Sis, it’s not just us navigating this journey alone, the men are evolving too. You won’t believe what they shared at the WE23 Conference. They’re paying attention and bringing big gems to the table! ________________________________________ Watch the FULL “What He Said: Men’s Panel w/ Dexter Jakes, David Mann, DeVon Franklin, Anthony O’neal and Bishop TD Jakes” session on the Woman Evolve TV App. REGISTER for WE24: womanevolveconference.com Stay plugged into the Woman Evolve community: Download the APP: Woman Evolve www.womanevolve.com www.womanevolve.tv download the app from any mobile device’s app store, first 7 days are FREE! Want to support this ministry? Text WEGIVE to (833) 611-9066 FOLLOW US ON THE SOCIALS: Instagram: Woman Evolve and Sarah Jakes Roberts Twitter: Woman Evolve and SJakesRoberts Facebook: Woman Evolve and Sarah Jakes Roberts
what’s up woman of
all well take a minute and just welcome
the ladies into the men’s panel because
we have been having such an incredible
time as women that we would like to hear
from you all what does this experience
look like for you when a woman takes
time out of her life invest in herself
so that she can become better what does
that do when you see a woman taking care
of herself in this way wow I can I just
say this is incredible yeah yeah
ladies y’all already incredible but
coming together this is
amazing I think coming from a single man
perspective Sarah I’m
excited ain’t nothing like a good God
fearing single woman evolve it yes ma’am
wait up Anthony you ain’t the only
single man on the pan
now
oh but to answer to answer your question
it’s uh it’s it’s phenomenal as men to
be invited here and to be witness to the
evolution of women right before our eyes
I mean it’s it’s a it’s powerful so to
answer your question an evolved woman is
a powerful woman a woman to be respected
and cared for and to be honored and
cherished all right
Devon okay um I just want you all to
know just because they said they were
single does not mean that they need your
business
cards or your advertisement we’re going
to keep it holy this is your brother in
The Lord Oh amen you be you been got one
of them I make a mean pot of
greens but I like greens
David I am wondering one of the reasons
and I’ll be honest with y’all we kind of
went back and forth about whether or not
we would have a men’s panel because we
do create such a Sacred Space for
Womanhood and vulnerability but I felt
it appropriate on the last day of us
being together to really recognize the
reality that this is not what our world
looks like on a dayto day we are not and
thank God we are not exclusively
surrounded by women in order for the
world to really come to the fullness of
what it is it takes man and woman living
in the fullness of their
identity come on somebody
we’ve man and woman living in the
fullness of their identity and yet I
recognize that a lot of times we
experience breakthrough we experience
power in this room and it feels exciting
but then we go back home and we’re
wondering how do I translate this into a
marriage that is used to the a different
version of who I am into a Ministry that
is used to a different version of who I
am or even into a business and so
gentlemen I want to know how do you
support a
woman embracing the fullness of her
identity even if it means it’s different
than who you originally knew or
understood I think that there has to be
a sharp
distinction between who you are and what
you
do uh the description that you gave
about women going back into a world that
maybe expects him to appear as a
different version of themselves is the
reality for all people people when we go
at home we’re expected to be play
different roles and be in different
places but you you play the role without
losing sight of your own identity it’s
like being an an actress in a film you
play the role that you the script you’ve
been given the part you’ve been given
but you don’t lose sight of who you are
as an individual that’s not just a woman
thing that’s a man thing as well we need
to be able to be whole within
ourselves and and still be able to be
shared in different ways between spouses
between children between work we show up
in different worlds in different ways
just like you do and I think the
challenge is authenticity doesn’t
mean
control uh it it it means that we share
space together it’s not we’re not
fighting for the wheel it’s it’s not us
against them it’s we’re not on football
teams we’re on the same side we’re
trying to get to this world and none of
us have figured it out and all of us
have been wounded and all of us have
been hurt and you you could take all the
women out of this room and fill it up
with men and teach the same thing and
you would still get the same
reaction because we are all having the
same experience we’ve been molested
we’ve been abused we’ve been
brokenhearted we’ve been cheated on
we’ve been fractured it’s not a
one-sided thing and so yeah am I right
about it yeah so we we don’t want to be
like the Democrats and the Republicans
we’re on the same side and figuring out
how to work together requires one big
word and if you leave here with this one
big word you’ll be halfway there and the
word is
reciprocity reciprocity I would say
