In this episode, John and Lisa dive into the importance of stewarding our physical health as believers. John shares his five keys to a healthy diet and how to practically implement healthy living as a lifestyle rather than a diet. Your body is God’s vessel to accomplish His will on the earth. Tune in to discover the best ways to honor God by honoring the vessel He’s given you!


welcome everyone to today’s podcast of

conversations with john and lisa

hey lisa i’m really excited about this

podcast because

we just celebrated 39 years of marriage

this past week and we’re going to unpack

some things from 39 years now for the

lesson that’s right for those of you

that are single don’t don’t don’t turn

it off because it works for any kind of

relationship correct we’re going to be

talking really emphasizing the

relational aspect and also if you’re

single and you want to be married

someday what a great thing to do to

prepare now before we jump into it we

want to remind everyone all of our

friends to please re rate review and

subscribe to the conversations podcast

why do we want them to do that because

what happens is it helps more people get

the message and speaking of review i’m

going to re

and you might get you might get lisa or

john to read your review on air you’re

doing that today anyway we’ve got susan

who wrote this i love catching up with

your podcast there is always something

that i can learn the practical examples

that you bring out are so manageable and

enlightening you are so open with the

stories of your life you have walked

through and we can easily trust and

learn from it i’m so thankful for that

bless you both and your family thanks

susan that was beautiful that’s amazing

well 39 years is a long time yeah it is

a long time and that means we’ve done

some things right we’ve done a lot of

things wrong

we have four kids

well i shouldn’t even say that four men


yeah they’re ranging from what twenty

twenty six to thirty five well twenty

seven almost twenty seven this month

yeah twenty seven to thirty five and we

have five grand five grand we want more

more grand babies uh but we learned a

lot of our lessons the hard way and we

don’t want that for you guys we don’t

want you to have to learn the things we

learned the hard way the hard way we

want those things to be easier lessons

for you ecclesiastes 4 9-10 says two


are better than one amen to that because

they can help each other succeed so you

know what that means a win for john is a

win for lisa a win for lisa is a win for

john we are not competitors we are

better together doesn’t it say that two

are better than one if one person falls

the other one can reach out and help but

someone who falls alone is in real

trouble and you know john here’s the

tragedy there’s a lot of couples who are

living alone

they’re living alone and and you know

the ones falling and the other one is

not reaching out and helping and then

they’re not understanding that power

that marriage is a power union it’s not

supposed to be a power struggle but we

didn’t know that we didn’t know that so

it was a power struggle for a really

long time all right i’m gonna let you

tackle the first lesson all right so

lesson number one if it’s a no

for one it’s a no for both and these are

hard nose these are these aren’t just

like no i do don’t want pasta tonight

we’re not talking about that we’re

talking about some hard no so

like unpack a little bit okay so let’s

say um

we’ve been in movies before right and

one of us goes no unacceptable then it’s

a no for both of us to turn it off no

matter how engrossed we are in the story

we both say okay it’s off uh we have

been in situations before where


we were going to do something in our

ministry and one of us felt ah that’s a

little bit

uh shady it’s close to being a little

bit you know deceptive and if we one of

us says that it’s a hard no because we

it’s actually it’s actually

deceptive in in our ministry do you

remember that there was this guy that

came along and was trying like hero help

your ministry make a bunch of money yeah

and i just felt like he was slimy yeah

and you were like and i remember you

know the his he like are you like why

are you listening to your wife are you

afraid of making money what’s wrong with

you and the guy is in jail now so we

have learned everything that was like 20

years ago yeah i remember that really

well yeah and i i just want to honor you

that you would listen to me because i

did not have any hard cold reason even

though he was a nephew of somebody very

well respected and trusted in ministry

he actually he actually

leveraged that and took advantage of a

lot of people you know women have

something called intuition and so john

has always been really good about saying

if something sounds good but it feels

wrong to lisa

it’s a no and you know then i’ve learned

there’s some areas of my life where i

have some fear and so if john’s like i

feel really good about this and i’m like

yeah well you know what i’m kind of

fearful so i don’t really trust myself

in this i’m just gonna go with what you

think and you know this know for both

thing do you remember do you remember

the first time this probably came into

play was the circle when we were going

to uh bermuda for a much needed vacation

do you remember this we had just had our

first son yeah and i was not somebody

actually had blessed us with this

vacation yeah and uh i didn’t want to

kind of i didn’t want to i didn’t want

to take our son because i thought i i

you know i’ve it’s kind of like

basically i’ve heard of my wife for the

last two years and i want to have just

five days alone with her and i was not

willing to give up breastfeeding to go

on vacation so i said i want my baby

with me and and we were at this

standstill and what happened well god

spoke to my heart and he said is the

kingdom of god divided and i said no and

