Dr. Lois Evans sits down with her daughter Chrystal Hurst and Priscilla Shirer to discuss leaving a legacy of faith. Tune in as they answer questions submitted by audience members at their home church, Oak Cliff Bible Fellowship.
you know there are quite a quite a few
things one of the most important I think
is dinner at our table that doesn’t
happen every night it might only be two
or three nights a week but I’m fighting
for it I’m fighting for I’m gonna
actually make dinner and we are going to
sit down at this table I don’t care if
you like the food or not you’re eating
what’s on the plate and and we’re going
to talk and and now looking back I
recognize how much of an intentional
choice that had to be for my parents
with the four of us with all of our
activities and all of that to pre-plan
actually a meal you know that means
you’ve had to think about what we’re
gonna cook here and and and what’s gonna
be on the table and then making it
intentional for us to have conversation
around that table so that’s something
that now that my kids are in getting in
their teenage years now they’re my older
two or teenagers it’s a fight it’s a
struggle to maintain that so that’s one
thing that we do and I mean literally I
could I could name a list of things I’ll
just say one more but one of the things
we always did at Christmastime was my my
mother would always and my father would
choose a family that was in need and at
Christmas time we would go shopping for
that family so the four of us would take
the kids we would shop for them and then
my parents would make sure the parents
were taken care of and then we would go
over there and drop off the gifts and
meet the family and my mom and dad would
just love on that single mom or the mom
and father and and we would give them
gifts and so we do that same thing that
exact same thing now I will you know
call the church and find out what family
can we just sow into this season and we
do that so there are a lot of little
habits like that they’re just sort of
are things that are a part of the fabric
of our family and I realize now you know
looking back I thought that’s just what
we that’s just what families do but
really it was their choice and their
continued commitment year after year
night after night to to make those
things feel like they were just regular
things but now I realize it was very
intention that’s a lot of dishes you
were
it’s a lot of dishes let me just add to
that but to keep them engaged all year
in the end result of giving to a family
we had you guys give out of your
allowance all year long we had a box of
the kitchen and they gave 10% of the
little bit we gave them to this box that
then became two gifts the family at the
end of the year you remember that yeah
on that same note verse all I want to
ask you what legacy mom has left and is
still leaving with you as it relates to
you not necessarily even that you pour
out to your family the example of family
but just watching mom and how she’s
related in her life personally whether
that’s ministry whether that is taking
care of herself what have you learned
about just living in your skin from
watching mom living hers well I think
I’ll name something that I think is a
positive part and then I’ll name a
negative part and I shouldn’t say
negative cuz it’s really not negative
but it’s something I think if my mom
gets real
yeah I think if you had to go back you
might do it a little differently from
what I’ve heard you say so you can
correct me if I’m wrong the positive one
is anybody who is known you know my mom
for any length of time you know that she
literally always looks exactly like this
so if she’s going to the grocery store
or making a quick run Miss America yeah
I mean we remember being little girls
just looking at her like are you for
serious you just go into 7-eleven she
just she took great great pride in
looking a certain way being modest
taking her care of her body I love to
ride my bike so much right now make my
teenage son still get on their bike and
ride with me because my mom used to ride
her bike and we’d ride our bikes with
her you know and she was you know her
and my dad would exercise and as the
seasons changed they changed the way I
remember you jogging and trying to keep
up with y’all you know in the
neighborhood
as seasons change you stop jogging but
you’re still walking you’re still going
to the gym mom still hikes now you know
and so there was there is a level of
modesty in dressing and also just care
of her body and her appearance that just
rubbed off on me without me even real
buff on me yes it did
yes it’s Lois Evans would never show up
and anything that was wrinkled for sure
I’m sure that never happens
never that’s okay I’m still I’m still
learning the legacy is still dripping
over here but I mean I’m a little more
Lois II even you guys say that I’m a
little more Lois II I just got that like
like we didn’t we often show up places
and we have on almost the exact same
thing you called me this morning like
what do I wear and I was like I said you
were telling me what you were wearing I
was like just take it down Lois just
take it down just a little bit yeah she
that was in full Lois regalia early this
