The words you speak can make your life heaven or hell. Every time you open your mouth, you make a choice, because death and life is in the power of the tongue. Communication is key to a healthy family; it is life to your relationships, especially your marriage.
[Music]
turn with me please to Proverbs chap 18
verse 21 as today we begin a three
sermon series taken from my latest book
absolute power absolute power can
transform every one of your problems
into an opportunity for Success because
that is in essence the word of God today
the power of
communication this sermon is pricess for
every person who uses words when you
speak the single biggest problem in
communication is the illusion that it’s
taken place two people can hear the same
sentence and come up with a very
different transl ation words fitly
spoken the Bible says are like apples of
gold in pictures of silver words fitly
spoken therefore are absolutely
Priceless the Bible declares there are
joyful words there are loving words
there are gracious and healing words
there are encouraging words there are
hopeful words it also says there are
hurtful words vicious words divisive
words mean-spirited words words designed
to destroy peace words that will destroy
your marriage that will destroy your
children that will destroy your church
and listen words that will destroy your
nation right now America is being
destroyed by hateful bitter vicious
vindictive Godless Socialist semic
Communist words flowing out of the mass
media let us look to the word of God
ladies and gentlemen of America for it
will lead us into all truth can I hear
an amen
amen the words you choose to speak can
make your life on this Earth Heaven or
Hell the choice is yours every time you
open your mouth we’re going to address
today the communication marriage a
committed marriage is where you and I
can honestly tell each other who we are
what we think and how we feel what we
love what we honor what we esteem what
we hate what we fear what we desire what
we hope for what we believe in what
we’re committed to without the fear of
an emotional Hiroshima coming out of
your partner for those of you who failed
American history hirosima was the
nuclear blast that ended World War
II many are married but not very many
have a committed marriage and there’s a
world of difference the absolute power
of communication will produce a
committed and loving marriage why this
subject now because America is coming
apart at the scams our families are
crumbling 70% of America’s children do
not live with both of their birth
parents the point is as the family goes
in America so goes the church and so
goes the nation communication keeps
families together I want you to listen
today because you’re going to see
yourself several times before we get to
the end of this message read with me
Proverbs 18:21 ready death and life are
in the power of the tongue and those who
love it will eat of its fruit father God
bless this message today because it
comes to the heart of America the heart
of our
crisis and we and as a people must
return to the biblical
principles of what a family is and is
not that we as a church may be effective
in a society that has lost its way in
Jesus name we pray and ask these things
and all of God’s children said amen you
may be
seated let me begin with this simple
question how many of you in this room
have ever been miss understood when you
said something let me see your hand boy
that’s 100% And
quick man how many of you have ever told
your wife something as clearly as you
could speak I mean you laid it out as
clearly as it can be said and she got it
all wrong how
many 100% we’re flying high here already
today ladies how many of you have told
your husband as something as clearly as
human speech could get it and he got it
all wrong totally wrong let me see your
hands some are holding up two hands and
waving
them
yeah
everybody for a communication to be
effective it should be clear we have
developed communication systems that
make it possible for men on Earth to
talk to people walking on the moon yet
husbands can’t talk to their wives wives
mothers can’t talk to their daughters
fathers can’t talk to their sons across
the dinner table because there’s a lack
of
communication if you’re letting your
children bring cell phones and computers
to the dinner table that’s a wrong move
to make get rid of that
stuff start asking them questions about
what they did that day where they went
what they say find out what’s going on
in the life of your
child problems and differences in a
marriage or in a family are not
dangerous not being able to communicate
those differences is very dangerous it’s
the end of your
relationship a man or a woman who will
not communicate is alone you can be
married and be alone you can be in a
crowd and be alone you can go to church
and sit with thousands of people and be
alone if you can’t communicate you are a
prisoner on an island that you have
created and you refuse to live you live
behind bars that you have created and
allow yourself to stay there what is
communication communication is an
exchange or feelings of
information it takes two people to
communicate say that with me it takes
two people to communicate how many of
you guilty of talking when the other
person is
talking let me press it further how many
of you when you’re talking and the
conversation is getting steamy you’re
not really listening to what they’re
saying you’re thinking of what you’re
going to say next and as soon as she
takes a breath you’re going to jump in
how many of you saying that 100% of you
the rest of you are
lying the most important single
ingredient in a long-term marriage is
the ability to communicate communicate
Miss is to love what blood is to the
body when it stops flowing you’re
dead you’re dead communication is not
out yelling your wife you’re just like
your mother Alice yak yak yak all the
time that’s not
communication I’m not arguing with you
I’m just debating the 13 Reasons Why I’m
right that’s not communication either
communication is not out talk in your
husband there’s not a woman in the world
that can’t out talk their
husband King David said create in me oh
God a listening heart say that with me
create in me a listening heart you have
to be willing to have a listening heart
some of you have become the masters of
intimidation intimidation through temper
tantrums or pouting is not communication
guilt trips created with crocodile tears
are not
communication do you whip him in line
