Laurie Crouch, Priscilla Shirer, Dr. Anita Phillips, Natalie Grant, and Hosanna Wong discuss finding compassion in our hearts for people while maintaining healthy boundaries.

someone cuts you off in traffic a lady in line
at the grocery store is rude to the cashier

what if our first response is to ask
why finding compassion in the midst of

tension helps us be like jesus and it’s
easier said than done priscilla shire

natalie grant dr anita phillips and hosanna wong
are joining us today come on let’s talk about it

earlier this month i went to the happiest place
on earth where i assume as most people’s happiest

place on earth target and as i was in target
i saw these two women at war with each other

and one of them was an employee one of them was a
customer and this specific target had uh changed

the line situation somehow and the customer was
not happy about it and she let the employee know

it she just said you need to do the signs better
there needs to be more signs you need to do the

lines better she was so upset and she says you
know you need to help me know how to do this

i’ve never done this before and the employee was
shaking and she responds for sure there should

probably be better signs i don’t really know what
i’m doing i could do this better i’m so sorry the

customer yells at her one more time you need
to do your job better and then the employee

says i’ve also never done this before and as i was
watching these two women it was like seeing myself

in two forms i was like i can totally relate to
these two women like one of these women is like we

are in a situation in our lives that we’ve never
been in before and other people are supposed to

help me and the other girl was feeling like man
i’m supposed to be helping people this is my job

why don’t i know how to do this better and in
that moment i saw myself in both of these women

in times when i felt like other people need to be
helping me out other people need to be helping me

get through this situation this season in my life
and i have just as much felt like this employee

like man i should be helping people better like
for sure there should be better signs like i’m

sure i could be doing this better we’re both in
a really hard situation and as i saw both of them

and myself like a mirror through both of them
i honestly started to think in my own life god

in what situations in my life am i one of
these women not seeing the other woman’s side

like perhaps perhaps there’s a better way to
communicate under pressure perhaps there’s a

better way to see the other person’s side under
pressure like god what can i do under pressure so

i am not also yelling at strangers at target like
lord please help me and i think it’s a question

we need to ask ourselves in a conversation
worth having what are we doing under pressure

how are we seeing other people who could also be
under pressure are we stopping and considering man

this person might be grieving this person might
be going through a hard time this teacher might

be having a hard time this parent might be having
a hard time our pastor might be having a hard time

our spouse might be having a hard time is
there a perspective shift we could have

when we’re about to be aggressive towards someone
is there a way that we could perhaps pause

and say in the middle of this pressure i’m
not going to let the enemy have victory over

my emotions or my aggression i’m gonna pause
and consider is this person doing their best

what could they be going through and then
proceed from there i wonder if there’s a

healthier way dr anita do you have an idea of
how there could be a healthier way to approach

these kind of high tense situations you’re
talking about having compassion on people

and that’s what we’re called to do as christians
right to love and compassion is a form of love and

it helps to do exactly what you said see yourself
in the other person when have you cut someone off

in traffic when have you gotten frustrated and
snapped at somebody in the store put yourself

in that position what might you have been going
through that day maybe you were over tired maybe

you just got some bad news one of my narratives
for getting cut off in traffic is maybe that

person’s rushing to the hospital because they just
got a call that a loved one is sick maybe they are

angry and just not paying attention you know you
don’t know what’s happening and so in order for

us to have compassion we have to stop telling
bad stories a good 70 of our lives is imaginary

and i say it that way because we are constantly
making up stories in our minds about why other

people did what they did we are filling in the
gaps on their intentions and unless we get to ask

them and they have the presence of mind and the
emotional awareness to actually be able to tell me

i really don’t know what that motive is and so
we make it up and we can well that person just

doesn’t like their job very much or they just
wanted to hurt my feelings and you just know

it’s just like boo you’re making that up like so
if you’re gonna make up a bad story make up a good

story and uh go ahead and have some compassion
put yourself in that position what would you want

someone to think about you because too often
we take things personally when it hardly ever

is personal usually people are just acting out of
the space that they’re in and you happen to be in

the line of fire that day so i think we start
by making up good stories thinking the best of

someone no matter what’s going on in that moment
and when we make up good stories we’re happier too

i love that i love you know that’s that’s hard to
do because sometimes you default to that person

is just stupid and i don’t want to deal with
that right now right am i the only one natalie

but so i think i think what we need to
do is default to love you know jesus

showed us what to do all through the scriptures
he talks about showing compassion he went he

went into the cities and he was moved with
compassion and i love that about him he had

