Part 3: Embracing Who You Are – The Evans Women – Lois Evans, Chrystal Hurst, Priscilla Shirer and Kariss Farris discuss how they have personally managed comparison and discovered their unique value.


so let’s talk about comparison yeah

actually we’re talking about a Paris it

because you know it’s a question I get

all the time it’s do you compare

yourself to your sister you I’m curious

to knows and get as a daughter you would

compare yourself to me

I can’t hurt myself to my mother all the

time I’m just looking at man she’s

always put together she’s always super

graceful and that’s just not my natural

you know that’s not my natural gifting

you know I just had loved my yoga pants

with the hope of them every time I go to

the store I think and that’s when though

us wouldn’t do this and that’s when I

had this sweater that they want me to

get rid of came up to where she sits

down you know the same the threads are

all you can almost you could see once

because she wasn’t she was at home to

resemble every year at Travis Lee fitted

so we’re not gonna talking about it all

we were y’all and we have somebody put

us in it kind of nice hotel we were

amazed at us and I watched her from the

back and she wasn’t checking in

registering in this beautiful Lobby

that’s nice to tell and there were the

two the shoulder was like crystal you

really need to retire the sweater

right now this is the most comfortable

looking thing I’ve ever seen and you can

see why I’m hair myself yes my mother

who’s always put together she’s my

sister who’s usually pretty put together

and then my daughter you’ve put together

for sure when you go out so anyway do

you do y’all ever struggle with

comparison with other women in your

family that’s that’s the question

and if so what are you do about that

yeah I think I have a for you because

we’re so I think we’re onto a very quick

decision maker and then afterwards if it

was the wrong decision we’ll figure out

yeah yeah yes but I mean that’s just one

area but I think we’re different a lot

of ways and I know that I’ve talked to

Josh about like oh my quinella gets

older I’m scared that I’m not gonna be

as intentional with her as you were

because that’s just not my personality I

think you but I choose to realize that

in ways that that maybe you did like

it’s a fun creative that you make

decorate the lunch bag totally balanced

I just choose to realize that just like

it was great that I had that aspect of

you God gave me Ellie for a reason and

so whatever I have to give her is what

she’s going to need and just to choose

to believe that okay maybe the Lord’s

gonna stretch me in certain areas to be

more like you in a certain way but that

I have what I need for her and for Josh

and for future kids and then it’s okay

that I’m not totally like huge unlike me

for a reason yeah I think most women in

some areas you know struggle with

sharing so I feel like I could you know

I’m always constantly going well my

sister so I kind of always wanted to be

like you and never things just don’t

come as easily for me I think some

things that can’t easily be they didn’t

come easy for me so I had to work twice

as hard for the same so I struggled a

lot with just trying to be okay with

sounds exactly like Carrie just on the

bed this way and it’s okay that I’m not

as good at the things that you’re good

at so that’s just you kind of kept it

continually like talk yourself off a

little edge and then also with my mom

you know I struggled a lot with to me

the ideal mom was gonna stay home

completely oh so that’s the way it

looked in my head you’re saying because

mom because it’s work yeah but you were

later together and so for for us when we

started when Jerry started to feel like

the Lord was steering these foreign

ministry more intentionally because I

was speaking but I would go

see when someone invited me once every

couple or something it wasn’t it wasn’t

a ministry it was just I was just

speaking every now and then what people

would ask me of course that’s ministry

but you get my there wasn’t a big

umbrella yeah so when Jerry started to

feel like you know I think this would

the Lord want us to do my battle was but

then motherhood is not gonna look like

me just at home bacon bread all the time

which is what I wanted to do yeah and I

still do that helped release me too I

wonder are you saying it’s gonna be

unconventional but just take your kids

with you on the road aren’t home but

they’re still with you and that’s the

point so that’s what we do we just

homeschool of it and took them with us

everywhere for a lot of years and so I

just think I had to revamp in my head

that motherhood might not look exactly

the same but the same qualities of it

can be there even if it doesn’t it’s so

funny as you’re saying that I have

memories of you know we’re in this house

so we’re kind of going down memory lane

a little bit but I have memories of you

it was probably this way for a lot of

reasons but you always kind of had a oh

well that’s what I’m going to do you

don’t drive me not a drove home you then

throw me my cereal on you were just very

much about but I think that part of that

was I think a part of that was you

trying to be and learning to be okay

with well this is just how gonna do it

there was there was a kind of throw away

but I do see how in your adult life that

that learned practiced ability to kind

of go well this is just the way I’m

gonna have to do it it kind of has

helped to settle you in to the place

where you need to live like even though

it was kind of a throwaway I can’t do it


it just became you’re like well this is

what I’m going to do and that resolved

because that’s what I think it is it

resolved has turned into adulthood like

you know comfortable months I’m scared

candy that so this is what I’m gonna do

and it has really turned into a


in your own giftings and yeah it’s our

party’s methodology but the priorities

they don’t change

yeah telling the world you accomplish it

is between you and your family

but please don’t change the parties

don’t adjust the Scriptures to fit where

you feel you should be yeah it’s

seasonal what you can’t do now you’ll be

able to do it sitting here today as a

test of money no you know what if that

works for you I’m not gonna judge you

because that’s not the choice I’ve made

I’m just good oh my god the Mommy Wars

oh are you a stay-at-home mom are you go

out of the home to work are your kids in

