Sis, it’s not just us navigating this journey alone, the men are evolving too. You won’t believe what they shared at the WE23 Conference. They’re paying attention and bringing big gems to the table! ________________________________________ Watch the FULL “What He Said: Men’s Panel w/ Dexter Jakes, David Mann, DeVon Franklin, Anthony O’neal and Bishop TD Jakes” session on the Woman Evolve TV App. REGISTER for WE24: Stay plugged into the Woman Evolve community: Download the APP: Woman Evolve download the app from any mobile device’s app store, first 7 days are FREE! Want to support this ministry? Text WEGIVE to (833) 611-9066 FOLLOW US ON THE SOCIALS: Instagram: Woman Evolve and Sarah Jakes Roberts Twitter: Woman Evolve and SJakesRoberts Facebook: Woman Evolve and Sarah Jakes Roberts

what’s up woman of

all well take a minute and just welcome

the ladies into the men’s panel because

we have been having such an incredible

time as women that we would like to hear

from you all what does this experience

look like for you when a woman takes

time out of her life invest in herself

so that she can become better what does

that do when you see a woman taking care

of herself in this way wow I can I just

say this is incredible yeah yeah

ladies y’all already incredible but

coming together this is

amazing I think coming from a single man

perspective Sarah I’m

excited ain’t nothing like a good God

fearing single woman evolve it yes ma’am

wait up Anthony you ain’t the only

single man on the pan


oh but to answer to answer your question

it’s uh it’s it’s phenomenal as men to

be invited here and to be witness to the

evolution of women right before our eyes

I mean it’s it’s a it’s powerful so to

answer your question an evolved woman is

a powerful woman a woman to be respected

and cared for and to be honored and

cherished all right

Devon okay um I just want you all to

know just because they said they were

single does not mean that they need your


cards or your advertisement we’re going

to keep it holy this is your brother in

The Lord Oh amen you be you been got one

of them I make a mean pot of

greens but I like greens

David I am wondering one of the reasons

and I’ll be honest with y’all we kind of

went back and forth about whether or not

we would have a men’s panel because we

do create such a Sacred Space for

Womanhood and vulnerability but I felt

it appropriate on the last day of us

being together to really recognize the

reality that this is not what our world

looks like on a dayto day we are not and

thank God we are not exclusively

surrounded by women in order for the

world to really come to the fullness of

what it is it takes man and woman living

in the fullness of their

identity come on somebody

we’ve man and woman living in the

fullness of their identity and yet I

recognize that a lot of times we

experience breakthrough we experience

power in this room and it feels exciting

but then we go back home and we’re

wondering how do I translate this into a

marriage that is used to the a different

version of who I am into a Ministry that

is used to a different version of who I

am or even into a business and so

gentlemen I want to know how do you

support a

woman embracing the fullness of her

identity even if it means it’s different

than who you originally knew or

understood I think that there has to be

a sharp

distinction between who you are and what


do uh the description that you gave

about women going back into a world that

maybe expects him to appear as a

different version of themselves is the

reality for all people people when we go

at home we’re expected to be play

different roles and be in different

places but you you play the role without

losing sight of your own identity it’s

like being an an actress in a film you

play the role that you the script you’ve

been given the part you’ve been given

but you don’t lose sight of who you are

as an individual that’s not just a woman

thing that’s a man thing as well we need

to be able to be whole within

ourselves and and still be able to be

shared in different ways between spouses

between children between work we show up

in different worlds in different ways

just like you do and I think the

challenge is authenticity doesn’t


control uh it it it means that we share

space together it’s not we’re not

fighting for the wheel it’s it’s not us

against them it’s we’re not on football

teams we’re on the same side we’re

trying to get to this world and none of

us have figured it out and all of us

have been wounded and all of us have

been hurt and you you could take all the

women out of this room and fill it up

with men and teach the same thing and

you would still get the same

reaction because we are all having the

same experience we’ve been molested

we’ve been abused we’ve been

brokenhearted we’ve been cheated on

we’ve been fractured it’s not a

one-sided thing and so yeah am I right

about it yeah so we we don’t want to be

like the Democrats and the Republicans

we’re on the same side and figuring out

how to work together requires one big

word and if you leave here with this one

big word you’ll be halfway there and the

word is

reciprocity reciprocity I would say

another large component of that is just

