Life is meant to be enjoyed, and a special place exists within YOU where freedom emerges and your BEST self shows up daily. That place is called Balance!

hey one family

hallelujah we are so excited i am pastor

stephanie i’m angie and we are the host

of the same room and this is such a full

circle moment

and we are just so thrilled that we get

to have this conversation with our

pastor pastor terrain roberts can we

give just honor the pastor of this house

right now

you see for some of you

that may not know

obviously pastor turay he is the

founding pastor of this movement one

church is literally touching the globe

and we mean the entire globe they’re

places that we cannot even pronounce

that it is reaching them with the gospel

of jesus christ pt is a businessman he’s

an entrepreneur he is a producer he’s a

best-selling author and that’s where we

get the chance to have this conversation

with him on his third book and so if we

want to talk about balance he’s a father

he’s a husband a father that’s six okay

he is the perfect person to have this

conversation with don’t you think angie


we want to know how you do it listen so

pt please join us and please let us just

give him a shout as he joins us on the



yeah um just like i mentioned like

honestly this

moment is so surreal because i remember

what happened the day that we got into

talking about the same room i was at

church you know and the service was

going on um and the message that they

really just awakened this desire in me

about conversations that bring change

and after that service angie and i had

lunch and we talked about the same room

so it is such a full circle moment angie

how do you feel about this moment i’m

excited i’m excited to be here i know

it’s a little bit unconventional but i i

think god is unconventional um so i’m

excited i feel like this is gonna be a

powerful conversation

it is and when you think about god

everything that god

does he does through conversation that’s

right like creation was a conversation

you know let us make us who’s us that’s

the godhead so god was in conversation

with himself so things move by

conversation so i think that the shade

the shade real quick

i think it’s a brilliant a brilliant

idea because uh conversation moves

culture conversation

changes the world so this is i’m ready

for this conversation yes no this book

is so timely first of all because even

when you look at the times that we’re in

you know we are still surviving and

learning how to adapt um post the

pandemic and we are still experiencing

the pandemic our first lady um was just

experiencing coverages a few days ago

you know and so when we look at that we

are learning this new normal um and so

balance if anything revealed to us how

imbalanced we are it was really the

pandemic and so this book is so timely

and we’re just grateful to have this

chat with you

yeah and it’s it’s interesting because

you know we actually you have all this

on your plate what made you decide to

write a book on balance was it your

personal testimony like what how did you

get there

i felt like um that balance was


that everybody struggles with like you

you never hear somebody when they’re

talking about balance you never hear

somebody come along and say man i am so


my life is so balanced it’s always

i’m trying to find balance in my life uh

and to to be honest when i started the

book and i started to write about




was actually different than what it

ultimately became because i started

writing before the pandemic

and so balance in 2019

you know or balance even in january or

2020 is a completely different


than balance the conversation of balance

and you know post covet and so

so i wanted to i’m a person i’m a

solutions guy like i don’t look at a

problem i don’t look at the difficulty i

don’t look at the never

been done before

and shrink

you know if it’s something that humanity

needs if it’s something that i really

feel like

you know my generation the generation

the time is struggling with i just

believe that god has a solution

and so so my my approach was to tackle

this subject


you know many people were addressing but

obviously it wasn’t working you know

they’re they’re and it’s not it’s so

much more and i know we’ll get into it

but but there are plenty of books on

time management um work-life balance

that they’re you know and they’re great

books and we need all of that but but

we’re still out of balance and so

obviously that’s not the answer and so i

just trusted and believed that through

my own journey of seeking and searching

and and and transformation to lay hold

of balance that god would give me

something that would impact the world

and he did amen and even in the book

right you talk about the five signs of


i think which is so convicting because

when you read something you’re like well

that’s not me let me give it to my

cousin right let me turn to my neighbor

and tell them they need balance but

could you even just run through that

with us the five signs of imbalance in

in recognizing the need for this book

absolutely and i’ll tell you why i wrote

that chapter it’s so important

if if being out of balance

um is the majority of people’s testimony

people when they approach balance

they’re trying to find balance

that means that imbalance has become


right and anything that becomes normal

is very difficult to detect

so so if we’re saying i’m out of balance

or i need balance we are

in essence confessing

that our lifestyle

is imbalanced and so i wanted to

to create



and an intolerance for being imbalanced

because when we’re out of balance

we don’t produce well we don’t do

anything well we don’t we don’t

relationship well we we don’t we don’t

innovate well we don’t create well we

don’t connect well we don’t do community


so so that so that that’s why sometimes


tongue speaking

positioning yourself to do all things

well so the five signs of imbalance and

listen there could be 20 signs but i

wanted to to identify five of them that

i think that many people can connect to

the first sign is stagnation right you

feel stuck right two weeks ago you were

good right but for some reason now you

feel stuck and you don’t feel like you

can move forward

being stuck is unnatural

everything in the world moves the the

earth is moving right now we’re moving

time the sun is is setting slowly but

surely right even internally things are

moving your heart just touch it take a

moment right now just

that’s movement

and so where movement is missing and

stagnation obviously is we’re moving

this mission missing something is off so

