In 2008, 26 yr old model, Katherine Wolf’s, life almost ended after suffering a massive brainstem stroke while her 6 month old son, James, was asleep in the next room. After a 16 hour surgery, she awoke unable to swallow, walk, speak, or see clearly and the chances of survival or recovery seemed impossible; However, she miraculously beat the odds and while Katherine’s physical state will never be quite the same, she has slowly relearned the basic functions of life. Her husband, Jay, has stayed by her side the entire time honoring his commitment to his wife. They’ve since started “Hope Heals,” as self-proclaimed “Missionaries of Hope” sharing the hope of Christ across the country.
have you ever been in somebody’s
presence and literally just being in
their presence heals you in some way it
encourages you or it challenges you or
just lifts your chin a little bit if
you’re discouraged well that happened to
me recently and I didn’t have enough
time to really complete the conversation
with this woman to spend enough time in
her presence and so I’m so excited to be
able to sit down with her today you were
not gonna want to miss this conversation
because I think that even on the other
side of that screen your chin is gonna
be lifted you’re gonna be encouraged
your life’s gonna be changed so stay
tuned for the chat with Priscilla
[Applause]
[Music]
you know I was getting ready to open up
our program by saying welcome but I
really hope I’m saying
welcome back because this is part two of
a conversation we’ve already been having
if you have not seen part one of this
episode you need to go tinker around
find it and watch it because it really
does lay the foundation for what we’re
gonna be talking about in this next
half-hour I met a beautiful woman and
her husband and just kind of fell in
love with their story and fell in love
with them and what God has done in their
life and the encouragement that they’ve
been to other people and so I just
couldn’t wait to sit them down and have
some great conversation would y’all
please help me to welcome Jay and
Catherine wolf to the program today I am
so glad you’re here and I love hope
heals everybody needs to get their hands
on hope heals because it really does
help you to redefine the beauty of
suffering to redefine sort of your
perspective about life and eternal
things and just get everything in
perspective you guys have helped so many
people to do that Catherine just sort of
lead us in just tell us what happened
when you have 26 years old yeah out of
nowhere as a 26 year old I had a massive
brain stem stroke subsequently 16 hours
of brain surgery to keep me alive and
after the life-saving surgery
I became severely disabled because of
the surgery and it wasn’t the stroke
that caused the disability it was the
surgery right which is love a ticket of
the AG for sure but in order to preserve
life they had to take away a lot of
function to my body but I’m here and I
there you are I did I did have a baby
just before I had a six-month-old when
this happened and they’ve been married
almost three years and yeah it’s been a
wild almost 10 years first first stroke
and I’ve had 11 surgeries and some have
been really radical and Tara
yeah and I have had a severely broken
leg after relearning to walk for four
years and a number of just really
horrific things that Jays been right by
my side for well that’s why I needed to
get him out here because I’m a Jays fan
can I just tell you I’ve been a fan I
really I really want to talk to you
about my thighs I really want to talk to
you about about that day Jay I want to
ask you know you came home you weren’t
supposed to be home that day apparently
or what it was an oddity for you to be
home in the middle of the day while your
wife’s taking care of y’all’s new baby
so just take me through that day from
your perspective sure so we’re from the
South originally but part of the reason
we moved out was for me to go to
Pepperdine law school and so we had this
six-month-old baby I was finishing up
I’m in in the home stretch of literally
the last couple weeks of law school and
you know it had been a hard season you
know brand-new baby not sleeping it was
classic like you know fighting about
stupid stuff and just stressed out and
you know we were at the same time
anticipating just this new season of
life we’re gonna go start just a new
chapter and so all that sort of you know
in the background of this day that just
is a very ordinary day and I come home
because I procrastinated on a paper so I
do sometimes say procrastination save
your life and God of course but you know
he works him yeah and all of our
fumblings yeah nothing’s wasted so it’s
just a really poignant reminder that you
know and I already had my paper Donna I
wouldn’t have come home during this
45-minute window mmm to work on it and
print it out and we lived on campus at
Pepperdine and so I popped up again
during this window Kathy and the baby
was asleep Katherine was fixing some
food in the other room and then she just
yelled Jay in a way that I knew you know
something wasn’t right and ran in there
and she clearly was you know in distress
and on the floor starting to throw up
and so i called 9-1-1 and they were
there really quickly and then
took her on the stretcher out of that
place that we called our first home you
know where we had brought our baby back
to and where he became a couple together
and and you know she says sometimes like
you know go grab a toothbrush in case
we’re there overnight little did we know