with the
Waterworks that’s not communication it’s
manipulation stop it communication is
giving your partner the freedom to
disagree with you completely without
flying into a rage or pouting or sulking
for two weeks listen to these 12
principles again when you and I as
husband and wife can honestly tell each
other who we are what we we think how we
feel what we love what we honor what we
esteem what we hate what we fear what we
desire what we hope for what we believe
in and what we’re committed to only then
can each of us be a complete person
husbands and wives who are riddled with
doubt are dogmatic because emotionally
they’re insecure an insecure person
cannot stand for someone to disagree
with them they just cannot afford to be
wrong because they’re too emotionally
weak to allow someone to disagree with
them the fact if you demand that your
spouse agree with you in all things you
denying them emotional vitality and he
or she will leave you and if you don’t
stop that you will be seeing a lawyer
and believe me that’s very
expensive a medical fact your deep
feelings must be expressed or you will
explode your deep feelings are kind of
like trying to put a beach ball down
underwater you have to stay right on top
of it every second because the second
you Let it Loose it will pop up and come
up feelings that are suppressed over a
period of time will in fact come out at
some point in time and the best way is
for that to be in a conversation with
your wife not a fight this is very
important why is community communication
so important because we are not stone
statues we are human beings a husband
said my wife is always changing her mind
how many times have I heard that but the
fact is men change their minds as much
as women if not more in other words if
you knew me yesterday please don’t think
that you’re meeting the same person 6
months down the road how many of you
have ever heard the phrase let me sleep
on
it that’s because because tomorrow
morning he may be 180° going the other
way compared to what it was at 6:00 at
supper ever hear the statement from
people getting a divorce they say we
grew apart what does that mean that
means they quit communicating I didn’t
say they quit talking I said they quit
communicating communication is telling
the other person how you feel how you
deeply feel some of you are afraid to
have that conversation with a person
you’re married to and you don’t have a
healthy marriage I will tell you
that how many times when I was doing
counseling oh I just can’t talk to my
husband about that we’re going to talk
to him about that he’s coming the next
session you either get that solved or it
becomes a cancer in your
relationship as the world around us
seems to take a very dark turn you might
ask yourself is it possible to prosper
in every area of life even in such
perilous times the end the answer is yes
are you trusting him to lead the way and
show you what steps to take next in him
you have the ability to prosper to help
you grow in your faith and learn how to
trust the Lord through your storms we
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storm communication Killers why don’t
people communicate words vehicles of
communication words are as common as the
blossoms in a spring Gard
yet how Mighty their power to destroy or
heal words are the transcript of the
Mind Matthew 12 says out of the
abundance of the heart the mouth
speaketh out of the abundance of the
heart the mouth
speaketh I have heard people say all my
life oh I didn’t mean to say
that but you did say it because it was
in your heart and you said it you may
have been sorry you said it 5 seconds
after you said it but you you meant to
say it how many divorces have been
demanded how many children have been
crushed how many bloody wars have been
started because of the poison of the
tongue the Bible says the power of life
and death are in the tongue let’s look
at communication Killers the First
Communication killer is fear people fear
blame and shame when you think you have
to be right to force your opinions or
beliefs on your spouse or other people
you’re asking for for trouble you are
becoming an emotional Hitler when you
blame and shame your
spouse you better find another way to
communicate because clearly that’s not
going to work the first commandment of
communication is this if I expose my
emotional NE to you as a person do not
make me feel
ashamed oh I may continue to talk to you
but I will never never tell you
anything that I feel deeply ever again
and that’s what communication is the
second communication killer is the lack
of honesty our society places great
emphasis upon being authentic but the
truth is many of us lie we wear mask
over our real face unfortunately there
are Christians who have been wearing
masks for
years let’s look at some of the those
masks and feel free to throw yours in
the trash when you get home
today let’s call the first one the John
Wayne mask the big strong Invincible
Iron Man he sounds like
this I don’t need mushy
conversation I don’t need all that
hugging and kissing Shucks Miss Elli I
told you in 1996 I loved you anything
changes I’ll let you
know
so what happens she stops saying I love
you stop talking you don’t love me like
you used to he start saying and why
because you started it by saying you
didn’t need it but you need it a lot
more than you think you need it see
communication is to your marriage what
blood is to your body again it’s life
when the communication I didn’t say talk
when the communication stops your
relationship starts d
and some of you have a marriage that’s
As Dead As Julius Caesar and you’re
afraid to admit it you better start
talking about the things that truly are
concerning you the second mask would be
the messiah’s mask meet God’s Little
Helper the savior of the earth and
general manager of the universe and all
planets close
by here or she spreads themselves so
thin doing all these good and wonderful
things they have nothing to to give
their family or their marriage stop
it if your top priority in life is not
your family you’ve got the wrong
priority I feel like if I fail as a
father I have failed at life I I
challenge every married couple here to
get
involved with your family and make them
the priority of your life every day of
your
life lady take care of your family
kissing wears out cooking never
does all some of you know to make for
supper is
reservations you need to get a real good
cookbook and Jazz it
up mask number three is the religious