he said well he said my wife’s


the the kingdom of god would manifest

because the kingdom is never

divided yeah and i remember i started

praying that and you know what my heart

changed and i said let’s bring them and

we had a blast and we actually had a

strategy so we could have time together

we hired a young girl that was part of a

church there and she came took care of

addison during nap time while you and i

went swimming and rode mopeds all over

the island that was amazing yeah i love

that okay first peter 3 7 what does it

say it says in the same way you husbands

must give honor to your wives treat your

wife with understanding as you live

together she may be weaker than you are

and that only means physically guys

she’s not weaker spiritually she’s not

weaker in her mind she’s weaker

physically that’s what she’s not more

easily deceived yeah so don’t think

yourself above her because god says

you’re the head of the union that

doesn’t make you above her you are heirs

together in the grace of life but she is

your equal and i should have just kept

reading but she is your equal partner in

god’s gift of new life treat her as you

should so now this is what’s crazy so

your prayers will not be hindered so

what that means is let’s reverse

engineer this thing if you dishonor your

wife you do not treat her as valuable

precious that means heaven will not

listen to your prayers wow so god’s got

your back women if your husband if your

husband’s not being right he’s like i’m

gonna mess with his prayers okay so

lesson number one

if it’s a no for one it’s a no for both

and that’s that’s we’re talking about

finances or things that’s a hard let’s

move to number two have fun

this is a priority yeah you love this

one i do i’m gonna tell you i didn’t

understand this one i was not having fun

i was just barely surviving i

remember like it was yesterday that i’m

on the floor

folding laundry and i’m folding all this

laundry and you look at me and you said

why don’t why why don’t we go golfing

how about i get a babysitter and we go

golfing and i said do you see all this

laundry i wish i could go golfing all i

do is work work work and you’re like

okay and you just left but what i wanted

you to do was get down on the floor fold

the laundry help me out then i would

have gone and played with them so there

was two principles here number one i

wasn’t enjoying my husband and my

children i was just surviving them

number two my husband wasn’t making it

easy for me to have fun because if he

had said come on come on i’ll help you

with that later let’s go i probably

would have gone

fun is a priority what do you always say

about recreation uh it means to recreate

so i i remember in my early days i

didn’t have any fun and god one day

spoke you were really grumpy christian

at the beginning and told me to go do

something fun and i was like no i need

to study and and and i did and when i

came back it was like the bible opened


and i found myself so much more

productive so if you look at jesus and

the disciples they are out ministering

so much so that they don’t even have

time to eat lisa and jesus

in the middle of this in the middle of

all this ministry pulls them aside and

says we need to rest and that’s because

the human body is made that it needs

rest that’s what sabbath means it means

arrest it means recreation

recreation means recreation and and

sabbath will provide that for you so

yeah and it’s very very important and i

mentioned golf because john just loves

coffee it could be just going for a walk

uh-huh it could be playing against we

play games all the time together you

play games it could be just

shooting basketball um who who won the

last oh don’t go there we played out and

she gets to shoot two times hey hey hey

okay okay

all right so let’s move on number three

don’t fight when you have lizard brains

so lisa wait what is lizard brains the

world is literally your brain is that

reptilian response where it’s just the

front of your brain it’s your fight

flight freeze mode it’s when you are

totally emotions yeah

it’s when you’ve been triggered yes yes

and john and i

he’s italian i’m sicilian we became

experts in each other’s triggering one

another we knew exactly what to say it’s

so stupid

it really is i mean

you know um paul said that if you don’t

love your wife you don’t love yourself

you’re hurting if you hurt your wife you

hurt yourself so it’s kind of like just

next time you want to say something

really mean and nasty to your spouse


get an image in your mind now don’t do

this but taking a knife and stabbing

yourself because you’re one you are

literally one so if you do say something

that is very very mean to your spouse

you literally just stabbed yourself yeah

and probably worse because words are

worse than knives yeah they can be you

know the truth is that john and i were

first married

i needed some time to cool off when

something upset me and you would chase

me around the house

trying to force me to get over it and so

i would we’d be tired again when you’re

tired it’s not a good time to have a

fight so we started something uh

back i don’t know maybe a decade ago or

so that we had two chairs in our bedroom

yep and when we sat in those two chairs

we were not allowed to attack one

another we could attack the problem but

we were not allowed to attack one

another i was raised by people that

attacked people

not problems and so i was more used to

saying you did this and you are that and

john would say don’t attack my character

let’s attack this problem

let’s attack what i did my behavior it’s

okay exactly you can you can you can

address that say that’s really stupid

but you can’t say you’re really stupid

that there you go there we go that’s the

difference perfect example and we

we developed a motto later in our

marriage and it was a really good motto

