange but if
you’ve ever been in striving I think you
know what I’m talking about we just got
to give some of the conversations a rest
we got to give some of the arguments a
rest you got to give your marriage a
rest give it give it time just like you
need to be strong you’re going to have
to rest you’re going to have to have
rest here’s a rhythm with rest and then
the next thing you got to feed nourish
it you got to feed and nourish it and
you got to feed and nourish your
marriage what’s healthy you don’t want
to feed it what’s unhealthy you don’t
want to feed a comparison you don’t want
to watch shows that oh if we watch this
show then we’re sexually attracted to
each each other afterwards that’s called
soft porn or maybe worse you don’t want
to put the bad things in and expect a
long-term good result you might have a
shortterm response that you like but
you’re not going to have a longterm
response that you’re going to like so
you feed you nourish it we talked about
different ways to do that make sure you
spend time together make sure you have
conversations constantly being open to
Growing I know as a woman I often didn’t
understand how to feed and nurture my
husband so I talked about not only just
speaking words of affirmation but
affection physical touch and
understanding he heard love differently
than me was super important then you
also have to exercise your marriage you
have to do things that actually help
your marriage gain strength you go
through a hard season instead of just
saying that was horrible that was hard
actually redeem it go back and say you
know I really hated that season of
conflict but I’m looking at how much
closer we are now that thing that was
hard that obstacle that Financial
challenge that parenting challenge that
marital challenge I feel so much closer
to afterwards exercise it understand
that having done all to stand you stand
therefore you gain strength when you
refuse to compromise that you have a
dream for your marriage and that you’re
going to grow your marriage when it
comes to strength if you do not
intentionally build muscles they atropy
I remember being horrified when I was 40
somebody took a measurement on my body
and they said you have the perfect
muscle and fat percentage for a woman of
your age and I was like yes I have the
perfect muscle versus fat ratio I just
need to stay the same weight
I stayed the same weight but a number of
years later they measured my fat ratio a
decade later and it had almost doubled
why I hadn’t gained any weight I also
hadn’t gained any strength and there’s a
lot of marriages you have not gained any
weight you look exactly the same you
have not gained any strength you need to
say what can we do that would look like
what we’re doing right now that’s one
way of exercising your marriage another
way of exercising your marriages go to
counseling when you don’t have a problem
get the tools that you need to build
relational strength in your marriage go
out with elder couples there are so many
older couples that have been married for
40 50 years that if we don’t sit down
and talk to them we’re going to lose all
of the hard-earned
insights that they could share with us
so that would be a way of exercising and
building strength in your marriage
no comparison comparison compromises
your strength doesn’t build your
strength now what you can do is you
could sit down and say where do we want
to be where do we want to be what do we
need to prune what do we need to prop up
what do we need to feed more what do we
need to feed less so the same way you
would build your body is kind of the
same way you would take care of a garden
you would need to water a garden you
would need to tend a garden
which means you have to create some kind
of order for things to grow in you’d
have to weed a garden so that the
nurturing and the nutrients that you’re
putting in aren’t being taken by other
people so what you’re pouring into your
husband is not being taken by another
woman or it’s not being taken but it’s
actually going where you want it to go
you’re going to have to weed something
like baby I want more time with you that
that girl that you like at work that’s
nice no no no no you’re not going out
with her anymore at lunch I need your
emot emotional connection so you just
kind of weed certain things that are
going to be detractors which are going
to be detriments maybe you have
something in your own life maybe you’re
just kind of checking back in on
Facebook with one of those ex-boyfriends
you need to weed that out of your life
your husband deserves your full heart
your full attention don’t just kind of
have that thing in the background that
maybe if this doesn’t work out I’ve
always got this or maybe my husband
isn’t giving me an a affirmation I’m
going to get it out here no you need to
weed that and to have a conversation
with your husband so that you guys can
build a stronger marriage and not be
vulnerable so when I was thinking about
this whole idea of gardening and stuff I
I thought immediately about how God
Compares a man to a tree and a woman to
a Vine it’s interesting it says that the
wife would be like a fruitful Vine and
it says he will be like a tree planted
and I started to think I want to know
the difference
between trees and Vines and I want to
see how trees and Vines interact with
one another and I think this is actually
pretty interesting Psalm 1283 says your
wife will be a fruit of a Vine within
your house your children will be like
Olive shoots around the table and then