mask you have mastered the ritual and
rejected righteousness you have a form
of godliness
but it’s height without Holiness not
your good works not your church
membership not what you
accumulate not how much Society loves
you but do you love Jesus Christ and
have you made him the Lord of your life
if you don’t know Jesus you’re not
living
when you’re sick and body I’m talking
about the religious MK when you’re sick
and
body when you’re on the verge of a
divorce when your house has just been
repossessed when one of your children is
in jail and the others have been kicked
out of school and someone asked you how
are you don’t come off with oh I’m
blessed and highly favored praise God
everything’s just going
wonderful shut up
be
honest say my life is coming unraveled
right now and I need help and I need
your
help that’s when you can really truly be
blessed by the body of Christ because
believe me sooner or later you’re going
to go through a problem that you’re
going to need every friend you’ve got
and they should be in the house of
God
the fourth communication killer is
explosion psychologist Dr Henry brand
said no nakedness is comparable to
psychological nakedness when your wife
or husband points out your deficiency we
grasp for something to cover us up if
you’re cheric or sanguin in temperament
you’ll explode you’re telling your wife
or husband you’re coming too close to
the real problem stay away or I’m going
to explode Hiroshima is going to happen
stop that be willing to talk about
things you haven’t willing you haven’t
wanted to talk about because it is a
problem you don’t think you can handle
if you don’t solve the problem the
problem will separate you that’s what
I’m telling you the fifth communication
killer is
tears this is generally used by women
but I’ve known men who could use it just
as well you’re saying don’t tell me my
shortcomings or I’ll cry the first fat
after marriage she turns on the
Waterworks and teaches the new husband
don’t go beyond this line or I’ll cry
and communication stops don’t stop
talking and don’t stop
communicating how to communicate
effectively Ephesians
4:15 speak the truth in love say that
with me speak the truth in love nothing
improves your wife’s hearing like the
sound of praise
Proverbs 31:28 her husband Rises up and
Praises her say that with me men her
husband Rises up and Praises her do you
praise your
wife do you praise your
wife why
not the Bible says
too if you’re not start are you as
courteous to your wife as you are the
neighbors is it more natur natural for
you to complain rather than compliment
her do you not have the right to
complain until you first compliment all
compliment should be
public all complaint should be
private don’t you ever talk your wife
down in a public
place the Bible says the first duty of
love is to
listen proverb says the hearing
year is made by the hand of God
listen when you communicate don’t raise
your voice when you communicate allow
for reaction
time remember that you’ve been thinking
about what you’re going to say probably
for two or three
days and when you hit him with it when
he comes
home he says yes just to get you to shut
up and then he sits down and thinks
about what you’ve said
and an hour later he comes back in the
kitchen with a whole new something he
wants to tell you about what you said
now communication is about to happen can
I hear an amen
here pray together for each
other how many husbands and wives pray
together and for each other let me see
your
hand the rest of you need to
start there are two two golden
Expressions to help communication
happen say I’m sorry when you’re
wrong Romans 3:23 all have sinned and
come short of the glory of God when
you’re wrong say I’m sorry when you’re
right be
quiet just be
quiet three words I love you are very
powerful when they’re
sincere I want you to stand to your
feet I’m going to ask the Lord just to
help us to have a moment of honest
reflection
here to stop pretending and come out
from behind mask that we’ve been wearing
some of you for a
lifetime to be real in Jesus name I’m
going to make several statements and
then I’ll ask you to respond the first
statement is Pastor I’m not happy with
the quality of relationship in my
marriage we have poor
communication I ridicule her she
criticizes
me we are living in a cold war most of
the time
thirdly Pastor I explode when my wife or
my husband gets too close to the real
truth I have an uncontrollable
temper that’s destroying our home
four I manipulate I intimidate I
dominate to get my
way five I pout for days when my partner
disagrees with me six I want a happy
marriage full of love and communication
and I want it enough to change I want it
enough to ask God to give it to me today
how many of you here and those watching
by television across America Amica and
around the world have one of those
issues in your marriage right now let me
see your hand put it
up 90% of this
congregation that means that 90% of the
marriages in this
church will be
improved
today when we pray this prayer and you
go home with a brand new
person pray this prayer with me Heavenly
Father heavenly father in the name of
the Lord Jesus Christ in the name of the
Lord Jesus Christ I ask you to give us
the courage I ask you to give us the
courage to communicate with each other
to communicate with each other lovingly
lovingly graciously graciously with the
power to forgive with the power to
forgive let all of our personal
temperamental things let all of our
personal temperal things be totally
removed be totally removed by the love
of God by the love of God I recognize
that my marriage I recognize that myage
can be a better marriage can be a better
marriage and I’m going to work toward
that in and I’m going to work towards by
praying with my wife by praying with my
wife by praising my wife by praising my
wife in Jesus name in Jesus name let the
love and grace of God let the love and
grace of God fill our home fill our home
bless our children bless our children
and bless our marriage and bless our
marriage Ines Jesus name in Jesus name
amen amen we have received many praise
reports from those of you who have
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prayers to God be the glory for the
lives you have helped us change now stay
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the Lord be gracious unto you and give
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Blessed assurance that God loves you
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amen