Pastor Matt and Kendal are joined by Mandy Majors, founder and Executive Director of nextTalk, an organization that offers practical solutions to parents on how to navigate a tech-savvy world from a Christian vantage point. This organization offers tools to guard and guide your family in a digital age. The internet has changed parenting forever! Do you talk about it with your children? Parents, it’s important to come into agreement on how to handle digital media in your home. Creating a culture of open conversation is important. It arms your children with the knowledge of how to handle potentially life-altering situations, or situations that are inappropriate for their age. Communication is key.
the internet has changed parenting
forever and God’s word still continues
to hold up the standard by which we
should live our lives so what does the
Bible have to say about YouTube Facebook
and other Platforms in today’s episode
author and speaker Mandy Majors is here
to talk about raising our kids in a
digital world sure the enemy has his
schemes but God offers wisdom to all who
seek it stay where you are there’s a lot
to
cover
welcome to the difference Kendall and I
are so pleased to welcome back Mandy
major she’s the founder and executive
director of next talk but more
importantly she’s a mother who’s had to
navigate how to parent in a cyber and
digital age Mandy in in one of our last
conversations you were talking about
your perspective versus your husband’s
perspective and and it made me think you
know how how important is it to come
into agreement because that’s something
that Kendall and I are always working
towards we’re not and the reason I say
we’re working towards it is because we
are seldom naturally in agreement you I
mean we both agree we need to be aware
of this or we got to do something but
we’re we’re very different in how we
approach it absolutely this is such an
important
question with us I remember taking Matt
the solution and said I found it and D
your hb’s name Matt
Matt thank you for clarifying I’m going
to tell you what a genius this husband
is I mean how could you argue with Matt
I know right I know Matt knows
everything sorry I I hadn’t shared his
name yet good um yeah so I I took this
information to Matt because we would
always pray at night you know we had
this ritual in our home pray with our
kids come to bed pray you know before we
went to bed whatever and and I was
telling him I found the solution I have
found it and I remember his immediate
response was you’re expecting me to talk
to our kindergartener boy about sex like
I don’t even know how to do that and and
I felt very deflated because I felt like
it was a holy spirit God was giving me a
solution to this whole problem we were
looking at and the next day he called me
on the way to work he is a long commute
and he was like I owe you an apology he
said I I saw your face and I saw that
you were really excited like this is the
solution God is giving us and he said I
just need to be honest with you we never
talked about these things and I don’t
know how to do it and he said you are
gifted in the sense of can sit down with
our kid and have a Kumbaya moment I’m
not that dude and so he’s like I don’t
know how to do it and he said but I give
you my blessing like try to create this
new culture that you’re talking about of
conversation in our home and just let me
know how it’s going so I’m with you I’m
I’m there but it’s just not well at
least he at least he was like I trust
you enough that God gave you this to do
it you know and I had his Blessing so I
did and every night we would pray with
our kids and I would report back to him
I would say oh my gosh I picked this kid
up from school today and they asked me
this and before I would have just swept
that under the road because it’s too
hard to answer but I actually answered
it and then this started happening and
then they started conf find and so he
could see my excitement and one day he
he had to take the kids to school one
morning be that’s normally my job but
but but I had a responsibility of
meeting and he called me and he said and
this was halfway through I was writing
my book he called me and he said it
works it works he doesn’t get excited so
I was like what are you talking about
he’s like this open communication thing
I was in the car 10 minutes with one kid
and we covered so much stuff and I was
like see it doesn’t have to be this 30
minute long conversation it can be like
a f minute car ride and it doesn’t
always have to be punitive yes you know
one of the things that that I learned as
a parent in in just having conversation
with my kids is that you can have
correction without punishment and and
all it is is just adjusting their
perspective okay I see how you saw that
but what if you looked at it this way
and suddenly they have this Eureka
moment where they’re like oh there’s
more than one way to approach something
and you know when you have that dialogue
not only with your spouse but also with
your children when do you take that
outside of your family Circle to help
other parents understand hey when my son
comes around your son these aren’t these
aren’t cool you know because that’s a
big part of it because you know when
kids know what’s not allowed in your
house they’ll try and find the house
where it is allowed just so they can go
see what it’s like absolutely well I
think it’s a conversation first for us
it was a conversation first with the
grandparents and we had to have that
conversation Oh you mean grandparents
will contradict parents the House of Yes
what was happening was one of the big
things that I saw right away was like
