Hey You: Having a Healthy Relationship with your Body

Join Pastor Sarah Jakes Roberts, “the motherboard favorite” Linda Griffin, Dr. Jill Waggoner, Hunter Griffin, and Brittany Broaddus-Smith for an intelligent and healing live panel on overall wellness for your body! If you are experiencing domestic violence, and are in immediate danger, please call 911. If you would like anonymous, confidential help, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-7233.

I’m going to

ask Britney and Dr Jill to start and

then I want you to respond Hunter okay

so Dr Jill and Britney can you all tell

me where do you think we have maybe

missed the mark when it comes to our

relationship with our

bodies I’d say the first step is the

misunderstanding of presenting our body

as a Living Sacrifice because we got to

we kind of put the cart before the horse

you cannot present a Living Sacrifice

that you don’t know that is not

obedience that’s ignorance and you’re

kind of just going through the motions

so if we were to step back really learn

the vessel that we’ve been gifted learn

the place where the Holy Spirit dwells

then we can submit it to God with weal

with good stewardship and understanding

of what we’re actually doing

wow I think that we have um we only

think of our bodies as the

outward appearance when you talk to a

woman about her body she immediately

goes to you know what her hips are like

or what her lips are like or the things

that she wants to fix so we don’t really

have an understanding that it is a

temple number one but it is the place

that you dwell so this is where you live

this is where you have to live life and

if you don’t like the place that you

have to spend your whole life in then

that’s a

problem so the first thing is to say to

Every Woman every girl look at yourself

love all of

it cuz it is uniquely you you are the

only you on the planet the only one and

so the first thing is just say love what

you’re working

with Hunter you have to tell me now you

have the privilege of having Grandma

Linda as your grandma in real life we

just just our

Impostors but I’ll share her yeah you

share her with us and we thank you for

that can you tell me what is it like for

you to have such an example of Womanhood

as it relates to you being in

relationship with your body and just

recognizing what life can look like down

the road for

youo um as a

25-year-old leaning towards having that

grandparent

figure a lot of people think that she is

my mom and I’m just really blessed to

have a close relationship with her and

it really is a blessing to see that

example because in the world that we

live in with this generation living off

of social media standards and what

someone says you should do and all of

these things when when you have an

example that can anchor you and give you

that foundation and live the foundation

and speak and live what they’re speaking

is easy for you to not get lost in what

everything else is going on yeah so it

really is a blessing to not only have

that so close but to be able to

experience it and learn because just

like she is to everybody else she is to

me and my siblings and any teachable

moment she can have she will give and

it’s a blessing to have her be so real

and so raw and even in her age not

forget when she was 25

yeah

Grandma Linda I’m

wondering was the was body image as

pervasive of an issue when you were

coming to terms with loving your body

growing up cuz now there are so many

different images about how our body

should look and how big or how small

certain parts of our body should be and

there’s a lot of internalized hate that

we experience because our bodies maybe

aren’t showing up in that way or it

needs more work or we need to do X Y and

Z was that pressure something that you

had to experience too it wasn’t as

prevalent as it is

now um I was raised in a religious home

and I was taught whatever way you got

here whatever face you have whatever

body shape you have like where you are

and so as a little girl I knew that I

was going to be loved no matter what I

did and where I went because it started

at home I was taught to love me and what

I share on a daily basis with the women

of my church is to go home take your

clothes off and look at your

imperfections and learn to love your

pimples nobody else’s pimples do you

represent in that body but yours yeah

wow

yeah I was going to say Britney and I

see you look like you’re ready to say

something Dr Jill you do too go ahead

let us have it for I think that there’s

often times like especially now right

there self-care and that kind of thing

is a really sexy buzzword right now and

it’s this thought really that capitalism

says that you know women particularly

that we hate our body right but the

opposite of love is not hate it’s IND

and so there is a space where I would

love for us to get to as women

collectively where we just begin to

regard our bodies at all similar to what

Dr Jill said like begin to recognize

that this is just not something that

you’re just going through life with we

got to stop going through the motions

and begin to look at it and don’t don’t

just consider it as something to be used

something to be consumed something to be

offered but something that is yours and

love it enough to learn it to understand

it to call it would is supposed to be

called and not you know a nickname to

keep it at a distance and those kind of

things and recognize that it is it is

his for sure but it is yours as well and

you get to choose what you do with it

where it goes and how you feel about it

and then when you feel when your body

start talking to you don’t leave it on

red do something about the aches and the

pains and the discomfort and the

uncertainty and those kind of things wow

don’t leave your body on red that’s a

whole sermon into itself like a whole

one yeah I think one of the things too

as you

age um I know as I look back I I only

recognize this recently that I would

look at pictures when I was

25 and I think oh my goodness boy I was

gorgeous then I will look at a picture

when I was 35 and I noticed over the

years that I only appreciate myself in

retr ECT

wow so I never look at a current

me and think that the current me is a

good

thing and I think that’s just the the

consequence of always seeking what you

think is

perfection so I I I think that’s

important for us to recognize as women

that you have to a a few years ago I was

going through some old pictures and

one of my sorority sisters you know when

you’re in the dorm took a picture of me

about to get in the shower and I found I

saw the picture and I thought I I was in

the

[Laughter]

