Chiiiiile we love to keep a baby on schedule but are we doing this for ourselves? What we’re learning from Pastor Tina is that baby basics aren’t just for babies. How much sleep are you getting? Are you eating all of your meals? Sis, it’s up to you to check on you! Pull out a pen and paper so you are prepared to set these guidelines up for yourself too. ___________________________________ Watch the FULL “What I Know Now about Motherhood with Tina Watkins-Quaye” episode on the Woman Evolve TV App. For audio-only, head over to Spotify, Google Podcasts, or Apple Podcasts. REGISTER for Woman Evolve Conference: www.womanevolveconference.com Stay plugged into the Woman Evolve community: www.womanevolve.com www.womanevolve.tv download the app from any mobile device’s app store, first 7 days are FREE! Want to support this ministry? Text WEGIVE to (833) 611-9066 FOLLOW US ON THE SOCIALS: Instagram: Woman Evolve and Sarah Jakes Roberts Twitter: Woman Evolve and SJakesRoberts Facebook: Woman Evolve and Sarah Jakes Roberts
hi I’m Tina and I’m a wife and a mother
of Two and a writer and a singer and a
bunch of other things
um today I want to share with you what
I’m learning now that I wish I had
learned a little earlier in hopes that
you will you know be a little more
advanced than I am as you deal with this
so I’m learning self-care again
uh I mentioned that I’m a mother
two one of them is a four-month-old baby
and as I take care of her I’m really
learning how to take care of myself
again and what it boils down to is
discipline doesn’t sound like self-care
but literally I am learning the
discipline of thinking of taking care of
myself by regulating what I think
um self-care for me used to be about you
know exotic trips and escaping the
day-to-day and as my life has changed
and as the demands of motherhood and of
being a wife and a full-time writer and
all these other things that I do are
ramping up I’m realizing my life needs
to be something that I don’t need to
escape from and in order for that to
happen my thoughts need to be
disciplined and regulated well enough
that I don’t need to escape from them
and so there are a couple of passages
from the Bible that have been really
driving this for me
um one of them is from Romans 12 and 2
and it says do not conform to the
pattern of this world but be transformed
by the renewing of what your mind the
other is from James 2 15 through 17. it
says suppose a brother or sister is
without clothes and daily food if one of
you says to them go in peace keep warm
and well fed but does nothing about
their physical needs what good is it in
the same way Faith by itself if it is
not accompanied by action is dead and
these two scriptures
um are foundational for me because I’ve
been through a lot in my life and in the
last few years some of my testimony
included just the last couple years
overcoming alcoholism and addiction and
obesity and financial ruin and all these
different things and for a time uh that
scripture from James was about
putting my faith into work through my
hands through what I could do outwardly
and in some cases what I could avoid
doing outwardly and what I’m realizing
in this season is that the work is not
so much of what I can do with my hands
but what I can do with my mind and that
is very difficult it’s um much easier I
think to accomplish things that have an
outward reward and that you can see and
track and in this case
um the mental work the inner work that
it takes to become better is a lot
harder and it’s less rewarding
and so for me
um what happened along with me beginning
this journey of improving myself from
the inside out or I guess ramping up
that Journey because I’ve been on it for
a while is that God granted me this
child and with it the grace to take
maternity leave for about six months and
to really not only re-establish our
household and develop new ways to care
for her but to develop new ways to care
for myself or better ways because
they’re the basics this stuff never
really changes and so for me it’s been
difficult because
while I’m aware that I’m making progress
and that my mind being disciplined is of
critical importance like it’s
life-changing importance right now
um none of it’s being seen like my
husband can’t even see what I’m thinking
um thank God he’s not a mind reader and
doesn’t pretend to be but
um it is a lot like being planted in the
ground which is called the germination
period where you’ve prepared the seeds
and the right environment for them but
they’re covered and there’s no
um sign of outward growth it’s all
happening beneath the surface and so
that’s where I am it’s kind of also like
and this is a more handy analogy
um my phone does updates every now and
then and I get so frustrated because I
just look at it and it won’t do all the
things I need it to do like phone calls
and Facebook app and you know all the
productive things that you want your
phone to do
instead it just gives me this little
spinning you know whirly gig that says
it is updating and then it turns itself
off completely
and then when I turn it back on it
functions way better in ways that I had
nothing to do with changing but the
operating system has reset and reworked
so that all the functions of the phone
are optimized and that’s kind of what
I’m doing here on maternity leave I’m
you know in my PJs most of the time
nursing this adorable baby girl and
making sure that she can sleep okay but
it doesn’t look like a lot is being
manifest with the work of my hands and
so
some of what I’m I’m building in this
time is muscle memory we all have a way
of thinking and a way of operating
whether we acknowledge it or not that is
a habit it’s a pattern and it’s a way of
doing life and what’s happened with me
with this very uh handy kind of example
of my little girl is I’ve become very
intentional about those things initially
for her and now the intention is very
much about me and so around the third
trimester I started doing the classic
you know nesting exercise which is where
you set your mind to preparing for the
baby to come and as I talk about the
discipline of renewing your mind and the
discipline of setting new habits so that
your mind can think and operate
differently the tools I want to give you
which are just kind of what I’m dealing
with every day and the the hopes that it
helps you