online predators and grooming and stuff
and they would always ask kids to keep
secrets like wear a red shirt today and
take a picture and don’t tell anybody
that’s our special secret and it seemed
like harmless little stuff listen to the
song don’t tell anybody and then let’s
discuss the lyrics and they were
building relationships with kids online
and so I told Matt let’s just have a no
secrets family policy like like you got
to tell us what’s going on so we started
that well one time they went to
grandparents for overnight sleepover and
they had like you know at popsicles for
breakfast and and that whole
conversation was don’t tell your parents
well my son got in the car and we had
just started this and he was like
fidgeting and I’m like what is wrong and
he’s like they told me to keep a secret
from you and I’m like what and he said I
had all these popsicles for breakfast
and it was in that moment I was like I
need to have a conversation with them
and so I told them I was like it’s fine
that he has eat popsicles for breakfast
like I don’t want that’s one of the
reasons he came I don’t want to take
away your fun spoil your grandkids but I
explained to them online predators and
the secrets and I said I’m trying to
figure out how to parent well in the
digital world and I need your help so
one thing that we cannot do as a family
is no secrets no SEC even if it’s
harmless and little because kids get
confused because the you know the online
Predator saying wear a red shirt and
take a picture and it’s our little that
seems harmless too so having those
conversations are really good and then
talking to your community and their
friends just you know I’ve this is
something new we’re trying how would you
feel if we all got on the same page here
one of the things I used to do when my
kids were little when we hosted
sleepovers or whatever phones are on the
kitchen counter we’re not going to have
any phones and I would let the moms know
ahead of time and then my kids got a
certain age and then they were
responsible for communicating it with
their with their friends you know Middle
School hit I’m like you’re responsible
send the gr text out and tell it’s
interesting because you know you will
have people in your friend Community or
in your school groups and things that
will try and justify why their child
requires what you prevent in your home
and you need to they have a phone in
fourth grade because or I need to reach
them but you don’t understand they call
me every night before they go to bed
that’s fine they can walk down in the
living room get their phone I’ll watch
them make the phone call and then I’m
taking the phone back yeah but what if
they miss me in the middle of the night
well then you can come pick them up at
2: a.m. you know you have to draw some
of those boundaries otherwise you know
the world is dictating to you what
happens in your home and I think parents
need to give themselves permission to be
in charge of what God has given them
control over you know I mean we have
we’re responsible we have been entrusted
with these little souls to Steward them
well and we that’s a great
responsibility as a parent and the other
thing is talk to your kids about
different house different rules like
other people see this differently right
and I respect them and that’s fine but
this is why I think it’s really
important to have the phones on the
kitchen counter like I would say well
our kids understand if you come over to
our house you will take your shoes off
at the back door yeah you know and when
their friends come over who wear their
shoes in the house they’re like uhuh no
yeah take those shoes off so if they can
learn that one they can learn the phone
one they can learn any of the other they
just pick and choose which ones they
like better than the others you when we
come back we’re going to continue this
very important conversation with Mandy
and give you some practical tips about
how you can get started in making sure
that your family has clear understanding
about the dos and don’ts of what happens
in a digital world in your
[Music]
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storm welcome back to the difference Our
Guest is Mandy major and she is the
founder of next talk it’s a platform
where parents can understand more about
the things that their children are
exposed to in a digital and cyber world
and how to address them in their homes
in their relationships and create a
healthy and safe environment for their
entire family Mandy in your books and
and and much of your content you
discuss topics that most people would
rather not discuss and it’s not for
shock you know sometimes people say
things just to get the response you have
to discuss them because they’re very
very real and and most people would
prefer to be complacent apathetic or
ignorant because predators and sex
trafficking and the the dark world that
is utilizing technology to recruit
children into this lifestyle they’re
very real and they’re out there H how do
you come up with the courage to do that
and why well Satan wants us to say
silent and I think I saw that in a lot
of parents contacting me you know I’ve
learned a lot in the space and I I talk
with a lot of parents about what’s
happening in their homes and I kept
seeing
this same thing happening when they were
afraid to talk that’s when the kids were
going down a bad path almost always and
so Having the courage to just be like
God has me there had been times when I
didn’t know what I was going to say or
how I was going to answer their
questions and I would pray about it I
would talk to a mentor I would read the
word of God I can’t tell you how many