she would never see that place again and
that chapter of our life just slam shut
like chapters do you know and that day
was April 21st 2008 but whenever we tell
our story I just know that people all
over are thinking of the day that their
life changed you know when they got that
diagnosis or that phone call and there’s
just this line of demarcation that runs
through our history before and afgan
ever go back across but for us that day
was April 21st 2008 and then for two
months she just wasn’t there
yeah so what I want to know what are you
doing thinking what’s happening in the
two months that she’s ungodly so before
that they took her to UCLA hospital we
knew that UCLA was a college but I
literally I mean I didn’t know if we had
insurance honestly or you know what the
best Hospital was and again just God was
making a way through our chaos like he
does he’s just going ahead our
forerunner in our anchor to our souls
and you know just everything it’s just
like so much and falling apart all of a
sudden you know you have these dreams
and it’s like oh my gosh are we am i
following and the ambulance down the
Pacific Coast Highway with my wife in
the back unconscious and what is
happening to my life right now yeah and
we come around the corner and there’s a
giant billboard that says UCLA Medical
Center the best in the west
the number three Hospital in the country
and of course this is where God brings
us and then I see on this Monday
afternoon just it couldn’t quite
understand it for a second but familiar
faces and so it was my church family and
we had just you know sort of gotten
really plugged into a church almost
uncharacteristically at 22 you know
you’re doing all these things you’re in
grad school or whatever but we just you
had your decided to invest our life in
it we didn’t know anybody in LA and yet
we had these people who were they were
his family and you know so often I think
when the bottom falls out we just we
want our invisible God to be made
visible and he’s like look around my
body body of Christ here and that’s what
we had an
I’m telling you I’m going up in the
church but I’ve never witnessed church
like I did in that waiting room and you
know again it’s pure worship it’s not
when it’s all going perfect it’s when
it’s all falling apart because then you
realize God you’re the only way out of
this
yeah and that night like we gathered
that the the surgeon I might add that
was on call dr. Nestor Gonzalez world
renowned known for taking on the hardest
case has just happened to be on call
that moment and knew that even like
having a lawyer as a husband is not a
it’s not you know a great thing for a
doctor you know trying to take on a big
surgery he’s like this I don’t know I
don’t know yeah but I think the Holy
Spirit was singing me to give her a
chance you have to tell why oh yeah go
ahead
you weren’t there that windy so he
didn’t say yes operate on me why do
write it first like he says the
situation saw the x-rays and decided
he’d take like 10 minutes to go back to
his office and Jay is standing in the
emergency room holding the baby and when
dr. Gonzalez goes back to the office
office he says he could not get the
picture it out of his head of the young
mother who this baby would not have
anymore
if she didn’t try to save my life so he
comes with that’s the Holy Spirit
putting that mental picture in his heart
so he comes back out and says to Jaya
I’ll try yeah so yeah he they took her
to surgery you know it’s gonna be eight
hours maybe um so we gathered like I
said in that waiting room and about a
hundred of us gathered and just braid
cried laughed sang you know broke bread
pizza together and like just a slice of
doing life together yeah you know all
the highs and all the lows and I grabbed
like a Gideon’s Bible you know
tattered probably stained with a bunch
of tears frankly in that waiting room
and read from Romans eight which captain
had memorized when she was little and
loved that chapter and you know reading
that like the crescendo of that passage
to say God’s working all things for good
and that nothing can separate us from
his love you know in that moment I don’t
know if y’all never read that passage in
a really dark season but it feels like a
lie yeah you know it’s like is this
laughing like God are you working right
now because I’m I may wake up tomorrow
as a as a widower and my son without a
mom and like this doesn’t feel very
loving right now you know and I remember
sort of standing that crossroads and say
I can’t just read this like I’m gonna
have to believe it in a way I never have
I’m gonna have to bet my life on it and
I’m gonna have to bet Katherine’s life
on this promise that God you’re working
in a way I can’t I can’t fathom and
somehow your love is gonna be so close
to me that it’s gonna change everything
and this horrific tragedy and and that
next morning the Sun came out and the
doctor came out he hadn’t even looked at
the clock and it been 16 straight hours
of microsurgery during which to save her
life he had to remove over half of her
cerebellum this part of her brain
literally scrape against her brainstem
which is not good as you can imagine and
damage and sacrifice a lot of the nerves
that are vital to function but he said
you know she’s alive
oh we just don’t know she’s gonna wake
up or be vegetative or locked-in or
paralyzed but she’s alive and for some
reason that moment just knowing God had
spared her life I felt like sort of the
Israelites like he brought us this far