stagnation is is is one sign the other

sign is

um a lack of vision right anybody ever

been there you started we’re in april


january 2022 you have vision whoa dawg

i’m about to do this i’m about to do


and the vision was so clear it was so

clear that you were moving toward it

there was no obstacle you saw it you’ve

got it you spoke it you meditated on it

you breathe it all that kind of stuff

and come march

wait what am i doing again

and so oftentimes even that that moving

toward it moving towards your vision got

you out of balance and so so

clarity when you lose clarity of vision

that’s that’s another sign um weariness

is a sign right and there’s a difference

between tiredness and weariness all of

us get tired you know you you work all

day you get tired you go to sleep your

body is set up for that weariness is

different though

i define weariness as the gradual

gravitational pull down to the tarmac of


the gradual the gradual subtles doesn’t

happen all at once you get weary you

keep going but what you don’t realize is

you’re going down

and and your your creativity is slipping

your innovation is slipping a lot

sometimes your integrity starts slipping

weariness is not good and you have to

deal with it uh what’s another one i

said i gave you was that three yeah um i

think it was jealousy jealousy and envy

yes jealousy and envy listen when you’re

out of balance you’re jealous

uh i don’t wanna i made it like i was

calling you i didn’t mean like that when

the person is out of balance it is

easier i want to say this right because

i don’t want you to feel beat up on it’s

easy to be jealous

and envious of other people

because you’re not living in the

environment that affirms you

when you’re balanced you’re affirmed you

you’re firm that who you are you are

enough and you are so busy doing you

that you’re not moved in fact you are


by the success of other people because

it’s connected to the success that you

feel when you’re balancing a line and

the other one and this is a really big

one the fifth one uh and again there can

be 20 is a decline in your thought life

where your thinking goes automatically

to the lowest possible interpretation of

a situation you ever been there

you know i i have this this thing that i

say it’s about thinking the highest

thought right but when you are

imbalanced your thinking starts going

down someone says something to you and

they could have meant no it could have

been a harmless communication but

because you’re out of balance you’re

like what you’re saying

i said hello i know but it was the way

you said it

ma’am i just said god bless you but why

do you feel like i need to be blessed

you know and so those are the five

i just want to

get like a like survey the room how many

of you guys fall into one of those

categories raise your hand

oh dang all of us

so this is this is really a good

conversation i mean i know i can relate

to a lot of those and honestly before i

didn’t think that i had no idea that

those were signs of imbalance right

um and so and i didn’t even realize how

how powerful and purposeful balance is

so this is a great conversation yeah no

because even when we were talking about

this part of the book um one of the ones

that jumped at me was wariness and for

the very reason that you shared right

that it masquerades itself as being

tired and i think that when we think we

are balanced i’m not recognizing that

it’s so easy to live in the dysfunction

of imbalance because we’re like oh this

should just be the natural outcome of

you know productivity of busyness i’m

tired um but i recognize that in my life

i was dealing with weariness

and there’s something we wanted to read

you know on page 79 79 of your book you

said wariness blinds us from our true

depraved condition it masquerades itself

as the more acceptable tired creating a

dangerous illusion because what you do

to remedy tiredness is much different

and less involved than what it takes to

address weariness and so i believe that

a lot of us you know connect to this you

know living in la the hustle and bustle

of life how do you

remedy like what is the difference

between the remedy for weariness and the

remedy for tiredness very good there is

some overlap but tiredness essentially

take a nap

you know go to sleep there’s nothing

wrong with being tired because we’re

wired you know six days biblically six

days seven day you rest right why

because you’re tired and not because

you’re weary

because you’re tired you worked you go

to sleep you get your good night’s rest

you’re good right that’s the way it

works i’m tired at the end of the day i

go to sleep i wake up in the morning i

should wake up

rejuvenated and there’s some things you

should do before you go to sleep to make

sure that happens but we’ll talk about

that later weariness is different

when you’re weary you’re you’re you’re

spiritually emotionally psychologically

and physically drained

and just getting some rest doesn’t fix


you you need rest and sometimes the

remedy is more of a one two three punch

where you start with rest because you

are physically tired you have to address

that right because we are you know

multi-part beings we are physical beings

and so our body does need rest so you do

need to take time and get a little bit

of rest but the cure for weariness goes

much deeper

you know you’ve got to connect remember

i said i said spiritually

emotionally and physically so i have to

deal with some of the spiritual things

watch this that have been depleted

because that’s what happens see we were

created in the image of god

which means that we are creators

we are creative

and if you look at what god did god

worked for six days and on the seventh

day god rested i i got an insight about

that if you are constantly creating

watch this

you don’t create out of

an external substance

you create out of an internal substance

in essence you create out of yourself

and so if you are constantly creating

you are constantly expending you

you’re expending you so you have to

replenish you you don’t replenish you

with sleep

you are spirit so you replenish yourself

with the spirit

you replenish yourself with god right

so so so it is so you get your physical

rest but then you also have to connect

you have to connect with god you have to

connect with the source of your soul

psalm 23 says he restores my what

my soul

so so when i am weary my soul needs to

be replenished and that’s why rest won’t

do it you have to work spiritual

disciplines that i talk about in the


so one thing that you know we could

relate to

