I heard your questions, and now it is time to answer! Welcome to my “Loving Fearlessly” Course. I am so excited to start off this new year sharing wisdom and advice with you all. None of us are perfect, but here are more ways to love fearlessly in relationships and in marriage! #lisabevere #lisabeverestudy #lisabeverecourse #lisabevere #lisabevereadamant #christianstudy #onlinecourses #truth #whatistruth #lisabeveresermons #godmothers #lisabeveresermon #johnbevere #johnandlisabevere #livingfearlessly #marriageadvice #marriagegoals ______________ Chapters: 0:00 – Lesson Teaser 0:21 – Welcome Back 0:49 – Preparation to Be a Godly Wife 2:58 – How I Balance These 3 Things 6:28 – Being a Good Wife 9:58 – What John and I Would Have Done Differently 12:43 – Closing Thoughts ______________ Make a one-time donation to help fund our livestreams, content, events, and more: https://messengerinternational.org/
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how did you prepare yourself to be a
Godly wife man I would have wish I’d
known this I actually
didn’t welcome back to loving fearlessly
and we are talking about leaning into
principles for marriage that actually
work in other relationships as well
works with your single but we did really
focus it on marriage I love that so many
of you said if I could sit down with you
for an hour I would want to know
everything you can tell me about
marriage and so I sat down looked at the
list figured out what I could actually
answer there were certain things I can’t
answer that figured out what I could
answer and wrote it down so we’re going
to do another how did you prepare
yourself to be a Godly wife man I would
have wished I’d known this I actually
didn’t I did not prepare myself myself
to be a Godly wife I got married I kind
of you know bought into the whole lie of
once you get married everything is a
happy and they lived happily ever after
and I played a lot of ketchup afterwards
I don’t want to see you do that so I’m
going to talk to you about some things I
wish I would have done that I could have
done to prep first and foremost you’re
going to hear me say over and over again
I wish I would have talked to an older
woman I wish I would have asked her
things everything you know a lot of
times young girls are scared to ask
older women about sex hey they know more
than you do about sex you can talk to
them about sex so I wish I would have
asked that I wish I would have had
somebody that I would have been brave
enough to say I like the marriage and
the life that you’re building what are
some of the things that you would tell
me to do then I would make an honest
assessment of what I was bringing to the
table I think a lot of times we think
just being cute is enough just looking
good in Instagram it’s enough I look
cute on your arm really is that how we
build a healthy americ marriage let’s
talk about an honest assessment of what
we’re bringing to the table I wish I
would have known Lisa all you’re
bringing is a suntan that’s basically
all you’re bringing to the table here
again I did have a little bit of that
wakeup call and I began to lean in
assess my strengths have a an honest
opinion of my weaknesses and then lean
into building those things I remember I
sat down and I made a list of the kind
of mother I wanted to be the kind of
wife I want wanted to be the kind of
employee the kind of things I wanted to
do and as I wrote all these things down
I realized nobody was going to hand
those things to me I was going to have
to grow into them so what are you
bringing to the table what is your hope
for your family what skill sets do you
need to make if you’re newly wed to grow
into that or if you’re in another season
what skill sets what things do you need
to add into your life so you can grow
into that season then this is the
premium question the question I get
every how do you balance marriage
motherhood and and Ministry I decided I
would go ahead and put that in the
marriage section it may be kind of
touched on in the other ones but in the
marriage section how do I balance these
three things and if I had a dollar for
every time I’m asked this question I
could retire to balance something means
you actually need to separate them
separate marriage separate Ministry
separate motherhood if I’m going to be
balancing it has to all be separate that
doesn’t work for me I am a mother I am a
minister and I am a wife these are all
roles I am simultaneously I’m never
going to stop being a mother once I’ve
had a child I will always be a mother
now I might be added in grandmother I
might be added in great grandmother I
got the grandmother thing not the great
grandmother yet I’ll have an addition
but it isn’t something that I’ll ever
have taken away from me I will always be
a minister what it might look like later
in life might change I will always be a
wife even if I was widowed it would have
meant that I had the role of a wife and
I think too many times we try to
compartmentalize things and it becomes a
problem so it’s much larger than who I
am is God’s daughter that’s the biggest
umbrella I have in my life this is the
largest one and as God’s daughter I’ve
had the blessing of being married and
becoming a wife I’ve had the blessing of
having children and becoming a mother
I’ve had the blessing of being able to
be a minister of the Gospel so this is
the roles I play but my identity is
God’s daughter and if you have that as
the bigger umbrella then everything just
kind of goes under that so I think with
Ministry the challenge is different than
like oh but I’m a doctor because we get
kind of muddied because when we
misbehave or we don’t personally uphold
what we Minister it gets very confusing
it gets confusing for our children it
gets confusing for our spouse why are
you nice in the pulpit and mean whatever
so we have to say this is all together
if we see it as separate then our
Behavior becomes separate if we see it
as holistic and all together then we
don’t have a problem with this so again
it’s a it’s a role it’s not identity but
it isn’t something that you ever
separate so what do I do as a minister
mother what do I do I remember my kids
would say Mom we’re going to go in the
grocery store we’re going to go straight
for the milk and we’re going to leave I
don’t want you to make eye contact with
anybody we will not have anybody crying
you are not going to hold hands with
anybody there’ll be no deep meaningful
conversations you go in and you go out
and I tell them I can’t do that my one
son Alec would say I will help you he
would walk behind me with his hand on my
neck and say look at the floor and trust
me that I am taking you to the right
aisle and i’ be like Alex stop this why
because I have the role of a minister
when I’m grocery shopping I have the
