Make sure you grab Dr. Anita Phillip’s new book The Garden Within wherever books are sold.
there is
only one person
on the whole planet
that I would get up
on a Saturday morning for
one person
well maybe not one but there’s one
person this morning
good morning good morning good morning
what’s up family
how are you doing we are
one week
from Juan Manuel
and I know if you did not go you’re
probably tired of hearing him but I just
want you to know this is a safe space
you can tell us
you can tell us you’re frustrated and we
just want to feel safe enough to
continue to get on your nerves talking
about it we had a time a time a time
um
an incredible time this time last week
this time last week Doris hadn’t opened
yet no doors were open we were about to
have the men’s panel which
um was unexpectedly a pretty good hit
you know but
um
I am getting on here let me tell you
something
um there are a few people who make woman
evolve what it is
um if you’ve never been to a woman
evolve event like woman evolve this
literally it’s about Sisterhood it’s
about connection it’s about authentic
encounters with God and the ability to
be all of yourself and so Kayla’s one of
them I show Kayla some love yesterday
but there is another person who is at
this point as much woman evolved as as
Eve in in myself and
Dr Anita Phillips
and if you do not have our new book
we’ve been to get in your business it’s
Saturday morning I don’t have to be in
the therapy yet hey Frank hey that’s
hilarious me and Eve we
the co-partners absolutely not to get on
here with makeup on and I’m getting on
here oh I slept in this oh okay man I
laid flat on my back
it ain’t left them like a little
backrest
I’m gonna just get finished blotting
that out and we’re gonna be okay okay so
can I tell you one of the things that
makes me so proud of woman evolve is
like this is what I feel right and I
know like you can’t boost your own stuff
but I’m about to boost my own stuff
um like woman evolve is not
just a spiritual experience like it’s
not church as usual
um it is an opportunity to really have
um a conversation about where you are
traversing in the world of your mental
health your spiritual health your
emotional Wellness your business
relationships and to do it in a space
where we want to talk about real things
and
um I’m gonna tell you guys a little back
story so I’ve always known that I wanted
to have this somatic experience as a
part of Romney ball close the door close
the door you left the door wide open
come on now exactly what you’re saying
somatic the way my heart just leaves
um I did that I wanted it to have this
somatic experience because I recognized
the power of coming in alignment with
our bodies and though I don’t feel
equipped to guide someone through those
experiences I knew that when God gave me
this vision for one revolved that it had
to be a part of it where women were
really embodying themselves in a way
where they could assess how am I doing
those moments and so when I first had
this Vision I didn’t know how I was
going to fulfill it and I don’t even
know how I think maybe you reached out
to me and told me like you’re I’m what
you’re looking for but
um not you text me kind of close to
2018. I was like
um would you do a meditation but I had
seen the the I had seen women involve on
tour and thought I need to be
part of this I need to be doing this and
I just said God
and then you just and you dropped me a
text and we’re like could you do a
meditation and I’m like I don’t know how
to do that but yes yes
and now you first of all you didn’t know
how to do it because that’s what you do
and different I had never done it in a
in a faith space like that in that way I
did it and so I really was like okay God
let’s go and it was it was a thing your
book is that how do you feel about it ah
I feel good I feel hey
is he over holding our book because I
just want you to know because that also
includes
because we was because we do the things
together
we do them together you see my sister
you see me you see me you see my sister
how you feel about it it feels amazing
to actually
um have I really feel like I’ve done
what God asked me to do like I feel so
good like it took longer than I thought
it would and I had everybody worried
including the publisher but I knew that
I had to get to that place where this is
what God gave me and I have put it out
here I didn’t cut a corner I didn’t
self-sabotage by giving up and saying I
couldn’t make it make it I just I went
until it was finished and it feels so
good to give something to people that I
really believe God gave me for them and
not just something I wanted to say so I
have the privilege of being on um I’m in
the woman evolve app which
um it’s mostly women who’ve gone to