that we fight for a marriage not in our

marriage yeah and we for the first

couple decades just you know didn’t do

that as well and here’s the great thing

we’re we’re in our are we in our fourth

decade uh i guess i don’t know well 39

years does that make a fourth decade or

is yeah i guess i i don’t know that’s

that’s a math person if you’re not in

the first decade all i know is next year

is the big one and i better have a good

plan yeah we’re in our fourth decade so

during our fourth decade we’re actually

getting to do it better so another thing

is when we’re sitting in those chairs

and somebody

does not follow the rules the other

person has the right to get up leave the

room not storm out or not slam but just

like hey this isn’t a good time i’m

going to need some space you need some


this is not constructive sometimes when

you press press press something then

you’re just going to end up with a

solution that you’re neither of you’re

going to be another really good tip is

when you

fight fight


understand not to be understood now this

is really important

and there’s a little rule that we set up

i’m going to say this um

that if we got heated in our fellowship

in our fight

one of the things that we would do is we

would repeat what the other person just


because i’m so i’m so busy getting my

rebuttal ready because i i am i’m a

little in a lawyer mode

yeah i wanted to be a lawyer when i was

younger when i was a teenager and i

realized okay i need to repeat first

elisa what she just said to me so that

way lisa knows i understood what she was

saying before i i address what she said

and we’re both kind of passionate so we

do tend to overstate things okay and so

what we would do is say so what you’re

saying is i always do this and then it

would give john a chance or me the

chance to autocorrect no not always but

this too frequently yes or or this is

how i feel so anyway all right all right

number four man we’re actually might get

through this yeah be careful

whose advice you’re listening to lisa

comment on that one so

we were in a really rough season and

again we were both selfish we’re both

acting immature and i decided to call

somebody who would be sympathetic to my

cause this was a person that would be

like you’re right all men’s are jerks

you shouldn’t listen to him what is he

doing and i remember i called her

and i’m listening to what she is saying

in one ear but it says though the holy

spirit is speaking to me in the other

ear and he said

do not

ask advice of somebody if you don’t want

to land where they are and i realized

that this person had gone through a

number of marriages was not happy and so

i was going to get the wrong advice it’s

like me asking for directions from

somebody who’s never been to a place you

don’t do that you ask somebody who is a

local hey do you know how to get to this

coffee shop they’ll be like it’s right

there so you have to ask somebody who

actually is going to be an advocate for

you and i want you to know it’s not

because i think that if you had a

divorce you can’t have good advice i

actually called somebody had been

married three times and got godly advice

you want to go to people who are for

your marriage not just for your husband

or just for you because we all have

people that can side with us on our side

but you want somebody who is going to

side with god’s word and growth and

godliness in your marriage proverbs 12

15 says fools think their own way is

right but the wise listen to others what

does that also tell us listen you have

to listen not just talk when you’re

going for advice not just give people

decide and then understand you’re never

going to get good advice unless they’re

getting both sides of the story correct

correct so

if you’re taking notes write this down

guard who you listen to

guard who you listen to even if it’s a

family member if a family member is not

is being biased towards you

you you’ve got to find somebody else to

go to

we have learned and what we developed

over time is we developed the people who

we always knew were going to be unbiased

they loved both of us

they didn’t just say they loved both of

us they really did in the way they

counseled because they always cited the

truth when it came to lisa and i so it’s

very very important who you listen to

number five lise

you grow more in love when you behave in

loving ways now this is really important

i want you to address that okay so i

love i’m gonna misquote c.s lewis but he

said it doesn’t matter whether you love

your neighbor act like you love your

neighbor and the feelings will follow

well that works in any relationship

whether you’re a tired mom and you’re

like i feel like i just want to run away

we’ll just act in loving ways towards

your children act in loving ways towards

your husband or towards your wife and

soon the feelings will follow your

actions often we think actions follow

feelings i’m going to tell you this as a

woman who just went through menopause

you do not want your actions to follow

your feelings you want your feelings to

follow your actions so you make

intentional decisions of how you are

going to act we’ve been married for 39

years i haven’t always

felt loving with john i’m like i like

the guy but right now

i’m just i mean i’m committed but i’m

not really enjoying being in this world

but if i act loving then i start

feeling loving and right and you because

god is not against emotions when when

ephesians 5 says men ought to love their

wives three times says husbands love

your wives but there’s one point where

he says men ought to love your wives

that word ought is very interesting that

word ought carries actions above

feelings so in other words even if you

don’t feel it you are to act it and the

reverse of that would be what we saw

happen in germany back in the 1930s yeah

and what happened was the germans

