I heard your questions, and now it is time to answer! Welcome to my “Loving Fearlessly” Course. I am so excited to start off this new year sharing wisdom and advice with you all. None of us are perfect, but here are more ways to love fearlessly in relationships and in marriage! #lisabevere #lisabeverestudy #lisabeverecourse #lisabevere #lisabevereadamant #christianstudy #onlinecourses #truth #whatistruth #lisabeveresermons #godmothers #lisabeveresermon #johnbevere #johnandlisabevere #livingfearlessly #marriageadvice #marriagegoals ______________ Chapters: 0:00 – Lesson Teaser 0:22 – Practical Advice 6:55 – Connecting with Spouse during a Busy Life 10:53 – Stop Feeling Guilty ______________ Make a one-time donation to help fund our livestreams, content, events, and more: https://messengerinternational.org/
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how can I love my husband more
fearlessly and I I love that question we
touched on some of those things but
let’s talk about locating that
fear welcome back to loving fearlessly
and I’m going to talk to you actually
about some practical things so that you
can locate whether you’re loving
fearlessly or not so how can I love my
husband more fearlessly and I I love
that question we touched on some of
those things but let’s talk about
locating that fear I don’t know what
fear you might be wrestling with I
obviously had a fear of Abandonment I
also had a fear of being left vulnerable
without any you know provision anybody
with me I’d be alone I would not have
provision those were obviously two Dee
rooted fears that I must have had in
there from my dad leaving and my the
sympathy I would have had towards my
mother you know like all men will leave
don’t ever trust a man don’t ever do
this they’ll they’ll hurt you they’ll
hurt you and then being afraid and not
knowing how to completely love and
here’s the beautiful thing about where
we can rest our hearts because see I
can’t I can’t rest my heart in John I’ve
been married for him 37 years and I love
him love him more now than ever but he
cannot be the holder of my heart I have
to rest my heart in the goodness of God
I have to rest my heart in the promise
of God that says Love Never Fails now a
lot of times we decide what that success
is going to look like if I love this God
you have to do everything in this list I
have in my box but he is saying no no no
love never fails it never fails it never
gives up it believes the best love never
fails so no matter whether that person
understands the preciousness of what
you’re giving them or not God does God
understands and God is going to always
make sure that the love that you have
sown is never going to fail in your life
even if that person fails you the love
that you’ve sown is never going to fail
because Love Never Fails it can’t fail
and so anytime we trust our heart to
love rather than try to protect our
heart with fear then we’re going to have
a problem so we’re going to trust our
heart and love so what I want to do is
what is yours mine was abandonment mine
was a lack of provision being afraid of
being vulnerable maybe yours is
rejection maybe you’ve been rejected in
the past and you’re like I just I can’t
handle that again I can’t have another
rejection maybe it’s of losing control
you know I don’t know what I would do if
I didn’t have this in mind I I need you
to pause with the Holy Spirit after this
session or the next time you you’ve got
pen and paper in hand and you know kids
aren’t running around and say what is my
deepest fear what is my deepest fear and
if you’re like me and you were
projecting the fear that you had gotten
from your relationship with your father
your natural father onto your husband
you need to be honest about that and you
need to go to your husband and
say I located a fear in my heart I’ve
been afraid that you were going to leave
me I’ve been afraid of leasing control
in certain areas and so I’m trying to
control you because I’m afraid I’m
afraid I’m just tell them say I don’t
want this fear I want to I want to love
you all in I want to love you completely
where is it and just ask him where is it
you feel that I’m afraid to love you
where is it where you feel like I’m not
loving you well and I know that’s a
scary question but we need to be okay
with that we need to we need to have the
answer back if if my husband you know
when I did that I can’t get mad him say
Well that’s not right I had to say all
right all right see I’m going to tell
you the area I was afraid to love John
Wellen my husband traveled and spoke
he’s selling books he’s getting standy
Ovations everywhere I’m like when he
comes home I’m not saying one thing
celebratory about him when he comes home
he gets pulled down when he comes home
he changes poopy diapers when he comes
home that man of God Christian Author
thing stays in the garage that’s how I
thought because I was like I am not
going to celebrate him because too many
people are already celebrating him and
he will become an egomaniac so I’m going
to withhold words of affirmation I’m
going to withhold any kind of Honor with
my words I’m going to I’m going to just
keep that keep that in check and I’ll
keep them humble and I remember when I
asked John how am I not loving you well
cuz see I was great at taking care of
the kids I was great at taking care of
the finances I was great at taking care
of the house and managing things when he
was gone but when he came home I did not
give him words of affirmation and he was
actually so starved that he was ashamed
to ask me for those things and I
remember remembered I thought why do I
have to talk about you oh my gosh and I
realized everybody deserves to be loved
the way they can hear it but fear will
shut down your ability to love other
people the way they can hear it and
often we are paired with spouses that
hit that thing and so I’m going to
challenge you honey where does it feel
like I am afraid to love where does it
feel like I’m afraid to give to you a
lot of men like Words of Affirmation a
lot of men like physical touch and a lot
of women are afraid if they touch their
husband that means they’re going to have
to have sex so what you need to say to
your husband is
I’ve been afraid to be affectionate