conference but women who wanted to come
to conference and weren’t able to attend
and I am watching them you did a live in
the heart and health act and I’ve had an
opportunity to see their feedback I’m in
the woman evolved book club in which you
just completely destroyed us at our
Thursday book club meeting where it you
really just offered us an opportunity to
to glean and have group therapy as we
navigate the things that are coming up
in this book
um I think the commonality between the
two is that
as people of faith I think so much of
our
traumas so much of our pain that is
emotional we’ve just kind of made it
spiritual right you know
um praying that God will take it away
um trying to just make our spiritual
lives overcome some of the real healing
work that we need to do some of the real
confrontations and discovery that we
need to have with our emotions and what
I am encouraged by is seeing how Our
Fate is being strengthened by the
vulnerability of really dissecting our
emotions and that’s kind of how you
start the book
it’s talking about this intersection of
faith and emotional Wellness now I want
to be careful because you know you’re my
friend you got the degree
um
would you say there’s a difference
between mental health and the
conversation that we’re having In the
Garden within I would say not
necessarily different but we’re diving
into emotional health and emotional
health really is the foundation for our
mental health when people say mental
health we think about the mind so we go
straight to our thoughts and so I
emphasize the word emotion emotional
well-being is often included in the
definition of mental health but really
mental health should be included in the
definition of emotional well-being
because it is from our emotional life
that our minds spring and so just like
the plant lives in the soil the Mind
lives in the heart the thoughts are are
drawing their sustenance from our
emotional well-being and so that’s why I
emphasize that word and it’s important
to me because we do need to bridge this
thing between our fear and our heart
because they’re Inseparable our spirit
is the seed that goes into the soil so
again the emotion life our emotions
feeding our mind and then our behavior
is the fruit and our soil feeds that too
there’s nothing in the garden that is
not first impacted by the soil and
there’s nothing in your life that’s not
for impacted by where you are
emotionally absolutely nothing I almost
you know the only the only reason why I
would consider going back to school is
to really take oh take classes towards
unpacking
um emotional Wellness I’m fascinated by
it I think primarily for the same reason
that I think you started your journey
which was just trying to uncover what
was happening in your own world and
searching for answers I
um guys I’m talking about Dr Anita’s
book The Garden within
um Dr Anita Phillips this book is out
everywhere books are sold literally
everywhere books are sold go on Amazon
and you may have it on your doorstep
tonight go to Barnes and Noble like go
and grab this book you will not be
disappointed
um I
did not know about going to therapy
um for myself I didn’t even know that it
was something that I could benefit from
I kind of like went through what I went
through I made a better choice I got on
the other side of it but I never
confronted all of these emotions that I
had along the way until I started
listening to podcasts and reading books
listening to podcasts and reading books
was my first introduction to something
that felt like therapy but that didn’t
have required me to sit down and uncover
my own business what I love about the
Garden within you guys and I have read
so many books about emotional Wellness
about mental health and about traumas
um this book does not require you to
have a doctorate in order to understand
that Dr Anita has been masterful in
Breaking this down in a way that you can
understand easily but also that has so
much depth and so many layers connected
to it that you also recognize that this
is really healing me like I’m not just
reading about what’s possible for me I
am reading a bit
about healing me while I’m reading it
and you are so generous and that you
don’t do it as an outsider most of the
time when we go to therapy like they’re
not sharing what’s happened in their
world they’re not sharing their
experiences which on one hand it’s like
do you really understand what I’m going
through or are you just telling me what
was in the textbook but Dr Anita tell me
about you being intentional and bringing
in your own experiences as this guide to
lead us to Healing no for me I wasn’t
always in this place with regard to my
emotions I used to intellectualize
everything I used to be proud that I
wasn’t an emotional person and so this