and like I didn’t know what we were up
against but like I know you’re gonna
bring us all the way oh yeah and like
that again it wasn’t it was a gift it
was a it was a great gift for God to say
like here’s a little glimpse of hope and
what it what did he get into it what did
that look like practically for you and
those next you know you got 60 days
where she has not woken up yeah and the
doctors are telling you we still don’t
know yeah if she will or not what were
you doing during those two months I um
basically was just showing up every day
you know was it wasn’t like super
complicated okay think just stop stop
right there all right yeah this is what
I’m trying to get to yeah just showing
up yeah I’m thinking about the husbands
or wives that have walked out the door
they just didn’t hang in there for much
less sir they’re just not happy in their
marriage or their emotions have been
kind of taken off in a different
direction or the future doesn’t look
like what they thought it would for
their family because their spouse you
know the way they chew bacon just drives
them crazy
you know just lesser issues that would
make a spouse bolt I’m trying to get you
to help us to understand what makes a
husband because it’s been 13 years now
right that you’ve been married right and
10 years since this has happened oh
right I want to know what does it look
like for you to stay what is that choice
entail the hardship of that choice right
I think that deliberateness yes yes
there’s a lot of layers of course and I
think one was there was a community
around me to say you’re not doing this
alone and I think so often you know in
our shame in our own sort of motivations
to step away from things we promised you
know we get isolated and we get alone
and then you know all the sudden it’s
like Larry with nobody wait you’re gonna
get divorced like what yeah I didn’t
even know because I haven’t seen you and
you’ve been distant or whatever and I
think in our situation there were so
many people who were like y’all weren’t
going anywhere cuz we’re not going
anywhere right and it was again the body
of Christ that shows up you know we talk
about compassion and so watered down but
real compassion is to suffer with
somebody like Pat the passion of the
christ’ you know so compassion is like
to suffer with and I think that is again
the gift that we get to give each other
when the bottom falls out not our
platitudes of like oh you know God’s
good and work like that’s true but like
not now like don’t tell my god I need
you just to come and be with me and
maybe cry and just be present give me
the Ministry of presence and and that’s
what they gave us and so it’s like it
allowed me to like to show up yeah
not truth yeah what time yeah so I think
you know it was really knowing like I
wasn’t alone and and and then I just
sort of saw Catherine as doing the hard
work I was just having to show up in a
way that helped her know she wasn’t
alone
yeah I wasn’t fighting for my life I
mean I might as well have been in a lot
of ways but I felt like the least I can
do is just help her no this is not a
fight she’s going through by herself and
so that no for me that was just what I
felt like I had promised to do I didn’t
seem very heroic just about like what
yeah this is my other half like of
course I’m gonna show up J were you at
any point over these 10 years have you
had to wrestle through just being
straight-up flat-out angry angry that
this is not what you had planned yeah
and had to wrestle with that with God
what does that look like sure and I
think it’s you know again Kevin says
like there’s so much joy but that that
doesn’t invalidate the struggle to and
joy is a struggle to get to you know
it’s not an automatic and it and it’s a
practice to say like I’m gonna fake it
till I make it sometimes and our culture
doesn’t like that they’re like that’s
inauthentic you know you should whatever
you’re feeling should be the ultimate
truth and I think there’s a great
freedom to just realizing so often Jesus
is like just do the loving thing and
then you’ll actually start to feel
loving too it doesn’t you know sometimes
just the reverse but more often it’s
like it’s that just the rhythm of
showing up yeah and when like you hear
in the Bible like when people’s hearts
got hardened like it was never good
after that right yeah so a big prayer
was always like when my heart’s starting
to get hard and it’s a little micro
crystallization do you know it’s not big
things as early but it’s just annoyances
like micro crystal and it’s like over
time it starts to like you know
potentially get hard and so there was a
prayer in my life through the
frustrations or the anger or why me like
this is you know my life is now on a
totally different of course that prayer
just gave me a soft heart today like let
me see my wife not as some patient or
some
but just as the love this loving other
half of my life that God has given me
for a reason not that’s holding me back
some ball-and-chain nonsense that people
say like but that this is a stewardship
that God has given me to lift this woman
up in every way that I can even if it
means like putting whatever I thought
from my future aside last season or
forever you know yeah what is it
what does it look like to take care of
Katherine in your daily life what what
does your day look like your life look
like and taking care of your wife um you
know it’s gotten less and less physical
I was so grateful and cathica start to
do her makeup again because I did it so
badly