because sometimes I’m so tired because
of my kids can can we do affection and I
not feel pressure and usually they’re
like yes so have the
conversation and that’s just another way
that you can love fearlessly so I’m
going to have you locate in your prayer
time ask your husband then guess what
you get to do Circle back Circle back to
God and say is this right is this right
cuz that’s what I do I was like would
Jesus say you’re not talking about me
enough you’re not complimenting me
enough no Jesus would say acts of
service like me that’s my love language
and and God was like
M you need to love fearlessly see it’s
safe to do things but sometimes it’s
really scary to have an open vulnerable
conversation so love your husbands
fearlessly by having conversations are
honest with them next thing how do you
stay connected with children and A busy
life
well it doesn’t happen by accident you
are going to have to intentionally make
this happen one of those things is
you’re going to have to schedule time
together when my kids were little I I
don’t even know if we ever even like
seriously our life was such a blur John
we’re like we schedule time together
during the day if we’re going to have
sex because we cannot have sex at night
why because we are
exhausted absolutely exhausted and a
child who could walk in at any moment so
when the kids were at school or when we
knew something was on lock the door lock
the door I supposedly one of my sons saw
stuff he shouldn’t have I don’t remember
it so but lock the door so you always
want to lock the door but you’re going
to have to also get a regular schedule
Addison and Julie I think they put their
kids to bed every single night at 7:30
or 8 that means even if there’s a little
bit of a fudge time and those kids keep
getting up for an hour they have from
8:30 to 10: or 10:30 night where just
the two of them have time together put
your kids to bed at a set time and I
know a lot of parents they just it’s
just hard listen it’s hard when you
first start it but it’s harder when you
live in chaos so set a bedtime tell
everybody this is the Bedtime this is
when we’re going to go to bed and this
is what it’s going to look like and then
stick to it have your husband be part of
that you know um I I know that for my
husband and I there were certain times
that was better to talk about things not
just sex but better to talk about things
see I kind of felt like Hey we’re
finally alone in bed at night let’s talk
about everything that’s troubling me
let’s talk about deep and meaningful
things and my husband would be like I
can’t do that right now I am so tired I
don’t want to hear what’s troubling you
I wish you would have talked to me about
this in the morning or in the afternoon
so you want to talk talk about the right
things at the right time if you’re going
to have the right response so if you’re
going to have time make family
connections make time for yourself we
also told our kids hey Mommy and Daddy
need time not just locking ourselves in
the bedroom time but we need time where
they can actually see us doing something
you can put your kids and have them
doing something a project or or watching
a movie or building something or playing
outside while the two of you have time
talking together and you’re actually
modeling something super important for
your kids in the future that mommy and
daddy need time together and that they
were actually together first see you and
your husband were together before you
had kids and guess what there’ll be a
time like the time I’m in when it’s just
the two of you together again and I
don’t want you to see this time of busy
childhood where you’re just Mom Dad Mom
Dad Mom Dad dad and you look at each
other and you forgot who you were as
husband and wife I want to make sure
that you make time for husband and wife
and maybe you’re in a situation as a
young mom you’re like I I don’t feel
like a wife anymore I only feel like a
mother then ask your husband if he can
give you time so that you can feel like
a wife whether that means he does
homework with the kids one night and you
go take a bath or you do something or
maybe you just go out to the grocery
store by yourself that felt like a
luxury to me when my boys were little
but you can do something that makes you
not feel like you’re just a mom and
again I hate even putting those words
together but you’re also a wife and
you’re also a daughter of God and you’re
also beautiful and you’re also feminine
and you’re also worthy of conversation
and worthy of getting to know better so
I want you to make sure you make time
for that so want to do it and then um
don’t feel guilty when you make time for
yourself now I know there’s a lot of
people that are all about oh take take
self-care if you can do self-care yay
but don’t let that be just another thing
on your list like I’m not doing enough
self-care I’m not going to the gym
enough I’m not doing this enough sit
down and go back maybe even together as
a couple to the dreaming part what does
this look like what does our Dream day
look like well it looks like the kids go
to school from here to here you come
home from work here I come home from
work here we do dinner together as a
couple then we do this as a couple and
then we get our kids to bed at this time
and then we have this time together
where we sit on the back porch or or we
just you know talk I don’t know you pick
out you dream it you design it which
means you put people on schedule you do
it and you don’t feel guilty about it
but I do feel like right now there’s a
lot of pressure on women to do way too
much and often you can do certain things
in certain seasons and when my kids were
little you know I was like uh I would
tell my husband listen I love you you
and I would really love to be intimate
with you tonight but I am just too tired
but if you can find me at 3:00 a.m. and
I wake up and you wake up let’s go for
it so make provision for one another
talk to each other about it make sure
you make it a priority cuz kids that
think that they rule your whole life are
not nice kids and so you were here first
you’ll be there together afterwards your
kids this is an incredible season of
entrustment but they can’t take you
hostage
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