has been a journey for me that’s
sometimes painful Journey but also an
incredibly fruitful journey and so I’m
sharing about what my family’s gone
through and what it meant to grow up
with us through had a mental illness
which is also the transformation of my
own personality about getting to know my
children and and being a better mom to
them just the life that this is required
of me and I have to walk through I I
it’s been the most painful couple of
years of my life while I was writing
this book and so I promise there’s
nothing in here that I have not lived
out myself because I’m not looking to
tell you what to do I’m looking to show
you how I walked so I’m glad to hear
that it sounds
um that it’s not hard to read I didn’t I
didn’t want that and I want people to
hear me saying I was on a journey of
self-understanding because I I like to
say this book is not self-help it’s
self-understanding this is not four
steps to Freedom it’s the pain of
transforming my understanding of myself
and that’s what I want people to do too
because it’s so so free to actually hurt
yourself be you if you’re here if you
haven’t found you the right therapist
yet or you’re afraid to dip into therapy
your personal faith and you’re wondering
where this intersection is like be this
is an incredible starting point
um and what I love too about it is like
certainly you are a person in faith but
you’re not
it’s it’s not giving you need to have
your bible to read it as well no if this
is you know when you were talking about
women evolve a few minutes ago and
you’re saying like it’s not just a
spiritual experience but it’s all these
areas of your life I was thinking myself
woman of all this about the so what yeah
so what okay we and that’s not
diminished in our relationship with
Jesus but we’re saved you know we okay
but so now what how does this go
translate into my life right right and
that that mission that heart of work is
why I why I love women of all why I joke
and say I’m the assistant pastor of
women
because I’m so committed to that making
sure our people have to so what now how
do I live with this and this book is
about okay how do I live how do I live
with this being a human being having the
strong emotional Center and not really
knowing what to do other than suppress
it so I have my spirit renewed and my
spirit is alive but but what now what
and I feel like that’s what I wanted to
give I wanted to give them that so I’m
going to ask you the questions that come
up when I hear you know I I was priding
myself on you know not being emotional
to me I think that’s powerful I think
that’s amazing like nobody has time to
be emotional
um I I you know sometimes when I’m in
the midst of it and I’m like I don’t
have time to deal with that I don’t have
time to be emotional like to me that is
a sign of strength it’s a sign of
responsibility a sign of maturity it’s
something that I too have prided myself
on like don’t be emotional when it’s
time to get stuff that I need you to get
out of your feelings so that we can get
things done like that is how I am wired
um because I don’t want to be walking
around like oh oh oh here therapy me Dr
Anita help me here we go guys are y’all
ready I’m about to let y’all my mother
oh Lord
I told my husband yesterday I feel like
there’s a water balloon inside of me
that is like waiting to burst and when
it bursts that I am going to cry but I
don’t know how to make myself cry how do
I do that I want to be I want to come
outside of my box of
non-emotionalism and like I don’t even
know how like how do I even do this like
make me happy make me cry
you cry but I will ask you how do you
why do you feel like there’s a water
balloon inside you
depression come from
I just like my I feel like well I told
you even before conference that I felt
like my heart was bursting
um
with joy and nerves and fear and I I
think that I received evidence for some
of the things that I was concerned about
I saw God show up in a way that I didn’t
know was possible I
um like I and so now we’re
post-conference and I have I’ve had a
few things happen post-conference that
it just feels like this is worthy of an
emotional response of some sort like it
feels like I should be but I don’t
understand yeah
it feels like a water balloon doesn’t
feel like it like you’re saying like if
you sit still do you feel something in
your chest if you sit still in a safe
place and this may not be entirely safe
but I would say take the time to return
there
I know y’all know you got some download
video links somewhere
the moment a quiet time when you have an
hour or two and the kids are asleep or
someone else has them and you really
have the time and put that video put
those videos on
and watch that camera sweep that room
40 000.
