If there’s one thing that can hold you hostage to yesterday and ruin your tomorrow at the same time, it’s the chains of unforgiveness. But how can you forgive if the offense was just too great or if the offender never repented? Well, Tony Evans answers these questions and more in this lesson on how to give the true kind of forgiveness that can set you free.
where were you
if you would have been here she said
this thing wouldn’t happen
the blood of christ has given believers
a passport
to enter into a realm
that is closed to the general public
prayer is how you show your passport
god has given so much clout to prayer
that’s relationally driven to draw
heaven in the history that he will even
allow prayer to change his mind
the disciples never asked jesus to teach
them to preach
to teach them to do miracles the one
thing they did ask him is will you teach
us to pray
if you pursue a relationship and bring
your needs along with that
in your secret place
you will hear from god because god will
hear from you
ask and it will be given to you seek and
you will find knock and it will be open
to you don’t let things that god is
willing to change go unchanged because
we refuse to meet him in a private place
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unforgiveness functions as a chain to
hold us hostage
to what happened yesterday
that is destroying us today and ruining
our tomorrow
there is nothing like unforgiveness that
can keep you
and hold you hostage
day after day week after week month
after month and year after year
many relationships here and everywhere
are in crisis because one party was
unable or
unwilling to forgive the other person
there are other families that are afraid
because parents haven’t forgiven
children children haven’t give forgiven
parents or other relative structures
have broken down
the racial crisis in america continues
to plague us
because of this issue of forgiveness
at this point in the lord’s prayer
he says forgive us our debts as we
forgive our debtors
after talking about hollowing his name
submitting to his kingdom and yielding
to his will
and having gotten the provisions of god
he says now
forgive us our debts as we forgive
our debtors
so the question that we have to ask is
what does the word forgive
me
because a false definition will lead you
to a false conclusion
first of all let me make this
inextricably clear
forgiveness
is first and foremost
a decision because it is not first and
foremost an emotion
forgiveness is not first and foremost
how you feel
while it does not ignore how you feel
it is not the definition of forgiveness
you decide to forgive or not forgive
your emotions have to catch up with that
decision
but if you define
forgiveness as an emotion
then it will be determined by how you
are emoting at a particular moment in
time to determine whether you have
forgiven
and since emotions are fluid and
fluctuating all the time you can be
forgiving one moment unforgiving the
next moment about the same issue because
it’s tied to on what place on the
richter scale do your emotions happen to
be at any given moment so let’s
establish the fact that forgiveness at
its foundation
is a decision what kind of decision is
it it is a decision
to relieve a person
from an obligation or a debt incurred by
a sin or an infraction against you
forgiveness is the decision
to relieve a person from an obligation
or a debt incurred
because of an infraction or a sin
against you
when you decide to do that
regardless of where your emotions may be
at a certain given time
you’re operating on the biblical
definition of
a
of forgiveness
in the prayer it says forgive us our
debt why
because sin rings up a bill
the word debt is the word for incurring
a bill when you go to the store and buy
something you get a bill there is a
charge
a charge you are expected to pay for the
bill that you incurred for the thing
that you bought
when we sin against god
we incur a bill
that bill must be paid
it either must be paid by you
or somebody who pays the bill for you
but sin
infractions against god
incurs a bill that’s why he says forgive
us our
debt because you incur a debt to god
when you sin so
the first part of the prayer says
forgive us our debt or
cancel our
bill the bill that i have accrued
because i have disobeyed you rebelled
against you sinned against you
i want you to
clear my record to push the delete
button for my failure
to let me off of the hook
now let me clarify
forgiveness does not mean excusing
ignoring
justifying or pretending
that the thing didn’t happen
