Havilah and I continue to discuss appropriate boundaries and discipline. You will learn the importance of maintaining your authority to discipline, how to honor your husband in the discipline and training process, and how to trust God to fill in the gaps, especially if you are a single mom. You may have made mistakes in the past, but it is never too late to repent and build new habits. Watch the full course on MessengerX: https://go.MessengerX.com/momsofmen

#lisabevere #lisabeveremomsofmen #momsofmencourse #havilahcunnington #lisabeverestudy #lisabeverecurriculum #parentinghacks #raisingboys #parentingtips #parentingadvice #parenting #strongwomen #parentingcourse #christianparenting #christianstudy #moms #mominspiration #bravewomen #howtodiscipline ______________ Chapters: 0:00 – Lesson Teaser 0:16 – Discipline, Boundaries, and Clarity 1:24 – Don’t Undermine Your Authority 4:14 – Let Them Talk Boy 6:50 – Inspire Confidence 8:26 – We Will All Make Mistakes 9:34 – Filling Your Gaps 10:48 – To the Single Moms 15:44 – Your Action Steps ______________

if you don’t discipline your children

when they’re young they’re going to end

up being teenagers that are going to

embarrass you because you spoiled them

and you spoil them when you don’t

discipline them

okay so we had a really great discussion

with that yeah and there’s there’s so

much to talk about with this yeah and we

found some great scriptures have a point

you read your favorite one well I really

love Proverbs 29 17 or it says

discipline your children you’ll be glad

you’ll be glad that’s like you know eat

healthy now so you can live longer

tomorrow and this is it and they’ll turn

into delightful to live with yeah um and

it’s true there’s nothing worse than a

child that has no boundaries and you’ll

you’ll see it they they’re not fun to be

with no that’s the truth yeah and they

go through life rejected and it’s really

not it’s really not fair it’s really not

fair to the child it’s really on the

parents and then also Proverbs 29 same

chapter says why is discipline imparts

wisdom spoiled adolescence embarrass

their parents so if you don’t discipline

your children when they’re young they’re

going to end up being teenagers that are

going to embarrass you because you

spoiled them and you spoil them when you

don’t discipline them and again we you

know we want to be really clear we’re

not talking about Punishment No we’re

not talking about being punitive we’re

not talking about being anger we’re not

talking about being abusive we’re

talking about discipline we’re talking

about boundaries we’re talking about

Clarity and you know something that I

found with um with a lot of women is you

know we talk to you about you do you

have the authority to do this but

sometimes they compromise that and

sometimes they compromise it thinking

that they’re protecting their kids like

for example I’ll just use myself as an

example you know like let’s say I was

home with young kids and I knew John was

gonna be home that evening I was like

okay you know what we’re gonna handle

this when Dad gets home dad’s gonna

handle this you’re going to deal with

your dad you’re not dealing with me on

this you know I’m sorry I wanted to help

you but now you’re going to deal with

your dad when he comes home and then the

dad comes home the dad’s tired he’s been

in the office all day or minister or

whatever and then you’re like this is

what you’re your son yes

this is what your son did while you were

gone and then your husband like sits

down with him he’s like is this true is

this true you did this and you’re like

yes yes all of us and the kids crying

and then you’re then your husband takes

them into the laundry room to discipline

them and then your mother heart turns

and you hear your kid crying you’re like

oh I changed my mind

you can’t do that you can’t do that

because your kids are really smart and

they’re gonna be like oh yeah and you

when you undermine you need to hear this

when you undermine your husband’s


you’re undermining your parental

Authority as well so we need to either

deal with things deal with them don’t

throw it off on your husband he wasn’t

there deal with it don’t let it hang

over your kids all day deal with it or

if we turn it over our husbands then we

have to support what they’ve done we

can’t be banging in the laundry room

door I’m talking about myself I bet none

of you’ve ever done that but I certainly

did you know like I would hear John say

I haven’t even spanked them yet they’re

just crying like I had one son uh his um

he’s my third uh he he like was the most

ridiculous with his spankings he would

be like I can’t breathe I can’t breathe

right now I need a pillow I need to pull

my legs are coming up I can’t just we

were like okay we’re trying so hard to

not laugh we’re trying to to not not

overreact hands are going behind and we

did believe in spanking and I again not

beating spanking we used a paint stir

yep you know paint stirs can break

before they do any damage wheeze it was

about sting it was paint store but you

know mommies mommies if you’ve

undermined your husband or undermined

yourself by the lying yep my husband