times God has awakened me in the middle
of the night and said this is what your
kid needs in this space you know because
each kid is different but the Holy
Spirit like God knows that he’s Creator
he knit them together and so allowing
that to be a part of this and I it
sounds so cliche but it’s so true like
God will equip you as a parent now in
that moment of being equipped I think
it’s also fair to state that sometimes
when God gives you that Insight you
don’t have this Fairy Godmother moment
where you go thank you Jesus I so
appreciate you telling me when you hear
those things I know in my life when I
hear them I’m
like I have to go do this yes you know
it’s almost like you’re now burdened
with it until you actually take action
on it which I think there’s a lot of
parents who are watching and they feel
that burden yeah they know they have to
take action on this but it’s so
overwhelming it is it’s it’s like hey
I’ve already blown it I’ve given them
you know this resource and free reign
over it and I don’t even want to begin
to know where does that parent begin
well I think first of all just giving
yourself some Grace this whole thing has
blindsided everybody schools are
struggling churches are struggling
parents are struggl so first of all just
give yourself some Grace it’s okay and
second of all I think the conversation
should be with your kid so instead of
maybe guns blazing I’m taking away your
phone all social media is deleted and
they’ve done nothing wrong if you do
that that’s going to hurt your
relationship that’s the farthest thing
that I want from you Satan wants that
but that’s that’s not what God want
vision is his game absolutely it is so I
think the conversation becomes and I
always tell parents throw me under the
bus like when I when I’m at an
event said I’m meeting with somebody
today her name is Mandy and we’re going
to have some new boundaries when I come
home today okay so this is perfect so
that explains the attitude at breakfast
I was like why is everybody so mad this
morning I have some tips I’m okay but
but here’s here’s the thing you can say
to your kid I thought I was going to go
in and she was like boundaries
boundaries boundaries but what she told
me was I need to educate y’all on why we
need boundaries good so there are people
literally waiting to have a conversation
with you and one of the big things that
online strangers will say is they will
pit you against your parents I always
tell kids watch out for that if there’s
anybody online or in real life that is
like your parents don’t you know they’re
bad people or trying to get you to feel
like you don’t have a safe place at home
that’s a red flag alert that something
is very wrong the individuals who are
Bad actors the the groomers and and the
Predators they don’t start at level 10
no no know they don’t start by showing
you this graphic image and saying Hey
kid what do you think of this it would
be easy to identify them if that was the
case they start not even at level zero
they start below that and build layers
and levels of trust and then somewhere
along the way they they they start to
transition from wholesome and
appropriate to questionable and then
from questionable to concerning and then
from they just it’s kind of like the
frog in the pot they keep turning up the
heat until you’re boiling and you don’t
know how to jump out and and as a parent
you want your child to be able to
understand at any point you can come to
me yes I even as your kid gets older and
they’re more in the digital space I
always say even if you make a mistake
even if you find yourself doing
something that you were like whoa I
don’t can’t believe I got roped into
this but then they’re holding it over
your head and they’re saying if you
don’t do this more that is just a red
flag alert like I’m going to love you
the same I’m going to love you like God
loves you and that is
unconditional but but I will help you
figure it out like we’ll walk hand in
hand to try and figure this out I think
older kids sometimes just need to hear
that because they get into these online
relationships and it seems so sweet at
first we always use a scale of 0o to 10
10 is crisis mode you know 10 is your
kid is being sex trafficked I mean it’s
crisis mode but the over here at one two
and three what we’re trying to do as an
organization is prevent the 10 from
happening through the conversations and
through kids being able to identify the
red flag alerts the secrets the
pitting me against my parents you know
things like that that will just make
them be like something is really off
here because I say to my kids your
brain’s not fully developed yet I know
you’re
impulsive I was a teenager once I was a
horrible teenager like my kids know that
right and so if you ever find yourself
in a situation where you’re like Mom’s
going to be disappointed in me or Dad’s
I want you to know I’m going to love you
the same like we’re going to get through
it together as a family you can always
confide in me and I think that having
that safe place to land is just so good
for these kids because they’ve got so
much stuff coming at them so fast and
their little brains are trying to
process it and if they don’t have a safe
place to ask those questions they’re
going to drown so what about a parent
that’s watching they provided this safe
place they’ve tried the open
communication but they have a child
that’s just defiant doesn’t want to talk
just wants their phone wants to sit in
their room all day long what do you
suggest for parents that have opened
this communication but just doesn’t get
the same back you need to be completely
honest we need a reset this is not
