He knows what you need. In “This will change your relationships,” Pastor Steven Furtick shares that in order to have healthy relationships, we first need to center our focus on the One who can truly meet our needs — our Heavenly Father. This is an excerpt from “Fix Your Focus.” To watch the full message from @elevationchurch, click here:    • Fix Your Focus | The Other Half | Pas…   #faith #peace #hope #stevenfurtick #elevationchurch Chapters: 0:00 – Focusing On The Wrong Things 6:25 – You Need This In A Dating Relationship 9:47 – Where Is Your Focus? 11:54 – Put Down The Magnifying Glass 13:51 – Why You Can’t Love Yourself


and you choose in any relationship or in

any season of your life you choose what

you magnify I hear single people talking

about their lonely I hear married people

talking about their lonely I heard a

married couple the other day talk about

having no friends and it brought them to


well there was a time where they would

have said to each other all I need is


and but that then you get with them and

you realize well

they’re they’re not a savior

and if I’m going to be happy in the

season of My Life

I I gotta choose what I magnified

what I make bigger write this down what

you magnify you get more of

what you magnify you get more of focus

I’m deciding any given moment in a

relationship what I’m focusing on I was

so mad at my dad

I was so mad at that man because he was

impossible in the last two years of his

life he he was impossible he wouldn’t

let us take care of him uh so he moved

away he went to go live by himself he

was dying but he wouldn’t let my mom

take care of him he wouldn’t let us take

care of him anytime we try to put a plan

together he would just blow it up I was

so mad at him I got to the point where

my my dad anytime I would try to talk to

him on the phone we couldn’t have a

conversation this went on for months

when we would get on the phone he would

go into a rage within two minutes it

would start here and it would quickly

escalate and I was so mad at him I would

send people that I would pay for to go

and take care of him and he would fire


he fired four people that I sent to take

care of him because he wouldn’t stay

here and let us take care of him I

couldn’t see at the time that he wasn’t

responding out of his own will he was

responding out of his pain because when

you’re when you’re in something like

that you don’t see the person’s


or you don’t you don’t see you don’t see

the place that is coming from you only

feel how it’s affecting you I was so mad

at him and I just decided well fine if

he has to die and we can’t speak I can’t

have somebody treat me like this I was

so mad about it and in the middle of

being so mad about it my father-in-law

said something to me that made me so

upset because the last thing you want to

hear when you’re upset is something like


he said well try to remember the good


try to remember the good times he did a

lot of things right

well shut up

that’s right this is the one time you’re

not allowed to say Amen while I’m


and it was Father’s Day of

you know 2012 2013 forgive me for being

imprecise on the date

but my memory of it

is that I was driving

home from vacation with the family on

Father’s Day

feeling bad that I couldn’t do anything

with my dad and my father-in-law’s voice

in my head he did a lot of things right

and I came to an idea and I asked Holly

if we could pull over and switch and she

could drive because we were going

through the town where I grew up where

my dad was living by himself and I had

the idea write down one memory for every

year that he was your dad

and take it to the house and give it to

him one good memory

from every year he was your dad

and man I’m telling you when I first

started making that list

my pin was moving so slow

I mean it was all I could do to get a a

letter on the page

I was so mad at him

I was so mad at him because all I could

see is how he’s treating me right now

but when I started writing

I started remembering


so I

remembered the first thing I kind of

remembered was when I played on the

Pirates and he was my coach and we

sucked we sucked so bad

that he wouldn’t let any of us swing at

the plate he made us all bunt every time

we were at back for the whole season

so I wrote that down bunting

this is my first word it got me started

then I remembered about age 14

that he

couldn’t find a way to connect with me

because I was into music he was into


and he took me uh to a punk rock concert

in Ladson South Carolina

the worst music that you’ve ever heard

in your life was played in that VW haul

that day but he he took me and sat with

me and I wrote down punk rock concert


and then I started remembering how after

he gave his life to Christ he wanted me

to go to church with him one of his

customers in his Barbershop had invited

him to their Church Revival now this was