you’ve been doing her makeup injury it
was like I will do this for you but I
feel like I need to watch a lot of
YouTube videos about really happy to try
anyway as Katherine has progressed you
know there there’s it’s it’s presented
different seasons of need you know and
you know thankfully Katherine as you can
tell gets around and she’s got this just
great like rock yeah well spunk
and but he’s not I didn’t know you feel
funny saying this about me but no I mean
he does everything tell us about that I
can oh he’s trying to Patti so yeah he’s
not gonna tell you like she has to get
me in and out of the bathtub every time
I take a bath like I can’t stand to
shower so anytime I bathe it’s up to him
to get me ended out I can’t drive he
drives me everywhere which can you
imagine not driving when you have kids
it’s really hard that he literally if I
stand up from the wheelchair he is
moving me into a different seat pretty
much instinctively at this stage
non-stop I mean he’s essentially working
to make my life happen whenever we’re
together which is always
and of course there’s a challenge to
that and I mean there’s so many
caregivers in the world that I just
empathize with they’re mean they’re my
people so often you know people with
disabilities are really invisible 20% of
populations and the largest unsearched
people group I might add and so if
they’re invisible how much more so are
the caregivers and you know so often
people say oh just I love Catherine’s
story I love her book I’m like I wrote
more that book than her but no worries
like my story to it is or Emily’s story
why let me just tell y’all let me tell
you guys this man right here was trying
to not be on the show today and I was
like I just don’t I just don’t think I’m
gonna let you get away with that because
this is so much your story this is so
much your story and and the reality is
like you said that the caregivers have
to make hard daily deliberate
intentional choices about humility about
servanthood Christlikeness is just all
over you
well it’s all over you thank you it
feels again just not very heroic but
just sort of doing what I promised you
know we all promised on our wedding day
is probably one or 22 and totally stupid
and not even thinking about anything
real right like wait what if we just
signed or what was that contract again
and you know Catherine literally had
under her veil this microscopic from
birth bomb that was gonna explode but
all of us we promised to stick with
somebody we don’t know we don’t know
what their future will hold we don’t
know what we’re marrying into and yet
and this has been a big way to Rini rate
you know again so much of our stories on
what happens which is how we react react
how we re narrate it not to revise
history and not to like own the reality
but just to say I have a choice of how I
experience this and so either I’m like
oh my gosh we promise you know for
better and for richer and for help than
what forever and it’s all the good stuff
but it’s like you know what are there
more beautiful words to ever speak to
another human than for worse in sickness
for poorer till death like that like she
said that to me yeah and I said that to
her and so we get to live out that
thing that God says to us like it you
can run I’m coming with you
like you can’t go anywhere that’s too
far from my love and like that’s in our
own little broken way we get to say that
to each other and you know with the
rhythms of caregiving and also being a
patient it’s hard to be a patient not
just you know it’s a it’s a two sided ya
struggle to just say like you know God’s
given us this opportunity not a
tit-for-tat or you’re meeting my needs
or my love tanks fill whatever and
that’s like who cares that’s not you
know it’s not gonna always be equal in
fact it may really more often than not
not be equal and the reality is god this
is my little offering to you and that’s
been working out like this thing like
that you the love you have for your
church like I get to just model that in
my own really pitiful most of the time
messed up griping
but like I’m gonna show up and and try
to love Katherine like you love us and
like it’s not because she’s earned it or
whatever and she’s the best patient I
just have to say like a side note but
when this woman was you know had a tubes
coming out of her brain and body all
over and witnessing her child not being
her child anymore she would smile and
she would Pat the ICU nurses who
couldn’t find a vein and who I mean an
excruciating pain and she what was
inside of her it was just good and kind
and to see this to witness her rise up
with such grace and grit and beauty to
the people who were you know causing her
a lot of harm and pain really made me
want to do the same you know yeah and so
anyway she’s she would tell you she’s
not perfect I won’t either you know I’m
like we haven’t been made Saints because
this happens to us yeah well you’re
still yeah your regular life other
people but I will say one kind of funny
story every night so Katherine has
facial paralysis so her eye disease I
know
I need talking about beautiful but one
of the weird things is that her eye
doesn’t close so if your IDEs not
getting moisture it can get infection
and you could even lose your eye it’s
pretty serious so every night maybe
we’ve just had it just a rock and fight
or just you know we’re annoyed at each
other or just like can’t just tired and
I just have to come alongside and hold
her face and doctor up her eye you know
every night and make sure it’s good for