world with those hips and that

waist and I and I didn’t like the way I

looked that was so ridiculous to me it

was like what did I see see that was

wrong with that version of me so I think

that’s very important that we start to

look at ourselves in its current version

and and appreciate what it is that’s

that’s one thing the other

[Applause]

thing is I grew up in the 70s when you

know we grew up in that so when when you

know behinds were not good big lips were

not good and now you know

I’m

you I never thought that I would live to

see the day when my lips and my hips

were something that people were trying

to purchase yeah I I just I never

thought so I think that there is some

pressure that’s different now than it

was before but we are also coming into a

age of being able to appreciate our

curves and all of that stuff too yeah I

have a question um so I think there’s

this idea of us learning to embrace our

bodies and look at our bodies and then

there’s the reality that our bodies were

a part

of experiences that bring us

shame and disassociating with our bodies

or vilifying our body

or punishing our bodies for whatever

experience we had um is the only type of

relationship we have with our body and

when we have that toxic relationship

with our body it shows up in our

relationships with other people as well

how do we begin

to walk in

restoration when our bodies played a

role in what causes us pain or what

caused us pain we were kind of talking

about this in the green

room and uh the first thing we talked

about was how our bodies and

particularly our

sexuality has been used to control us to

vilify us um to abuse us um we have been

told that our sexuality

is a bad thing so we haven’t had open

conversations and because we were taught

that and we didn’t understand the beauty

of it and that it is normal and that it

is okay because it is something God

created it just has to be in the right

circumstance um we were invited into

rooms behind you know doors to do things

that we were trying to explore because

the conversations were not

honest and so the first thing is to

start to have open and honest dialogue

about all of our bodies and all of the

gifts and all of the physicality and

that it’s okay yeah absolutely and for

particularly starting from Young Folks

and then even now where we are curiosity

needs a safe place to land and it is in

the spaces where it doesn’t have a safe

place to land that the problems can

begin that’s where evil honestly flat

out can can come in it was where when we

think about you know Eve and when the

Satan came was like did God really say

that when when curiosity doesn’t have a

safe place to land confusion can either

the seeds of confusion can be planted

and we know what the fruit of that is

and it’s so the spaces like this

opportunities like U hey you a woman

involved where it’s normalizing this

conversation and say body parts even

being able to ask the question and not

feeling like you have to know so that

you can grow to a place where your

body’s not the seen in a crime anymore

and that is what the weight that we’re

carrying everywhere we go whether we are

the victim or the the perpetrator or

whatever everywhere I take this body

it’s the scene of the crime but we have

to trust God to clean up just like he

did with Peter when he cleaned up that

ear oh there is no crime here he can do

the same thing with us but we don’t will

we’re not willing to give him that or

give him the opportunity to show us that

he can do that right that he can you can

have this God you can clean up that you

can do that but this thing I have to

handle on my own which shows that we

don’t really trust him with all

things and that’ll take away the shame

wow that takes away the shame when you

have that understanding and so Grandma

Linda you said that was good what are

you thinking about this I’m loving

it because the doctor she’s a medical

doctor so she has patience that she has

had to deal with on the regular that

have had issues that have not been

discussed openly in the home and so the

therapist she’s also had to deal with

homes that have had children that have

gone through abuse so the conversation

has to

happen in my day when I was growing up

it was lots of Whispers

right Miss Missi child did such and such

to Mr Jones’s

child and it was hushed and

quiet but there has to be a conversation

had and sometime moms and dads are not

equipped to have the conversation about

and

so Pastor they have put taboo on

therapist and I think that that’s the

craziest thing I ever

heard because anybody that

spends 10 15 20

years in education to learn out how to

deal with issues with young people midle

age people got

issues that have not been

discussed and they’ve kept them on the

inside and they all cuckoo in the inside

of their head because they haven’t gone

and sat down with a

therapist I thinkk every black person I

know and I’m not being funny every every

white person I

know and I

love

everybody if you got an issue go sit

down with

somebody because sometime Pastor the

issues are too grave to

carry and we carry our issues to the

Grave when they should have been dealt

with across the couch wow

yeah am I right or wrong you’re right

about

it so every mother every grandmother

every great grandmother if you see that

your child or your grandchild or your

great grandchild got an

issue take them to this doctor

first the medical doctor let them get

examined I’m being very

serious and then take them to the

therapist on the end so that you can

find out what you’re dealing with

because sometime our insides are so

messed

up I wonder oh do you want to chime in I