was weariness in relationships

and you had this

very interesting idea right of the power

of no oh

and we we were we read we were like oh

we gotta ask pt about this you said that

there was a 90 10 ratio

no 90

of the time 10

yes and we were like whoa

that’s a lot of notes that’s a lot of


so we just want you to kind of explain

that principle and how do we

how do we not take it too far like like

how do we keep it in check because you

know i do love the idea of saying

but how do we not go too far with it you

know just kind of tell us how we can

discern no that’s a brilliant question

so i will


completely honest


i was going for shock value when i said

90 of your your your responses ought to

be no and 10 but that does not mean that

it wasn’t true

the the reason why no is important well

let me let’s back up more specifically

to the question the 90 10 thing

you and i are

are not random beings

we we are unique and god has a very

specific and detailed plan for our life

and so you take that reality and you put

that in a world full of noise

and full of busyness and full of

everybody’s trying to sell you something

everybody’s trying to get you to believe

something everybody’s trying to get you

to be into them all of that is coming at

you non-stop so it may not necessarily

be that you get 99 proposals on your

desk and you only should choose one you

and i get 99 000

invitations to believe something

something to think something to buy

something to do something all of the


and if we are unique

purpose oriented very very highly

intentional god has high intentions for

us then we have to be very very delicate

and sensitive and thoughtful about what

we say yes to

and you have to see yourself you’re not


you know i think that everyone you know

one of my disciplines and i talk about

you know some of the disciplines in the

book but one of the things that i do

every day

is i revisit before i greet my wife

before before i step foot in my day

before i take one meeting i revisit who

i am


single day because i realize that when i

step into my day they’re going to be a

thousand things that come at me to try

to tell me who i am what i ought to

think what i ought to prioritize what i

ought to be working on all this sort of

stuff and you know if you just scroll

through social media listen

you can get


or the symptoms of schizophrenia just by

scrolling through social media one post

you’re happy the next one you’re sad one

person you feel good about yourself the

next one you want to cry

you know what i mean you’re angry over

this and oh hallelujah over that i mean

you just go through these emotions

i mean seriously you if you do i was

going to do it right now but you would

be distracted but but just try it one

day 10 posts what just as

as an exercise look at the first 15

posts that come up on your feed and

write down what it makes you feel

and you will see how divine there’s this

there’s this word

in the scripture and it was trans the

greek word it was translated devout and

it’s a greek word i believe it’s

pronounced ilube or something like that

just you find it you know okay but it’s

the word that was translated devout and

it’s powerful it says this individual

was a devout man i thought development

you know just kind of almost boring

but it doesn’t mean that it’s it’s a

word that is comprised of two words and

it literally means to take well one word

is to take the other word as well so it

means to take


we have to learn how to take well we

can’t take anything and everything that

comes our way so we have to be selective

so that oh yeah

so that we can give the yes where it


the reason why no is so important is

because your yes is expensive

it is expensive

your yes costs you your time

it costs you your energy

it can cost you your money it costs you

your availability your yes is expensive

and so here is the thing if you don’t

have a healthy amount of no’s

and you’re giving away your expensive

yes when destiny shows up you won’t have

the price to pay for it

you won’t be able to afford what you’ve

been praying for

what you’ve been working hard for

because you spent you invested

the currency of your yes on things that

don’t matter so how do you how do you

know when to say yes though like you

know because sometimes like even let’s

talk about like career right god may

send an opportunity through someone you

would have never expected to be able to

give open that door for you so sometimes

if you like are saying yes some of the

times you might lean to say yes to the

bigger things not knowing that the

something smaller and from the back way

is the thing that you should say yes to

so how do you discern when to say yes

and no i love that question it starts

with that time you spend

every day because what i’m looking at in

the morning is i’m looking at

who i am

i’m looking at what god said

i’m looking at the vision see i don’t

you can’t figure out your vision on the


because i’ll give you 42 visions life

will give you 42 visions so it has to be

something that you in your relationship

with god

have have written down so that

when it shows up you know if it is and

you know if it isn’t right and so

sometimes and then so that that’s the

that’s the big answer but then the other

answer is sensitivity and instinct yeah

like because sometimes to your point it

won’t look exactly

like what you thought but the

characteristic of it

the scent of it

the tone of it there will be something

about it that is familiar to you

doesn’t mean it’s a yes yet if it looks

very different from the vision that you

laid out but it’s certainly some maybe

it’s a maybe

and you can explore a little further i

love that question it’s a brilliant

question no this is so good because i

think that we’re used to you know having

the same like we need to give god a hard

yes but it’s not recognizing that we

need to give themes the hard no

because i think what what comes with no

is the guilt of no ah you know i

remember i was watching this um

interview that oprah did and she talked

about how no was this unfamiliar word to

her and and this is i mean it’s oprah

right over that everybody loves um

talked about how she did not want to say

no to things out of fear that she may be

unloved or rejected

and when she started practicing no it’s

like a shocker like oh the purpose for

relations in my life didn’t change and

she talked about you know feeling

powerful but when you think about the

guilt that comes with it you know i’ve

you’re my pastor

and i’ve heard you share about your

story with starting this movement

