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how to cope when you live together work

together lead together and raise a baby

together did you ever do all this

together John and I sure did so work

together live together lead together and

now they’re raising a baby together how

do they

cope I would say it’s rare that it works

well because it just takes

really it takes Unique Individuals to

pull it off um I would say my wife and I

have done all of that except for the

work together part and she did work for

me she was my my office executive person

for about a year and it didn’t work very

well for us um I’ve I’ve tried to fire

myself a couple times um and uh and I

think John might have threatened to fire

me a couple times but I I will say it is

difficult and I agree with you um one of

the things is I think it’s good to

assess it and say what can we do because

I remember I sat down and with John and

I said this is what I can do now that

I’m raising a baby right I can edit your

books right I can do this I can’t do

this and this and this anymore so I

think when you have a baby now in the

mix you might need to step back and say

I can’t do everything I used to do um or

you know hey I remember I used to pay

all the bills back when they were

writing checks and stuff and when it

went electronic John was like I don’t

need you to do this anymore I’m going to

take this and it was wonderful so we we

had this different Rhythm but John and I

are I would say it is a unique uh

situation there’s a lot of couples that


necessarily um have the grace of God on

their life to do it like we do it and

that’s all I meant by that I think you

know there I agree there’s a lot of

things that come into play when I laugh

about the year my wife worked for me cu

the way it showed itself was not in some

ways maybe that some people would expect

it wasn’t like we fussed at work and

that kind of thing it would more be

sitting at dinner and you know you’re

home and you’re kind of trying to unplug

and you know Coy would say well you know

hey we need to deal with blah blah blah

and i’ I’d be like baby I don’t want to

talk about that right now and it was

just this weird like then every once in

a while you’d have to have that

conversation okay now I I I need to talk

to you as your boss not as your husband

well as soon as you do that you’re

already in trouble I mean you’re it’s

over I don’t whatever follows that is

not going to be good yeah yeah well it’s

actually made us grow up a lot sure

because we’ve we’ve done it every

possible way wrong I know that so how do

I take responsibility for my actions but

not for another person’s feelings so

they’re saying I want it I want to be

responsible for my actions but not for

their feelings and the line between

these off often feel blurred right right

I can understand that yeah and again

plays out differently in different

relationships husband wife parent child

friends um you know let’s use a parent a

child um uh there’s nothing wrong with

um a parent wanting to have you know

lots of time together let’s let’s do

lunch every Sunday let’s you know they

live close enough let’s you know let’s

we’ll keep the kids two nights a week

whatever and and that may work for

everybody but let’s just say that it

doesn’t work for both of the children

married husband wife maybe it works for

the child of that family but not the

spouse um there’s times when you you you

have to deal with um we’re going to

follow what we believe we need to do and

we’re responsible for the the integrity

and strength of our home um we’re not

responsible we can be we can care about

be sensitive to the issue of your

feelings but that’s not what we’re going

to base our decisions on we’re not

ultimately responsible for that um you

know another application of that would

be how my actions affect someone else I

mean someone who um I’m trying to think

of a situation a good example where it’s

not something wrong that’s being done

but uh you know uh I mean there’s some

that that are not wrong but they cross a

line and become wrong a guy who loves to

hunt and you know hunting is not wrong

it’s not Dam that depends who you talk

to yes damaging and destructive in and

of itself but what if over time or maybe

he started with a blind spot of how much

hunting is okay and what he doesn’t

realize is that his wife’s uh starving

for time with him where he gets she gets

the same amount of passion and attention

as hunting has and and or just time out

of her own Rhythm where he’s kind of

taken up some of the slack so there’s

lots of ways where where we’ve really

got to look at our actions and their

effect on other people you know my

husband uh he loves birthdays he thinks

that like there’s a birthday week for

John bavier I mean like he loves

birthday he loves his birthday or

birthday he loves his birthday he loves

his birthday and I kind of like kind

with him on yeah and I’m kind of like ah

you know birthdays are fine like I I’ll

fly home from overseas on my birthday

I’ll say I don’t want to party and so we

had to have a talk because John felt

that my inaction around his birthday I

wasn’t paying enough attention his his

my actions of ignoring or being like hey

you’re grown now you don’t get to be

like we’re doing the boys now that that

it was associating that I didn’t care

about him and so he had explained to me

how he felt about his birthday now I

will say it’s so high I feel like every

year already going to fail and it’s a

month away but he but he has such a high

expectation on his birthday and so I had

to be able to say to him you know it

wasn’t that I was withholding that it

just isn’t important to me so I think

when I was able to separate what he

perceived as my feelings or lack of

feelings on his birthday and my actions

and inactions then I think that was good

and I and I I do think sometimes that

there are people that are say well

that’s too bad you didn’t like that I

think I think we need to have


that if we care about the person if my

actions hurt them I need to say why why

did that hurt you okay well and have

that conversation and if it’s just silly

then be able to say well that’s not what

I meant and that’s not what that said

and I I also think there would be value

in dissecting down to what the

importance is like if I’m John and I’m

hurt that you don’t make a big deal

about my birthdays if I take it to the

point of well if you loved me yeah you’d

that’s yeah signing too much value to

that’s that’s not fair but I don’t think

it’d be wrong to say because of this or

that in my childhood because of this or

that whatever it really really means a

lot to me MH that’s probably in an

acceptable Zone absolutely you know but

not if you make it about well if you

loved me you do this