the night and somehow like I said in
that acting in love even when you’re not
feeling it that even that simple
it meant rhythm has just given healing
and softness to the heart and so anyway
it’s just the little details God has
allowed in our life have allowed us to
flourish within the constraints of this
really lovers I really love what you’ve
just suggested because I don’t know if
you kind of recognize that or not y’all
but he really just gave us a tool those
of us who are in relationships and
marriage he’s given us a tool to sort of
restore and mend if somebody can be
humble enough to go to the other one and
whether you feel like it or not and just
be kind something they need just do it
anyway in small little little steps you
know go
despite the argument and do it anyway
that act in and of itself you’re saying
repairs a breach yeah from earlier in
the day right and I think CS Lewis talks
about this on the unkind of the opposite
side and he was talking about the Nazis
he’s like they didn’t hate the Jews
originally but they acted and hate
toward them for so long that they really
started to hate them and so the converse
is true you know you can act in love and
then it will change your heart it’s
incredible
but again in marriage you start acting
hateful you’re gonna start to hate over
time so it’s it’s sort of a double-edged
sword yeah but we can take like we can
again with humility like you take
ownership of that and say you know what
I’m not feeling it but I want to feel it
God like let me I’m and just put my
pride down and stand up and and do
something that I know is loving it
yes sir me and the the other caveat
though I think about the
the prodigal son story right and and I
think about the older brother you know
we always want to act like we’re the you
know the good father
no no you’re the prodigal you’re the
brother like you call that we like to
reproject ourselves my god roll off get
in the story and that’s not the right
way anyway so the older brother I’m
thinking reading into it a little bit
but he stayed right and it sounded like
he was pretty happy that he stayed
especially compared to his brother and I
have a feeling though he left in his
heart long before that and so I never
want to just stay in body and not in
heart – and that is the work you know I
can stay and like it would be really
hard to leave at this point you know
like our son I feel are you ever gonna
you know divorce I’m like we haven’t yet
like no but the but the but the tragedy
is to just stay in an empty body and
without a heart and a soul wanting to be
as one and anyway that’s the that’s the
that’s the daily work the softening the
heart and the being present and you
should tell Fran every salon what’s kind
of the update in terms of you staying
you continuing to love our family what’s
the update well so Catherine you know
many medical issues eleven surgeries all
that I mean she had a separate brain
issue an aneurysm that the same doctor
doctor Nestor Gonzalez removed and then
after that was removed and she was
cleared she got pregnant and had a baby
a miracle baby yes yeah do you like that
segue how we’re big ending believable so
James and then of course we just had to
have a James in John John two-and-a-half
and what’s neat is John you know as the
Lord has been gracious is the name and
then his middle name is Nestor for
Catherine’s neurosurgeon dr. Nestor
that’s awesome solace you know what’s
really cool so we were like look it’s a
little
traditional but who cares like it’s you
know he actually isn’t married doesn’t
have a family and so it was our way to
just say thank you he wouldn’t be here
without you and we looked at later what
the name means and it means Home Coming
remembrance and secret miracle is his
middle name you know so like computer
like Nestor that’s different he’s like
well here’s my story that’s right you
know and it’s the Gospel story it’s know
like what’s that pregnancy hard for you
challenging for you you know in some
ways it was for sure and when he was a
little baby it was very scary to feel
like can I even hold them with all these
problems and yet I did not ever fall
while pregnant or when he was in my arms
as a newborn which I fall a whole lot I
do not have balance and yet somehow my
feet were firmly planted on the ground
that an entire pregnancy the entire time
he was there baby
now he’s two and a half and being a
disabled mother is like I mean so hard I
can’t even tell you
I just I’m used bundled up pray for me
[Laughter]
mister boy but you will what I wanted to
add to his name that you were saying
there was so powerful is his first name
is John we call him John and John I
think it’s not chapter 9 verse 3 you
know the story of the blind man and I
think it’s John 9 3 has said this
occurred so that the works of God might
be displayed in him and I just think
it’s so beautiful that our baby John is
here so that the works of God might be
displayed in him I just think that’s too
bad
I am I am unbelievably grateful that you
guys would share with us like this
I mean seriously your life is such a
testament to the grace of God the
goodness of God the power of God the
stability of God the strength of God and
it is encouraging to all of us
nobody’s going out of here complaining
tonight I’ll tell you that
and nobody that’s gonna watch this
program is gonna walk away and not
reevaluate the way they’re perceiving
the struggles of their life because you
guys have shared with us today would you
guys please thank them
[Applause]
[Music]