one and my sister said I don’t know what
you have on but come down to the Family
Life Center so that and you got yeah she
got it from her grandmother I mean her
mother and grandmother and yeah yeah
that’s true um then the negative thing I
hate using that word cuz that’s not
really negative but I think my mom in
her early 20s and going into her 30s
with the church being really young and
small you know over in this building
right next door to us and then in this
room right here man when I walked in
this room y’all I just had all the
anybody have any flashbacks when you
started walking into the screw we’re
just having Church in here rolling out
the carpeting and rolling up the carpet
you know
diss memories in this building but I
think in a lot of those early years my
mom gave herself away in a way that
looking back now she probably would not
have and what I mean is it’s it’s just
she’s in this bubble of being a pastor’s
wife which means everybody’s got these
expectations they’re piling on her of
what they think she should wear and what
kind of pastor’s wife they think she
should be and she’s supposed to lead the
choir and play the piano and support her
husband and be the leader of women’s
ministry and she’s got all that going on
and four kids and she’s trying to raise
all of us and all of that and I think
there is a way that maybe you were spent
in looking back that she would say to us
you know what what feeds you do that
don’t don’t stop doing the thing that
feeds you because you’re trying to pour
into your kids and pour into your
husband and support all of us do all of
those things but look in the mirror and
ask yourself okay now what do you need
and I think in a way that my mom didn’t
do that enough in her 20s and 30s and so
there was a level of just plain old
flat-out tired that I think reached Lois
Evans and and I think that’s something
that you’ve said to us is make sure you
don’t give yourself away that much so I
appreciate I appreciate that lesson that
I learned you know from your life so so
I would like to know I would like to
know and you kind of mentioned a little
bit I’m just in your and your mom and
grandma and your great-grandmother
granny and how that affected how you
step out but what do you think is the
biggest lesson you learned from your mom
and your grandmother Wow oh I saw from
my grandmother and mother was commitment
faithfulness even as I grew up as a
teenager I saw the hard times I wanted
my mother to run away from home because
I was the third child my sister’s here
today I was a church house so I was
involved in helping mom with eight of us
and so I saw somebody that had little
say to me with her hand in her hip
Lois I’m doing this for the Lord’s name
sake because sometimes it was just too
hard and too unbearable and so I watched
that but what again what I saw in my mom
was she was not gonna leave like I
wanted her to because she was a child of
the King and she saw it in her mother
they had hard times when my grandmother
was a single parent for a long time
she lost grandpa when she was a young
woman she decided not to marry again so
they lived in housings you call it
projects today I’m sure she collected
checks from the government to make it
but there was always something on the
stove a smell really good and so again
that’s what I saw commitment
stick-to-it-ness not living with failure
all there was all around them just
persisting and then I heard my mother’s
words I’m doing this for the Lord’s
name’s sake so when challenging times
came in my life yes and I was spent many
many times I kept going because of what
I saw my grandmother and my mother and
that is you stick the course Lewis you
stay the course because it’s not all
about you it’s about representing him
the one who has all power and it’s
capable to keep you and so even today
you know you caught you probably caught
empty-nester
scenario which is not really
true cuz I got a key wait a minute I
don’t know what got me I come on empty
nesting maybe cuz you guys live here I
don’t know what that is but you always
have something good on the stove thank
you
if even it’s just soup you know even
though supposedly it’s an empty nester
type of situation I still hear hear the
voice of my grandmother and my mother
Lois keep going keep going
it’s not about use for general about
generations to come lay that legacy lay
that plan let them actually see you
model what you really believe and you
and I you know in this generation we
have so much available to us compared to
my grandmother and mother and even me I
mean you guys got you guys got Amazon
you told me you drive up to Walmart and
they put the groceries in your car yeah
you go order them online yes you have
all these resources available to you but
I know I know life is busy I know life
is unbearable I know I know
you know I really do live in the real
world pastors wives do live in the real
world but with all of that you’ve got to
remember who’s you are though you’re a
woman of God and you got to claim that I
am a woman of God and everything the
Lord has his power is that resurrection
power you have and so when times get
difficult and it’s challenging you want
to throw your hands up even though you