was I mentioned like things that we take

to the Grave that should have been

handled on the couch and then we

recognize that a lot of that started at

the Cradle I like I like alliteration

story that’s why I ran that it started

at the cradle and either the lack and

really a lack of information right cuz

we teach by what we say as much as as

what we don’t say and so kids are very

intuitive And when they see something

happening and then they see you not

respond you’re teaching them a lesson

when you go Heads Shoulders Knees and

Toes pocketbook you’re teaching them a

lesson you’re exceeding shame that

there’s something I don’t know quite

what it is but there’s something there

and a lot of times when we we bring

those things into our marriages and

relationships things that were began and

were proceeded from childhood and that’s

why the conversation of therapy and all

the things that’s particularly um among

in our culture it’s changing and we

thank God for that but there’s still so

much more work to be done in that area

go did you want to CH in I was going to

say um I’m really grateful to have had

Parents with a a open mindset when it

came to therapy because just because

you’re going to therapy doesn’t mean

that something is wrong and when the

parent can’t do it the best thing is to

do therapy and my mom introduced all of

us to therapy when she went so she had

to go for herself first and then open

that door and as a young age and let us

experience that same thing instead of

waiting until we were in our 40s to go

through that and and have a lot more to

unpack versus starting from maybe like

one level you know and unpacking that so

going to therapy when I was 17 like

right out of high school and it was just

you know high school things especially

in this generation now is so much more

different you know 20 30 years ago and

so having that awareness and just being

able to unpack to communicate

communicate with myself realizing okay

this is not the emotion that I’m really

feeling what am I really feeling and

having that therapy mindset to really

take the time to understand me and

having an unbias somebody else because

when you have a therapist and especially

someone who knows God and can tie the

two of them together it really really

really makes a

difference when I was growing up Hunter

we had Purity culture was rampant it was

everywhere and as someone who got

pregnant at 13 I was like well if I’m

not that then I might as well be outside

and um I did I figured like if I’ve

already given it up it’s already damaged

goods like I might as well go ahead and

just see what’s happening out here and

um as a result of it I think with each

encounter that I end up feeling even

more devalued and the thing that I

thought would ultimately make me feel

good for the long time only made me feel

good for a moment and then I was deeper

in shame and yet I don’t think that

Purity culture is the answer either

because I think that it still puts worth

on a woman’s body what is our response

when raising young women when trying to

reverse what was normalized for us if

you’re not a virgin and you end up

having sex and nobody’s going to want

you anymore your damag goods you’ll have

to settle for someone and now we’ve got

women who are thinking because I’ve had

X Y and Z happen to me or I’ve done this

I need to really settle on who I’m in

relationship with or we have young girls

who were trying to teach them to embrace

their body and love their their body but

also not just share their body with

anybody like where is the tension

between I’m a Believer I believe my

worth my body has value but I’ve gone

through some things like how do we get

to a place of steadiness as it relates

to how we see our body and how we share

our body for me the first thing that I

think to combat that is we need to stop

making Purity or Holiness as relat to

sexuality feminine I think that there is

an absence of

conversation

about sexual stewardship as I call it as

a thing that women have to do and men

get it to do as an option and I don’t

know what Bible y’all read but there’s

no gender specific regulations as it

relates to those decisions and I think

if we bring men into the conversation

understand that absence Purity Chase

living is the thing that uh us as image

bearers of God collectively have to do

and not and additionally we teach sex as

something that men need and women choose

to do and so when men fall into sexual

sin that we we there was a stumbling

block somewhere and that kind of thing

but when you tying your Sho strings

together you was going to fall anyway

and didn’t matter what I had on what I

how I winked at you and none of that you

was on your way down right and so we

understand that you know the struggle is

real for us holding on God’s unchanging

hand amen hallelujah but the reality of

it is is is your heart postured to serve

God in this way if you the struggle for

me I see in my work comes in when people

do not have non this is the other way to

combat it we need to create spaces for

nonsexual sources of pleasure those who

struggle the most in sexual sin single

or married cuz sexual sin exists in

marriage as well are people who do not

have nonsexual sources of pleasure and

understand pleasure sensuality intimacy

is only erotic activities of the body

and that’s all broughten in the scope

understanding that God is the greatest

creative and when he gave us all of

these senses and he said the Earth is

the Lords and the fullness thereof we

have so many opportunities to take in

beauty that we can find rest and peace

and joy and pleasure and all the things

that we’re not reduced to the functions

of can I gen

[Laughter]

