Relationships are hard. Chip Judd, trusted friend & counselor to John & Lisa Bevere, is here to help you sort through the mess. #lisabevere #lisabeverestudy #lisabeverecourse #lisabevere #lisabevereadamant #christianstudy #onlinecourses #truth #whatistruth #lisabeveresermons #godmothers #lisabeveresermon #johnbevere #johnandlisabevere #ChipJudd #livingfearlessly #marriageadvice #marriagegoals Watch the Full Course on our FREE app here → https://app.messengerx.com/en-US/watc…
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[Music]
how to cope when you live together work
together lead together and raise a baby
together did you ever do all this
together John and I sure did so work
together live together lead together and
now they’re raising a baby together how
do they
cope I would say it’s rare that it works
well because it just takes
really it takes Unique Individuals to
pull it off um I would say my wife and I
have done all of that except for the
work together part and she did work for
me she was my my office executive person
for about a year and it didn’t work very
well for us um I’ve I’ve tried to fire
myself a couple times um and uh and I
think John might have threatened to fire
me a couple times but I I will say it is
difficult and I agree with you um one of
the things is I think it’s good to
assess it and say what can we do because
I remember I sat down and with John and
I said this is what I can do now that
I’m raising a baby right I can edit your
books right I can do this I can’t do
this and this and this anymore so I
think when you have a baby now in the
mix you might need to step back and say
I can’t do everything I used to do um or
you know hey I remember I used to pay
all the bills back when they were
writing checks and stuff and when it
went electronic John was like I don’t
need you to do this anymore I’m going to
take this and it was wonderful so we we
had this different Rhythm but John and I
are I would say it is a unique uh
situation there’s a lot of couples that
don’t
necessarily um have the grace of God on
their life to do it like we do it and
that’s all I meant by that I think you
know there I agree there’s a lot of
things that come into play when I laugh
about the year my wife worked for me cu
the way it showed itself was not in some
ways maybe that some people would expect
it wasn’t like we fussed at work and
that kind of thing it would more be
sitting at dinner and you know you’re
home and you’re kind of trying to unplug
and you know Coy would say well you know
hey we need to deal with blah blah blah
and i’ I’d be like baby I don’t want to
talk about that right now and it was
just this weird like then every once in
a while you’d have to have that
conversation okay now I I I need to talk
to you as your boss not as your husband
well as soon as you do that you’re
already in trouble I mean you’re it’s
over I don’t whatever follows that is
not going to be good yeah yeah well it’s
actually made us grow up a lot sure
because we’ve we’ve done it every
possible way wrong I know that so how do
I take responsibility for my actions but
not for another person’s feelings so
they’re saying I want it I want to be
responsible for my actions but not for
their feelings and the line between
these off often feel blurred right right
I can understand that yeah and again
plays out differently in different
relationships husband wife parent child
friends um you know let’s use a parent a
child um uh there’s nothing wrong with
um a parent wanting to have you know
lots of time together let’s let’s do
lunch every Sunday let’s you know they
live close enough let’s you know let’s
we’ll keep the kids two nights a week
whatever and and that may work for
everybody but let’s just say that it
doesn’t work for both of the children
married husband wife maybe it works for
the child of that family but not the
spouse um there’s times when you you you
have to deal with um we’re going to
follow what we believe we need to do and
we’re responsible for the the integrity
and strength of our home um we’re not
responsible we can be we can care about
be sensitive to the issue of your
feelings but that’s not what we’re going
to base our decisions on we’re not
ultimately responsible for that um you
know another application of that would
be how my actions affect someone else I
mean someone who um I’m trying to think
of a situation a good example where it’s
not something wrong that’s being done
but uh you know uh I mean there’s some
that that are not wrong but they cross a
line and become wrong a guy who loves to
hunt and you know hunting is not wrong
it’s not Dam that depends who you talk
to yes damaging and destructive in and
of itself but what if over time or maybe
he started with a blind spot of how much
hunting is okay and what he doesn’t
realize is that his wife’s uh starving
for time with him where he gets she gets
the same amount of passion and attention
as hunting has and and or just time out
of her own Rhythm where he’s kind of
taken up some of the slack so there’s
lots of ways where where we’ve really
got to look at our actions and their
effect on other people you know my
husband uh he loves birthdays he thinks
that like there’s a birthday week for
John bavier I mean like he loves
birthday he loves his birthday or
birthday he loves his birthday he loves
his birthday and I kind of like kind
with him on yeah and I’m kind of like ah
you know birthdays are fine like I I’ll
fly home from overseas on my birthday
I’ll say I don’t want to party and so we
had to have a talk because John felt
that my inaction around his birthday I
wasn’t paying enough attention his his
my actions of ignoring or being like hey
you’re grown now you don’t get to be
like we’re doing the boys now that that
it was associating that I didn’t care
about him and so he had explained to me
how he felt about his birthday now I
will say it’s so high I feel like every
year already going to fail and it’s a
month away but he but he has such a high
expectation on his birthday and so I had
to be able to say to him you know it
wasn’t that I was withholding that it
just isn’t important to me so I think
when I was able to separate what he
perceived as my feelings or lack of
feelings on his birthday and my actions
and inactions then I think that was good
and I and I I do think sometimes that
there are people that are say well
that’s too bad you didn’t like that I
think I think we need to have
responsibility
that if we care about the person if my
actions hurt them I need to say why why
did that hurt you okay well and have
that conversation and if it’s just silly
then be able to say well that’s not what
I meant and that’s not what that said
and I I also think there would be value
in dissecting down to what the
importance is like if I’m John and I’m
hurt that you don’t make a big deal
about my birthdays if I take it to the
point of well if you loved me yeah you’d
that’s yeah signing too much value to
that’s that’s not fair but I don’t think
it’d be wrong to say because of this or
that in my childhood because of this or
that whatever it really really means a
lot to me MH that’s probably in an
acceptable Zone absolutely you know but
not if you make it about well if you
loved me you do this
[Music]
right