having an open communication pattern in

your relationship there’s always going

to be different phases of your

relationship where you’re evolving in

different ways and you may not be able

to match but you have to be comfortable

with your partner to be able to

communicate that um I’ve heard Mom and

Dad talk about how almost at the top of

every year they’ll have a check-in who

do you need me to be at this phase of

your life and unless you’ve started to

do that before you’ve gone under or

through a revolution or gone through

your Evolution you won’t be able to

really be able to be on the same footing

whatsoever so you all have to be in the

same space and have that pattern

pre-existing I I’m sorry I just want to

ask something maybe with a little bit

more Nuance when you are in relationship

with someone who has benefited from your

lack of boundaries lack of communication

and you go home and you say okay I’m

going to be different I’m going to have

boundaries I’m going to communicate I’m

going to set a standard that I’ve never

set before and I am hoping that this

person will rise to the level of who I

know I need to be but I’m not sure if

they will is there anything in that

instance that a woman can do in

communicating this change that can

empower the man to meet her should that

even be her problem or is should it be

you do you and if he can hang out he can

if he can’t let him go you have to know

that those changes are going to be

awkward at first cuz when it’s something

that you haven’t been doing and you just

come home and say we’re going to do this

it’s going to be awkward at first but

what we have to do and I’ll say for me

what I have learned to do is create a

safe space a safe space for me to give

her my heart boy if a woman give you her

heart and truly give you her heart and

you you create that safe space she’ll

move a mountain for you yeah that comes

down to consistency right while you’re

evolving maybe you need me to be

consistent something that is anchored

not changing and you have to be able to

allow your woman to evolve and like I

said communicate with her what do you

need me to be you need me to be

consistent I’ll be a ground for you to

stand on yeah I mean Sarah I think it’s

it’s twofold the Nuance of the question

is if you’re talking about from the

woman’s point of view part of it is

communication because see what happens

you know in my experience and I’m

sitting here as a divorced man you know

you can sometimes hold a woman Hostage

to who you want her to be or who she

used to

be absolutely and as a result you’re

demanding her to be who she was

yesterday but she’s different today so

part of it is a requirement I believe of

her maybe communicating hey I just got

back from woman involved there are some

things going on in me I’m in transition

and then as a man the challenge that we

face is to appreciate and create room as

David said for space for the woman that

we’re with to reintroduce themselves to


and for us to be able to appreciate and

fall in love with that woman and I can

say that from having not always done


perfectly let me jump in just for a

second I just want to say

this the core is what stays the

same everything else changes about fruit

it blossoms it becomes fruit it Withers

the one consistency is the core and and

and the great power that you have is to

choose somebody whose

core lines up with

yours their core their core values who

you are as a person are you

loyal will you fight for me will you

stand by me we want the same things I

want you to fight for me I don’t want a


that you know no no no cuz we got to

fight this world together we have to

fight through life together we have to

fight through ownership building a life

building people be building human beings

together I want you to be strong I want

you to be a warrior but I don’t want you

to take your strength out on

me I don’t want you to take your

strength out on me and I don’t want to

take my strength out on you because we

cannot win at a game where we are

competitors we have to be collaborative

in order to win at the game so it’s not

about competing with me I can make more

money than you I can no no no no cuz all

of that may

change I’ve seen different

seasons um probably the oldest guy up

here I’ve seen Seasons things change you

can be popular today you can be

unpopular tomorrow you can be employed

today you can be unemployed tomorrow you

can be a millionaire you can be homeless

next week don’t don’t build your hopes

on things that change go with core value

do you love me do you love God will you

fight for me can we withstand an

argument can we go through a

disagreement and still have the core

value where we yeah we was fussing yeah

we got mad and yeah you got on my nerv

yeah I think you stupid yes you

disrespected me yes you got yeah yeah

yeah now where we going to go

eat that that’s relationship that’s

relationship that’s relationship if you

get that that’s good how you doing

what’s going on with you are you okay if

you don’t have that you don’t have the


person if if your evolution is going to

threaten me then maybe we’re not in the

best situation honestly you’re evolving

to better so if that threatens our