working we’re trying it and we’re it
it’s it’s not working and so what am I
always say too ask your kid like what am
I doing wrong how can I be a better mom
how can I be let them talk first and
then hopefully they’ll reciprocate and
then you can say can we can you help me
here kind of meet in the middle
especially if you have an older kid you
know where they’ve already they have
yeah and you know you’re talking about 0
to 10 situations and and certainly in in
the space of you know harmful behaviors
10 is always the top if you’ve got a
level 10 issue in terms of defiance with
a kid I always tell parents if you’re
paying the bill you’re the thrill you
can shut it off just that fast because
this stuff isn’t free yes right so you
know if you need a reset and it’s got to
be a drastic one I think you know you
you hear about Rehabilitation and in
certain cases with extreme addiction you
have to be totally removed from the
environment well there are certain
situations where you need to totally
remove it from your environment for a
period of time to where everybody can
understand what healthy is and what
healthy is not and absolutely and
counselors that you trust and that have
been vetted you know psychologist EV
bring in everybody you need a village
you need a community if you are at a
level 10 for sure absolutely so we’re
talking a little bit about screen
addiction when we come back we’re going
to find out does your kid have it or do
you you’re watching the difference don’t
go
[Music]
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partner welcome back to the difference
Mandy Majors is our guest Mandy you’ve
been helping Kendall and I even in this
conversation understand some things that
we need to go home and discuss with our
family um but sometimes when we get into
these conversations with our kids about
screen time
they turn the mirror back around look at
us and they say well you’re always on
your device now it’s easy for me to
justify will it’s work but what kind of
example does that set in this context
when everybody’s got their own
justification well this is where you got
to be a good role model yeah and you
know I know you can’t escape that one
absolutely and I think if we’re honest
we all kind of have our phones have a
stronghold on us I mean that’s what I
tell my kids and there is a difference I
believe between a stronghold and an
addiction and so I I’m always telling my
kids we have to be very careful with the
word Addiction because it is it is
reserved for severe cases we don’t want
to overuse it but let’s all be honest
and you know this is me talking to my
family our phones have a stronghold on
us so how are we going to hold each
other accountable so it doesn’t become
an addiction because over at over here
at addiction we see families roared we
see bad choices and we don’t want any of
that any of us so how do we hold each
other accountable and it’s a group
effort quite frankly um you know meals
are off limits for us with screens uh at
night you know I mention no phones in
bedrooms or bathrooms well my husband he
has a he has to have his phone for night
sometimes he gets calls in the middle of
the night we explain that to the kids
you know he’s not up scrolling Instagram
at 2: a.m it is over there just for work
emergencies and so that’s the difference
um and so just having that open
communication of we’re all learning and
and I let my kids call me out if that if
I’ve been on Facebook or Instagram a
little too much like they’re allowed to
call me out on it as long as I can do
that for you too like it’s an equal
accountability thing you know I think
you very practically established you
know a rule that kenel and I have is
dinner time sacred time yes and not only
is it a no digital thing but it’s also
um a moment where we want everyone to
share equally because you know we’ve got
four kids some personalities are
stronger than others some are talkative
some are listeners you know and if
you’re not careful you know it can
become imbalanced and and you get to
hear all about one person’s day and then
when they’re done talking they say
enough about me let you talk about me
you know and it’s like no you got to
pass this around and and it teaches
those equal values and I think those are
important places where you start to show
your child you know the the modern term
would be a moral compass but balance you
know how important is that in terms of
navigating this digital space because
you know you want your child to be able
to identify right from wrong and not
just gullibly walk into everything
having a moral compass is one of the key
things that we teach over at next talk
and you know we we speak to all parents
Christian and non-Christian and we say
no matter what it is they need to know
right from wrong for us as Christians
obviously the Bible is our moral compass
so I’m I’m thankful actually have to
come up with what’s right and wrong like
I don’t have to play those that that God
and so it is just constantly what does
the Bible say about this even from
little things your kid comes home and
you know they’re saying my friend has a
crush on soand so and they’ve asked me
to lie to the to the boy because I can’t
tell the boy well what what is lying is
lying okay so let’s go to scripture
let’s look at that and then we problem
Sol together okay so you don’t want to
lie because that is that’s not biblical
so what if you just say go ask him I’m
I’m out of it I’m not even gonna be a
part of this just go directly to this
person that way you’re not lying but
you’re also being a good confident you
know and so helping your kid navigate
that gray area through a moral compass