and watch God come through every speaker
listen to the words of the song You
versed on time God I was listening to it
yesterday and thinking I didn’t even
notice how many times it mentioned
memory and history and the and then the
whole thing was generational there was
so much conversation about generational
things sit down with all of that and
just see revisit and see what happens
see what happened
[Music]
yeah and and experience the joy too you
know you were gonna have that
conversation about how Joy can be scary
and so it’s almost like if I let my
guard down now and we came out of
conference and there were things that
popped off if I let my guard down now
what will happen but I encourage you to
go to conference I want you to go
I see what you did there
I want you to go to conference I do
think I was going to be emotional at
conference but I think I was so busy
like making sure yeah I mean listen
friend
I every time I get my eyes on you I have
my eyes on you I’m surprised you
couldn’t hear me praying in tongues in
my head bursting out because I was just
like I can’t even as close as we are I
still can’t imagine what it’s like to be
carrying that and being the birther of
that so yeah now you go to conference
sit down in a good room with a big
screen
oh that’s what I want to do okay all
right that’s it see the garden was in
she just watered my garden I love that
what are you what are you most excited
about people taking away from the book
how incredibly beautifully and what it
really means to be fearful and
wonderfully made in their bodies the the
miracle of our biology that God actually
designed it based on the garden yeah
that he breaks this literal Garden it’s
not a metaphor it’s more than a metaphor
we are literally functioning as garden
zone as they see the neurons as they see
their heart so they see that nervous
system and it’s explained and how it’s
showing up in their lives that no matter
what we can always stop and realize my
very construction is a miracle and not
in this abstract spiritual way but like
in ways we can see
and remember that whatever’s happening
in this moment God designed an answer
for it on the day made the Universe on
daily great creation he designed an
answer for what we’re dealing with now
and put it inside of us
I just want people to feel like they’re
carrying sacred
everywhere and that their emotional
lives are such a part of that our
emotional lives are such a part of that
and that it is worth this vulnerability
journey to break out of the shell that
we place around our emotions and flow
into this incredibly powerful life and
that all of it’s possible to happen
inside of them no matter what’s going on
around them and that moves us from
trying to control the environment to
having power on the inside to be able to
go from control to power is is a big
thing I want to see people do stop
trying to control everything around you
and realize how much power there is
within you I do think I think that I
would have had and you know
I’m grateful for what I have now but I
think my relationship with God my
relationship with faith would have been
a lot easier if I had this emotional
um awareness that I have now still
walking through it of course but
um there I think the disconnect that I
thought I was experiencing between me
and God or me and Jesus like I think
that I chalked it up to my behavior or
there being something wrong with me and
everyone else got it but I think I just
had so much noise in between me and what
they were telling me God who God is and
who Jesus is and you know I had all
these questions like how I’m nothing
like Jesus like I am like and Jesus is
nothing like me and I because I know
this because I know me and like there’s
nothing we have nothing in common like
who you guys are talking about is not
who I am at all and I’m so far from that
that I don’t even understand how I’m
supposed to be in relationship with
Jesus so I actively was like it is not
for me and I think I know that Grace
chased me down I know that God did not
let up until I decided okay I’m just
gonna try it by faith like I guess I’m
gonna try it but in unpacking
um all of this luggage that I’ve been
carrying all of this pain and Trauma and
disappointment that I’ve been carrying
um I think that I learned to
um really allow the presence of God to
meet me where I am but their
relationship with Jesus has been
strengthened as a result of the work
going because this is what I think I
think in church
we do spend a lot of time lifting up the
name of Jesus as we should yeah and
lifting him up as our savior and really
seeing his divinity but there is power
in us really also recognizing the human
nature of Jesus and how as a result of
him being so human his divinity is that
much more powerful yes exactly because
it cannot be diminished Yeah by Humanity
his divinity was not human diminished by
his Tears by his fears by his anger it
was not diminished it was
made one you know he really showed us
what it meant to be human and to do it
correctly and he was so emotional he was
so emotional and so expressive of his
emotions in public he never repents he
never apologizes and he never sees the
moments of weakness as a human as