and the hard nose you had to give

whether it is to voices of fear

voices of people how do you take us

through that journey of in life about

knowing that we can say no without the

guilt yeah it is a brilliant question

it is difficult because when you think

about it

when someone asks you for something

and you are able to say yes there is an

instant gratification there

because you didn’t create conflict

you you pleased that individual you know

you didn’t have the rejection the the

fear of rejection for rejecting them

right your nose rejection so so it’s

very easy


to to get that instant gratification

that that’s that it is totally normal

and it’s also very easy

to feel guilty i had to tell

a wonderful friend recently no


and it was painful

it was painful because


i i love this individual you know i i

love this individual

and and i want to support this


and and i am loyal to this individual

and the reason why oftentimes we feel

guilty particularly as being a loyal

person is because we feel like if we say


then we’re not being loyal to that

relationship we’re not being loyal to

that situation right we’re not being

loyal right

and loyalty is very tricky pastor

stephanie it’s very tricky because

um and i am fiercely loyal let me tell

you something right now i am if i am for

you i am for you my god i am for you and

they have this phrase called loyal to a

fault and i don’t necessarily believe

that that’s wisdom

because loyalty shouldn’t bring you to a


so so loyalty has limits and let me tell

you what the limit for me

what the limit of my loyalty is

the limit that my loyalty is oh it’s

deep it’s long it’s

the boundary is out there but there is a

boundary and here is the boundary

the boundary of my loyalty to you

is when my loyalty to you

makes me disloyal to me


that is the only exit that is the only

escape route

for loyalty and if you love me as a


as a friend

then you will give me permission

to be loyal to me

even if it means saying no to you

saying no for the sake of pervert

for preserving my vision is not

disloyalty to you

and sometimes you need to put a good

old-fashioned no out there to qualify

the relationships that are in your life

because some of your relationships only

work because you say yes all the time

and that is not a real relationship

i need to know that we that you will

love me in my yes

just as much as you love me in my know

that my no

does not affect our relationship if i am

saying no because i am trying to protect

the boundaries

so know is about boundaries and when you

don’t have boundaries you will be taken

advantage of

when you don’t have boundaries you’ll be

manipulate manipulated and when you

don’t have

boundaries you can’t fulfill your

purpose so what i’m hearing is if you

say no in relationships and

the person you’re saying no to makes you

tries to make you feel guilty

or you feel a fear of losing that person

then you have to reevaluate that

relationship right absolutely let them

go you should be able to say no

oh you oh you can’t handle my no you’ve

been handling my yes


now i choose me for once in my life and

you’re not good with it hit the road

jack and don’t you


yeah no it really qualifies

relationships and it doesn’t mean and i

want to say this because i’m big on

relationships and i used to have the

gift of goodbye

but i’m doing better because sometimes

because sometimes it’s not goodbye

sometimes it’s just hold up it’s not

goodbye sometimes you have to teach


how to respect your boundaries you

almost can’t be mad at the person if

you’ve been saying yes yes yes yes yes

yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes

and you have created in that

relationship that

when they

initially respond



don’t be so quick to judge because you

had a part in that yeah give them an

opportunity i know i’m switching because

you switched

you switched i know i’m switching on you

i’m gonna give you a minute because you

haven’t seen this part of me i’m

choosing me and sometimes the right

person will come back around yeah yeah i

think it’s important to say that that is

so good because even when we think about

jesus right i think we have this

misconception that he was just like this

yes man and that was far from the case

right you see how jesus was someone who

was able to set boundaries and i

remember even um reading this article

and they talked about how abusive

relationships um don’t respect

boundaries that the moment you start to

set boundaries um you’re met with a lot

of resistance and so what we are making

an excuse of is just someone who does

not know how to respect our boundaries

but i love it so much when i see jesus

knowing how to set boundaries and the

difference you know going back to what

you mentioned about that time that we

set in prayer because your book really

dives into this redefining loyalty

stillness and just to kind of press into

stillness a bit because when we look at

jesus we see someone who understood like

the parameters of his purpose and so

even the things that would have been

good that were not god he said no to you

know because he’s like this is not

within my purpose and sometimes maybe

where we struggle is god what is within

my purpose

right not just the good thing but what

is the god thing to do because there are

a lot of i don’t think satan will come

or you know you refer to him as knights

in the book and i love that so much

knight wouldn’t show up to you in a way

that it is a clear no

he will show up to you and like it’s a

maybe yes but it’s a maybe no

and so just talk to us a bit about


stillness is everything um you know in

the book i talk about the difference

between self-awareness and soul


many people are self-aware but they are

not so aware

self-awareness is great you know you you

you are understanding

what you’re doing and why you’re doing

it and as a result of it you can modify

your behavior and i think that that’s

fantastic that is that’s great soul

awareness is much deeper it’s

self-awareness but at a much deeper

level and one of the reasons why people

are self-aware but not so aware is

because they don’t take the time to be


to perceive their soul and if you are

self-aware and not so aware you will

misinterpret the hunger of the soul and

try to satisfy the hunger of the soul

with natural carnal self self

based or physical things and so how do

you get to the soul it’s it’s it’s the

deepest part of you and in order to get

to the deepest part of you you have to

be still

life is noisy it is extremely noisy and

not all noise is bad noise right there’s

good noise and so what is good noise we