genitalia I I that that’s really really

good but I also think that it is

important to to help people understand

that they control that you control those

feelings and and so if you have a

conversation about the feelings and that

you are in control of that because often

we paint it as you were out of control

oh my goodness I just couldn’t help

myself yeah you really

could

that’s you chose not to but the choice

is yours nobody else gets to make that

choice for you I think that’s really

important and the other thing is again

honesty who really was

pure I mean really who was

pure when you when you start putting

those numbers together you know when

you’re going through the family tree and

you say

now how is Aunt so and so

50 and grandmother is

74 or grandmother is

64 you know and so that means that

grandmother was you know and

grandfather they were not

pure so having those conversations I

know when my children asked me me about

sexuality prior to

marriage I had to be honest with

them now the way you have that honest

conversation you may say to your

child if I had known differently I would

have done differently amen but the

reality is this is what it

was I think that when you start to have

real conversations and also to say to

them but that does not mean you are are

ruined for

life that does not mean that now you are

of no more value because the fullness of

you has value and so the conversations

are have to be bigger and broader and

real and truthful and you know Pastor

Sarah you and I talked about my

grandmother was very

open my grandmother was you make the

decision if you decide prior to I will

take you to the doctor I mean she was

that woman in our family because having

been born in

1922 when it came to decisions about the

body the woman had no power and my

grandmother was determined that as a

woman you had complete power over your

body so I think we have to empower our

girls and our boys to be able to make

those decisions and also just not to add

but to like then somebody when if you’ve

had that experience when you’ve had sex

before marriage or whatever the case all

of the misnomers about you know filthy

rags and chew gum and all the Terrible

Things nobody they not doing if somebody

decides to marry you and connect with

you and love on you they not doing you

no favors like that’s the piece that’s

the piece of it like you’re not being

done a favor because you when we say F

you’re willing to wait uh you are worth

waiting for you’re not you’re worth

waiting with yes and so if someone is

doing you a favor by abstaining then

they don’t serve they don’t have the

same value regarding Christianity as you

do and you have to understand

that

beautiful I think that most of us are

coming to a space where we’re hoping to

really be intentional about taking care

of ourselves having a healthy lifestyle

but also trying to resist the pressure

to live up to a certain body image can

we talk for a minute and then we’re

going to open it up for questions if you

guys have questions um Kayla and cor

will come to you can we talk a little

bit about how we come to a place of

taking care of our bodies uh from a

place of Health understanding the

connection between stress uh depression

trauma and how it shows up in our body

and how do we get to a place where we

can release some of that so that we can

make space for love and worth and value

and all of these things we’re talking

about everybody’s looking at me

the thing that I have been uh really

focused on recently is I think we all

have to think about what we want our

bodies to be and what we want our lives

to be in the ne next Decades of our

life so when you are 40 what do you want

50 and 60 to look like when you are 30

what do you want do you want to be able

to move around do you want to be strong

do you want your brain to still work if

you do then you have to prepare for it

and you always have to think about that

what do I want aging what do I want my

life to look like and so you have to

prepare by taking care of yourself which

means all of that it means sleeping it

means making sure that you are strong it

means not feeling your body full of

toxins it means you know all of that it

means getting counseling because it is a

closed system everything you do affects

all of it all of it and I think we have

to be intentional about it or as we age

it really can be

disastrous um I would say learning

boundaries um when you’re young it’s

okay to set boundaries um boundaries for

the people pleasing it’s so easy to get

caught in with your family and making

sure Mom and Dad and everybody else is

happy and your friends and you’re

competing with social media and who

you’re seeing has this and all of these

false narratives and setting that

boundary and really knowing what is

inside of you and what God placed inside

of you and knowing that what you have is

never what someone else is going to to

offer and why are you going to change

yourself to look like someone else when

what you have inside of you is

specifically for what God gave you and

knowing that even as a young person is

really important because you bring that

into your adulthood and years to come to

pass down and a lot of those lessons

that you don’t learn until you’re an

adult and it’s so easy to get caught in

that so just learning that

young I think for I would like for

everyone here right to that question is

to leave here with the understanding

that it is okay to want what you want

right we I think women often we aren’t

given permission to want things we’re

giv uh permission or even socialize to

sit look pretty and whatever comes your

way comes your way and be grateful for

it and then there’s a a category for the

for the go-getter women who like I don’t

want that cuz then it’s you know it’s

picky and I said no I ain’t picky I’m

particular and those you know want what

you want right and a lot of us sometimes

are handed our interest like social

media tells us what we like our group

chat tells us what we like what’s cute

what’s not because we don’t want to be

that L voice and then group think sets

in and then group interest and group

desire that’s why things go viral that’s

why things are popular but it’s okay to

be into this or not into that or like

that or prefer that or wear that or

don’t wear that if that’s your style

mama what it on where what you know

where are the things but just moving to

a place that’ll serve you even in

relationships to speak up a good

colleague of mine use uh says use your

mouth say the things what is it that you

want to be able to speak up for that and

when you do it at the nail saline when

the pedicure bowl gets a little warm ask

the lady to warm it up when you at the

restaurant if the food’s not right tell

them to give it back that’s transferable

skills you’re working those muscles that

you’re not just taking what’s given to

you you serve the god of the Universe

you don’t just get what’s given to you

go ask her what you

want do you guys have any questions for

our panelist throw your hand up Cor I’ll

find you Kayla’s on this side cor’s on

that side whoever gets to somebody First

We Take come on

sweetie tell us your name where you from

my name is diara and I am from right

here in Dallas Texas come on

dtown what’s your question okay so at my

church I am the youth leader

and now me I’m I’m waiting I’m waiting

praise God you waiting on what

um you know I’m waiting for my praise

God hallelujah yes so um

anyway um so I’m I’m 24 but I was raised

in that Purity culture not entirely but

just a little bit so now that I am the

youth leader I’ve created this space for

the um children to be open to me cuz you

know sometimes you not they’re not able

to be open to their parents they just

need that extra space that’s uh not

their parent to be able to talk um but

now in this

generation they’re starting to do more

than I’m able to do you know they’re

able to they’re able to it’s over your

head it’s above you now yes and you know

I’ve been praying I’m like God I don’t I

don’t want to lead them the wrong way

but

they have more experience than me

nowadays my God my God my

[Applause]

God so basically long story short you

know we say that after we took told a

long story long maybe Baptist or

something go

ahead um how do I continue to create

that space for them to be open even

though I’m not entirely sure how to lead

them and and help them with the

information that they need now

okay

[Applause]

grandmother well I think at

24 that you’re awfully

[Applause]

wise and trust and believe that God will

never put more on you

than you’re able to

handle and the reason that I say that I

at 18 was

married and I had a lot of friends that

was doing a whole big bunch more than me

and I elected to be married as opposed

to be doing all of that and it was doing

the most so as a youth

leader when young people people have

confidence in you that’s the highest

honor that you can be

given sometime you will have to take a

vacay like adults have to walk away for

a minute or two but then if it becomes

overwhelming then you go to your

Superior

and say I need

help and maybe there is another maybe 30

year old that they can have confidence

in that they can come because young

people have to have

somebody that they can relate

to they’re not going to come to me and

tell me I’m sexing they ain’t telling me

that but they will tell

Hunter

I like this guy and I want to do him and

no matter what the preacher say I’m

going to do

that why y’all laughing you better keep

it real grandmother maybe around the

sexing part that was

giggable so if you have another you a

duplicate

youu that you can run things by but you

got to be confidential you can’t share

their

[Applause]