something to separate him from his
father
he went to God in prayer and the most
what we would consider vulnerable
emotional we painful State and didn’t
edit it at all
he’s just never edit himself emotionally
that’s incredible doesn’t that make it
like if you if you can separate
Jesus from Christianity if you can
separate religion from Jesus and you can
just
experience this beautiful person
that was 100 God and 100 man
and be in relationship with every part
that the human Jesus and the Divine
Jesus right to me that makes Faith so
much easier yeah like I’m not praying to
someone who doesn’t get it I’m not and
and it and I think it also takes him out
of this Genie in a Bottle mentality
where I just need you to answer my
prayers and I need you to do this you
know this miracle but like I just need
you to be with me like I need you to
help me understand this anxiety I need
you to walk with me through this pain
like isn’t that like doesn’t that remove
the barrier it does remove it and it
makes him who he actually is right
because he is actually up there
praying for us from this place of
understanding how we feel because the
Bible says he felt everything we felt
that has to that matters he doesn’t say
yeah I thought that too he knows I felt
that too I feel every single thing that
you felt and he showed it I mean when I
see Jesus in Gethsemane go into his
disciples and saying can you pray with
me for one hour can you tarry with me he
was saying I don’t want to be alone
right now I am so distracted that’s like
seeing him ask for help seeing him need
his father’s Comfort seeing him need
that’s what he was modeling for us so
when the Bible says we can go boldly
before the throne of grace in times of
need like we have to learn to be boldly
needy
oh okay so this is so good because I was
talking to someone this week and um she
was sharing with me that like she
doesn’t want to feel needy and I was
telling her you got you know that so you
got to read this book because like
having a need is not a sign of weakness
like having a need does not make you
less than and I have really embraced
this like it’s okay to have a need which
I think I think especially growing up in
black families like I ain’t never been
raised another family so maybe I want
folks maybe Brown folks many other folks
got this going too but it’s like it the
greatest gift you can give your family
when they’re struggling when they’re
building when they’re trying to create a
world is to diminish your needs like the
more you can diminish your needs the
easier you are to be in the family unit
and then that translates into our
relationships I will diminish my needs
so that you can be who you need to be
like do I need emotional security do I
need Integrity do I need infection like
yes I need those things but I will
diminish my needs for the sake of you
being okay and we have I have been
trained many people I know have been
trained to diminish our needs over and
over again so much so that having them
makes us feel weak make us feel like
we’re betraying their relationships and
yet we do have them we do have them we
need connection we need a sense of value
I’m of worth and we need safety we need
to feel safe and we are so often willing
to move through life without those
things and so we’re hungry all the time
and it’s like running a marathon without
eating even when people run a marathon I
used to be a runner we eat before we go
we eat things but we have snacks
strapped all over your body so that you
can have snacks along the way so that
your need can keep being met so that you
can finish the race not only finish it
but not be injured and not collapse but
we run the race to our goals
with all of these unmet needs we’re
trying to get things done but we’re not
getting our need for connection met
we’re not feeling worth and value and so
we show up with imposter syndrome
because we didn’t feed what we needed
emotionally to have that sense of worth
along the way we thought when we get
there we’ll feel it but when we get
there we don’t have it when we get there
we still don’t feel safe because we’re
not taking care of our emotional needs
we think we have to put those aside to
get the job done and we do get the job
done but we don’t enjoy the job we don’t
get the fruit of what we thought so we
get there we don’t have the joy we get
them we’re like man I thought I would
feel like this and all I feel is empty
because we didn’t take care of our needs
we need more than gold achievement wow
we need more than gold we do and going
being boldly needy
that’s when we’re supposed to go to God
boldly needy and to each other to our
friends what do we need and I think that
emotional intimacy and friendship is one
of the most powerful places that we can
cultivate this but we think that
emotional connection deep intimacy with
someone else emotionally is only
reserved for romantic relationships then
we get in a romantic relationship and
wonder why we’re not having the
Fulfillment that we want long term
because the emotional intimacy that we
need is a skill to develop that to open
up and connect and so I encourage people
to do that in all their relationships