know the bad noise the bad noise is you

know just stuff that’s coming at you all

the time and distracting things and you

know and all that kind of stuff but then

there’s good noise and good noise can be


you know they’re good it’s a good thing

could be children it could be you know

you’re responsible it could be serving

in church that’s all good noise right

but in order to get to the soul you have

to silence all the noise

you have to to to be still you know that

word sabbath we think that sabbath means

rest and and rest is a part of sabbath

but that word that many of the words in

the hebrew text for sabbath does don’t

mean rest it literally means to cease

to cease

to stop

popular passages i believe it’s in psalm

46 it says be still

and know that i’m god so stop sometimes

we can’t perceive god nor our soul

because we’re moving we won’t stop

and this is why it’s important you know

and it’s more than just getting away

because you know i talk about getting

away and that’s important one first of

all some people can’t get away sometimes

you can’t afford to get away or

sometimes life means you you can’t get

away physically

but you have to learn to get away

spiritually you have to learn to shut

down shut down um uh the noise but but

you have to quiet it you it’s still be


and know that i’m god and then when you

tap into the soul and you will all of us

the depths of who we are we’re souls god

when god created us he didn’t create it

as a living self

he created us a living


so the deepest part of our soul and we

have to be still to connect with the

soul because the soul wants to take you


the soul knows what balance is

the soul knows what that place of life

and it knows what it needs to get there

and so the only way that you can tap

into the soul to really really truly

figure out what’s going on with yourself

is to create opportunities for stillness

yeah that’s so interesting i think that


one of the themes that is going to just

flow in every area of balance is fear

because i think that you know we know

fear is the antithesis to faith but it’s

crazy because fear is the antithesis to

balance as well because we talked about

relationships where you’re fearful

you’ll lose something or people will see

you differently um and then now

we talked about ambition

right ambition and how fear can drive us

to lose balance because of our ambition

you from watts right listen i’m the

daughter of immigrants

i’m the daughter of immigrants i grew up

you know off normandy i mean you you

came straight from straight straight

what is it uh straight out of confidence

you’re out of nigeria


you know what i’m saying have any of you

guys and i just want you just to raise

your hand if you came from

poverty or if you came from you know

humble beginnings and you fear going

back god already took you out and then

there’s this fear that you just can’t go

back can you raise your hand a little

bit oh it’s a lot of us in here um and

so i wanted to talk about this thing

called ambition which sometimes can be

masquerading i mean it’s fear

masquerading as ambition right where

it’s like you think that you’re running

towards success but really you’re

running from poverty and there it sounds

similar but it’s very different one

you’re running because of fear the other

one you’re running towards abundance

right like you because of abundance so

how do you

balance when i mean do you even have

those times where you’re like look i’m

working so hard because i don’t want to

lose my position that’s what it is you

don’t want to lose your position you

don’t want to go back to who you were

can you talk about that a little bit

yeah this is so good you guys are

bringing up some really really good


yeah i um

i was even thinking about

the book

you know and and

just because you have a good book

doesn’t mean that it’s going to fly off

the shelf many good books on the shelf

that never get

uh never get purchased and i even think

even with this this this promotional


um you can get you know there’s a lot of

pressure you know pressure to you know

hit all the best seller lists and and

all this pressure to do that


and there have been times where i had to

stop myself and say wait hold up because

i was hustling and i was grinding but i

was hustling and grinding for for the


of not

hitting some of these lists

and and god said no you got to just

you you have to define success right now

because because the the all the lists

and all that kind of stuff that’s all

wonderful it’s a wonderful

accomplishment but you can allow what

you know some algorithm that you don’t

even know like that no one knows what

the algorithm is for the new york times

bestsellers list no one knows because

it’s a whole bunch of factors and they

are really good at hiding it because


it’s a prestigious honor and they don’t

want anybody to try to trick the system


so um so i had to define success for

myself but and i got healed from it

and what we’re talking about is a

deficit mentality

versus an abundance mentality

and here’s what i mean there are people

who are wildly successful right now

wildly successful

and they’re doing great things but fear

is driving them yeah they grew up poor

uh they they decided that they were

never gonna you know live the way that

they live maybe they barely they feel

like they barely made it or whatever

and so it is a deficit mentality or

fear-based mentality that is driving

them to excel us on the outside we can’t

tell the difference we look at the

success and we say wow you are wildly

successful but if

your ambition or if the success

is driven by fear you are missing out

for a number of reasons first of all you

will never be successful enough

yes you will never be successful enough

you will always be chasing

the the carrot if you would you will

never so you won’t be able to rest you

won’t be able to have peace you won’t

even be able to pause and celebrate your

achievement why because you’re running

from something you’re running from some

so it’s fear-based


it means that you’re capped


studies show

that when you ruminate over something

negative so that individual that that is

running from their past they don’t want

to be where they’re they how they grew

up they don’t want to you know they want

to go beyond they’re running from their

past which means that they’re ruminating

on a negative experience

when you ruminate on negativity there is

a cognitive impact there is a cerebral

negative thinking ruminating on negative


increases protein deposits in the brain

research has shown this