compassion it wasn’t you know you’re an idiot and
i don’t want to pray for you or heal you today or

judging you he just had compassion on everybody
and on the cross he even said father forgive them

for they don’t even know what they’re doing so
here they’re putting him to death and he’s got

compassion he’s asking god’s forgiveness
priscilla i know you’re so good at this

to default to love all the time help us that are
slower to default um here today just help us with

that would you please i love you so much i love
you too you guys are awesome girl i love you too

i love you and you must love me because listen
and this is something that i struggle with and

wrestle with just like everybody else but i will
tell you that it has been one of the things that i

wish now 21 years into my marriage i would have
gotten a little bit of a handle on in year two

because if you just take a minute even with
your spouse to actually think that the reason

why they reacted that way or the reason why they
responded that way or did that or didn’t do that

that there’s backstory there about something that
may have happened in their day or something that

happened in their childhood that actually if you
just took a minute to explore where they’re coming

from man that has been so helpful to me in my
marriage with jerry at this point to just pause

for a minute and go okay is there something there
that has been hurtful to him that i don’t even

know he’s wrestling through or something that
is totally unrelated to me that is just about

his work life or his ministry life or other
relationships that he has with friends or

whatever and he’s wrestling through that and
what i just experienced is coming from something

but actually if i take a minute to hear him and
actually care about him enough to explore it then

actually god’s going to use that to put compassion
in my heart and then use me as a solve and as a

bomb and as a soft place for my husband to land
it’s taken me way too many years to learn that

to just take a minute to care about him enough
to ask where are you coming from what’s going on

and how can i be a blessing to you and can i just
say as we’ve talked about this i was sitting here

and thinking not only about my marriage but i
was thinking about how whole groups of people

are antagonistic to each other and at war with
each other because of this one issue of compassion

that it is oftentimes easier at least it’s
a key issue not the one issue but it’s a key

issue because it is often so much easier to
stay in a stance of dismissiveness rather than

explore the option of empathy and compassion it’s
easier for me to hear what the problem is and then

just dismiss it and discount it as not really an
issue because maybe it’s not my issue rather than

believe me when you tell me the shoes that you’re
standing in and then say instead of me critiquing

and picking apart and telling you how you could
do it better and fix your life i’m just gonna come

stand in your shoes for a moment feel what you
feel see it from your perspective there is unity

that comes not just between individual but between
whole groups of people when we just say i hear you

and i’m going to stand in your shoes and have
compassion instead of take that time and energy

to critique you and to judge and to tell you that
your problem is irrelevant that’s a whole thing

that’s a whole thing that actually we could
do an entire show on because i think that’s

part of the problem is that we get stuck down in
the weeds you know i mean we we get ourselves in

arguments that we don’t even belong in and
you see so often people getting stuck down

in the weeds and you’re like you if i just
even i don’t even like to look at facebook

anymore because you look at all this you know
everyone’s got an opinion and everyone’s so strong

when they’re just behind their keyboard but what
i find to be something that’s interesting is that

we’re not always willing to give compassion
yet we expect everybody to give it to us

so i always in a in a situation i’m like well
you have no idea what i’m even going through

and we want people to give us the compassion that
we ourselves are not willing to offer to somebody

else i’m a big believer not just because
it’s a biblical principle but because i’ve

experienced it in my own life i’m just such a big
believer in the principle of sewing and reaping

that what you sow is what you reap and i’ve
even found in my own life that that which

i am longing for when i begin to sow that even
when i feel like a person doesn’t deserve it

when i begin to sow that consistently consistently
i’m so in compassion consistently i’m sewing

understanding consistently i’m i’m sowing empathy
eventually i begin to reap that which i’m sewing

yet if you are sowing bitterness and discord and
uh you have a lack of empathy and you have a lack

of understanding and you don’t even model a desire
to understand i think i actually said this quote

earlier in the week but priscilla when you
started talking it made me think of it all

over again i’m telling you clive davis can preach
and he gave that quote that said instead of trying

to discredit it try to understand it so instead of
constantly trying to discredit what somebody else

is feeling i’m not always going to understand what
you’re feeling dr anita i’m not always going to

understand what you’re feeling hosanna i’m not
going to understand where you’re coming from but

i just need to take a moment and try to understand
where you’re coming from and that always to me

starts with a conversation instead of reacting
or responding from a place of i know better and

how dare you and you need to know better about you
need better signs and you need to explain better

lady and target then instead of that just having
okay i don’t maybe understand but how about we

just get back to that just even the human spirit
of saying let’s have a conversation let’s just