school are they homeschooled

okay well have your children learn this

by this certain age was he doing it Mary

what does your husband do what does this

role in the home are you the spiritual

be there’s always questions about how we

do things that we’re not to be a tree to

do things how we how we do I wonder then

why are we living in Chains does ruin

only save ourselves or like we just said

releasing each other you have a friend i

sat down to dinner with this is years

ago now it’s we’re very good friends and

she travels a lot for ministry her

husband and they have a nanny that they

take with them their children

and it was about interesting to hear her

this is to hear her look at my

perspective are you serious how I was

kind of looking at her really have

somebody that travels of you and kind of

helps it Melissa she was looking at me

like and you don’t she did grow up that

way so she said you know I I she said we

traveled so much if I did not have any

hope my husband and I would never have

time together I would have never be able

to date him cuz sometimes that we out me

and in the evening her husband need to

go have an actual date she said we would

never have that our children would

always be with us we wouldn’t be able to

prioritize each other I had never even

considered that but you know that hopes

to actually prioritize something and I

got to do it all yeah I was like I gotta

do every single thing or I’m not being

the best mom and she’s like actually I

can’t be the best mom because it creates

just a little bit of margin if somebody

else is just kind enough of my friends

kind enough to come over and say I will

bring over dinner tonight help you with

the dishes

she’s like honestly somebody else

connected or nothing the dishes

I’m going when they can date my wife I’m

the only one that can take my kids to do

that activity or whatever be with them

for this thing so she said I don’t

understand how you’re not yeah how

you’re not letting yourself and people

hear that and making no money I don’t

have money yeah but I couple things and

when I’m friend who grew up on the

mission field yeah

so coming here she was just like why

don’t y’all have help yeah because she

was like on the mission people even have

money it was cultural it was called a

woman wasn’t supposed to do it all by

herself so I have some friends who she

write well they had it they decided we

all have young kids they were all

exhausted you know so they have they

call it the babysitter Club and when

their kids were really little you and

rotates and you were always baby sighs

nobody’s kids so at least once a month

you could plan to go to the doctor get

your hair done whatever that’s when the

kids got a little older if they they

would do it in the evening so that you

could go out on a date with your head

knowledge and so I think we have to

reframe the way we look at how we help

each other yes because ultimately we

don’t have to do it all by yourself and

what have you looked in close

semi-closed community and one of the

moms that’s making dinner on the Monday

nights they done enough spaghetti

gregory family and instead of going to

chick-fil-a on their way home you go

through this woman’s house and get your

servings of spaghetti but then you do

the same for her on Wednesday nights I’m

saying you know we live within five

minutes two minutes of each other alone

I just think little choices like that

with friends in your church and stuff

I’m gonna pay each other

Amon is it releases you to do other

things like you point about like your

spouse that’s a priority to you we don’t

really think we I think yeah I know

churches still have mothers down some do

because that’s what I was introduced oh

yeah are busy with the ministry you know

the church was growing your dad came

home one day was driving to seminary

yeah he said Lord said just past the

church and I have a whole lot of

confidence in that I think we could take

the children to one day a week I was

like no and then said let’s just try

they really tried it I got a chance to

go through my hair options just wasted

do it yeah so Christian you start you

start with your hair something was

actually I do that kids but once a week

we give each other one night off to once

a month instead of once a week just you

know that’s but it’s been really working

cuz he has a night off and he know that

I’m not expecting him to be at home I

can I know that he’s not gonna be at

home so I plan for that you know that

I’m gonna be here with Ellie by myself

and it’s great because he can go be with

friends he can do whatever he wants

I don’t care and then the same thing for

me I get one night a week that I know I

don’t have to think about Elliot I can

go hang out with a friend I can go to

sleep at five o’clock I’m not that you

know obviously we hope for community of

women who can do that with him for but

also your husband he wasn’t viewing you

there and

and these they’re dead yeah absolutely

so that’s what really good for a site

just to give you treasure right yeah

well I guess melody in the middle of his

busy life building a church Thank You

Laurel even a nibble of the church but

you guys seen that he would said Lois

get ready I’m coming coming home get

ready to come home for you to do

whatever you want to do with literally

pass each other in the doorway I just

went to the mall just walked around yeah

I don’t have any funds to buy anything I

think of course I might have gotten a

sword or something but it was just

knowing that he was coming home and you

can have your air hisses and we passed

each other he was said by high device

that their holiday that you have feeling

it on their shoulders and you can just

go mom put the kids to bed but then

Jesse was home yeah and then I’m going

to target yeah they have the best

popcorn really I was just gonna say you

know just to not leave the single women

out because all they didn’t have the

option of a Jewish that’s that option

again at the church yeah church is

supposed to be your family and those

women that are your friends in church

you see them every now and then boogie

or not and wait yes take these literally

take the initiative and say hey can we

help each other sister circle is that we

all have circles of girls somewhere they

may be a church I mean they were there

maybe at work so how do you need help

support reading a book I want to run

like what are the things that would help

you in your life