information because when a young person

have confidence in

you they’re coming to you and sometime

they’re giving you their heart and they

won’t give it if you share their

business

yeah have you on the water the Bible

says to whom much is given much is

required so God is getting you ready for

something else baby cuz I couldn’t be 24

and a counselor today

baby was that helpful for you that can I

also say I’ve always been one of those

people that people felt comfortable

sharing things with and I would

challenge you to do two things I think

the first thing is to be willing to ask

them questions and to tell them what

you’re worried about like uh why do you

think you did that and what if this

happens to really play out some

scenarios in their head of what real

life outcomes can be so that you are

planting those seeds um telling them

about friends that you may know who’ve

had those experiences and you know cuz

these relationships with these kids like

they be in it in love in two weeks and

then they’ve been to fail out two weeks

later and like oh could you have

imagined if you felt this way about that

person and then two weeks later now he’s

talking about you cuz like those things

are things are happening do you know

anybody in a healthy relationship at

your age right now like that it doesn’t

really happen and sometimes it takes

some time before you develop which leads

me to so ask them questions that play

out real outcomes that they have to

consider and then the second thing that

I’m always challenged by is though like

many people see me as relatable and

authentic and some people are making

like lifestyle choices that I wouldn’t

necessarily agree with and sometimes we

stay silent because we don’t want to be

that friend if God has given you enough

wisdom to create an environment for them

to tell you the truth then there’s also

environment for you to tell them the

truth as well and B say listen I ain’t

going to judge you either way but I’m

telling you last time I did that this is

what happen and this is still right and

this so cool but whatever you decide to

do just know I’m going to stick it out

with you and we’ll walk it out together

but they will hear your truth if you’re

willing to say it you you may not sound

like some of those voices we hear in our

head God will give you l language wisdom

and insight on how to keep this space

safe while also telling the truth that’s

mine you’re welcome there you

go you holding down the the mother board

I’m on the mother’s board not yet okay

you’re holding it down one more question

Jesus whole time Kayla what you got for

me all right beautiful what’s your name

where you from and what’s your question

hi my name is telisa I’m from Milwaukee

Wisconsin I moved here two years ago and

I love Dallas by the way

hey uh my question is how do you let go

or hurt um Trauma from your childhood

people telling you you’re too dark

you’re too skinny you’re too big you’re

too sexual you’re too masculine how do

you let that go cuz I deal with it day

after

day since I was a child so how do you

let that

go sis I first want to remind you that

you were created in the image of God you

are a image bearer of our father so you

can be nothing but beautiful when God

saw all that he had made he saw that it

was not just good it was very good and

everything about you from the crown of

your head to the soulle of your feet

Falls in that very good and any messages

that you get that sits in opposition of

that fact is alive from the devil and we

cast down all vain imaginations that

acknowledges exalts itself over the

knowledge of God and you walk in that

every single day you look and first of

all that chocolate is chocolatin from

all the way over here

hallelujah can y’all go ahead and love

on our sister tell her how beautiful she

is Queen in Jesus name listen the

chocolate is chocolate P I’m

sorry see that’s what I’m talking about

I like it I like it I think it’s good

receive this though sis I want you to

receive all this loving that you getting

right now everybody pouring into you

because it’s the truth so I don’t want

you to bypass it I want you to take this

moment to take it all in baby cuz you’re

all of that Queen

absolutely I feel like hanging on to or

moving from a place of hanging on to

what people have said about you

negatively and move moving to God’s

truth it’s almost like hanging on monkey

bars when you’re a kid it’s hard to let

go of what people said if you don’t know

what you’re reaching for and I think to

really keep in your mind this is what

I’m reaching for so the moment where you

get honestly confirmation of an

insecurity because of what someone else

said you have to recognize that the part

of the reason why it stung so much is

because it got embedded in your soul but

because God can restore your soul when

you hear it you got to know no this is

is what I’m reaching for and quite

literally you may have to say out loud

while those voices are saying you’re

this you’re that to that no I am

beautiful I am anointed the chocolate is

chating like you need to boost yourself

up okay I’m fearfully and wonderfully

made I’m the badest there is you may be

bad but you ain’t as bad as me on today

and I mean say it with your wig off with

no makeup on just be ridiculously

beautiful like it ain’t no reason I

should be this pretty with these

straight backs on my head but look at me

fine with this Bonnet on like boost

yourself

up day daily affirmations yeah in the

mirror I look fly I look when my

grandchildren were young you I didn’t

compare one grandchild with the other

yeah but the one thing that I put in

every last one of

them is you’re

beautiful you’re beautiful to God and

Every Breath You Breathe is because God

said that you’re supposed to be here yes

[Applause]

hallelujah it’s hard to tell someone

that has been messed up from

childhood it’s hard but I have a hug

Ministry that I love to hug people that

have been hurt and when I hug them I

could feel the hurt from their I mean

when they were little bitty kids and

then I go to hugging them so I said God

this person has been wounded so for

every woman in here every girl in here

that has been

wounded goe come

on I’m not

playing I want you to hug yourself

hug

yourself and I’m going to pray right now

M Pastor can I you call me mother go

[Laughter]