that are safe and sometimes you have to
risk take a risk the relationship might
not feel safe yet sometimes you have to
take a risk okay so let’s talk about
that a little bit so someone who finally
Embraces the fact that like okay I’m
allowed to have needs
um but I am in relationship with someone
friendship with someone who
is incapable of Meeting those needs or
they are not emotionally developed
enough to understand that having needs
are normal
I still need that I still need that need
met what do I do we can always begin
getting our need met with our savior in
our spirit space but we can also look
into new relationships
we can meet new people we can open up
people are looking but a lot of times we
do have to take the first risk step and
just say I’m going to open up and if
that need isn’t met here if this isn’t a
capable space then I will open up
somewhere else but it’s not the end of
the world if I open up and the need
doesn’t get mad oh my God I’m never
opening up again like we have to
try again yeah sometimes it’s worth the
risk I feel like we did that
for sure we did that because I felt so
strongly in my spirit I’m like man God
is God is giving me this sister not just
assigning me a sister he’s giving me
this sister and we could spend a decade
testing it out
or I can just say hey let’s do this and
take the risk to open up a heart and I
paid off remember you guys would the
Garden within Dr Anita Phillips you guys
have to go get this book I remember the
first time
um so much more than what we are
unpacking here like yes this is a part
our conversation is a part of but
there’s so much more in this book like
literally this conversation is just
skimming the surface you guys have to go
get this book go on Amazon go on Audible
put it in your air you’re going to play
it over and over again like it’s an
audible doctor and need it it’s reading
the book I read the four one so it’ll be
like having this conversation again but
it’s in your airport yeah
um I remember real quick about me just
because I see so many people both yeah
when we talk about asking people for
what we need
um try to keep it try to help try to
keep it to the actual need so like I
really need to feel connected to you and
I don’t always feel that and talking to
you more helps me feel connected like
every now and then I would like to
oriented right can I get on the phone or
can we hop on a FaceTime like it helps
me so feel connected to see you versus
like well I need to have time with you
on the phone yeah and you’re not meeting
my need your the phone call is not
necessarily the need the phone call is
what you think will meet the need is I
need to feel more connected to you and
when I come to someone and say man I
just I need to feel connected today I
need to still not alone today it would
help me if maybe we could talk on the
phone or some or something we come with
what we believe will meet the need and
then we demand the thing that we think
will meet the need but sometimes if we
come to people with the knees then it
doesn’t feel like I’m demanding
something and then when I didn’t get it
the way I wanted to get it then I’m
going to walk away we do that with God
we say God give me X Y and Z because we
believe it’ll meet our need instead of
just saying God I’m scared and I need to
not be and then see what he offers in
that space versus God I need a job I
need this I need that because I got to
work like we do need those things but
God I need to be provided for I don’t
feel provided for what’s really the need
underneath the solution that you’re
offering and asking God for does that
make sense because even in asking to get
our needs met we seek to not be
vulnerable
right right right no emotional exposure
like I wanna right but I don’t want to
don’t want exposures right like let me
just tell you with a little bit of this
right right
and there’s so much more opportunity
when we step into that vulnerable space
A lot of times people will meet us there
if we’re really vulnerable when we step
I was telling someone today like I think
if you tell this person that this is a
need for you like I don’t know anyone
who loves you even if
they are aren’t capable of that maybe
they don’t have the communication skills
maybe they don’t have therapy like even
you know my parents might think about
therapy but to say hey Mom and Dad I
need to feel connected to you like love
is fueled for to get the tools like love
is fuels make it happen yeah and if
someone really loves you it doesn’t
matter whether or not they have a
therapy like maybe they’re going to end
up taking you on a walk in the park and
they don’t even know that you don’t want
to be outside but someone is you know
what I mean like I want to make you
breakfast but I can’t cook you know what
I mean like I’m gonna take
when you when you wake up but I’m gonna
try and meet that need love is the fuel
that makes that happen and giving
someone a chance to show up for you and
to meet that need even if they don’t
know yet they’re going to be practicing
right because it’s gonna be new for you
it’s gonna be new for them to give
somebody the chance
um I have to tell you I you know um you
talk to me a lot about this is I I at