have Amazon and iPads and all this stuff
all these berries and strawberries and
blueberries and you want to throw your
hands up you have to look in the mirror
like Don Lawrence says and talk to
yourself and tell yourself who you are
you are the head you are not the tail
I was just gonna I wasn’t gonna echo
that a little bit by telling you guys
I’m gonna try not to cry because y’all I
think I’m in pink I’m in perimenopause
so everything makes me cry right now in
my life but when I was putting on this
bracelet this morning this is my
grandmother’s bracelets my mom’s mom’s
bracelet we all have several pieces of
my grandmother’s jewelry on both sides
and I was putting this on this morning
and to me you know I was just thinking
about the that that this represents
physically what legacy is metaphorically
because really it’s holding on to
something long enough that you can hand
it to somebody else that’s coming after
you it’s it’s valuing something enough
that you don’t just you don’t just
casually have it for a couple years and
then get rid of it you just you you keep
it closed and then decades later
somebody else is taking it into their
life like it’s brand-new and I thought
about that that that what my mom did and
what my grandmother did just put one
foot in front of the other every day
there were choices there were integrity
there were intentional decisions they
were making and they just held on to it
long enough that it could catch on to
some people coming behind them and so
I’m watching Karras now having my
parents great-grandchildren and I was
thinking this morning how beautiful that
before any of us were even here my mom
and father were praying about their
children their grandchildren and their
great-grandchildren and they’re
literally now sitting back watching
their prayers like you know I said to
Kharis the other day I don’t I don’t
think you realize that because you’re
just in the middle of your life you’re
married three years having your children
you you don’t realize that you’re
actually the fulfillment of promises
prayers that were prayed before we even
got here now mom and dad are sitting
back watching God answer their prayers
as their great-grandchildren run around
so it’s just holding on to something
long enough that you get to pass it on
pass it along let me just mention you
need people in your life okay
don’t try to live like a lone ranger
it’s not life is not meant to be that
way I think that’s what we have life on
life here and gather the girls and free
at last classes and I know our church is
very big but please find if even is just
one person to help you in this journey
because it is a journey and you need
people in your life to make it happen I
know we’ve got a lot of private people
in the room that you know don’t want
anybody to know your business well pray
and ask pray and ask God for one person
that you feel confident in to hold your
hands up in in those difficult times all
right you talked about prayer and I know
that there are many women who here who
are single or may not have children and
I’m talking about legacy has passed from
mother to daughter while we all have
mothers what would we say to someone who
is single with no children in terms of
their ability to leave a legacy now I’m
really gonna cry because I’m looking
into the audience and I just smiled over
at Janet a few minutes ago Janet Gadsden
whose maiden name was Perry used to
stand on this exact stage and sing
beautiful solos and lead the choir and
Janet when I think about Janet and L
Freda and this whole pool of women that
when I was 10 and 11 and 12 and 13 they
were in their 20s and 30s and I it
occurred to me it cursed me now cuz I
thought it was so regular but I used to
spend time with Janet like like we were
just buddies you know what I mean like
she used to have me up under her I would
be sitting with her at church and then
she’d take me out to eat or I’d just be
with her and I realize now that when
you’re 30 or 29 and you’re living your
life and you’re single to make time for
a 12 year old is a joy you were deciding
I’m gonna I’m gonna put my mark on this
little
because really 25 year olds 26 year olds
they’re too busy for that they’re in
their self focused so now I look back on
that Janet I mean I look back on that
and I’m just so grateful that you spent
so I just want to say for single women
thank you girl
[Applause]
I mean seriously that was a big deal I
remember conversations we had I remember
things that they said to me and uh joy
you know I remember el Freda going on a
trip with me el freedom a kiln ow she
went we went on a trip to Haiti on a
missions trip I mean we had to like this
is a lot of information but they didn’t
have a lot of hot water and stuff we had
to take showers like at the same time
together to have enough hot water and
all that stuff you know what I mean just
we had to share food yes a lot of
information but um but my point is my
point is I was all up in their lives you
know what I mean just and they did life
with me and they made it they would I
just realized the intentionality of it
now but it wasn’t an accident that they
were choosing to let me in and so and