would listen to me he’d be calling from

wherever he was at and he’d hear me on

the phone did you guys do that again I’m

I’m spanking all of you and he’s like

you’re not you’re not you just lied to

our children again and he said so you

either need to follow through or not say

it if you say something and don’t follow

through you have undermined your

Authority with your kids and again

making it very confusing yeah about what

you actually mean and what you actually

don’t mean I know and I’ve been so

guilty I mean

I think also it’s important and this is

for you moms of boys uh because I like I

said I grew up in a girl home and I

found that I always wanted to navigate

with my husband as he disciplines the

boys like I always want to be like well

they didn’t mean it and this is you know

well you know maybe you should do this

and I mean because a woman we always

have input and we always think you know

it’s my baby and like you said get them

but you know let me hold them first so

this is there’s this Dynamic and the

Lord really said to me havilah your

husband is a man yeah and he’s talking

to another man yeah and for you to get

involved is going to mess up what’s

happening in him training them to be men

and the Lord really challenged me and

said you know you you kind of have no

business in this moment uh if if your

husband is doing something that is not

right I will talk to him and I will I

will fix it but this moment and for

letting him speak to your boys if you

keep getting involved then they’re going

to always revert to the nurturing softer

side but they won’t learn how to be men

and so I feel the Lord the Holy Spirit

often times do this with me because I

want to jump in and the Lord’s like

don’t do it don’t do it and I also will

um because my husband is not as

boisterous as I am

um or or you know verbal my husband is

more yes yeah he’s you know Italian

fully boisterous yeah you got a little

more a little more equality in that but

um is that the Lord will say

um set your husband up to give the

council and so I’ll say Hey you know I

think I think Dad would have something

really good to say about this even

though I feel like I could talk circles

around it and I have every point the

Lord really is saying listen you have to

give your husband value in the home and

let him be the leader and the voice in

your home and again that’s in a

two-parent home I’m talking about uh but

but set him up for Success versus every

time he talks correcting him and saying

I wouldn’t do it that way it actually

the man doesn’t want to be corrected all

the time so yeah that is really

important I know I know and then also

that sense of like they talk boy they

talk boy so let them talk boy

um and I will even dismiss myself from

the room if I feel like I can’t control

it because I’ve heard myself in timeout

right where you’re like hey and he’s

talking to him and I’m like can barely

hold it together because I want to get

in there I will leave the room and go

you know what let him do that and uh

he’ll even at times be really hard like

I want you guys to carry the load and

you need to do this and I’m like but

they went to school all day and they

have this and I want to give excuses and

I go that is not going to make them good

husbands that’s going to make them good

Sons but not good husbands so like at

the end of the day we’re really letting

him be the man in the home and letting

him talk to them how he wants to talk to

them without me being involved and you

you need to understand just as you might

feel confident of being a mother not all

fathers feel super confident about being

a father and if the mother is constantly

undermining or correcting I mean I’ve

had my boys physical homie in the

kitchen when John has taken other boys

like into out of the room but you know

if you’re under money then you’re going

to undermine his confidence and he’s

going to be more likely to over respond

or to withdraw and neither of those are

things that are going to be good you

don’t want to be overly harsh and you

don’t want them to withdraw from the

process so sometimes this requires a

conversation between the mother and the

father and the mother can sit down and

say honey I feel like I really want your

help but then you try to help me and

then I tell you you’re not helping me

the way I want your help and then I try

to be the dad and the mom and you know

what you need to have that conversation

and say you know what let’s let’s figure

this out when John and I disagree we go

out of the room we try as much as

possible to go out of the room when it

came to the kids and say uh you know I I

didn’t I didn’t like that and so John

isn’t undermining me I’m not undermining

him and then if if there was a mistake

um the parent that made the mistake gets

to go to the child and say I’m sorry not

the parent that didn’t make the mistake

and was like your dad was wrong you

don’t do that let the parent that wants

to talk to the son go to the Sun and

talk to him every young man wants a

strong connection with his father he

wants to make his father proud he he

really wants to do that he you know he

wants to love his mother but but he