home am like
I’m the one who shows up for the kids
like I said well I’m not the one who
shows up for the kids but like the
day-to-day stuff like all last year like
I have taken it either one is my
responsibility to be like no as a mom
I’m supposed to be doing this I’m
supposed to be doing that and finally I
was like PT I I need help like I need
like he’s like listen if you tell me
what you need I can show up they’re not
gonna they may not have hot breakfast
they may have cereal like I’m not going
to be putting lotion on them today
but it will I’m not going to be putting
their vitamins in the Vitamin Pack they
will get them
let someone meet the need because it’s
what you need in the way that they can
meet it if that makes sense right yeah
it doesn’t have to be your way yeah
because again we’re going from that’s
control
but we want to move to power which is
here I am I’m internally aware I know
what I need
I’m I need to be less overwhelmed I need
to be trying to do that I’m trying to do
everything and then back away and allow
it to happen a different way and that is
okay because we can then go take care of
ourselves and so that’s one way to get
the need met externally we’re also
meeting our needs internally and I’d get
into this in the book so much about how
we can learn self-regulation in our
bodies that I’m able to self to soothe
myself and I’m able to bring myself into
a different emotional place by tapping
into certain things in my body so that
even when I can’t control the external
world I can’t have power with my
internal experience
and a lot of us don’t believe we can
have power of our internal experience
because there’s so much noise in there
and so everything has to happen outside
of us so I want us to go outside but I
also want us to do that from an anchored
place inside and that’s hard we haven’t
learned how to do one or the other we we
try to do one or the other but there’s a
balance there yeah and I think that we
pushed each other in that space too like
well how are we feeling you know Joe get
your feelings wheel out and see how
we’re doing but what can we do
internally as well that’s in the book as
well it’s not only how do I get external
needs met what is my relationship with
myself with God and with other people
and to be able to look at that
holistically so that we are less afraid
to come out and ask for our needs to get
met because internally we’ve grounded
ourselves I think that’s so good because
if that person cannot meet our need
externally for any number of reasons
like it’s not always like they’re like
girl forget you I don’t care take care
right that’s just raggedy they don’t
want to do that right like they don’t
have the capacity they don’t have have
the tools I am now not at a deficit just
because they couldn’t need it because I
do know how to ground myself with that I
do know how to seek other support like I
have to know how to take care of myself
and I think that for me one of my like
trauma responses was like at the end of
the day I was looking for someone else
to make me feel this maybe I want to
feel better I want to feel good I want
to forget like make me forget and I
needed people to pull me out of my body
to put me out of my experiences and now
because I can live with myself which I
think is
the thing that I’m probably most proud
of is like I can live with myself I can
live with my story I can live with my
imperfections I can live with my
strength like I can live with myself now
when I have a need I I or I’m in
relationship I’m not meeting someone to
pull me away from me I’m inviting
someone to experience me and um that’s
that’s that’s incredible to me that’s it
you know and explaining it that way that
yeah I’m inviting you in to walk with me
and be a part of my life and and let’s
be with each other but I’m not
desperately clinging to you because I
can’t be alone with me yeah yeah yeah
yeah that’s everything
um
you guys Dr Anita Phillips book is out
let me tell you something so
um I I had a book come out on Tuesday
but no no no hear me out listen
um if you have to choose my publisher is
going to hate this if you have to choose
I’m so sorry guys if you have to choose
between getting all hope is found and
getting the Garden within
um I want you to get the Garden within
um I just
I
y’all just get both the books
oh my gosh that’s a lot for me okay let
me finish
um
what this book will do
for
who you are as a person for what you
deserve
um
that it would mean a lot to me if you
got this it would mean a lot to my
Ministry it would mean a lot to any
sermon anything I’ve ever done for you
if you took care of yourself in this way
um as much as it is about supporting my
friend
um
because of who I believe you are because
of what I want my legacy and the Earth
to be like I believe I’m gonna get a
crown in heaven for telling y’all to go
buy this book right because
you deserve to be well you deserve to be
taken care of you deserve to be nurtured
and nourished
um you deserve to be whole and to have a
relationship with God that really
honestly makes you believe that I can do
all things through Christ not I can
throat with you if you look in the
context of that scripture it’s really