I’m trying not to cry but I want to say
thank you too because it you know we
used to say that second in the secular
world takes a village to raise a family
and so that takes family and family of
God so I want to thank you wherever
you’re sitting in this room for your
investment you made in Priscilla’s life
because that Haiti trip has changed your
life I think you’re still supporting one
of the ladies is she a nurse now you
when you were leaving Haiti there was a
girl that pierced into the window you
couldn’t as you were leaving the car was
driving off and this young girl was just
following the car and Priscilla came
back home and she said mom I’ve got to
find that girl and I think you were
invested in her life she’s a nurse now
and things like that so the missions
trip changed Priscilla’s life so thank
y’all for taking showers with her and
speaking into her life I really
appreciate that
the imagery of that is a little
frightening but
but thank you thank you very much and I
mean that from the depths of my heart so
if you’re a single I think that was the
question you you look around the room
you’ve got family members
you’ve got members of the body of Christ
you’ve got single parents that are
struggling to raise their children that
needs someone else in their life I just
get involved in in in ministry and
investing in people’s lives you know so
that’s what I would share there’s always
something to do in ministry people ask
me what should I sign up for
sign up just to do ministry just look
it’s right there that’s great it is so
great what are some things with some 127
y’all I know it’s 9:30 can we go for 10
more minutes is that okay you’ve got to
leave but we want to ask these two last
questions Psalm 127 says that children
are a gift how have you gone about
unwrapping your gifts and stirring them
up unwrapping the gifts and your
children and stirring your gift so
they’re your children how have you stir
those up it’s really taking that
statement literally when I see when I’m
pregnant like my granddaughter I just
think it’s such a blessing because it’s
a gift how do you treat gifts how do you
wrap gifts carefully attend the loving
care some of us even reuse the wrap
because it’s so pretty
how are the decorations on the under
wrapping so you take your time with each
kid now are you gonna do it perfectly
let me release myself and y’all I don’t
know if any perfect parenting
I know if parents that are really trying
hard to do what God has told to do
reading James Dobson’s books and now
Tony Evans books and trying to do it
really right but I know for me in the
back of my head it was always the Lord
didn’t have to give me these gifts and
he did now how do I we were unwrapped
them woof that’s a lifetime even now
that you guys are growing I’m still
unwrapping it
but it’s got to be careful because the
scripture says that train up the child
in the way that they should go you can’t
figure that out just looking at that
baby in the crib it’s a kind of an
everyday situation trying to figure it
now what is this kid gonna do with their
lives and why is this kid acting this
way how do I discipline this kid
differently from how a different
discipline this one it’s it’s work
parenting is work it’s a full-time job
and that’s what you need the Lord’s help
to do it and people in your circle
Christian Circle Family Circle that help
you I know that to mama had a lot to do
in your life and I was so blessed by
that because I unwrapped it as much as I
could and to Mama’s stepped in at a
wonderful time and I knew that she was
talking to her grandmother I was like
praise God I got some help going on
unwrapping the package here and now I
found out you had wonderful women in
your life unpacking the package here so
it’s just full time and you’ve got to
accept that even though you have to work
because some of you I know I have to
take care of your family the only one
bringing in a resource every chance you
get be vulnerable and look at your kids
and let them know tired you are but when
I you said I didn’t cry too much though
but that’s just how I’m made up and when
you need to cry but stuff ready to cry
buy stuff go ahead and cry buy stuff let
your kids know that you weren’t able to
do this you weren’t able to do that be
vulnerable in front of them as you try
to unwrap the package because I know
your lives are very very full but the
bottom line for me is bottom line
principle is try your best to do it
God’s Way
you got it look look you gotta stand
your knees this is not easy you know I
had Tony Evans to help me and I looked
at him many times I said brother you got
because we live across the street I said
you got the
across the street it’s time for ministry
over here because yes I came many times
to wit’s end now how do you discipline
this one 100 you say to this one I said
you got to come home and and and so I’m
talking real because I know it’s tough
even though there might be a husband in
a home it’s tough in us saying either
way it’s tough to unwrap the gifts God’s
given you when you’re trying to figure
it out yourself now so you gotta sting
in these get people in your life and
thank the Lord for the family of God and
the family that you have and use it all