started treating the jews in a in a

hateful way

they just they made him wear a a star


propaganda slander all that then it led

to them destroying their businesses then

it led to them putting them into ghettos

into these slums and then it led to the

concentration camps so what happened was

the actions kept

intensifying the feelings of hatred well

the same is true with love if you don’t

feel like you love and this is why the

bible says you must love the lord your

god with all your heart all your soul

all your mind and all your strength

so are there days john that you get up

and you don’t feel like you love the


yeah but i get up and i with all my

strength get out of that bed go out

there to pray and you know what those

feelings come really quick as soon as i

start thanking god for what he’s done

and this is why jesus said no other

commandment is greater than these so it

works in relationships it works in our

relationship with god there will be

times you don’t feel it just act it do

what you know is right serve the person

serve god and then all of a sudden the

feelings will come okay so i want to

review these number one no there’s so

many other things we could have gone

over but we’re out of time a no for one

is a no for both so we’re saying it’s

not the husband is the boss of the world

the wife says no the husband says yes

and then you have to do it if one person

cannot come to the place where because

there’s some things i’m like john i just

really feel strongly about this and he

may have said no and i’ll say i really

feel strong you all okay i’ll trust your

judgment on but we’re talking about when

one person is like no i am really

uncomfortable with this a no for one is

a no for both number two

make fun a priority enjoy each other

listen the day is going to come where

your kids are going to leave you need to

have a relationship with each other and


number three

don’t fight when you are tired and

triggered don’t do that with the lizard

brain thing don’t do it you will say

things that you’ll regret later fight

for your marriage not just in your

marriage number four be careful whose

advice you are listening to i think a

lot of times john the bible’s really

clear the older women are to teach and

train the younger women but what we did

is we go to peers and so we need to stop

going to peers because they’re in the

same season having the same struggles we

need to go to people that are on the

opposite side say yes i remember in my

30s i wanted to kill my husband but now

i’m in my 60s and i love him so you want

somebody that’s on the other side and

then you grow more in love when you

behave in loving that’s so important

actions first feelings follow actions

don’t allow your emotions to take you

hostage and put you into a place you

don’t want to go so i just want to say

we’re out of time but i want to say

thanks for tuning in we really hope that

this has been beneficial i want to

remind you again to please rate review

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please please download the app that we

haven’t they done it it’s i hope so

haven’t they done it the messenger x app

is something that our partner said we

want to see your messages get in the

hands of people all over the world and

we don’t want the people who can’t

afford it to not be able to get it so

there’s no charge for the messenger x we

welcome you

to join us in reaching the entire of the

world it’s already been downloaded in a

hundred and sixteen nations in twelve

thousand seven hundred cities of the

world it is exclusive over two hundred

nations did i say you said a hundred

it’s 216 nations thank you honey i’m

doing this all off memory and

the thing is we just came out with a

group’s feature so you can go with a

friend or two friends or seven friends

couples they could you could you could

drive the group i’m actually doing one a

group this fall on beta state and i

don’t know how many thousands are going

to enter into that one but i’m hope a

lot of people do because there’s a lot

of offense in our society today but i’m

going to have a group and so here’s how

you get on messenger x if you haven’t

done it go to the app store on your

iphone and type in messenger x no space

between the r and the x and it will come

up and it’ll say discipleship resources

because there is a messaging one

just download it and if you say but john

i don’t have an iphone well if you’ve

got that’s right if you’ve got an

android go to google play type in

messenger x you say i don’t have

anything like that i’ve got just a

computer well i’ve got great news go to

we have made this available to you no

matter what you’ve got because we want

to see you discipled we know that

disciples live healthy lives they live

lives without regret they live lives

that will reproduce other disciples for

jesus christ and that’s what it’s all

about because everything we do for

eternity is what will last for eternity

everything we do for the temporary will

be gone it’s forever gone once we enter

into eternity and john if this spoke to

them i really want to encourage couples

to start a story of marriage group they

can go through that with where you you

can do it when you’re shut down you can

just have a small group you can

encourage them you can track their

progress you can have conversations

you’re in charge of the game here’s

what’s really cool lisa everybody in the

group gets the book for free because

there’s it’s on the app and they get the

course for free of course free book free

i mean what used to be that couples

would used to spend 80 dollars to get

the course in the book now it’s on that

app for them

over 100 languages right uh that story

of marriage is in about 60 languages

okay so anyway that’s exciting until

next time this has been conversations

with john and lisa

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