not like a Code Orange Revival that’s

uplifting this was like a Hellfire and

brimstone Revival

uh and the preacher was preaching so

hard that we went out to This Little

Country Church and me and my dad

wondered what have we gotten ourselves

into and they seated us on the front row

we’re there on the front row in this

independent fundamentalist Baptist

Church and all the women are in dressed

and everything we’re in t-shirts and

we’re sitting there in the church not

knowing what we’re getting ourselves

into and the preacher got so fired up at

one point this little boy stood up and

and shouted us but he didn’t say Amen

praise the Lord preach preacher here’s

what little boy said he said let them



I never heard that shout before


let so I wrote down let the wild hoggy

when I knocked on the door and got the

house and handed in the list I said here

I didn’t even hug him I was here

a major list 32 things

he said how did you remember this stuff

because you choose

what’s your magnifying

and our story had a happy ending you

know we reconciled not right at that

moment at that moment I handed him the

list and walked out I didn’t want to see

him but it started something and I know

reconciliation is not always possible on

that level and I’m not even saying that

it’s always preferable

what I am saying is that whatever you’ve

lost if you choose to magnify it you’re

going to live in what you lost

whatever they whatever

right now if you want to magnify that

you can forget the Thousand nice things

that they said because of the one text

that they sent that said that one thing

that they weren’t even thinking about

and in your mind

you will begin to magnify man we should

use these more in dating

because we don’t look for anything any

warning signs and dating

we don’t ask any questions about their

bank account well they love God yes but

do they have grocery money

see you need one of these in a dating

relationship you need to see as many any

specs as you can see

but then you have to use it for a

different purpose

in marriage you got to use it in in a

close relationship where you’re

committed look if you come to this

church looking for crap to get mad about

let me save you a whole lot of time in

searching effort

you will find what you look for

you will fight seek and you will find

isn’t that what Jesus said

now that applies to the good things and

the bad things

you know in any time in in a

relationship that seek what you

magnified and I don’t know if we

understand the power that we have to

magnify things in other people that we

can bring out of them the good stuff

I don’t know if we understand the power

that we have I told you at the beginning

of my sermon that I’ve been traveling

a lot lately in preaching and so when I

do that I always feel like I’m cheating

home no matter how much I try I’m

probably not doing as bad of a job as I

think I am but I tend to be really hard

on myself so wherever I’m giving I’m

feeling guilty about where I’m not

giving or you like that so it’s like

it’s ever enough and so I’m sitting

there feeling bad and and one Saturday

morning I had my all my notes for the

sermon that weekend spread out on the

table and I’ve been gone somewhere else

preaching all week so I’m feeling kind

of behind and a little just just a

little bit distracted the kids are all

around me they’re trying to get my

attention I’m paying them no attention

and they’re screaming my name and I’m

not listening and all of that and I know

I’m not listening and I kind of don’t

care because I got to get this sermon

ready but I kind of feel awful about it

I’m just feeling that thing like I’m

stretched apart and if you don’t have a

lot of little kids around maybe this

wouldn’t apply to you but I think

everybody’s felt this way at some point

just like well I can’t give enough to

anybody anywhere in the field feeling

really like a failure it’s a very mild

level but I felt it I’m still not

feeling up tight and all that stuff and

I need to be a good dad but I also need

to be a good pastor and I don’t know how

to be both at the same time sitting

there feeling and the kids are yelling

and I’m kind of mad at them and annoyed

with them but it’s not their fault I

mean I’ve been I’m the one that’s been

gone and they’re really just vibration

anyway Holly speaks up

and she goes kids

your dad

is a great man

I hope

when you grow up

that you grow up to be a hard worker

like your dad

he’s been gone all week

preaching doing what God called him to


and providing for our family and now

look at him he’s got these notes spread

all over this kitchen table let me tell

you something she made me feel for in in

just one little speech one little speech

she made me feel

she made me bigger

I’m telling you ladies you can make a


it’s bigger

you can you can make him stronger you