Through the Bible I think is really
important even with little issues
because if you do that with little
issues then when they get really big
issues you’re still sending them to
God’s word talk about deception how many
parents have filled in an inaccurate
birthday so that their child can get a
social media profile because you have to
have a minimum age requirement and the
kids under the age you’ve just taught
your child to be deceptive if if it gets
you what you want 100% 100% it’s the
role model yeah it’s the role model
situation so in the network of
counselors you have how many of those
counselors would tell you that America
has a screen addiction issue well
they’re all saying I’m seeing changes in
kids you know and and all the problems
that they’re navigating and we I think
we’re going to be studying this for
years and years but we already know the
more screen the more mental health like
we’re seeing the rise in that already
and and so across the board with
Christian and non-Christian families and
so we have to take note of that it’s
very important you got to make sure your
kid is mentally healthy if they’re not
they’re not ready for social media and
then as you’re implementing social media
you have to keep I I mean praying over
that kid and keeping like checking the
temperature I’m always like checking the
temperature of my mental health of each
kid to make sure we’re good and if I see
any red flags it’s you know I’m in the
phone I’m trying to figure out random
phone checks I’m all for that’s what I
was goingon to say because you have some
parents go well that’s their phone I’m
not going to get involved not going to
read messages when we gave phone that
was clear expectations and boundaries up
front when we gave phones I’m paying for
it I’m coming at anytime it is not a
diary if you want a diary go write go
write it in a because I will tell you
right now if there’s a murder the FBI is
going through your phone and they’re
they can get anything and everything I
have seen this on cases that we’ve
worked on so it’s not private your phone
is not a diary and you make sure the
kids give you their passwords you have
passwords of all their when they were
little absolutely obviously my
19-year-old she’s flying solo now my
16-year-old I still have many passwords
of his but he’s earning a little bit of
Freedom there yeah okay well and you
know you talk about mental health checks
and that’s a big word word these days
and a lot of people think that if you’re
doing a mental health check there must
be something wrong but I mean a health
check is a health check you go to the
doctor when you’re well for a physical
just to make sure you’re well what does
a mental health check from you know a
parent look like so that parents can
kind of understand this is a
conversation where you’re able to
identify those things well if you see
unlikely Behavior like all of a sudden
and there’s going to be some you know
when they start high school when they
start Middle School that transition the
first couple month you’re going to see
all sorts of things more anger you know
more sadness more overwhelming that’s
normal but if you see it continually
loss of appetite um they’re just
responding to you in ways that are very
unlike them and again teenagers they’re
going to start being shorter with their
answers they do so you just have to know
your kid I I know sometimes I’ll say to
my husband okay we got to watch this kid
there’s something going on and then I
give it a couple weeks to see and then
it’ll even out or it won’t and then I’m
like okay we need to go to a counselor
it be proactive don’t wait until the 10
is happening to get your kid to a
counselor or a truster professional yeah
well and and make sure that your child
understands that you have that and their
best interest at heart you know you’re
not doing this because something’s wrong
you’re doing this because we want you to
feel safe we want you to feel well we
want you to do the best that you can and
this is helping us to accomplish that
absolutely one of the things that I say
to my kids is you know I work with a lot
of families and I see kids cutting and
depressed and self Haring themselves
because they’re overwhelmed and they
have the St same stressors that you do
often they just haven’t learned to cope
with it in a healthy way and so
sometimes they don’t know how to express
those big emotions so they’ll end up
cutting themselves or pulling their hair
out because they’re just trying to
figure out how to deal with those big
emotions going on inside and so I’ll say
to my kids I don’t want that for you so
let’s talk about it and anytime you’re
laying your head on the pillow and
something keeps in your head bothering
you that is something Satan wants you to
not tell anybody about that that is what
you need to tell me the most because
whatever is bugging you and maybe it’s a
bully maybe it’s I feel awkward because
of this this and this whatever it is if
you if it keeps coming back like we need
to have a conversation about that well
if you’d like to find out more about
Mandy’s organization next talk online is
the best way to do it nextt talk.org
and I encourage you to start
conversations with your children to find
out where they’re at and where you as a
parent need to be to support them it’s a
digital age it’s not going to be
something you can escape or eliminate
but it is something you can navigate
with good principles God’s word and
great help Mandy thank you for being
that help thank you so much for having
me Kendall and I are so glad that you’ve
joined us today God bless you and thank
you for watching the
difference