about surviving anything that life
throws your way and the only way we do
that is by taking the time to really
become one with ourselves to find all of
the pieces that life has tried to
shatter and pulling them together in a
way that says it is well in my soul you
know and you deserve to be well so
please please please guys please go out
and get this book
um I slept in my makeup so I wouldn’t
have a lot to do this morning so I’m not
gonna I’m not going to cry enough but I
think it’s I think you should release
those emotions
that’s what I think you should do
I love you so much and um
the just in the forward that you wrote
first of all people are going to be
affected by that
um you’re an incredible you you
communicate so incredibly thank you for
writing the forward to this book thank
you for being willing to let me know
that
um the ways that I’ve touched your life
because I love letting you know you’ve
touched mine
I love you so much
and yeah
I want us to pray for these women
um and some men who are watching I’m
going to ask you to do it
um
that God would bless them
with friendships like this
okay so I have to tell you
um
I
I don’t even man I have to tell you I
went through a season of real loneliness
um in the Friendship part of my life
um as I was rediscovering myself after
getting married I was balancing the
responsibilities of living in a new city
and figure out who I was and I just
didn’t have time for friends and it
wasn’t until I came up for air that I
realized that part of what I was missing
was just a space where
um I could be cranky and Raggedy and
Brilliant and creative and I didn’t even
know that that would come in the form of
friendship
I am very introverted you guys like
um I I like to say I have a drive but I
know the pretty dry personality so I
need a woman involved even I need Kayla
in the crowd making us hold hands and do
things because I would never meet people
um if it wasn’t for that but God has
allowed me to experience the same
Sisterhood that makes woman evolved
special through our relationship through
some many relationships but certainly
through hours and so
[Music]
um
Holy Spirit what a friend you are yes
like gift you are when we feel lonely
and
isolated
and yet you’re there with us you know
the needs before we can express them you
know the people before we meet them
God I am praying for anyone who is tuned
in this morning that first that they
would experience your presence and your
spirit through an Instagram live on a
Saturday morning Saturday afternoon no
matter where they are in the world that
they would first experience your
presence as friend your presence saying
it’s okay to have needs your presence
saying it’s okay to come undone your
presence saying I need you just as much
as you need me to
and in the process of that guy as they
identify their need for emotional
intimacy for friendship for people who
represent joy and safety in their life
God I pray that you would call their
people to them not people who want from
them not people who take from them not
people who are content with them
pretending God I pray that you would
give them the courage to be vulnerable
enough to have authentic relationships
with people who want to meet their needs
and to people they can be needy with I
thank you God for the gift of friendship
that some of the most powerful work that
you do is in the area of friendship and
connection and so God I pray right now
that even right now they’re watching a
random live that there would be an
opportunity for them to connect with
those who were called to their Destiny I
thank you God that these friends are
going to be friends who are anointed to
see them in every season I thank you
that they’re going to be protectors I
think that they will have wisdom I thank
you that they will restore how their
hearts have been broken and damaged by
other friendships I thank you that
you’re going to do just as I said last
week and you have proven to be true
that you’re going to do in just a few
weeks of friendship what years of
friendship has not been able to do I
thank you for Dr Anita Phillips thank
you for making her a sister and a friend
in the time that I needed it the most
God continued to pour into me that I may
serve her well that she may experience
me and you whenever we are in connection
I thank you for her book I thank you for
her mind I thank you for allowing her to
survive and to keep digging for answers
in word and in textbooks to bring us to
a space of healing God even though she
has been traveling all over the country
promoting this book I pray that she will
see them as seeds and that she will not
miss the moment where their Harvest
returns I am a part of her Harvest as
our countless others I thank you God
that you graced her with this anointing
and that our lives are all being changed
as a result of it continue to give her
strength continue to give her peace can
continue to give her joy unspeakable for
the work she has done cannot be undone
and generations will declare thank you
God for Dr Anita Phillips in Jesus name
amen
I love you
love me
and we love you guys get this book
get this book ah well there you go I
would say goodbye
bye