um or what I’ll call the baby basics
it’s really not complicated it might be
a little embarrassing if you’re 40 years
old like me
to acknowledge that the same things a
four-month-old needs are the same things
that you as a grown-up need but that’s
what it is so the baby Basics are first
of all being intentional setting your
mind to what needs to be changed
um it’s important to recognize that when
I was nesting or preparing for our child
to come into our home I had the
intention of her in mind of this you
know newborn’s well-being and I
understood what that might mean and I
had some experience in doing it before
and so I was able to identify she needs
somewhere safe and peaceful to sleep
that is temperature controlled and you
know the noise can be controlled and I
was able to to approach this with a goal
in my
um and when you’re adopting this kind of
self-care and disciplining your thoughts
it’s important to have that goal in mind
this is not self-care for an event like
summertime is coming and I need to be
summertime fine like that won’t get it
if it’s for a specific event you you’ll
fall short because when that event has
passed you still have to live with
yourself and whatever muscle memory
you’ve built in will we always default
to what’s comfortable so you will
default to just good enough to be
summertime fine for that summer and so
if you’re making a lifestyle change it
has to be bigger than that so I set my
intention on getting the environment
right for my little one and I’ve had to
set my intention on getting the
environment right for me too and that
means you know if I claim to be a writer
or a singer or an actor you know what
things have you put in place to make
sure that you can sit quietly and write
do you have a notepad and pen or a
laptop or an office if you’re a singer
are you able to regularly access a piano
or a recording studio or to exercise
your voice in a way that other people
won’t hear and judge and criticize if
you’re an actor do you have a space
where it’s easy for you to sit down and
record a clip for your reel or an
audition so there are all of these
things about setting your environment in
place intentionally that we have to set
the space form
you also have to set in place and this
is again baby 101 What’s the schedule
like when is she awake when is she
sleeping when is she eating when is she
taking a nap I’m 40 and these things are
still important I can’t just you know
what might do what my default was before
which was uh falling asleep when I got
sleepy and waking up when I woke up
um without an alarm or any intention to
uh all right I need to wake up at 6 a.m
because I am most productive in the
morning and this optimizes the amount of
time where my brain functions best and
if I’m waking up at 6am and I need eight
hours then I’d probably need to go to
sleep around 10 p.m not the 1am that I
feel sleepy at and so you have to uh as
as rigid and as
Elementary as it seems you have to set a
bedtime for yourself as an adult and
said what time you need to wake up and
along with that when are you eating if I
eat at nine o’clock that I’m supposed to
go to sleep at 10 I’m not going to sleep
well so you’ve got to set a feeding
schedule and I I compare this to my
four-month-old because I acknowledge it
seems so basic it seems so unimportant
and so unsexy you know these are not the
things that look like they’re
manifesting major rewards for you as you
do them but they are so critical
um the other things that you have to pay
attention to as the basics to improve
your muscle memory and develop the
discipline of changing your thinking
um all of these elements are are
constants that set you up for Success
the other thing and this is the most
important is knowing your limits
at some point in my past I you know was
highly
I’ll just say operational I could get
things done I was living and breathing
but I was not optimally functioning I
was not at my best all the time and what
would happen is some life event would be
thrown at me as they are if you’re
growing good or bad and to face that
thing I would have to basically scoop
myself up off the floor because I was
tired or I was sick or I was
overextended or I was drunk or I was you
know not feeling energetic enough in the
moment because of what I was eating all
these different things would war against
my ability to deal with a life event and
where I am now is recognizing that if I
am at my best all the time then when
those things happen it’s not about me
not only rising to meet that life event
but also trying to pull myself up to do
so I can literally just turn and face it
head on and deal with it from a place of
me being my best self instead of having
a drag myself up from barely surviving
to meet something that needs all of me
um so part of that is knowing
um when I’ve had enough getting better
at identifying when I’ve reached a limit
when I’ve reached my limits I’m not my
best me I don’t think it’s clearly I’m
not as diplomatic I don’t solve problems
this easily and I basically leave
the world in that moment and so I had to
learn how to set limits with myself you
know paying attention to whether I was
getting physically uncomfortable or
whether my mind was as clear as it
usually is and whether I was functioning
well and then when I identified that
being gentle with myself
I had to make sure I didn’t become
overly self-critical and start running
down the list of things I have failed to
do or engaging in negative self-talk
about how you know terrible this is I
just had to accept it and you know
settle myself down to rest and take care
of myself a little more gently in that
moment so
all of those things
um renewing my mind being intentional uh
knowing my limits watching what I am
eating and setting a daily schedule and
making sure that I have a functional
environment for all that to happen in
those are the basics
but resetting my mind around what they
mean in this season and being
intentional about developing that
discipline means I can develop a muscle
memory around them develop a habit so
that my default every day is something
that works to bring out my best need and
that’s what I want for you I’m warning
you now it is not attractive you will
not feel like you are climbing mountains
and churning out projects but it really
will help you to be at your best every
day and the world needs that