ahead but I’m very

serious because when I Endeavor to pray

I want to reach

heaven because you came here

looking for something greater than you

you want to leave here better than you

came so put your arms around

yourselves and we’re going to go to the

throne of grace come on and I’m taking

close your

eyes and we’re not laughing we’re very

serious and everybody in here with their

eyes closed and you’re taking yourselves

back to a little little

girl you had kinky hair you had straight

hair you had light eyes you had dark

eyes you had black skin you had light

skin you had white skin you didn’t know

your daddy you didn’t know your mother

you were raised by your grandmother God

today I’m asking that you take an eraser

in the minds of these

women the children God that have been

abused I’m asking that you erase from

their memory the

hurt that they bear God take it

away let them know that you were made in

they were made in your image and nothing

comes to this earth not unless you

breathe the breath of air into their

lungs let them leave here God better

than they walked in

let them know that you love them and

that you have made them and you’ll never

forget them you said that you will be

the mother to the motherless you’ll be

the father to the fatherless oh God I

ask now that you go inside of each woman

and prepare her for her

future send them to college God if that

be their desire send them to high school

God to get get their GED but God don’t

let them forget you and then when the

enemy brings back their past you remind

them to remind him you don’t have a

future but every day that I live I live

for you and that my future is in you and

I declare God today that every woman in

this room is going to be feeling better

about themselves now let’s give God a

praise and I bind the devil’s hand on

Grand I bind the devil and I bind him at

the

root because he is a

deceiver he’s a

heartbreaker but God said that he’s a

mind regulator so I ask that God

regulate your mind

and stand up on the inside of

you every creature that God made is

beautiful you’re beautiful to God you

might not look in the mirror and say I

look like Cleopatra but oh God I’m your

child and you can remind

God I was conceived god with you and

mine cuz you said that I was made in

your image you can remind God about

whose child you are the devil is a liar

in all his

imps the mother’s

board amen amen yes ma’am

amen tell us your name and where you’re

from I’m Tria and I’m from Dallas oh you

going to have to speak up like a

preacher voice like like from out of

your belly okay yes I’m Tria and I’m

from Dallas and I remember um she was

saying something about finding other

ways to stimulate

yourself um when you’re trying to

abstain and I was just trying to see

what other ways she had in mind to do

listen me too child yeah like what she

said what other ways do you have for

simulation of the stimulation of the

single woman that is outside of the

sexual stimulation that they are unable

to participate in what are some things

that you recommend to that woman

doctor asking for a

friend me I am that

[Applause]