of course Psalm 103 just in case you
guys were worried I wasn’t scriptural it
says he will be like a tree so Vines can
grow on trees Vines can grow on trees
but trees cannot grow on vines vines do
not have the strength but they have the
flexibility that a tree does not have
trees can support the weight of a Vine
there are two kinds of vines there are
creepers and there are climbers I think
you know what you want to be already you
do not want to be a creepy Vine you want
to be a climbing vime and it’s
interesting because God Compares himself
I am the vime you are the branches so
this kind of gives us a little bit of an
idea of what a leader does do a leader
creates a structure for his wife to
flourish that’s what leaders do it isn’t
about controlling it’s about I’m going
to create so I love grapes right now I
got a mess of my grape finds because I
let them grow up and I didn’t give them
any structure so if I want to be
effective with planting grapes what I’m
going to need to do is give them
trellises I want to see that a leader
would take the vine and say I need to
make sure I’m I’m great I’m rooted I’m
the vine but I got to make sure my
branches have a trellis they have
something they can grow on because if
they can grow on this then they’re going
to have full
fruitfulness leaders give structures
they are the prop up they are the arms
out they are the trellis so a husband is
given to the wife so that she has what
is on her become fruitful so we want to
talk about that we’re going to to make
sure the tree is fruitful and the vine
is fruitful let’s say the men are like
olive trees there’s a fruit of the Olive
Tree there’s an oil from The Olive Tree
that comes through pressing and then
there is the fruit from the grape and
there is the juice and the wine that
comes from grape again from pressing so
there’s always going to be something in
our lives that is going to need to be
pressed out and often that pressing out
happens in a married situ situation so
if you’re in a situation where your
husband is not knowing how to prop you
up let’s talk about that because it’s a
lot of pressure on a man to feel like I
got to lead in everything I’ve got to
lead in everything and say baby I don’t
need you to tell me what to do I just
need you to give me the structure to do
it and he’s like do it and explain that
difference and I think he’s going to see
it another thing how and again these two
go together how can I manage uh in my
life when I feel calling and like so
this why feels called to the ministry
but her husband doesn’t and she said but
he’s the leader well again if you feel
called to the ministry your husband’s
job as a leader is to give you structure
for you to fulfill that calling so going
back to the purpose of a marriage a
marriage and Leadership is to be
examples these are to cause things to
grow marriage is supposed to be a power
Union not a power struggle if your
husband doesn’t feel called into the
ministry and you do let’s just sit down
and say what is that going to look like
it doesn’t mean you force him to be in
the ministry it doesn’t mean he stops
you from being in the ministry no true
leader is going to ever say I don’t want
you to obey God that’s not what leaders
do but they would say let’s talk about
what that looks like because right now
we have young kids they have young kids
is this something that you develop in
this season and then do in the next
season what would that look like in our
marriage one of the most power powerful
women of God I know is Lisa turkers she
has her entire organization proverbs 31
she writes books she ministers her
husband he owns a business he is
completely separate from what she does
but what he has done is created a
structure and said you you do this I
love what you’re doing bless it go and
do it so why do we have leaders and
again I feel like if you can change this
leaders prop up the dreams of other
people by giving them support structures
but just as life is a collection of
Seasons you’re going to have to know
what your season is and if your leader
says I don’t believe this is what we’re
supposed to do in this season then you
need to talk about that as a couple and
decide what that looks like so there is
a problem when the husband is an
accountant and a woman doctor no not at
all so there shouldn’t be a problem if
the wife is a minister and the husband
is an attorney why would that be a
problem same thing thing husband’s going
to love his wife what does it say as
Jesus loves the church what does Jesus
do says he washes us with the water of
the word he says he believes the best
and says he evokes our beauty that he
loves us in such a way that the God
thing in our life can come out so there
shouldn’t be any competition I’m a
minister and my husband is a
construction you know owns a
construction company my husband’s a
construction worker I’m a te doesn’t
matter you’re going to love each other
you’re going to love and respect your
husband and if he loves you and doesn’t
take the pressure to control you like
Christ loves the church you should not
have a problem but I will say Paul was
very clear that when we get married we
don’t get to make decisions in isolation
we need to make them together so I
believe that you can have a conversation
and you don’t need to be afraid you can
say this is what I’m looking for from
you and he’s probably going to ask you
some questions and you can design what
that looks
like
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