have a conversation where i try to understand
you and hopefully you’ll try to understand me

good i love the practical tool of taking
the action to pursue a conversation

i love that so much because i think it can
be so much easier to think of compassion

or gentleness as something passive or sweet and
meek and behind the scenes like i feel compassion

at those people i feel gentleness at those people
as opposed to towards those people what would

it look like to have active compassion
what would it look like to have active

gentleness there’s a commentator who talks a
lot about gentleness and i love what he said

he said that gentleness is the act of saying
i’m going to fight for you not against you

and i love that so much because i so often
think of gentleness as like sweetness and

you know something really beautiful and maybe even
something passive i’m gentle i’m gentle i’m gentle

but i love how this commentator brought it you are
gentle towards people you have a gentle posture

towards people compassionate posture towards
people when you go into a situation and think

as i go into this hard conversation at work as
i have this confrontation with this friend as i

go into this this hard situation or confrontation
or conversation with my spouse i’m going with the

posture of i’m gonna be for you and not against
you i’m gonna fight for you in this situation i

don’t need to win and you lose i hope we both win
i hope the truth is ultimately what wins out i

hope reconciliation is ultimately what wins and so
i think compassion that is not active is not true

compassion at all and to be a gentle person does
not mean to be a quiet person who’s always sitting

down doing nothing it means to approach situations
thinking how could i fight for these people and if

i can’t do something i think i can put my hands to
like how can i actively pray for them consistently

how can i actively have gentleness towards this
woman at my church how can i actively compas be

compassionate towards this this um group of people
that you know at my job compassion and gentleness

is active and i think the question we need to
ask ourselves is not what do we feel towards

people but what are we actively doing to pursue
reconciliation with each other and restorative

relationships with one another so i love natalie
that you talked about having active conversations

i love that as well and i think it speaks to
what all of us are seeing happening in our in

our culture this year that compassion is seeming
to be absent uh it’s there’s cruelty and there’s

judgment and there’s cutting and there’s attacks
and i’m just talking about the body of christ okay

i’m not talking about the world i’m talking about
what’s going on in the body you know paul said

your name the name of jesus is blasphemed among
the gentiles because of you because i have seen

cruelty in the body of christ this year that
is unimaginable and it is the absence of

love the bible says the love thinks the best of
people and it says love keeps no record of wrongs

and i have never seen so many wrongs listed by
people who call themselves christian ever before

in my life i’m challenging the people of god who
are listening to go read that love chapter and

hold yourself accountable to every verse
without saying but but they but this no buts

no if ands or buts about it baby you are called to
love and without it you are not related to christ

i feel like this is important to say though
is that you know that it’s actually okay to

show compassion for somebody’s situation and it
doesn’t mean that you don’t have compassion on a

bunch of other issues so it’s actually possible
to say i feel you in this moment that you’re in

and it doesn’t mean that i have to say but i also
don’t agree with this and i and i feel compassion

for this and i don’t agree with this because i
feel like in this moment in our culture if you’re

trying to stand with somebody or people or an
issue of the moment to say we see you and we value

this thing that you’re going through everyone’s
like oh yeah well what about this and how come

you’re not speaking up about this and how come
you’re not speaking up about this and you just

kind of want to say for a moment you know what
when jesus showed up to heal the man at the pools

of bethesda he wasn’t saying that everybody else
around didn’t need to be healed but in that moment

he was focusing on that man and his issue and he
said today you are healed and i just feel like we

just need a moment where we all take a deep breath
and say we can stand with one person or one issue

in the moment and everybody you don’t have to take
it upon yourself to remind everybody about all the

other issues in the world that they should be
standing for i just needed to get that off my

chest for a moment and you did it beautifully and
you did it beautifully because like you said we

god is with us he’s with us in that moment he
was with the man by the pool of bethesda that’s

he’s with us and we don’t always know how to be
present in a space where we are uncomfortable

so we either try to discount the space and make a
run for it or we’ll have to sit in the discomfort

which is something that we’ve been talking
about all week and you sit with your emotions

and so we have to watch out for again i’ve said
this so many times allowing culture to inform

how you do christ and we drop that ball and we’re
not showing love we’re not allowing ourselves to

be convicted by what it means to love because our
culture is consumed with who’s worthy and who’s

not and i’ve heard us say that sometimes well i
feel like i deserve this i didn’t deserve that we

do it to ourselves we do it to other people who’s
worthy who’s not who’s guilty who’s not we’re all

guilty and we’re all unworthy and so we should all
be grateful when god does anything for any of us

and this idea of needing to decide i can’t tell
you how many dm’s i get when i’m talking about