friend so nonsexual I thought I think

you talking about the the conversation

about the nonsexual forms of pleasure

yeah them

yeah them the ones you know start with

your start with your senses right what

do you like to look at that is

Holy I knew where you was going that is

hly Doc I’m sorry I mean we understand

that the men of God are a pleasure to

behold amen how and it’s all right that

you notice them cuz noticing you know

that’s natural desire r that’s natural

when you when you go back and take a

second look then that’s when we get to

the lust and all that but that’s another

conversation so what do you like to look

at how to create a space in your home

that smells good upgrade the the thread

count on your sheet so that when you’re

in the bed that thing feels good buy

Better Body creams when you’re lotioning

your body if you love you know a lot of

people say physical touch is the hardest

love language to abstain through that’s

not true either but if your love

language is physical touch massages

somebody got a spy gift card those type

of things leaning into the things that

feel good to the touch that have nothing

to do with other people that is only for

you and not the you know self-pleasure

kind but you know the other kind the

pleasures of flowers and um trees

uh music I mean like picnics and bouquet

roses I’m out doc I don’t know what to

tell you

Kayla listen that thread count with them

sheets that’s a real thing baby that

feel good okay amen better when you got

somebody in them

huh sorry doc sorry sorry get a weighted

blanket yes a weighted blanket a

weighted blanket a body pillow I want

myself I’m going need a few of them I’m

going to be quiet cor tell me to shut up

all the time somebody buy me a weighted

blanket I’ll buy you wayed blanket our

Amazon Prime it go ahead Kayla all right

I got a question right here what’s your

name where you from and what’s your

question my name is Aaliyah I am from

Compton California come on Compton hey

okay listen

ah period okay we’re in the house of the

Lord house of the Lord fresh out of

Engle wood let’s be clear

okay sorry back to the question amen

Kayla amen Kayla we going to talk about

that in the Deb you know that’s my Holy

Ghost Dance a little walk a little walk

okay sis what’s your question yes so I

am 29 years young today happy birthday

sis thank you um I got some comments for

the other questions but I’mma stay

focused um so I never feel like I got

the chance to be

sexy like I know everybody like you know

want to post pictures and like it goes

back to the social media like

expectations you know where like you

want to expose yourself but what I

realiz is that your body is a temple my

question is how can you still be sexy

but still be walking in the Faith of

Christ

yeah yeah and uh to add to it I kind of

put like that is something that is it

doesn’t have to be exposed I I think

that’s the misconception that social

media puts on us today is that

everything has to be broadcasted

everything has to be put out there but

that is actually something that’s sacred

and so how can you still kind of you

know be sexy and walking in faith with

Christ huh I don’t why do why why do I

have to answer

it

girl I you know I I have tried I think

two ations of Sexy and I think one of

them was very much so dependent on what

you wear and how you show up and what

you give out energy-wise and I think I

am probably in the sexiest iteration of

myself right now but it is not something

that I strive to do I think there’s

something about fully owning your story

your life everything about you where

like sexy is just like an organic

byproduct of it it’s not necessarily

something I’m trying to do I’m just

trying to do me and when I do me

successfully I think it gives off an

energy that is like that girl knows

something about herself that I’m need to

figure out but I’m married so you can’t

figure it out but you got to tap into

yourself and your identity and a way

that I think um makes you so confident

that you can do it I mean I got on a a

turtleneck down to my shoes I’m

completely covered and yet I still feel

like I’m that girl you know what I mean

like period perod but I mean I feel like

it with a sweatsuit on and I mean like I

think that when you feel like I’m that

girl like and I worked hard to be this

girl and there were threats against this

girl and I was ashamed once and I was

broken down to nothing and I abandoned

myself but now I reclaim myself I am who

God says I am I walk with my head held

high any room I walk in is lucky to have

me in it because I just stepped in here

and something’s going to shift like I

think there’s just an energy that you

carry when you know who you are and so

it’s less how can I be sexy and more how

can I be who I am and when I am who I am

it’ll just show up everywhere I go boom

is

that

okay last question last question oh

that’s it did I I hope I helped you call

her back leave a message oh she what

what’s your name no this is the last

question yeah I know she it looked like

the baby had more to say okay uh tell us

your name and where you from okay my

name is Shay hey y’all um I’m 25 I’m

from Dallas what’s up right DET right um