it does not mean that i just dismiss
reality
and pretend what did happen didn’t
happen so i can feel better about what
happened
because that’s not being honest
in fact you can’t forgive unless you’re
willing to acknowledge the truth of what
occurred
forgiveness deals in the reality not the
dismissing
of the reality but it deals with having
a debt paid
for an infraction
committed
now
at this point you we need to clarify
the kind of forgiveness we’re talking
about
there are two types of forgiveness when
it comes to
our relationship with god because the
first part of the prayer is forgive us
our debts because you’re praying to the
to god
the first kind is legal forgiveness
the biblical word for legal forgiveness
is justification
justification
means to be declared righteous it’s a
court room term
where the judge declares you not guilty
for
a particular crime
when the bible says we are justified
god in heaven
declares us legally not guilty
for the infractions
against him
but the reason he declares us
legally not guilty when we get saved
when we accept jesus christ is because
god credits the righteousness of christ
to our account jesus on the cross paid
your bill
jesus on the cross paid my bill
which allows god the father to
to credit us as not guilty
not because we’re not guilty we are
guilty but because the debt that was
incurred by being guilty was picked up
by the death of jesus christ
the sinless son of god who paid the
penalty for our sin so
that’s legal forgiveness that’s what
every person gets when they accept jesus
as your personal sacrifice as your
personal sin bearer you get a credit on
your
account which declares you to be
innocent legally
that’s an eternal issue
settled when you come to christ for
salvation
but that’s not what he’s talking about
here
he’s not talking about legal forgiveness
because
he’s now dealing with your relationship
with your father
our father who art in heaven so you’re
already a child you’re already a son or
daughter of god
so he’s dealing with another kind of
forgiveness
he’s dealing with relational forgiveness
legal forgiveness is settled forever
when you come to christ
but relational
forgiveness is conditional
legal forgiveness
is have i accepted christ
relational forgiveness is am i in
fellowship with my father
if you’ve accepted jesus christ you are
in permanent legal relationship but when
you sin
you’ve interrupted personal fellowship
that’s why the bible says in first john
1 9
if we confess our sins he’s faithful and
just to forgive us our sins and to
cleanse us from all unrighteousness
so a lot of christians live a long time
out of fellowship with god because they
are on their way to heaven but they are
refusing to deal with the mess in their
lives and get forgiven for god’s
intimate fellowship with them on earth
how do you know
when forgiveness has occurred
if it’s not a feeling
then if you look into your feelings
forgiveness may be here today but it may
not be here tomorrow because i don’t
forgive i don’t feel like forgiving you
but since forgiveness is a decision
you can always measure whether
forgiveness has occurred
because forgiveness occurs when no
retaliation is being sought
let me say that again
forgiveness occurs when you’re not
seeking to retaliate against the person
who offended you
as long as you reach back
into
history
to bring it up today
even though it has nothing to do with
what’s happening today the only reason
you’re bringing it up is to cause pain
today
even though it happened yesterday it
means you have not forgiven yet because
you’re using it as a tool
to bring pain
because you haven’t forgiven
even though you may still feel it it is
the act of retaliation that demonstrates
whether you’ve forgiven or not because
you know whether you’re retaliating or
not or using that thing from yesterday
to bring about
an act of judgment today
so
forgiveness
is the decision
that i am not going to credit this to
your account i’m not going to put a
charge on your bill
what the bible means by forgetting
is not forgetting the information
it’s forgetting the pain
that it was caused
by the information
it’s not forgetting that it happened
it’s no longer allowing what happened to
have the impact now that it had when it
happened
in other words when uh joseph
joseph when his brothers sinned against
him he says in genesis 41 verse 51 he
says these words he says
god has helped me to forget what you did
to me
but in chapter 50 he brings it up again
you meant it for evil but god meant it
for good so he never forgot what
happened because he brings it up in 50.