racial justice or other issues that set people off
i can’t say how many dms i get people saying how

how can you speak of those people um those people
are evil and i’m just like i’m sorry are you even

a christian jesus who are you to call an entire
group of people evil and if they are while you’re

calling them evil how will you ever be around them
long enough to show the life of christ it’s scary

it’s scary we’re not loving like jesus we’re
separating ourselves and being self-righteous

and we’re lacking compassion and the saddest part
of it is that the compassion you refuse to give

other people you refuse to give to yourself you
have no compassion for yourself you’re tearing

yourself apart you’re shredding yourself you’re
holding yourself to impossible standards you’re

holding yourself to being guilty for something
you did 10 years ago and you’re still upset

about it and you still won’t bring that pain into
god’s presence you have no compassion on yourself

that’s why you can’t have compassion on other
people and it’s undermining your emotional health

it’s undermining your mental health because
you are dragging around all this emotional

baggage and it is ruining your spiritual life
it’s not taking away your salvation but it’s

ruining the quality of your spiritual life because
you’re carrying around all this emotional mess

and so that evil that you can throw at me i know
you throw it at your you can throw it at yourself

and even if you use self-righteousness as a shield
you are in trouble you are in trouble so please

start practicing some compassion for yourself
start practicing some love for yourself some

forgiveness for yourself and recognize like
priscilla said hey maybe i’m dragging some stuff

from my childhood like she said let me look at my
husband through this lens let’s look at ourselves

through that lens maybe i’m dragging some
stuff from my childhood that i need to lay down

and because of that i’m snapping on people
because of that i am impatient because of that

i am depressed and and yeah we’ve prayed about
it and we’ve put scriptures on it but it’s still

here if emotionally you are feeling horrible and
bad more days of the week than not more months

of the year than not you may need some other
help and i want you to know that it’s okay for

christians to go to therapy and get that help
it doesn’t mean that you’re not a christian

it just means that god has gained a space for you
to have help so if you’re struggling to love then

something has hardened that heart something’s made
it stony something’s made it cold to protect you

and if you allow god to help you get healing
through the word and church with your friends

and at the therapy office man when that heart
becomes fertile ground for good things again

you’ll be so glad that you did and you’ll be a
better representative of jesus in this world and

that is worth anything that’s worth anything well
thanks for joining us today folks that was awesome

um you know you’re talking about anita i think
you’re talking about every person on the planet

right now and we need to stop labeling everybody
we need to get out of our boxes and there’s two

boxes there’s the love box and the hate box we
all need to jump in that love box and i think

you know i think everybody would say priscilla
that this year has been such a year of testing

and trials but i would like to maybe change that
and say maybe this is the year of proving maybe

this is the ear of god proving himself through
you maybe this is the year that god would give you

um the opportunity to do something you’ve
never done before maybe to reach out with

compassion like you’ve never maybe felt
before and to have feelings uh priscilla

uh showing empathy and love and defaulting to
love every time we’re not talking about a white

box or a black box or a republican box or a
democrat we’re not talking about that we’re

talking about our fellow brothers and sisters
everyone that was made in god’s beautiful image

and to see god inside of every human being
and that’s been difficult for a lot of people

especially especially this year i
mean the the circumstances surrounding

everything we need to run this race we’ve been
talking about this week we need to run it we

need to focus we need to run we need to run with
compassion we need to run with mercy and love

and grace to everybody that surrounds us and
we need a lot to lay at the foot of the cross

i just love you all uh natalie you
haven’t prayed this week would you like to

to pray us out this week this has been beautiful
beautiful beautiful lord father god i feel like

i’m more reminded than ever that we need you jesus
we need you we need your presence to permeate

every aspect of our lives holy spirit would
you come and would you begin to control

our thoughts and our emotions and our our hearts
in a new and a fresh way god i pray for so many

who are watching that just need to learn how to
actually submit their heart and their mind to you

um how to lay down their heart how to lay down
anger and bitterness and to allow the holy spirit

to take over that aspect of their life and lord i
also just pray as we wrap this conversation today

for your capital c church as hosanna says so
often god that you would make us more unified

than ever before that our conversation would not
be a distraction from the gospel but that our

compassion our love our empathy and our unity
would be an attraction for a world that needs

jesus more than ever before so god we need you we
recognize that you are on the throne that you are

in control and that you are sovereign over all
things and we love you in jesus name i pray amen

i hope you enjoyed this video subscribe today
and you’ll never miss a new upload and don’t

forget to check out our better together shop
thanks for being a part of our community