so my question is essentially like kind

of picky backing off like some other

people’s questions was living in this

Society where I think we’re moving into

a realm where we’re embracing our

sexuality but kind of like over sexual

like you know over sexualing or over

sexualizing our bodies I feel like

trying to move in Christ and maintain

that Purity is kind of hard and so I

just wanted like to know the real real

advice that y’all would give in trying

to maintain our Purity in this current

generation where we pretty much expose

ourselves on social media and

yeah

grandmother NOP I ain’t touching it

Dr

Britney um so I’ll speak for I’ll speak

from I’ll start with this premarital

abstinence and post-marital abstinence

are a beast of two different colors

right and when you walk into the space

that Pastor Sarah just laid out when you

feel like that you’re that girl it makes

it even more difficult to do because

when you know what you could do you

really struggle to hold it from the

people of God

Amen but it is also more important to do

it when you know who you are right

because you understand the weight of

what you are stewarding so for me in

this season that means really curating

what I takeen the things like protecting

your eye gate and ear gate sometimes it

feels like just something to say because

you’ve been in church for a long time

but it really is curating your algorithm

right because the algorithm bends to

what you want why we are drawn away by

our own what okay and so the algorithm

bends to that so making sure you are

paying attention to what you like what

you look at what you take in what

conversations you have the company that

you keep and begin to trust in the areas

where that don’t align with your values

ask the Lord to come in and clean that

part because he will give us our desire

so if there’s a area of a desire that

you had that does not line up what you

know to be the word of God that’s the

area where you and God need to spend a

little bit more time is that

helpful wonderful yeah I definitely Echo

everything you say I do think part of

that really knowing who you are does

come down to also recognizing like if I

give myself away it’ll change your life

and mind and not everyone is worthy of

that level of investment especially when

we are not in a covenant relationship

and so I think it is a full embracing of

your worth and your identity I know that

uh there was a card that I needed to

have before we close out this panel um

in an effort to really make sure that we

are

living in such a way that honoring our

body becomes something that isn’t

challenging any longer and that we’re

also taking the health initiatives to

make sure that our bodies are taken care

of one of the things that we wanted to

do thank um you’re

shonica uh

sorry um they told shonica is a breast

cancer survivor I’ll

just and they told me your story

shabica was diagnosed December 6th of

2022 then she found out she lost her job

December 16th

2022 her last dat on the job was

December 31st and it was also the

surgery to remove her tumor

she’s a part of the administrative team

here in Destiny worlds and her

commitment has been unwavering even

going through treatment she’s still been

showing up she trained somebody to take

her job all while going through breast

cancer and tonight in honor of it being

breast cancer awareness a month woman

evolv wants to give you $5,000 towards

your recovery your Cancer

Treatments you starting your life

over

[Music]

we are believing God for your healing

for complete restoration of your body

that you will lack nothing as you go

through your recovery and so we plead

the blood of Jesus over every cell in

your body and we call it to come into

alignment with God’s original intention

we thank God in advance for the

testimony connected to your life we

speak healing from the crown of your

head down to the soues of your feet we

decree it is so in the name of Jesus and

we thank you that the investment that

you have sown into others is going to

spring up in your life in unexpected

ways this is just the beginning can you

guys help me thank God

for a heart to serve and every

[Applause]

season thank you

shonica I love you um okay we’re getting

ready to close out we’re getting ready

to head out um Tiffany Mina are you here

Tiffany oh she hey Tiffany uh Tiffany

Mina she has an incred she’s been a part

of the Wall family for quite a few years

she’s an author a Advocate a speaker and

disruptor who raises awareness and

advocates for those whose voices have

not yet been heard she talks about

domestic violence not just in the homes

but also in churches as well we have

$5,000 for you as well and the work that

you’re doing so thank you so much you

guys have to get plugged in and

connected her network is Dove’s network

if you know someone who’s struggling

with domestic abuse and they’re trying

to recover or you’re looking for the

sign

definitely get connected with her she is

the executive director of dov’s network

can you guys help me thank God for our

panelist

tonight come on you can do better than

that this is our last

heyu we’re going out with an incredible

Bang