excessive protein deposits in the brain

is what leads to early dementia

so there is a cost so you’re running

you’re running you’re running i’ll never

do this i never do that you’re running

you’re running you’re running one

you’re you’re hurting yourself you’re

harming yourself to your cap because the

greatest innovation and creativity does

not come from a lack mentality it comes

from an abundance mentality

so there’s a chapter in the book called

the gift of rest where i talk about how

every significant

accomplishment that i’ve had i mean i’m

talking about things that that broke me

into the next dimension of my life none

of those things happen from the from the

place of stress



none of it

all of it happened from the place of


right what do you mean by the place of

rest the place of rest is when you live

in the consciousness and the mentality

that i’m not out there trying to get


i am pursuing what i have already feel

like preaching


is the substance

of things hoped for things hoped for is

not the best translation expectation is

a better translation so faith watch this

is the substance of my expectation so my

expectation has substance if it has

substance it exists

so if i’m working

to try to possess something that doesn’t

exist i am approaching it from a deficit


or are you tracking with me

or a fear-based mentality but if i

acknowledge that it is there already

there is a freedom that it brings to me

i have an abundance mentality i’m not

trying to get it

it’s already there i’m just possessed of

that after the lord okay

when god anointed joshua

he did not tell him to go get something

that was not his he said every place he

preaches that the soul of your feet

shall tread upon i have

given you

i feel the spirit of god so so

inside preach


so as long as i’m trying to watch this


expending creativity and energy

no no i’m not expending i’m wasting

creativity and energy because watch this

it takes more creativity and energy to

get something you don’t have

than it does to pursue something that

you know was yours already i feel god it

don’t take me no energy to walk

downstairs and get in my car i know it’s

in the garage i’m getting ready to roll

off but if i’m hoping that it’s there if

i’m wondering if it’s there if i’m

worried about the repo man i’m not

trying to get nobody business but i’m


that’s a whole different energy because

i am concerned about it not being there

but if i know it’s there on my way down

to it i’m thinking about how i make the

next million dollars on my way down to

get into my car

are you tracking with me

now we’re tracking we are tracking

so so so you’re you’re wasting

when you your approach is so so i say to

the person who’s successful but they’re

running from something you’re successful

but how much more successful

would you be

if you were flowing from an abundance


as opposed to a lack mentality no pt

this is so good

and and i love how this came up because

even when we talked about stillness


if you come to god from a place of

scarcity then the stillness is


and i think a lot of us find ourselves

there i know that when we were having

this conversation about how fear hides

in ambition or passion and it took me

back to a time where

i realized that i was focused on it was

not operating from the fear of god but

the fear of missing god and so you’re

having stillness you’re doing the things

you’re praying fasting worshiping all of

it but you’re doing it from a place of i

don’t want to miss god and so you’re

filled with anxiety even when you’re

coming into the presence of god wow

right and so this this perspective shift

is so powerful because when we come

before god from this place of abundance

our language and prayer changes

you know our language and how we expect

things changed and we’re not you know

coming out of prayer and it’s like who

challa i hope this happens tomorrow

so that that is so powerful yes and

you know we’re while we’re on the topic

of expectation right there this is my

favorite part of the book y’all he has a

part in the book where it talks about

losses and lessons okay

and i felt like you were speaking

directly to me honestly and i’m i know i

keep calling y’all out but

if you

if you

if you know what it feels like to feel

disappointed by god i know that that’s

true can you raise your hand

oh yeah i know what it feels like

and so there was a um

the thing about disappointment i don’t

know if you guys know about diabetes


or if anybody in here has diabetes but

in my mind diabetes is to the body what

disappointment is to the spirit

because diabetes is like a sneaky type

of disease right

so you really don’t know what the damage

is doing in your body until it’s too

late wow so it started effects it starts

to affect different things it starts to

affect your eyesight your legs you don’t

mean like your limbs uh your heart your

everything and you may not even know it


it’s irreversible right

the thing about disappointment is that’s

what it does to the spirit it starts to

affect you talked about it starting to

affect your confidence and starting to

affect you know how you show up and your

productivity literally disappointment

could just make you give up right and

make your body feel it makes your spirit

fail you know so i want you to talk

about that because

how do you balance we all know like

what’s the scripture where it says

everything happens oh there’s a time for

there’s a time for everything right

there’s a time for everything mourning

laughing crying you know everything how

do we balance the highs and the lows of

life the disappointments and the wins

because you said you got to know how to

lose absolutely that chapter i get

really really vulnerable

um about some things that that took

place in my life

one in particular i’ll bring it i’ll

just tell you about because i think

it’ll answer your question and speak to

it well was um

you know we we

produced a

television show

and this is in 2019 we produced a

television show

um sold it to abc studios


it was a put pilot which meant that the

studio put millions of dollars into

producing it we were on the set of

seinfeld we had seinfeld set

right so you just talk about

confirmation like oh man you know

seinfeld had you know i don’t know how

many you know series you know 20 30 even

he was ridiculous and uh and we sold the

show you know we sold the show and and

um i mean i was excited all the trades

were talking about it was a pilot

everybody was basically saying oh yeah

this this is definitely going to get

picked up right

and there were

serendipitous moments all the way