but he forgot
the impact that it had on him
so it didn’t have the same impact
so even though you may remember when you
see that person or see that situation
what happened five years ago
when you forgive it no longer destroys
your day destroys your weak destroys
your life because you made a decision
to
forgive
one of the reasons it stays destructive
is we’ve kept forgiveness as an emotion
and not as a decision
once you make a decision and it’s no
longer an emotion then emotions don’t
decide about whether forgiveness has
occurred the decision has made that for
you so
forgiveness is the cancellation
of a debt
whether or not you remember what
happened or remember the details
it is it is the cancellation of a debt
for a sin an infraction that was
committed against you
forgive us our debts
an infraction occur incurred
because of what was done to you or me or
us or as i’ll say in a moment what
you’ve even done to yourself
i want to first talk to you about
two categories
first is unilateral forgiveness
unilateral forgiveness is forgiveness
that you grant
even when the person hasn’t asked for it
okay
why would you give unilateral
forgiveness nobody said i’m sorry
nobody’s repented
and you forgive anyway
unilateral you just do it on your own
unilateral forgiveness is given one
because the issue is so small in other
words it didn’t matter
they did wrong but you don’t care
because it didn’t hurt you that much and
it’s something you can forget so you
don’t even care if they say i’m sorry if
they repent so that’s unilateral
because it’s so small
another reason you would do unilateral
forgiveness
is the person refuses to say i’m sorry
refuses to confess refuses to repent
they say i ain’t going to repent no no
i’m kind of glad i hurt you i’m glad i
did so so they refusing
another one is
they can’t
repent
because they’ve died
they hurt you
when years ago they’ve since passed on
so they can’t make amends even if they
wanted to they can’t because they’re not
here or maybe you don’t even know where
they are anymore so so even even though
you’re still hurting for they’ve moved
away they’ve gone somewhere so they
can’t repent okay
if you don’t do unilateral forgiveness
then you’ll stay hostage
to something that can never be fixed
because they’ve died they’ve gone or
they’re never gonna say i’m sorry
unilateral forgiveness
is to set you free
is to forgive what happened even when
the person is not sorry about what
happened because you don’t want to be
held hostage by what happened
so it sets you free
once you
unilaterally forgive
then vengeance is mine saith the lord
and i will repay
okay
the second kind of
forgiveness
when it comes to the categories is
transactional forgiveness
unilateral is where you
forgive even if there is no opportunity
for
apologies and confession and repentance
transactional forgiveness is different
this is where a person
repents of what they did to you
they come and they confess it first
i’m sorry for what i did
that’s confession confession is i agree
that i did you wrong
repentance takes confession to the next
step
repentance is
the decision to make it right
okay
so
i confess
what you said i did i did and it was
wrong
then repentance is
i want to turn from doing it
and i want to make restitution i want to
make it right whatever kind of right is
possible to be made i want to do it the
bible calls that fruit of repentance in
other words
how do you know if a person’s truly
repented because their words don’t mean
anything
they can say i’m sorry and not mean it
how do you know that the confession was
real you know the confession was real
when there is
visible there are visible acts of
repentance that is
trying to make it right at whatever
level is possible to correct it the
reason for transactional
repentance
or transactional forgiveness is because
that opens the door for a restoration of
the relationship
the relationship can now be restored
because repentance has been requested
and forgiveness has been granted opening
up the opportunity for reconciliation
in unilateral forgiveness you can
forgive but there is no reconciliation
with transactional forgiveness you
forgive and the goal is to try to
reconcile and to heal the breach that
caused the problem
forgiveness canceling a debt
it’s legal when you accept christ it’s
relational when you confess your sin to
jesus christ and repent of your wrong
direction and get back in fellowship
with god
now why does this matter
okay you don’t want to miss this because
everything
i have said
is is contingent on or determined by
what i’m getting ready to say
let’s reread the verse
forgive us our debts
as we forgive our debtors
let me read chapter 6 verses
14 and 15.
for if you forgive others for their
transgressions
your heavenly father because you’re
already a christian your heavenly father
will also forgive you
but if you do not forgive others
then your father because you’re already
a christian
will not forgive your transgressions
well wait a minute he can’t be talking
about heaven because i’m already
forgiven for all my transgressions when
it comes to my legal relationship
but he’s talking about his relationship
with you on earth
so now let’s read the verse
forgive us our debts
as
we forgive our debtors let me read it in
another way
forgive us our debts to the same degree
that we forgive our debtors
to put it another way
a refusal to forgive
the bill that somebody owes you will
cause god not to forgive the bill you
owe him
and the bill you owe him is probably
bigger than the bill somebody else owes
you
maybe somebody hurt you once twice three
times we hurt god every single day
we hurt him with the thoughts we think
the things we do the places we go we
hurt god god weeps over us every day but
every time we come to him he’s
cancelling canceling canceling
canceling he says now don’t come to me
and ask me to cancel for you what you
are unwilling to cancel for somebody
else mark chapter 11
mark chapter 11.