can make him bring in more groceries

from the car

just tell him how strong he is I’m

telling you Holly I don’t know where she

learned this but when we first got

married I was carrying in the groceries

from the car one day I don’t do that

anymore that’s what I had kids for but I

was carrying in the groceries one day

and I had a couple bags you know a

couple bags bagged around my arms bags

everywhere I had bags coming in the

house and I said

um I’m coming in the house and Holly

said Holly said how do you do that

I said well it’s easy you know it’s easy

for me

started curling the grocery bags I

grabbed a couple I put a grocery bag in

my teeth I put one around my neck

why because she magnified something so


and you magnified the little thing

and it gets bigger

you magnify what you don’t have

and it gets bigger in your mind until

all you can see is what you don’t have

you magnify what they’re not

or do you magnify what they’ve got so

what is your focus Jesus said you can

look at the spec you can look at the

plank it’s interesting to me because

knowing very little about carpentry I do

realize that the sawdust comes from the

same material that the plank is made of

usually when I see something in someone

else that makes me angry offended it’s

because it represents something that’s

in me


there were two tools and there are

when it comes to the relationships that

matter the most

and when it comes to the things that

offend Us and other people

because everybody has issues and most of

us have a subscription

you know what a great dating

conversation would be

what kind of crazy are you


because I can’t tell from this distance

but if I get close to you

but you know all these issues you got to

decide am I going to focus on theirs

or mine

because I think the key to this thing of

loving the Lord Our God with all our

heart with all our soul with all our

mind and with all our strength and

loving our neighbor as ourselves

sometimes you got to put down this

and pick up this

and just ask God

so Lord

what is it that you’re trying to teach


or what is it that I can change because

I tried changing Charlie and Charlie

won’t change so Here I Am Lord

and in the words of the King of Pop

if you want to make the world

a better place

where are you going to start sometimes

you’ve got to start with your own self

and God says you can’t even help the

people that you love

when you’re infected with the very issue

that you’re trying to solve


it’s love the Lord your God that’s one


but it’s also love your neighbor as

yourself that’s the other half

you can’t have this half right and not

have this half right

you can’t treat people like garbage

and worship God

at the same time you can’t you can’t get

this right though until you get this


you can’t treat people well if you don’t

know God loves you and you can love God

until you have received his love freely

and that’s what makes it a cross

that’s what makes it a cross that’s what

makes it


is that it’s this and it’s this

one thing I never noticed though is that

Jesus said you’d love the Lord your God

with all your heart soul mind strength

we go around trying to love people

and we’re not even whole within


but the other thing is that he said love

your neighbor as yourself now I’ve

always known that that was a command but

it’s also just an observation

that the way you love your neighbor

is the way you love yourself

if you haven’t received God’s acceptance

of you you won’t be able to accept

anybody else as they are because you

don’t even love yourself

and so a lot of times it starts there it

starts with saying

God I can’t go into these relationships


half empty and needing people some

sometimes I’m so needy I was asking God

the other day to help me not be so hard

on others and God said well first you’re

going to have to not be so hard on you

because what starts here flows here

flows here

flows here

flows here

and I I just wanted to begin this series

today asking you where is your focus


if another person is at the center of

your focus and they’re responsible for

the Fulfillment of your joy you’re going

to always be miserable

if you’re trying to do God’s job in

fixing somebody else and you have a

focus on what they need to become

let me tell you something

there is no worse strategy for your own

personal satisfaction in life

than to place that responsibility in

someone else’s hands


for all of us who have been saying you

know I need someone to complete me or I

need you to complete me or I need this

the message I think God has for us today

is give me my job back

I’m a good God

I’m a good father

I know what you need

and here’s the difference between God

and everybody else in your life not only

does he know what you need he has what

you need

and he’s the only one who has what you


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