don’t wrap the package I wanted to just
piggyback on what my mom is saying by
also saying that I just encourage you
though those of you who have problem
children I was very much my parents
problem child of the four of us I mean I
got in trouble day after day we if
somebody needed to be grounded or
spanked it was probably me on a
continual basis I was the rebellious one
I was the one that was lying about the
fact that I did or did not do that I was
the one even when I was little getting
in trouble for class for too much
talking I mean I was just a spirited
thing that just was you know they they
had their work cut out with with me and
I’m saying that to say when mom I’m
sitting here listening mom talk about
unwrapping gifts and I’m thinking about
sometimes your gift really the gift
really does look like a problem at first
and so you have to what my parents did I
remember when I would get in trouble for
talking in class my I would be in
trouble because I had disobeyed the
parent I mean that the teacher and so I
would have to get a spanking or whatever
but then there was always a conversation
about my ability to communicate I will
never forget that my dad would always
you know after we dealt with the issue
and I need to be obedient class there
was always conversations about
communication with me my dad was all
remember going into college he would say
you know what I really think you should
major in communications he connected me
he connected me specifically with people
who were in the communications industry
to sit and have relationship with some
of the women that influenced me and my
single years were people that my dad
said hey that person right there is
doing probably some of what you might be
doing in the future so at the same time
of seeing and something that needed to
be molded it wasn’t just all a problem
it was we got to harness this but and
you have to be disciplined for it cuz
you have to submit it it needs to be
obedient you need to to mold it but at
the same time there’s something
beautiful in there let’s find that so
I’m grateful for that you know what I
mean so if you have a problem child ask
the Lord to help you to see the problem
through his lenses that there might be
something in that that actually is what
what he’s created them for and all this
just add this little tip on there you
know the Bible says that the power of
life and death is in the tongue and
there are some things that your kids may
not see and that you may not even see to
its full fruition but you can still call
it out and I think one of the things our
parents did very well kind of Priscilla
was saying they called out what they saw
like even if they didn’t know exactly
how it was gonna be used they always
said you know what this is the tendency
I see in you and these are the things
God could do with that so we weren’t
starting from nothing we had words
reverberating in our head of what we
could accomplish and so I just think the
power of speaking life as a power that
you have to unwrap the gift even when
you’re not sure how you’re going to use
it or how it’s going to be used yes yeah
and you said it I just want to repeat it
again though crystal the power of the
tongue is very very important
speak life now that you not do with
reality because we you know you had the
reality check checks and reality talks
but you need to speak life into your
life and to the lives of those around
you proverbs 18 2021 speak like so write
that down
and start practicing to speak life even
when life is tough and I keep saying
that I’m watching you and I know we all
have life in this world you will have
tribulation but the goes on to say what
you and I are overcomers but you only
know your overcomer if you speak it to
yourself you can hear a sermon every
week and we hear good ones here at OU
see mbf but even i the pastor’s wife
have to go home and speak life into me
you can take a lot of notes go ahead and
take your notes go yes
applaud all of that life in life all the
Bible studies we have here all the
things we offer you this church but if
you don’t go home and you’re quiet quiet
moments when you want to throw your
hands up and walk out on that marriage
walk out on them kids and act like I
like Bill Cosby said you wanna you want
him to play on the freeway sometimes
your kids
Bill Cosby said it not law sevens and
it’s tough for you to sometimes prepare
in a spaghetti meal look I’m not talking
to real real women so in the myths I
remember one time crystal I I came to
the end of my day I think I had Jonathan
as the baby I looked in the bassinet and
there was John John and I sat by the bad
stool and literally put my hands down
and said I can’t do any more I don’t
know what they’re gonna eat tonight
because I couldn’t I didn’t have the
energy to go up the street to minyard’s
to get dinner in the house I remember
that yes I remember how basically how
tired I was because I must have been up
that night but Jonathan the baby
whatever I just remember I was tired and
I knew there was nothing to eat for
dinner but I
put my hands down I called across the
street Tony Evans you need to come home
you need to come home well no no no run
to the grocery store and get something