in mark chapter 11
jesus is telling the story and he says
he says in verse 20
and to 26 he says have faith in god
and when you have faith in god he says
you can move mountains
a mountain in the bible is an
unovercomeable situation situation you
can’t fix it’s called a mountain in the
bible he says you can say to this
mountainous situation in your life be
moved and it will be cast into the sea
stay with me here so you got a problem
in your life you can’t fight you got an
addiction you can’t get over
you’re living in fear maybe you’re
afraid person all the time maybe you’re
controlled by anger maybe the marriage
can never get right maybe you’re living
as a defeated single uh whatever the
mountain is you try to get rid of it you
went to counseling get rid of it it’s a
mountain
and god says you can speak to the
mountain and it’ll go into the sea if
you have faith in god
but what a lot of people don’t do is
read the whole passage because after he
says you can remove mountains
the only way god will help you move a
mountain he says as if i see you
forgiving
if you don’t forgive you won’t be able
to get rid of your mountain get rid of
that addiction heal that relationship
solve that emotional problem because
you’re living in unforgiveness
unforgiveness will block god’s miracles
in your life
so if you need a miracle in your life
forgiveness is a condition of that
miracle proverbs chapter 19 verse 11
says it is to a man’s glory to overlook
a fault that when a man overlooks a
fault
that god is able to shine his glory on
that man
unforgiveness traps you in your own
prison some of the forgiveness we need
is not toward another person
is toward ourselves
if i hadn’t done that
if i hadn’t gone there
if i hadn’t been with them
if i hadn’t if i hadn’t and you know
because you live a life of regret
if i hadn’t if i have never had look
jesus says in matthew 22
he says uh
what i want you to do is i want you to
love your neighbor like you love
yourself okay that’s what he said
okay when it comes to forgiveness the
bible says in first corinthians 13 5
love keeps no record
okay love doesn’t keep a record so if he
wants you to love your neighbor that
means you don’t keep a record when you
forgive them like you love yourself
which god doesn’t even want you keeping
the record on you
oh learn from what you did but he does
not want you continue going back there
in your mind
in your thoughts and in your in your
lifestyle oh if i hadn’t if i had okay
you did
you did
that’s a reality now you must decide yes
i’m not going to go back there anymore
god i’ve repented for you
you’ve canceled it so how can i be
bigger than god holding on to something
he canceled
he says if you repented i cancelled it
then you must let it go by a decision
and every time the devil brings it up to
your mind you must inform him that that
has already been dealt with on the cross
i’ve learned from it
but i’m not going back there
the question on the floor is how long
are you going to let the pass hold you
hostile
how long are you going to let the devil
hold you hostage
you are to be set free
but in a righteous way
by acknowledging to god forgive me my
debts on a regular basis
to the degree that i let others off the
hook either unilaterally or
transactionally
lord i’m going to move forward with my
life because i’m tired of blocking your
grace and your mercy from me through my
unforgiveness even if it’s my
unforgiveness of myself
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forgiveness is a key element in
communicating with a perfect god
because god is totally separated from
sin
a cleansing must take place if we’re
going to be in relational contact with
him and he has made that provision
through forgiveness
forgiveness is
release of an obligation due to an
infraction
and god wants to give to others what we
ourselves are expecting from him if we
want god to forgive us
then we must be forgivers in our own
right
this is the one part of the lord’s
prayer
that gets repeated again
because it’s so critical to making
contact
with a holy and righteous god
so let’s not let our sin
or our refusal
to grant others what we ourselves need
through forgiveness block our own
communication
with god
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you