another large component of that is just
having an open communication pattern in
your relationship there’s always going
to be different phases of your
relationship where you’re evolving in
different ways and you may not be able
to match but you have to be comfortable
with your partner to be able to
communicate that um I’ve heard Mom and
Dad talk about how almost at the top of
every year they’ll have a check-in who
do you need me to be at this phase of
your life and unless you’ve started to
do that before you’ve gone under or
through a revolution or gone through
your Evolution you won’t be able to
really be able to be on the same footing
whatsoever so you all have to be in the
same space and have that pattern
pre-existing I I’m sorry I just want to
ask something maybe with a little bit
more Nuance when you are in relationship
with someone who has benefited from your
lack of boundaries lack of communication
and you go home and you say okay I’m
going to be different I’m going to have
boundaries I’m going to communicate I’m
going to set a standard that I’ve never
set before and I am hoping that this
person will rise to the level of who I
know I need to be but I’m not sure if
they will is there anything in that
instance that a woman can do in
communicating this change that can
empower the man to meet her should that
even be her problem or is should it be
you do you and if he can hang out he can
if he can’t let him go you have to know
that those changes are going to be
awkward at first cuz when it’s something
that you haven’t been doing and you just
come home and say we’re going to do this
it’s going to be awkward at first but
what we have to do and I’ll say for me
what I have learned to do is create a
safe space a safe space for me to give
her my heart boy if a woman give you her
heart and truly give you her heart and
you you create that safe space she’ll
move a mountain for you yeah that comes
down to consistency right while you’re
evolving maybe you need me to be
consistent something that is anchored
not changing and you have to be able to
allow your woman to evolve and like I
said communicate with her what do you
need me to be you need me to be
consistent I’ll be a ground for you to
stand on yeah I mean Sarah I think it’s
it’s twofold the Nuance of the question
is if you’re talking about from the
woman’s point of view part of it is
communication because see what happens
you know in my experience and I’m
sitting here as a divorced man you know
you can sometimes hold a woman Hostage
to who you want her to be or who she
used to
be absolutely and as a result you’re
demanding her to be who she was
yesterday but she’s different today so
part of it is a requirement I believe of
her maybe communicating hey I just got
back from woman involved there are some
things going on in me I’m in transition
and then as a man the challenge that we
face is to appreciate and create room as
David said for space for the woman that
we’re with to reintroduce themselves to
us
and for us to be able to appreciate and
fall in love with that woman and I can
say that from having not always done
that
perfectly let me jump in just for a
second I just want to say
this the core is what stays the
same everything else changes about fruit
it blossoms it becomes fruit it Withers
the one consistency is the core and and
and the great power that you have is to
choose somebody whose
core lines up with
yours their core their core values who
you are as a person are you
loyal will you fight for me will you
stand by me we want the same things I
want you to fight for me I don’t want a
woman
that you know no no no cuz we got to
fight this world together we have to
fight through life together we have to
fight through ownership building a life
building people be building human beings
together I want you to be strong I want
you to be a warrior but I don’t want you
to take your strength out on
me I don’t want you to take your
strength out on me and I don’t want to
take my strength out on you because we
cannot win at a game where we are
competitors we have to be collaborative
in order to win at the game so it’s not
about competing with me I can make more
money than you I can no no no no cuz all
of that may
change I’ve seen different
seasons um probably the oldest guy up
here I’ve seen Seasons things change you
can be popular today you can be
unpopular tomorrow you can be employed
today you can be unemployed tomorrow you
can be a millionaire you can be homeless
next week don’t don’t build your hopes
on things that change go with core value
do you love me do you love God will you
fight for me can we withstand an
argument can we go through a
disagreement and still have the core
value where we yeah we was fussing yeah
we got mad and yeah you got on my nerv
yeah I think you stupid yes you
disrespected me yes you got yeah yeah
yeah now where we going to go
eat that that’s relationship that’s
relationship that’s relationship if you
get that that’s good how you doing
what’s going on with you are you okay if
you don’t have that you don’t have the
right
person if if your evolution is going to
threaten me then maybe we’re not in the
best situation honestly you’re evolving