needs that strong connection you don’t

want to get in the middle because your

husband’s not doing it perfectly because

guess what you’re not doing it perfectly

either so you need to back away from

that that’s right and really encourage

some some of you will have to repent and

say I’m sorry you know I’ve been leading

this I’ve been leading everything and I

thought leadership was me being bossy or

me being antagonistic and maybe reading

means you doing everything I want you to

do you’re doing it right right or or

undermining I mean there are some of us

and we I’ve done this myself at times

where um Dad says something and then

when he leaves I change it and that’s

not good either kids see all of that and

so the honesty of you know and you left

I did what I wanted to do because I felt

like this was right but it really

undermined you as a leader

um and that just takes me again we’re

surrendering to God in our leadership

and and you know we go what if they’re

doing it wrong you know what if that’s

what if they’re being too angry or what

if they’re doing this and I’m not I’m

not giving permission for abuse or

someone that’s out of control that’s

that’s genuinely hurting right but I I

am saying you need we need to trust God

that God will talk to them and take care

of them and uh you know we have to trust

God that we will make mistakes all of us

will we’re not held to the bar of

perfection uh but we are held the bar of

being honest and open vulnerable and

giving our best and growing what it is

and growing growing and be repentant and

humble in front of our kids you know um

have a you know I love that my boys can

look back and laugh at some of our

mistakes I mean they like they like

laugh like we’re like oh wow you guys

remember that huh you know I mean like

they laugh at our mistakes the truth is

there’s some gaps in our lives and all

of our parenting that God feels God

fills with our kids and so as long as we

honor God our kids know that we’re not

the source God is the source and I

remember very very early on I read a

parenting book and I was you know

parenting my first child and it was like

what is your goal as a parent and I

believe it’s a book by H Norman right

and it’s it’s and I said oh my goal is

to raise men of God who you know and

like I had this lofty Vision thing and

and I turned the page and I was like I’m

getting I’m getting 100 on this one I’m

getting 100 and and I got an F because

he actually said as parents and this

needs to be your goal as parents our

goal is to raise children who are

independent of us and dependent on God

and so if we can always get our children

back to a dependency on God then they’re

gonna they’re gonna navigate our

Ridiculousness well but but again we

don’t want to undermine our husbands out

of fear and then you know let’s talk

about the single mother let’s talk about

the single mother maybe she doesn’t have

anybody backing her maybe she would like

I wish I had somebody to correct I wish

I had somebody you’re a single mom

you’re not a single mom and a single dad

you’re just a single mom and you know

here’s the thing you’ve got a god Gap

you know that spiritually your son can

be connected with his heavenly father

and that heavenly father is not going to

make the mistakes or whatever but

heavenly father and you know we you know

that you know we we leave and you

getting men involved in your life and

then love and life for your children

that you know their private life that

you feel really good about them because

there are some scary people out there

that would prey on your young boys

because they know they’re hungry for a

father’s figure and so you know in a

community of faith I remember John was

out of town one time and my boys were

all acting up and we had a Air Force

Colonel down the street that had five

boys and I his name was Dr behrender and

I just called him and I said Dr

Behringer my boys are out of control now

this is what happens when boys are

bigger bigger than you yeah bigger than

you and I said I need your help and he

rang the doorbell and my boys my boys

didn’t know he was coming and they

answered the door and there’s Dr

Behringer and he was like really big and

he’s like why am I here why am I here

why am I here and they’re all like ah

and I remember I remember he was like at

Austin like like rolled his eyes and he

like picked up Austin and walked out of

the room with him Sat him down and was

like you and I are having a man man it

was like last time I was like do I need

to call Dr B you know so I mean it was

like military invasion in my house my

boys were like my mom’s got back up my

mom has some backup and uh you know and

then you know when we didn’t live closer

to Dr behrender anymore I remember what

time Addison my oldest son he was over

six feet and he like mocked me across

across the counter here and I looked at

him and I said so help me God I will fly

over this counter and I will take you

down to the ground and he was like you

can’t do that I was like God will

Empower me to do it you know and so I

mean don’t let them bully you yeah don’t

let them bully you don’t let them bully