through god was all

over it i mean from start to finish god

was just moving and blessing and and it

was just amazing we had all these god


and uh and so

it was in april of 2019 and it was time

for you know all the network was sending

all their their talent and their

producers to new york for the upfronts

where you know you basically talk about

your show and you get you know that’s

how they make money that sponsors and

all that kind of stuff we’ll buy and we

had our bags packed to go to new york

because you know this is a done deal you

know and that phone call didn’t come

we’re like all right what the flight

gonna leave you know you know and at the

very last minute

um the network decided not to take it to


and i was

devastated but it was crazy because i

was devastated but i didn’t think i was

because i was so busy encouraging you

know all the producing partners you know

because you know i’m the you know i’m

the faith guy you know what i mean no no

it’s okay you know god is good you know

everything for a reason


and it took my confidence way down but i

remember one thing and and

and obviously i got it back but i

remember one thing that i could not deny

and this is important to your question

if god was in it

in all of the yeses

if god was in it here

and god was in it there and i was

accepting all of god’s yeses because to

get from what i just i know i just kind

of ran through with the studio bot and

all that kind of stuff do you know how

what that takes yeah what you have to

put together the team that you have to

put together right the the pitch the the

the the anointing to pitch i mean the

show was sold in the rooms saladin

patterson was the writer of the show

he’s a master

um and if you google him you’ll see all

the things that he worked on so you know

bringing the talent all that was god

every step of the way then sold it then

you know then they gave us you know they

spent all that money right

i had to decide

and i had to come to the realization

that if god was in all those yeses

why would he not be in that no

so so a lot of times

we know how to win

but we don’t know how to lose and that

was the lesson because who you are

when you lose

says more about who you

are in your response to winning

and so i had to learn

how to lose and here is how you lose

here is how you master losing

you master losing by mastering


most people think that if you lose

something you’re a loser


most people think that if you fail at

something you are a failure

that is not true

winners lose all the time they just

never define themselves by it

are you tracking with it so as it

relates to that i believe that we have

to trust god god if your yes was good

enough for me

then your no must be two

yeah that is so good pt and i want us to

really dig into that to a little bit

um and i say that because you know we

there is one thing when you we on this

week we

to comprehend that right i think it

takes process yes to comprehend that god

you know what you were in this like how

did this door close and i want to ask

you the balance between um mourning

something right and worshiping at the

same time and this is why because you

know i don’t know who and if any of you

have ever had a pregnancy dream right

and not because you’re about to be


but that there was something that god

was about to fill you up with it was an

idea a vision that you were gonna birth

right and so we were having this

conversation and this analogy of

miscarriage comes to play because when

you think about very unqualified to talk

about this but when you think about a

pregnant mother um when she conceives a


that experience is unique

that child is unique there is emotional

investment there is mental investment

there’s expectation there’s an

expression of herself

that would be revealed through the birth

of that child

when the child is miscarried

it is

it’s not just mourning the child it is

mourning the expression of self

that would have been revealed through

that the birthing of a child or the

birthing of a project

how do we

get in that place of

really mourning yeah right because i

love how you talk about disappointments

and i say this so that we do not hide

our disappointment


the fact the fact is god is good but

there is a process to get to that place


god you are in the know yeah and how and

when you think back on you know what you

experienced with this project what was

your process like in getting back to

that place of worship i just want to add

to that too

it’s also how do you want to get

pregnant again yeah it’s the fear of

doing it again that’s really good

yeah um i think balance after the blow

the chapter balance after the blow

really speaks to that more than anything

but i do think that you have to first

and foremost you have to honor

your feelings yeah a lot of times

particularly spiritual religious people

we feel like we don’t have permission

everything has to be okay

i just lost my baby but bless god


no no no no slow down slow down slow

down slow down

slow down slow down we’ll get to

hallelujah one day

but you just lost

your child

your job your relationship a loved one

slow it


down yeah

and honor that grief

uh and honor that grief because you you

can’t be

self-aware so aware or just real if you

don’t honor the fact that that something

truly hurt you there there there is

there is a process

you gotta grieve you gotta grieve you

gotta grieve you can’t grieve forever

you can’t grieve forever because because

everything has a season you reference

ecclesiastes there’s a time in the

season for everything but you got to get

that grief out

um you you’ve got to get that that that

that disappointment out and here’s one

thing that we must understand

when when god

i’m going to call it this it’s not true

but i’m going to say it for so that we

can connect when god disappoints us

or we are disappointed maybe this is

more accurate we are disappointed by

what god allows to happen

it is important after you grieve to

recognize that all of us no matter how


have a degree of ignorance

and i don’t say ignorance in a negative

sense ignorance ignorant not without

knowledge we all have a degree

of blindness

and anytime that we are disappointed

disappointed particularly as it relates

to something that god did it reveals to

us that we had watch this an ignorant


we had an expectation that did not have

some knowledge

in it

that was pertinent to it we have to

accept that all of us as human beings

we’ll be disappointed in life because we

are not omniscient we are not all

knowing god