role of a mother when I am grocery
shopping I have the role of a wife when
I am doing both of those things so don’t
try to separate it and juggle them you
are all of that together and be holistic
with it and understand there’s different
emphasis in different seasons but they
all work together then this person said
how can I be a good wife when I feel
like I don’t measure up so as soon as I
heard this term measure up feels like
there’s a presence of comparison there
is insecurity and possibly and again I’m
just saying this because I believe that
you guys have come to me jealousy like
there’s somebody that’s measuring up and
I’m not measuring up I I don’t know
what’s going on in your life but
comparison is not going going to help
you feel what you need to compare
yourself with is what kind of wife was I
last month what kind of wife was I last
week what kind of wife was I a year ago
every once in a while John and I will
sit down and say wow a year ago we
thought our marriage was good and this
is what it looked like and now it’s even
better we try to celebrate in comparison
of growth not comparison of other people
but with our self we want to become the
best people that God created us to be so
we don’t want to compare so there’s
learning curves learning curves with
marriage I wish I could tell you that
this is everything you need to know and
this is what it’s going to look like and
this is how it’s going to happen I
remember when I was in elementary school
I used to be very fascinated by bees and
I was so wishing I was a bee because
bees are born knowing everything they
will ever have to know they have
imprinted on them every skill set they
will ever need and be somebody who had
challenges in school this was a hard
thing for me I think I just wish I was a
bee I just wish it was all in me I wish
it was all imprinted I wish I didn’t
have to study and get tested guess what
we’re not bees but everything that you
need is woven into the word of God and
everything that you need is woven into
this desire that you have to measure up
but you don’t want to measure up to
other people you want to measure up to
who God is calling you forth to be and
he’s not comparing you with me or with
anybody else he’s just pulling you forth
according to what you know and what you
can do so I want you just to lean away
from the comparison things we will all
make mistakes we will all make mistakes
the challenge comes what are you going
to do with your mistake are you going to
beat yourself up are you going to beat
your husband up are you going to learn
from your mistake are you going to
redeem your mistake and build a stronger
marriage in the the future see I
actually used to be terrified of making
mistakes I actually used to be scared of
taking risks and I actually know that I
can look back at my life and I’m a
pretty risky person and realize I missed
some opportunities because I was afraid
of making a mistake CU I didn’t measure
up God’s got your back you know if you
say I’m going to I’m going to lean into
this and I’m going to be the best wife I
can be again you’re going to make
mistakes but having a perfect heart and
wanting to grow into that God’s going to
honor that so we can learn more when we
make more mistakes when we know to do
better we do better so take the risk and
learn from it so um we’re not suffered
wives we are not perfectly submitted
women but we are women who are perfectly
submitted to God and have perfect Hearts
so we’re going to all make mistakes we
have imperfect husbands we’re imperfect
women and we can grow um somebody said
what would John and I have done
differently so I know that I’ve already
mentioned it before but we would have
been much more careful with the things
we said about one another to friends we
sometimes cause friends if I talk to the
wife he talked to the husband caused our
friends to side wife side with me
husband side with John and then it made
it really awkward we would not have done
that with knowing it or not we ended up
dishonoring one another another thing we
would have known is to we had permission
to ask for help we got saved in the
early ‘ 80s and the ‘ 80s were a weird
time period where you had to act like
you knew everything even if you didn’t
know everything we needed somebody to
say it’s okay for you to ask for help
it’s okay for you to ask for input it’s
okay for you to ask for counsel I wish
that we would have known that we could
ask for help not just from anybody but
from the right people I think for too
long we kind of made it sound like in
the church you should just know
everything saying in in the spirit or in
the scripture and there were tools that
we needed to do relationship well that
weren’t brought into the church early on
that I wish I could have known I could
have gone and said I need to know how to
do these relational tools pastors
sometimes have counseling background but
a lot of times they don’t they don’t get
all of that teaching when they’re in
things so you have permission I just
want to say this to you you have
permission to go to the right people for
the right Council to get what you need
so I I wish I would have had that uh
another thing is um I wish we would have
spent more time with our family at home
I wish that we would have been a little
bit more intentional even at home we
were busy I wish we would have paused
and spent more time with our family at
home I also wish we would have done more
intentional vacation so what we kind of
did was hey I’ve got to preach here and
why don’t we take all the kids and I’ll
preach and we’ll do a little vacation
and then we’ll do preach on the end I
wish we would have said nope we’re going
to only do vacation with our kids so we
can be fully invested in them and not
just kind of have the bonus Ministry
vacation in between because we were
always thinking about what you know we
had to do soon on the weekend I wish we
would have taken more risk on every
single level and made more time to enjoy
one another’s company one of the things
I love doing with my husband more than
anything else is going for a walk I wish
I would have done that more so I’m going
to do it more in the future I’m not
going to be sad that I didn’t do it in
the past but I’m going to do it more in
the future so I hope these are some
things that will help you think about
what you want to do differently in the
future rather than feel bad about it I
hope you understand none of us measure
up there’s going to be that constant
accuser that’s going to say you’re not
good enough you’re not good enough and
you just need to say I’m not good enough
but the grace of God and the love of God
and the word of God is transforming me
in every single day I’m growing in Grace
and strength and being transformed into
a woman who loves
[Music]
fearlessly