spaghetti
something green that’s it broccoli and
spaghetti because I can’t I can’t move I
don’t have any energy to move so I know
I’m talking to women that are dealing
with real situations like that you know
I made it through I started writing
verses on three by five cards in those
days we didn’t have iPads and iPhones
that you could talk to now I do talk to
the memo I started writing Bible verses
down and I had them in places that I had
quiet and that was the kitchen sink and
one of my other favorites places was the
bathroom and so what I’m saying to you
is I started speaking to myself to make
it in life I’d pick up those scriptures
and read it that you can make it don’t
be anxious just trust the Lord he’s in
control I read it to myself so became
like Psalms one says a part of who I the
Holy Spirit’s blood stream in my life
who I was and after a while I didn’t
need the 3×5 cards if even I had to put
my hands down because I was tired I
still knew that I could get up and I
could make it because he’s got all
things in control so I’m telling you
what I’ve experienced speak life to
yourself a lot of us can spout life to
other people we know Bible verses coming
from here to there but we don’t speak
those theirselves so are we going
through challenges all right so I’m
gonna repeat it again speak life to you
do it in whatever way you can in the
good times the bad times and the
difficult times speak life because I
think the Holy Spirit then kicks in when
you speak his word he kicks in and takes
care of business
all right ladies leave today and speak
life and listen and I know it’s done
it’s all done you’re the first lady you
could take it long I listen I’m getting
ready to say something you need to be
very very careful with it we’re supposed
to okay y’all might have to help me the
wording they’re very words they’re like
their dad I just blurt it out you have
to watch who you’re hang with okay
the Bible says we need to love everybody
and that means do good for every one of
the saints or people that even you come
in contact with and that’s what we’re
doing as a church right you’re going to
the bookstore and you pick up this card
and we do good for people but when it
comes to enhancing your life your
spiritual growth and changes you on in
your life you choose who you hang close
to because you want them to be one with
reality yeah but you want to speak life
to you know Lois you can make it I know
it’s challenging and we heard from the
gentleman what they need from us and on
and on but you need somebody you can
call okay we call on the Lord first but
but he’s provided flesh and blood for us
to talk to but make sure the person
you’re hanging with is not telling you
girl if I were you I’d leave him girl if
I were you I’d feed them kids every day
pop pop something some tart or something
pop-tarts
[Laughter]
[Applause]
and nothing wrong pop-tarts Krystal but
not everyday so you need people in your
lives you might even have girlfriends
that know you had a busy day and they
dropped by with something from Panera
Bread or rubies or something you know
something else these so my point for
saying that is my point for what I’m
trying to say is you need somebody in
life that’s speaking life and promoting
your growth in the Lord on that note I
want to I want to share one thing
because it was a question and I’ll just
answer it and also share some other
things too to emphasize the point you
just made one of the things it’s very
exciting for me and I know it’s exciting
for Priscilla as we talked about it is
that we are friends one of the questions
was what do you all do together and we
do stuff together
my mother will call and say I’m headed
to the movies with you or without you
are you coming it’s a twofer I’m going
movies back to back are you wanting to
join and worse you do the same thing
you’re like girl I just left them with
dinner I’m headed to the movies are you
coming on Mike hold on let me check with
Jesse so we we do things together and
it’s really a privilege to say that your
mom and your sister are your friends and
to your point about finding people who
can speak into your life I will call my
mom and know probably what she’s already
going to say even though I need to hear
her say it the same thing with Priscilla
you call me I call you because we just
need to yes hear someone who understands
but also to know that someone who’s
going to speak into our lives is going
to speak truth into our life and I know
that many of you because I’ve heard you
are struggling to find that connection
and I want you to channel I want to
challenge you just like mom said earlier
to look for it and if you try to find it
in ministry or in small group or in a
Bible study and it’s a Miss the first
time don’t give up because you need
community you let me you me Jesus is God
and came to earth and when it was time
for him to live as an adult he
Frantz he found friends the disciples
were his friends so look for community
and make the time for community because
it is in community whether it’s family
or church or your small group or your
Bible study that you are lifted up and
encouraged to live the life and leave
the legacy that God wants you to leave