to better so if that threatens our
relationship there’s something wrong
with our relationship or or or there’s
something wrong with my past where you
trigger me insecure because I’m insecure
exactly because my maybe my mother left
me and now you’re changing on me and now
I’m reacting not because you did
anything wrong but it’s a trigger for me
cuz I’m I’ve been just as
traumatized as you have I just expressed
it differently some of the things that
got on my ner got on your nerves about
me was my trauma yeah so recognize male
trauma shows up differently at the table
okay okay yeah go ahead go ahead sir no
just you go ahead well no I want to talk
about male trauma for a minute because
when we talk about women who are having
deep conversations about their trauma
it’s being exposed we’re having
conversations about shame and resiliency
and strength and it does not appear that
these types of conversations are
happening and directed towards
men how do we as women who are on an
Engaged journey of
healing deal with be in relationship
with collaborate with men who are not
aware necessarily of their trauma or
trauma responses but we can see it but I
don’t want to be your therapist I don’t
want to be your mother I don’t want to
be nagging but I can tell you should
probably talk to someone about those
abandonment issues and maybe you should
talk to someone about those rejection
issues maybe living the way that you
live growing up is the reason why we
can’t connect now but I don’t want to
antagonize that person in the process
how how do we deal with that let me jump
in here just for one second I’m going
shut up for just one second I got ask
questions don’t make statements right
right right right this is the most
valuable information in my gray head ask
questions don’t come in the room with
the answer ask us questions and give us
time to answer because we are not as
prone to verbalize our emotions as
quickly as you do so ask questions we
may have to process because maybe you’re
asking me something I haven’t been
willing to ask myself and I may come
back two days later and say you know
when you was asking me the other day and
uh and I said something to you but
because I was thinking so see because it
it we we have less neurons they travel
at different speeds we process emotion
differently and if you go home and ask
him questions then what all a therapist
really does is help you find the answer
that was already inside of you I don’t
want you to Mother me and tell me what I
ought to do I want you to ask me
questions till I ask myself those
questions and come back with the right
answer and and what a therapist will
also do is help you find the right
emotion cuz sometimes what we’ll do as
men we pick the wrong emotion AB really
I’m hurt but my anger speaks up yeah
come on really my feelings were hurt but
because how we’ve been raised don’t punk
out be tough my my emotions say I’m mad
but really you hurt my feelings but
sometimes the space isn’t created for me
to tell you my feelings are hurt yeah
and I I don’t want you to judge me and
think I’m weak so I use anger as the
emotion and don’t rush the answer for me
I I love what Bishop J said asked the
question I’ve been asked several
questions and I’m silent and I’m silent
because I’m processing and then when I
get around man like Devon man like
Bishop I ask those questions out loud to
someone wiser to help me process that
information so that way if I’m silent
and I don’t answer it then it doesn’t
mean it’s not important it’s something
that I’m gut checking myself I don’t
know the answer I may go see my
therapist but I’m going to see my
therapist and I’m going to call Devon
hey Devon baby girl said this is she
crazy what is wrong with this woman but
Divine be like no she ain’t crazy that’s
a serious question let’s dissect that
answer then I’m come back to baby girl
you remember that question you asked me
last week you remember that question you
asked me last month here’s the the
answer and when he gives you that
answer don’t attack the answer maybe ask
another question but don’t attack the
answer because the moment you attack me
I’m going to go back and I’m like oh
wait a minute Divine was wrong therapist
was wrong and I just think if you create
that space and allow us to be ourselves
and evolve with you you’ll get a better
man and don’t interrupt me don’t do it
Bishop don’t interrupt me for God’s sake
yes sir please don’t interrupt me it
took me two months to put this sentence
together would you please shut up and
let me have this sentence let me have
this sentence you know we be sitting
thinking am I should I say it like this
right baby I want to take no can’t out
baby when you we actually stop and think
about this stuff we sit and Ponder how
should I bring it to her but here’s the
problem now the mom let you go here’s
why you can’t interrupt us cuz once if
we don’t get through the complete
thought we can’t give you our honest
answer so if you go halfway through
interrupt us now I got to respond to
that and I wasn’t prepared for that I
was prepared for this full thing now I
got to guess wait wait let me go back
Devon she said this go back I can I
please finish my statement just let us
do that and we’ll be better
man