and what makes it challenging is we

won’t always have answers

to why

this painful thing took place so we have

to honor our

our grief we have to honor our emotions

we have to honor our feelings about it

and then we have to come to the

realization that there was something i

did not know

and that’s when you have to get to a


where when you can’t see god’s hand in a

situation you have to trust his heart

you have to trust that he is good now

angelica you said something that is

really important

and you say how do i

get to a place

where i have the faith to get pregnant

again pregnant literally

pregnant figuratively and here’s how you

get there first of all it’s through

honoring that process if you grieve

properly if you grieve properly

you will ultimately get to gratitude

because there is relief in grief itself

yeah if you grieve in a healthy way

there is actually the fact that you were

able to

to see it all

and to process it all and to to to and

you should grieve i believe you ought to

agree with others i believe you ought to

agree with the therapist you agree with

with people who love you you’ve got to

grieve in a healthy way there is a

release that comes and if you’re a

worshiper that will get you to gratitude

like i was standing over there in that

corner when i lost my father and i was

struggling but ultimately i had to give

it up i’m not happy but god you are good

i cannot deny

um and then you will come to a place and

it takes time

where you realize that it’s just a

season yeah no matter how difficult it


wherever you are right now

i had a great we just had a crazy season

11 days ago right and it was hard and it

was tough and i’m away from my family

and i’m feeling it’s crazy and and my

wife doesn’t seem like you know it’s

getting any better and she’s coughing

and i love my i’m crazy like i’ll give

it all up for my family like for real

for real we’ll go get in a one-bedroom

apartment to be eight of us in there and

now ty’s my son-in-law so ty that’s nine

time up in there too and a doggy and a

fish and a turtle

if that’s what it takes to keep my

family together are you tracking with me

seriously so i was in this place and

what you can’t see when you’re in the

season is that it is a season that’s

right and that season is going to pass

so you got to know it’s seasonal and

then you have to come to a place and i

talk about it and and balance after the

blow and so you get the book and hear it

in its entirety but you got to come to a

place where you realize that life

is worthy of trusting again and if you

add if you tally up

your life if you just tally it i know

that the blow is devastating and i get

that right

but it’s just a season if you tally up


you will deduce

that it’s worth trusting again watch

this because not to trust is to is not

to live that’s right

i’ve got to believe dave david i’ll

leave it with the scripture david put it

this way he said i would have fainted

unless i believe psalm 27 unless i

believe to see the goodness of god in

the land of the living in other words if

i don’t believe i’m going to see good


i’ll faint

i’ll lose heart and i’ll become nothing

that is powerful and i think even to

your point in balance after the blow

when you talk about seeing through the

season um it really goes like dives into

exactly what you said and that is so


yeah and so

as we close out i do want to share a

story because i feel like what god

showed me at home in my house is similar

to what you’re saying about the

importance why balance is so important

yeah so one day i was in my house and

this praying mantis this beautiful green

praying mantis um just lands on the

window right and i was looking at it i’m

like okay you know it was beautiful so i

was like really paying attention to it

and it stayed there in the same spot for

like all day

and i was like i would keep coming back

like this prayer mentioned still and it

didn’t even move

and then um i was led to research like

what a praying mantis is like what in in

their um nature

and i learned that praying mantis first

of all mantis means prophet so it’s

literally when you hear it sonically it

says it’s like a praying prophet you

know what i mean um but the mantis stays

very still

because when it when it goes after its

prey it goes it has so much precision it

rarely misses

you know what i’m saying and so god was

showing me something he was like you


some people want to be busy all the time

busy all the time but he was showing the

importance of being still because when

god says go you’re gonna go and you’re

gonna hit and you’re gonna hit the

target you know what i’m saying

so so that’s why balance is so key and

so important yeah and and even just to

piggyback on that you know even what you

shared when we talked about laws balance

really gives you that perspective of

abundance in every season that even in

the lost god i’m abundant and it like i

had a lot of convicted moments reading

this book and it really for me it showed

me the areas in my life that i was

operating from scarcity because even

just this week i had to so on thursday i

had to fly out to philadelphia and there

was a conference on friday then come

back saturday and

this conversation

we have been like going back and forth

with the book it’s so it means so much

to me um how this was delivered and i

was like god you know i need to just i

need the time to just like woosa into

this and when i was reading the book i

said wait that is coming from a scarcity

mindset i have abundance in god even if

all i had was two hours to prep not that

i had two hours but then it hit me that

even if all i had was two hours to prep

for a conference

that is enough more than enough time for

the holy spirit to drop a download in me

and it showed me that

whatever god brings on your plate

that your abundance is not in you your

abundance is in him and i got that

through balance i’m like wait how am i

moving through life am i moving through

life from a place of scarcity or am i

moving through life from a place of

abundance and that was one of the key

perspective shifts that just i mean

really um changed my life from reading

this book so pt we we thank you can we


give a

round of applause to pastor terrain

can we give it up for the same room

these questions and and

and what you guys are doing

with the same room

is next level i’ll say all the time it’s

power and conversation even when i teach

i try to be conversational you know i

get crazy every once in a while but but

um thank you so much for having me and

thank you all for being thank you guys

for having me thank you