don’t compromise your boundaries don’t

feel guilty because you don’t have a

father for them you have authority you

have the word of God you get people

around that you can trust but don’t back

down or make allowances or spoil your

kids because of something they’re

missing in one area won’t be doing you

any favor that’s right yeah and God’s

anointed you and you know an amazing

part I remember one time talking to a a

leader and I was saying you know what

happens like if somebody loses a parent

or they don’t have the parent involved

and and she said you know the amazing

part about our hearts is that you don’t

have to have the ideal situation for God

to fill that hole and she talked about

like you know you can have someone you

know someone that’s lost their parent

they have a grandparent and that

grandparent is able to feel love and

connection in a way that really does

meet that need and so sometimes we can

have an idealistic well it’s got to look

this way you know what God knows your

story he loves you he’s committed to who

you are and he will give you tools and

resources that some of us won’t even

have because it because you’re asking

and never negate the prayer never ask

God help you know my my dad was saved

from from his mother’s prayers of 25

years on Mother’s Day he was saved an

atheist out you know and I think and and

didn’t want anything to do with god

um and and she was a single mom at that

point a widow um you know she prayed she

prayed him into the Kingdom so never

negate that too if some of you have kids

that are past that point of them really

reasoning with them about life pray ask

God to intervene and he will get them as

they continue to go through life I

believe that you are incredible you’re

the heroes you really are single moms

really you guys you’re the heroes you’re

crazy Heroes and We Know It And I want

to say this to moms that that you know

that do have a husband I would challenge

you to actually seek out some single

moms that are in your community invite

them over to church after Sunday just

let them be around a family just let

them see your husband interact with your

kids you can invite them it’s easier for

you as a mother with a father to invite

a single woman into your house and that

single woman to go out and try to locate

a man to be there so get somebody’s

already doing it well if you know your

husband and and let your kids see the

value of being a family and because

there’s nothing more powerful than that

and um yeah so anyway we don’t want to

undermine we don’t want to undermine our

god-given Authority God will close up

these gaps that are in their lives

whether it’s just a gap in how you’re

related sure you and your husband need

to sit down and let him talk let him

talk hear from him how he feels whether

you’re building him whether you’re

setting him up to be success or whether

you’re undermining I know I had more of

a tendency to undermine because of the

fear that I had right from the way I was

raised from being an abusive household

but here’s the thing every family has a

chance for a new beginning and these are

new beginning dates for you

so let’s talk about what it’s like if

you are trying to navigate these things

and you’re on your own maybe you’re a

single mom or maybe your husband’s at

work all day and you’ve got things

you’ve got to navigate hey don’t push it

all off on him don’t push it all off on

him because you know what happens you

build up the tension of an unresolved

issue all day your husband comes home

and then you’re like beat the children

and then he takes them in the back room

you’re like no no no no I didn’t really

mean it I didn’t really mean it you and

your husband need to have conversations

about how you’re going to discipline

your kids have conversations when you’re

not in this heated moment of frustration

and if either of you are frustrated then

give each other permission to say let’s

step out of the room and have a little

bit of a discussion on some of the best

ways to address this single moms I know

that’s got to be a challenge for you I

was never a single mom but I had I had

an absent husband my husband traveled a

lot and I couldn’t make my husband like

the bad guy I had to be able to walk in

authority but I also learned it was

really rough to try to be both the dad

and the mom just be the mom just be the

mom discipline like a mom nurture like a

mom decide how you’re going to you know

confront some things and then be

consistent and then here’s another thing

I want you to do maybe you and your

husband have a great Dynamic going on

and you figure out how you’re going to

get that Rhythm invite some single moms

into your home and let them get to see

how their kids you know their kids get

to see how you correct your kids how you

are training your kids if you’re a

single mom maybe you have a family that

you wish would invite you ask them ask

them say hey I am raising my son’s by

myself I would love them to have some

father contact go ahead ask for help go

ahead decide you’re going to how you’re

going to frame this and then stay with

it don’t have an emotional response stay

with it I know you can do this