relationship there’s something wrong

with our relationship or or or there’s

something wrong with my past where you

trigger me insecure because I’m insecure

exactly because my maybe my mother left

me and now you’re changing on me and now

I’m reacting not because you did

anything wrong but it’s a trigger for me

cuz I’m I’ve been just as

traumatized as you have I just expressed

it differently some of the things that

got on my ner got on your nerves about

me was my trauma yeah so recognize male

trauma shows up differently at the table

okay okay yeah go ahead go ahead sir no

just you go ahead well no I want to talk

about male trauma for a minute because

when we talk about women who are having

deep conversations about their trauma

it’s being exposed we’re having

conversations about shame and resiliency

and strength and it does not appear that

these types of conversations are

happening and directed towards

men how do we as women who are on an

Engaged journey of

healing deal with be in relationship

with collaborate with men who are not

aware necessarily of their trauma or

trauma responses but we can see it but I

don’t want to be your therapist I don’t

want to be your mother I don’t want to

be nagging but I can tell you should

probably talk to someone about those

abandonment issues and maybe you should

talk to someone about those rejection

issues maybe living the way that you

live growing up is the reason why we

can’t connect now but I don’t want to

antagonize that person in the process

how how do we deal with that let me jump

in here just for one second I’m going

shut up for just one second I got ask

questions don’t make statements right

right right right this is the most

valuable information in my gray head ask

questions don’t come in the room with

the answer ask us questions and give us

time to answer because we are not as

prone to verbalize our emotions as

quickly as you do so ask questions we

may have to process because maybe you’re

asking me something I haven’t been

willing to ask myself and I may come

back two days later and say you know

when you was asking me the other day and

uh and I said something to you but

because I was thinking so see because it

it we we have less neurons they travel

at different speeds we process emotion

differently and if you go home and ask

him questions then what all a therapist

really does is help you find the answer

that was already inside of you I don’t

want you to Mother me and tell me what I

ought to do I want you to ask me

questions till I ask myself those

questions and come back with the right

answer and and what a therapist will

also do is help you find the right

emotion cuz sometimes what we’ll do as

men we pick the wrong emotion AB really

I’m hurt but my anger speaks up yeah

come on really my feelings were hurt but

because how we’ve been raised don’t punk

out be tough my my emotions say I’m mad

but really you hurt my feelings but

sometimes the space isn’t created for me

to tell you my feelings are hurt yeah

and I I don’t want you to judge me and

think I’m weak so I use anger as the

emotion and don’t rush the answer for me

I I love what Bishop J said asked the

question I’ve been asked several

questions and I’m silent and I’m silent

because I’m processing and then when I

get around man like Devon man like

Bishop I ask those questions out loud to

someone wiser to help me process that

information so that way if I’m silent

and I don’t answer it then it doesn’t

mean it’s not important it’s something

that I’m gut checking myself I don’t

know the answer I may go see my

therapist but I’m going to see my

therapist and I’m going to call Devon

hey Devon baby girl said this is she

crazy what is wrong with this woman but

Divine be like no she ain’t crazy that’s

a serious question let’s dissect that

answer then I’m come back to baby girl

you remember that question you asked me

last week you remember that question you

asked me last month here’s the the

answer and when he gives you that

answer don’t attack the answer maybe ask

another question but don’t attack the

answer because the moment you attack me

I’m going to go back and I’m like oh

wait a minute Divine was wrong therapist

was wrong and I just think if you create

that space and allow us to be ourselves

and evolve with you you’ll get a better

man and don’t interrupt me don’t do it

Bishop don’t interrupt me for God’s sake

yes sir please don’t interrupt me it

took me two months to put this sentence

together would you please shut up and

let me have this sentence let me have

this sentence you know we be sitting

thinking am I should I say it like this

right baby I want to take no can’t out

baby when you we actually stop and think

about this stuff we sit and Ponder how

should I bring it to her but here’s the

problem now the mom let you go here’s

why you can’t interrupt us cuz once if

we don’t get through the complete

thought we can’t give you our honest

answer so if you go halfway through

interrupt us now I got to respond to

that and I wasn’t prepared for that I

was prepared for this full thing now I

got to guess wait wait let me go back

Devon she said this go back I can I

please finish my statement just let us

do that and we’ll be better